030521 – Meditations

Inane updates from an inane life of an insignificant man. Talks about films, coffee and random things.

6:16. Lemme dive right in. If you remember the post yesterday, I made a promise that I will attempt a 72-hour fast. I am proud to say that the promise lasted all of 72 seconds. As soon as I hit publish, hunger pangs started to bug me and I waited like a dying man to have the Swiggys and Zomatos of the world open up. And as soon as they did, I ordered enough to feed a baraat. Sigh. I will never have six-packs. I will never climb Mt. Everest, even if they put an escalator.

In other news, I attended a session on the life and work of Satyajit Ray yesterday, thanks to Jai Arjun Singh (do read his fabulous blog). While I did not understand half the things they talked about (apart from Felu Da, I haven’t consumed anything from Satyajit Ray), I could see that there were some 100 people in there, each smitten by Ray and his life and his work. There were people that were inspired by his work, that had gone to infinite lengths to consume things that Ray had created. The best? There were people that felt a personal loss when Ray passed away. Wow!

The other thing that I got to understand that he was like a lone genius that had a team of other geniuses working alongside him. The guy could write, direct, run a camera, sketch, design, paint, doodle, and whatnot. If he’s not a polymath, I don’t know who else is.

I am inspired. Must attend more such sessions to know more about the lives and work of more such maestros.

So that.

The other thing I need to fix is the damn lethargy that I get shrouded by all day long.
I don’t know if it’s the stale air that am breathing in this house?
Or is it the boredom set in by working from home?
Or may be it’s the age. You know, that simple!
Or is it the lack of actual, physical, 1 on 1 interactions with people?
Or may be it’s the lure of easy accessibility to a bed yoga mat.

I don’t know what it is but this has to stop.

I am thinking every time I feel lazy and feel like stretching myself, I will go walk to the nearest Starbucks (there are 4 Starbucks outlets in the 2 KM radius of where I live, so I can choose which one do I want to walk to; and I can walk to a different one every day) or a McCafe (there’s one less than a KM away) or the discovery of the last lockdown – Blue Tokai (again there are two, both about 3 KMs away!).

I know I will OD on coffee but at least I would not sleep randomly. If anything, I will probably stop sleeping all these hours.

And the deal is that I can not order in. Even if I am getting large discounts, I will place the order and collect from the cafe.

I hope that unlike the 72-hour fast thingy, I am able to do this one. This sounds more plausible. This has components of everything I like – walking (will help the 10K count thingy), coffee, taking breaks, interaction with real people. So let’s see how that goes.

Actually, must admit, I don’t like coffee as much I like coffee shops but this walking to a coffee shop and getting it home is the closest I can get. Let’s see how it goes.

Ok. Remember that NFDC competition that I wanted to send an entry to? Well, they have extended the deadline to the 17th. I have another 14 days now to submit an entry. Lol! Not that I don’t have the time – I waste way too much time with these morning pages (I don’t know what end these pages serve), sleeping, and in general moving about. May be I will push myself. Maybe it’s a sign! May be I will limit the time I spend on these morning pages to just about an hour. The thing is while I write this, I tick other tiny things off my lists – responding to important emails, planning the day (for example, on today’s list of things, one of the agendas is to write a letter to one of my earliest penpals (PD)). Plus, I sort of wake up. The engine in the head starts to crank up slowly and I get ready for the day. So I like this time. But may be I will reduce this to strictly an hour. The next hour, I could spend on thinking about the book, walking, maybe working? I don’t know. Let’s see. Let’s experiment from today itself. As soon I hit publish on this, I will get ready and get in the work mode. And start with the book. Or the script.

The final thing that I want to talk about today is a combination of a few things. I was talking to SG2 last night and she reminded me of this tee-shirt that read something like, “ek zabardat toofan aaye aur uda de chuppi ki dunia“. Couple it with what’s happening in the country (you know, people dying and lack of apathy from the government). And then on top add my inability to help – I mean I have not moved a single muscle in this crisis to help others. If anything, I have been an escapist. I have shut all conversation channels where people are sharing their pain and anguish. Not that I don’t care but I am unable to offer a shoulder or even blurt out a line of sympathy. It overwhelms me – I did not know it would. But it did. And still does. The only good thing is that I am not triggered per se. I am functional, in whatever way. I am onto things. But I did not do shit for people that are suffering. Ok, before this becomes a rant and self-flagellating piece, lemme come to the point.

I will no longer remain on the sidelines. Enough of being chupp. Enough of inaction. I may not be an effective ear or shoulder, but I am an awesome brain for sure. So that shall be used. I dont know how or why or when. I will figure out and act.

So yeah. That’s it. It’s 7:21. I’ve been up for more than two hours now (woke up at 5ish) and I have been on this page for more than an hour. Let’s get going. Lemme get ready and start acting. Till about 10, I own my time. Will probably work on the book / script. Let’s see what I start with.

Here’s the streaks for the day.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 141
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 1. Did 10K yesterday.
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 54. I plan on ordering some today.
  • #noCoke – 54
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Original Work (limited time only) – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

020521 – Meditations

Inane updates from an ordinary life. Skip if you wish to.

4:27. Woke up 5 mins ago. I know this is freakishly early for most people but I have wanted to be up at this hour all my life. In fact, I want to be up at 4. The time when they asked us to wake up when I went for Vipassana. It’s rare that I am up at this hour, to be honest. Most days it’s between 6 and 7.

I am not sure what to write. I have been in and out of sleep last night. I was in the bed by 9:30 but I think I slept at 10ish and that too, was interrupted. I kept checking the phone and in sleep, tried to play chess. Oh, wait. Lemme delete it. I spend more than an h our on it everyday. Not worth it. Done.

So, today I am up because I have a podcast recording at 7:30. I actually made the mistake of accepting it. I sort of took it as a challenge in upmanship and agreed. Next time on, I will say no unless it’s one of those heroes. Nothing can, nothing must interrupt my morning. #note2self. I thus just have an hour or so before I need to go and do prep (research, etc). Here we go.

Have to log in that today’s MG’s birthday. She’s one of those rare ones that I care for. May she lives long and prospers. I will not be able to meet her, thanks to the lockdown but my wishes remain.

Next, over the last two days, I ate to my heart’s content. Way too much ice cream (Apsara’s > NIC > Naturals if you ask me). Parathas, Rice, Maggi, Upma, and all that. I was craving some great dosa. Had an ok one. A dosa can’t be had at home. You have to have it at a restaurant when it’s hot and cooling down fast. And you are trying to eat it faster to catch the crispies before they get soggy. But in the times we are in, that’s the best I could do. So that.

Today on, I am attempting a 72-hour fast. Before getting back on a low-carb diet. Not that I lost weight while I was on it over the last 15-20 days but at least in my head, I felt great that I was doing something about eating better. That’s all there is to life. Feeling great in the head! Let’s see how many hours do I do this time around. I typically tend to give up at around the 50-hour mark.

In other news, I am still tripping onto music from Murshidabadi Project. Specifically this one.

Oh, yesterday was yet another day when I did not shower till about 12. Thing is, I start with morning pages, and then I slowly start with work, and before I know it, it’s 10. And then someone or the other wants my attention and next time I see the clock, it’s 1. The day just goes by. So, today on, I will ensure that I shit-yoga-shower-powder-meditate before starting any work. I may not be able to do so today (you know, the recording at 730) but I will try for a shower for sure. Let’s see.

Next up, youtube played Chaap Tilak by Ustad Farid Ayaz and Ustad Abu Muhammad Qawwals. This. Loved the mehfil and their group. I never knew I would become such a fan of Hindustani music. But, I am. Also, this track is 47 minutes. The time that I have to write this piece. I in fact these longish tracks as my Pomodoro. There is this 24-minute track by Ustaad Shujaat Khan. I play that when I need to focus for 30 minutes or so. So that.

Ok, time for some serious things. While this is not a review or goalsheet per se, I have to move the needle. So in the month of May I have HAVE to ship one of my projects. I have to do 10K steps even with the pandemic raging. I have to get one more client for my work. I have to put in place building blocks for a startup for sure. Enough of this service business. Need things to be scalable and independent of me.

That’s about it. Need to rush. Here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 140
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 53 (will start on this next week)
  • #noCoke – 53
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Original Work (limited time only) – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

Slacking on most things, except this morning note. Need to pull my socks pants.

010521 – Meditations

Quick, short post on what’s clouding my head. Little confused and little all over the place.

8:12. I woke up a while ago. Heard some music. Saw two short films (The Gift and Who are you?). I’d recommend them highly. Really really good stories told really well. While I was seeing, I could relate to them at a human level and I had a tinge of envy – I wish I had made those. Every time I see something amazing, for some reason, I want to be the person that played a role in its coming to life. I don’t know why. I don’t know what in me makes me pine for such things. Anyhow.

So, we are on the first day of May. That means one-third of 2021 is over. Time to review the month and the quarter gone by. I know I am will not fare well but I’d love to do a review of sorts and see what I am failing at. May be next weekend. There’s a lot that needs to be done today.

Lemme talk about something that I have been thinking spotting for a few days. For some reason, everywhere I see, everything I watch, each conversation I have tends to tell me to work on the next book. I am sure this is not the first time I’ve had these strong signs but I think this time around, I think I will action!

I mean look at the signs – so strong and yet no action. Here are some…

  1. The day before I wrote about a friend wanting help with a book.
  2. Last night I saw a film and it used revenge as a minor hook.
  3. A bunch of kids that I gave some 10-15K to help produce their short-films came back with a poster and I realized that they need a lot more than money if they have to do well.
  4. Who are you? The film that I spoke about in the beginning.

So that. I must action.

Also, a new idea popped into my head. I mean new for me. Not new to the world. In fact, I tried to work on that idea with GD and Shatru way back in 2010 or something. I don’t even recall when it was. In one line, the idea is to create a library of characters, assets, literary work, assets, etc that can be monetized over the long term. It’s like planting a sapling that will start giving fruit after 100 years.

For example, I commission a few young kids to write edgy characters, plots, and stories. We release those in the world and let them take their own routes and evolve into a life of their own. And at some point, create a larger, more mainstream piece. Look at Raj Comics. They have this insane library of characters created by Pran and others. They can now monetize by creating such amazing content. Marvel and Disney have shown the way already with the way they are going. I love what Legendary does.

I did attempt it with TRS, PPP, and others but I realized I couldn’t control their destinies. I mean I am not a control freak but I believe platforms can do a lot more if I was in the driver’s seat. I am not the driver by design. I wanted to do multiple things. But this inability to move things is frustrating. I think the next thing I put together, I will want to be there. Let’s see what that is.

Anyhow. I am on a 100-year plan to create something that is larger than me. I just hope it plays out.

Let’s see how that happens. May be I will raise capital for that. But then, who’d invest patient capital to create things for that long? Know anyone?

In terms of more immediate things, I think I will get going with the second book. Something that I have been sitting on my ass for I don’t know how many years (7 if you are curious). So that. Lol, I am still “thinking”. Of action. #facepalm! Kya hoga mera.

Thing is, I know why I am not acting on the book. I need immediate feedback. I need to see progress. I need to see traction. The book is like, you know, takes a year to write and then months to see how it will pan out. On other things, I can see immediate output, experience immediate feedback, tweak if I have to.

The other things that I indulge in give me all these. And thus the things take longer to deliver get delayed. Plus Dal Roti. Sigh.

Plus, the other thread is conflicting interests. I like teaching (whatever little I can share). I know I like writing. I know I like helping others. And I know I want to have a lot of money. But for some reason, I haven’t been able to find a thing that marries all these. I mean have done independent things in each of these buckets but I haven’t found one thing that brings all these together. So that.

So the conundrum is – wanting long-term things, wanting to drive things, wanting dal roti, wanting to teach, wanting to want a million things. Lol.

Ok. Super jumbled in the head. Will pick this again tomorrow or something. Abhi need to get on with the day. A lot needs to be done. #toThink

Time to start the day. Here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 139
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 52
  • #noCoke – 52
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Original Work (limited time only) – 0.
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Have missed this for 5 days now.