311021 – Morning Pages

Finally a 1000+ word post on morning pages. Dumped all that was on my head. And loved it!

7:14. Up a few minutes ago. Did not sleep well at all. Was up till 2 browsing random timelines. Right now I am groggy but I am ok. I mean I will have some water and I would be back to being awesome. So that.

While writing the title of the post, I realized that October is over. And 2021 is almost over. This brings about a few thoughts in my head. Lemme write about those.

A. Time flies! Fast as fuck. And you cant control it. Must not waste a single minute. Need to get back the mojo where I would make myself accountable for each minute. The last few months have been, well, interesting (good and bad). Need to become a master of time.

B. Need to start planning for #in2022. I would be 40 in 2022 and I had hoped I would be financially independent by then. I am far from it. I had hoped I would have 6-packs by then. I have one large one that can compete with a sack of potatoes. I had imagined I would have a personal brand. Right now, I have none.

Plus I need to admit that of all the lofty goals I write for myself on paper each year, I hardly get any of those. I mean I do take actions and steps but I am unable to close on those. Maybe this year I will change that?

C. Need to plan where would I go and live after November. I have a Goa trip planned towards the end of the year with VG. So maybe somewhere in / around that. To save on commute and travel and all that. Any ideas? I dont want to be in Mumbai, to be honest. I mean I can be but I would rather be in a new city. Pune? Alibaug? Panchgani? Vashi for that matter? Thane? Ahmedabad? Let’s see. All I need is fast internet and a private room. Rest I can manage. And to be honest, I am liking this rootlessness, nomadness.

Oh, after this rant, I must admit that yesterday and the day before were pretty awesome. In terms of money. Got paid by a client that had held back my money. Got paid by a client that I did not expect to get paid by. Got paid a day earlier by another client. Plus yesterday I paid back one of the people that I owed money to. All in all, it was a great day for money. I need to have many more days like that. Come on, universe!

Chalo, enough. Loved that I could write at peace. And could dump a lot that was on my head.

Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. I continue to remain VERY distracted. I will do a 10-minute meditation session for sure.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I love the taste of water and I can sip onto it for hours.
    2. I have enough resources to be able to feed my fancies. Lol, fancies. I meant whims and quirks. And here’s the thing. #epiphany just happened. This time that I spend writing morning pages? I can see a visible change in my mood. I am a lot more cheerful than what I was when I woke up. There IS merit in dumping thoughts in your head on paper. Or a blog.
    3. I can tolerate cold more than an average human being. And this allows me to enjoy winters than others. And I love it. Of course the flip side is that I am the most troubled when its summers (like 11.5 months in a year). But the 15 days, OMG! Love em!
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can ship out the letter to bade log, it would be awesome.
    2. I have 2 social engagements planned today. One each for lunch and dinner. If I can eat low-card while I am there and can avoid coke / coffee, it would be awesome!
  5. A daily affirmation.
    The universe rewards for all the movement I create, even if the reward comes to me later than expected. Like it happened yesterday.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I could avoid Diet Coke. I did eat a lot and I did have coffee. But I could avoid the temptation to have Coke. I think it is because I removed the option to have coke. I did not get it stocked. And I replaced it with other things.
    2. I could speak to AS and CM about how I want to engage with them. Let’s see how that pans out. I will get to know by end of November. This is important from both work and non-work perspective. I care for these people and I want to see them do well. Plus I am attaching my success to theirs. So, if we win, everyone wins!
    3. I got a lot of money to come me in the last few days. This was of course for work that I have done over the last few months. But when it hit the account in one go, it was pretty amazing.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. Food. I could’ve ate less! Thing is, if I can stop eating like a mad man, I can fucking conquer the world!
    2. Work. I wish I could do more. I did do a few things that I was supposed to work on but I know I could have used my time better. I could have optimised it and not get distracted.
  8. Quote for the day
    “You are your biggest responsibility. Do not shy away from it. Take control. Get out of the slumber.”

Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 2
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had quite a few. To a point that I could not sleep.
  • #aPicADay – o. I did post a pic however. Here.
  • Daily Journal – 24
  • Money spent – 2632
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 24
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 24

301021 – Morning Pages

Even though I had enough and more time today, I still did not know what to write. Here’s the post nonetheless.

8:09. Home.

Been sleeping as if I have been sleep-deprived for 10 years. Maybe I am. so good sleep that I am literally remembering my dreams. Something that I haven’t done in a while. Have promptly logged those in my #dreamCatching notebook. The back is sore, the neck hurts and all those nitrogen bubbles are popping all over my body. So that.

So groggy and so slow that I can’t even think. Maybe cos I haven’t had coffee in the whole of yesterday. And had a lot of carbs. And slept well after ages. I think I need to move to lo-carb OMAD pronto. Today on. Damn this struggle with food, fitness, weight, and lust for long life.

The best thing about yesterday is that I got paid by one of my clients that had held some money back. The money helped me pay back a tiny chunk of what I owe to the world. I must pay back everything I owe. Somehow. Plus I am not making any large commitments till I pay back all loans. May take me a year or more. But I shall stick to it. Of course, if something super compelling comes up, I will take the plunge. I am a fool like that!

For a change, I have some time today and yet I dont know what to write. The grogginess is not helping. Maybe I will come back in a bit and write more?

Ok, I came back at 9:10. Still nothing else to write 😐

#note2self. Must take out time to think more about what I want these morning pages to be. I’ve been on it for almost a year now and I still havent seen any external traction. Of course, to me, as a person, these pages have helped a lot. I love that I can dump thoughts on my head here. I just need to get more active and use this time to get something done. Damn the pressure of doing large things ;P

Anyhow, here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. I had a few things to do yesterday and if I were the same SG as I have been, I would have done all of those. But I couldnt. It is just becuase I am unable to concentrate on anything for long. Need to fix this.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I made enough money this money to be able to pay back one of my creditors. One of my lifegoals is to be at a point where I dont owe anyone anything. At least the money, Need to have more months like this. Dear universe…
    2. Even though I am in debt, am still able to choose how I want to live my life. I am grateful for that.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can try and do OMAD, it would be amazing. I am supposed to meet a few friends and all and thus it would be tough. But let’s see.
    2. Work. Lol!
  5. A daily affirmation.
    I am able to control my urges and do thing that I want to, at time when I want to, in a manner I want to.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I was home for the large part of the day. All four of us were under one roof after a while. That was amazing.
    2. I slept well. Overslept actually. That was great. Yay!
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. I havent been able to give time to others that I care for. I need to fix it. I can’t ignore others just because one thing is asking for disproportionate attention.
    2. I had decided to fast. If not that, live on OMAD. But I was unable to. So that.
  8. Quote for the day
    “Instead of working 9-5 like a machine, work like a lion: Train hard, sprint, rest, & reassess. Repeat.” – Naval

Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 1. Hope to make this longer.
  • #noCoffee – 1. Hope to make this longer.
  • #aPicADay – 0.
  • Daily Journal – 23
  • Money spent – 774. Because I was home and there was no opportunity to spend. Lol.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 23
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 23

291021 – Morning Pages

A lazy morning page post. Despite spending an hour or so on this, I dont have a lot to write. Sigh!

7:08. Home. Finally here after a week or so.

The highlight of yesterday would be that I was on a set. And the epiphany, the realization that I love love love being on a set. It is where I feel alive. It is where I am the most engaged. I may be good with content, writing, etc, but I really really love being on a live set – an event, a film, a play. Something where people get together to deliver something that would make the world lose a sense of time and misery that they are typically engulfed in! I have to find a way to be on more sets more often!

Lemme dive into the journal. I dont know what to write the journal allows me to think in a structured manner. Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. Again, I am unable to focus on anything for more than a few seconds. That too has become a task. I think once this madness is over, I would work on this. If it requires me to take drastic steps, will do so.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I have a home to come back to where I can be myself. A place where I can sprawl on the bed, make a mess and sleep wherever I want to and there is no one who’d bug me. This concept of personal space is very very important. It’s been a few years since I have had a good one. I need to work towards getting to it again. At least right now, I am grateful that my parents worked hard to get this place.
    2. Music. Not mine. But in general. I find great solace in music. When I am mindfucked, music is one of those things that I can escape to. Like right now, I am listening to this one. The other thing that I lean on when I am mindfucked is driving. Need to be able to get a car.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can finish some of the open tasks, especially for the clients that pay me, it would be great.
    2. If I can avoid food till 4 PM, it would be great. I am home and it would be tough to do so. Let’s see. The good part is that I will definitely be able to avoid Coke and Coffee. So that should be great.
  5. A daily affirmation.
    I have enough money in the bank to take care of myself and my people. It is enough to nudge all of us closer to our respective dreams and wishes.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I was a set. I realised that it’s the best damn experience. To the extent that I feel alive, engaged and in the moment. Time flies and I dont even know where it went. I think I must do whatever it takes to get closer and closer to being on a set. Help me, universe!
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. I had decided that I would not eat till 4. I did not eat till 2. And then I gave up. If I did not give up for 2 more hours, it would be awesome. It was a start nonetheless. Today, I will try it again. The last meal was I think around 11 last night. Today, let’s see if I can eat at around 4.
    2. I had way too much coke and coffee. I need to avoid these two things.
    3. If I did not leave my shoes behind in the cab I took to come home, it would have been nice. I hate when I am careless and leave things behind. I will try to get those shoes back. Let’s see.
  8. Quote for the day
    “Hope is a good thing, may be the best of the things. And good thing never dies.” – Andy, Shawshank Redemption.

Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0.
  • #noCoffee – 0.
  • #aPicADay – 0. Missed posting one yesterday. Will restart from today on.
  • Daily Journal – 22
  • Money spent – 4288
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 22
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 22

281021 – Morning Pages

A short note (yet again) on how I spent yesterday.

7:57. I woke up a few minutes ago. Groggy, tired, slight headache. Not sure why. But, here we go with the morning pages.

So yesterday was great. I met my extended family. A 25-year old nephew is getting married and in attendance were a few cousins and nephews and nieces. It was fun to catch up with them. Apart from my family, there must have been some 100 people in the gathering and no one seemed to be scared of COVID. Lol!

Anyhow. So back to fam. While I was there, almost everyone was curious about what I do for a living. And like I am unable to explain to the world, I was unable to express it to them. I realized that I need to create a brand. So bad so bad that it’s not funny.

The other thing was that I was so awkward in my head that it sucked. In the sense that I was the only one there that did not formal clothes on. Even the photographers, event managers, and others were in formal clothes. I was a misfit and it sucked. And it made me awkward. I think I must avoid all social dos altogether. I hate being the center of attention like that. Lol, for someone that wants to change the world, I balk at attention. Weird.

Anyhow. So that was that.

Apart from that, I am running so busy that I am not doing things that make me who I am. You know, taking notes, (trying to) eat well, think about taking over the world. Etc etc.

I think I need to prioritize. Come what may. Starting with eating better. Let’s do it from today. I had a burger at fries at 2 last night. So, I will not have anything till about 4. That’s 12+ hours of fast. Let’s see how it goes. If I can manage today, I think I can manage tomorrow and thereon. Lord, give me strength.

Guess this is it.

Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. I did not sleep as well as I would have wanted to.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. Last night I was working on a presentation and I just could not focus on it. It was really really terrible. Need to do something about it.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    Cant think of any right now 🙁
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can manage to not eat for 12 hours, I would be happy!
  5. A daily affirmation.
    I have enough will-power to be able to control my urges and not eat.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I met my extended family. Though I dont have a any deep relations with those, it was still great to see them, meet them and hug them.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I were not as awkward at the function I was at, it would have been better. In fact, if I could spend more time while I was there, it would have been even better. Not that I wanted to chill with them. It’s just that I would have seen the things from start to end.
  8. Quote for the day
    You get luckier once you have more to offer. This is as true as it comes. I have seen that as I grow old, I am more enthused by the idea of sharing more and offering more.

Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0.
  • #noCoffee – 0.
  • #aPicADay – 20. Yesterday’s here.
  • Daily Journal – 21
  • Money spent – 3619
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 21
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 21

271021 – Morning Pages

A very tiny post for today’s morning pages.

7:35. No time to even write / publish these. But I have to. Even if it’s just 100 words. So here we go. And lemme start with the journal.

Here we go with the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. I did not sleep as well as I would have wanted to. Though I had a cold enough room, I did not find the sleep.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. When I am tired, when I go out, when I have to step out, I no longer have to think about money.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. I have a family function to attend. If I can be there and not be awkward, it would be great.
  5. A daily affirmation.
    Even though muck is thrown at me, I am able to manage things well. And I dont lose the shit in my head.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I met a friend for dinner. Had some alcohol. Not a lot. Some beer. Had alcohol after I dont know how many years. And yet I was able to hold myself well. No, I dont intend to do this everyday. Or often. Just that I had it after a while. And I could hold it. So that was amazing. Oh, and when I was there, it loved the momos they served.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. Again. Work. That’s something that I am slacking on. I need to fix it.
    2. Food. Way too much food. Eating like a hog. I need to fix it!
  8. Quote for the day
    Real Artists Ship. This one is apparantly by Steve Jobs and I would love to make a tattoo of that on my butt! I really really need to learn how to start shipping.

That’s about it. No time to even write more. Will be back tomorrow. Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0.
  • #noCoffee – 0.
  • #aPicADay – 19. Yesterday’s here.
  • Daily Journal – 20
  • Money spent – 7239
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 20
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 20