051021 – Morning Pages

A meaningless post with no special updates. Just a collection of thoughts and things that are at the top of my head.

7:45. Breakfast table at the hotel.

Quite honestly, I love hotels. Even this one – for all the problems and shittiness and issues that it has. In fact, I would love to live in a hotel. You know, those serviced apartments? Those. Plus I anyway dont really care about possessions, gifts, personal things as long as I have a large, comfortable bed to sleep in and an AC that works well. And a service that comes and cleans the place in my absence. Someone I know lives in a service apartment at a fancy hotel in Dubai and I am jealous of him. Wait. Not jealous. Inspired. After all, the guy has worked hard to make that happen. Let’s see when I get to make that happen.

For the time being, the highlight of the day has to be that I am back to work from today. Even though I am in Nepal till tomorrow. Plus, a lot has happened in my absence. Most of it is not pleasant. I will have to take some hard calls about life and work and career and relationships and all that. The next few days would be interesting, to say the least. I must say that I quite like it here. People are nice. It has a small-town vibe and yet places that offer comfort and convenience. I think if I can manage to find remote work, I would not mind living and working out of Nepal. Of course, Goa as an option is open to working out of! It all probably depends on the kind of work I can find for myself. So that.

Oh, yesterday was fun. We went out to this club (Purple Haze, Kathmandu) where a live band was playing. The acoustics were fucked up (Killa would have lost his shit) but I loved the vibe. It was exactly the kind of place that I would love to own and run and manage. High ceilings, interesting decor, great service (something that I have found consistent at Nepal), and top of it all, managed well. I saw the band and I had to had to had to dream of owning a place like that. If not for anything specific, just for the opportunities that it provides. In fact, I took a note as well while I was there. Where most people see entertainment, relaxation, chilling out, etc, I see opportunity. I just need to be able to capitalize on those. Come on, universe. Come on, Mr. G.

What else?
I am not sure what else to write.
Oh, once I am back in India, I plan to go on a disciplined diet of low-carb food, in an attempt to get fitter. I have promised a couple of people that I would be 32″ by the time 2021 ends. I am at 37 and a half right now. In fact, I had thought I would lose weight while on the trek but nothing of that sort has happened. I’ve actually put on more weight for all the Dal Rice that I ate while I was there.

I think this is about it for the time being. I mean there’s a lot to be written and thought and all that but I am still not there when it comes to writing. This break of 15 days was way too long and the writing muscle seems to have waned off. They say it right. Muscles atrophy if you dont practice things every day. May be in the next few days the words would flow better and things would make more sense.

Till then, over and out. More tomorrow.

PS: No streaks today either.
PPS: I need to find a way to get these morning pages to become more than just a journal of sorts. Maybe I will start writing the next book. Maybe I will work on the script. Maybe I will bring back SoG here. But something has to happen with these pages to make em more useful. Ideas anyone?

041021 – Morning Pages

Quick post on how it is to come back to a connected life.

9:17. Kathmandu. I am at one of those 3-star hotels that position themselves as 4 and fail miserably at it. So while you pay a lot of money for it, in reality, you have really wasted that. In fact, this whole trip, I have been on autopilot per se. I have not tried to be the pushy, type-A planner that I know myself to be. Rather, I have merely gone with what others planned and followed instructions. To be honest, it was not bad. Having things managed for you by others. But what sucked was that I was unable to control the amount of money I spent. I had imagined I will spend not more than 50K. And the trip is already 4X of that. And I have two more days to go. But then, that’s ok. Such is life and these are the things that make life worth living – you know, the ups and the downs. There are way too many highlights in exchange. And I think this is why I even make money in the first place – to be able to live for experiences.

So, the highlight of yesterday has to be the relaxed, lazy day spent strolling around Thamel. The thing is, I like the idea of this idleness for a large part of the day. And then a lot of action for some part of the day. And then repeat.

To be honest, I quite like Kathmandu (even with all the pollution, dust, and sneaky salespeople). It has all the good things that India has – unorganized mess, crazy traffic, winding roads, freedom to jaywalk, chaotic life, etc. And then more – a hub for tourists, small lanes, cozy restaurants, cute coffee shops that could serve as the perfect inspiration for writing shit. You get the drift. I think this is the same as Goa. Or a Dubai. Or a Bangkok. The option to be in a city that is multi-cultural and international in its very fabric. A Delhi or a Mumbai or a Bangalore is not that. It is more business, more work, more day-to-day large business kind of place. I think I am more suited for a place that has more international, cosmopolitan life. But then the dreams that I hold so close, the ambitions that are so lofty, I dont know what to do about those.

Or maybe, just maybe, this is all an after-effect of spending so much time in the mountains that I am sort of disenchanted from the city life. Once I am back to work and the daily grind, I would probably forget all that I am thinking about and I would be back in action – you know, hustle, work, dreaming, meeting people, doing things etc etc.

Apart from this rant about work and life, the minds pretty much blank. I am still jittery while typing even though I am on my own computer. I will probably need another couple of days to get back to normal, I think. Let’s see when that happens and how I feel when that happens.

Guess this is it.

Oh, I dont have the time to work on streaks today as well. I would start those from tomorrow on, hopefully. Plus I’ve had coffee, coke, and sugar in a million forms and I dont want to think about it right now.

So, till tomorrow, over and out.

031021 – Morning Pages

A lazy post where I am sort of coming back to the grind. In terms of writing, thinking, striving, trying, dreaming and all that.

9:04. AM PM Cafe, Pokhara, Nepal.

I am on a computer after about two weeks. And I am rusty. And I am surprised that the infinite speed at which I could type is now reduced to a literal crawl.

So there are so so so many things to write and reflect on. There are so many decisions to be made. There are so many things to be done. I dont even know where to start from. I’d probably just use bullet points and see where it goes?

Here we go. In no order.

A.
EBC was not tough. I mean it was tough indeed but if I could manage it, I am sure everyone in the world can. More on this when I write a longer post about EBC but it really wasn’t tough.

B.
Last night, as I started to come back to the world, I installed Instagram, Twitter, and all other apps that I had deleted a few months ago. Have wasted so much time on those. It’s so easy to fall down the rabbit hole. But then while I was there, I did not miss it at all.

C.
I have no clue of what’s happening in the world. And for a change, I am ok with it. I mean Sony and Zee almost merged. Air India got sold. Apple’s new range is being talked about. Gandhi’s birthday came and went and there was the usual brouhaha about it. And like I said, I did not care. Don’t care. For once, the hermit life of living off the grid, doing things by self on a day-to-day basis without the pressure to make a dent in the universe felt good! But then, that’s not what we were put here for. There is a responsibility that we have towards Universe after all.

D.
Learned so much about myself. My limitations, my dreams, my aspirations, my plans, my shortcomings. I learned how insignificant I am. I learned that most rants that we town-dwelling folks have, are meaningless when the temperature is sub-zero and you have to share a hole in the mountain with 25 other people as your toilet.

E.
I realized (and re-affirmed) that while I may want to be a billionaire, at the very core, I like the company of common-folk. You know, the ones that are not really billionaires and all that. While I was at the trek, I saw my fellow travelers engage with other fancy people and I was happier talking to the porters and the guides, and local folks that were drawing water from the lakes. This has been a theme since I dont know how long. When I did events, I would find the company of an ordinary carpenter more soothing than that of the CEO or the celebrity dancer that we would invite to perform. So, it’s essentially a reaffirmation of who I’ve been. And no, I dont know what this means in the long run but thats how it is.

F.
The dream of doing the Everest is more real now. I mean I have now seen it from up-close (lol!) and I know what it takes. One side of me tells me that it’s going to be a tough tough battle. I mean I did reach the base camp. And I looked up the Khumbu ice-fall and it looked scary. And on the other end, it looked doable. I mean it’s just a walk up the ice. So I may just as well make it to the Jan 1, 2026 deadline. Just that I need to find 4 months and 40 lakhs to support my expedition. Let’s see when that happens. Right now, I need to focus on more urgent things like work and all. Been away for a large part of the last 2 weeks and I am sort of disconnected.

G.
Lemme talk of work. So, most things sort of disintegrated at work. This means that I am still not at a place where I can go for long leaves and let things happen on auto-pilot. I will have to sort of rebuild work from scratch. It sucks to be at a point where I am struggling to make ends meet. And then I am craving to make ends meet at end of each month. And I am always thinking where to get the next tranch of loan from, to fund the dreams of people that I’ve sort of chosen to keep close. One thought is that I must stop feeding others and get to some stability for myself. The other is, this is what defines me! How can I quit on these people? More than that, how can I quit on myself and my decisions?

H.
In terms of people, while I was there, I think I was ok to not think about anyone that I knew prior to the trek. This includes my parents, my sis, M, romantic interests, friends, colleagues, and more. This was a big big revelation to me. Need to think more about this. #note2self #toThink

I.
I have some 1000 ideas about what to write, each thing inspired by the time I spent away from the Internet and the people and the world I know of. Let’s see when I can find the time to do so. I also need to write a lot of other things that I have been putting for later (quarterly email to bade log, for example). So that.


So yeah. Guess this is about it! I mean I can find more things to write about but as of now, these are the things that I can think of. More over the next few days.

Not that things are any clear for me but it was a good break to have. Now that I am back to the grind, let’s see how things go from here on. More in the next few days. Hope to continue writing these every day from today on. And finally, the streaks. I dont even remember where I left them at. I will start tomorrow, hopefully. Till then, over and out!