080421 – Meditations

A shortPost. Micropost, if you will. Just to get the streak going.

6:15. Andheri

I slept at 3ish and I am up already. I had to. There’s a lot on my plate. And thus, this post will be a short one. I have a boatload of work and less than a bucket of time. I need to do some serious focused, deep work if I have to get thru.

On the post today I wanted to comment on something that Leo Tolstoy once wrote. Here’s what he wrote about people from various nationalities. I wanted to give an Indian’s perspective.

Ley Tolstoy. In War and Peace.

In terms of achievement, I have to say that despite all the work I did yesterday, I still did not get myself a coffee. I know this is not something to be proud of. While I am trying to not get hooked onto anything specific, I still don’t know if I want to microdose on what I call performance additives. You know, coffee and such things. This requires some deeper introspection. Let’s see when I get around to that.

Apart from this, I have decided to get a home-office for myself that I can walk to. The intention is to get into zone more often, which I can never do while I am here.

Oh, the highlight of the day gone by has to be the filtering of applications for a role at TRS. We had some 80 applications and it was heartening to see so many people – young and old – wanting to work with us. Either we do some great work. Or there’s a lot of people wanting to get into films and all! I sincerely wish there was a way I could help each of those. I have started to believe that the future of work is individual brands and creators that get to make a living off their respective talents. I mean, there’s no way a small operation like TRS can hire more than 1 person. There’s no way I can hire more than a handful directly. But if we could enable each person to see light with their work, I am sure they’d be able to make enough from their friends, families, and strangers that they would live a more fulfilled life. Just that they’d have to create consistently and will have to work for the long haul! I hope they find a way. I hope we find our rockstar team member to help us through the next phase of growth.

Anyhow. More on this someday. Lol. Too many things have more someday ;P

Enough of musings. Time is short. Need to go. Here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 118
  • #aPicADay – 98 Wow, just 2 days to go for a 100-day streak!
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 29
  • #noCoke – 29
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 1

With that, its over and out. Took me less than 5 minutes to get this out of the way. At least now I can focus on actual work at hand!

040221 – Morning Pages

A page-full of self-talk, random updates and nothing special to report per se. Avoid if you want to.

7:28. Feel ok. Not too happy. Not too sad. Not too. confused. Not too content. One of those states where I am just being. Which is a good thing. Contentment is nice. For whatever it is worth.

And I have nothing to write about. Lol.

Really. I can’t think of a single thing to write about. Fuck fuck fuck. Lemme try. I am sitting outside Rajesh Sir’s house. Listening to Berklee’s rendition of Kun Faya Kun. Have some 25 tabs open. On the new M1. Tethered to the Vodafone connection that is surprisingly working today. The Jio Phone is not. Lol. The mysteries of the Internet and mobile phones in Goa. Reminds me I have an important call. And in Goa, that is giving me jitters. What if the Internet decides to stop working at the last minute? Lol. When did I become the kind to think so much about work? Managed a fast yesterday. The last thing I ate was at 3 AM or so yesterday (not today) before I went to sleep. So as we speak, I haven’t had a thing for more than 24 hours now. Except litres of water and more liters of lemonade. And chewing gum. I think a chewing gum is the secret ingredient you need to fast for long hours. I had told myself that I would fast for 48 hours. Let’s see if I can manage today without eating. If I can, I will gun for 72. And then 96. Kunal has challenged me to fast for 7 days. My longest has been 50 something, if I am not wrong. I tend to forget these things. Lol, king of wishful thinking I am.

Ok. What else?

I cant still think what to write.

Mumbai vs Goa? Work? Relationships?

Lemme take a stab at each. In reverse order.

Relationships – nothing home to write about. Lesser spoken the better. Like I said a few days ago, I miss the physical proximity of people that I care for (which is like 2 people and I know they don’t want me around – I mean they want me but not all the time). So, that.

Work – I seem to be un-hireable. Which is a good thing. I mean I am tempted to live an easy life with a packed calendar, fat salary and PF and company laptops and petty politics and flings with people you work with and year-end bonuses and all that. With all these, you have an option of those foreign travels, fancy cars, lavish buffets, designer clothes, and whatnot.

Mumbai vs Goa – I remain undecided. I like it here in Goa. But I miss the predictability of Mumbai. I love the opportunities that a large city like Mumbai offers for creating a large business that can have a global reach and can impact billions. And I crave connections with creative people in Goa that no other place has. This is the first time I am thinking this hard about such decisions. I think when I moved to Mumbai in 2013 (or was it 14?), I just one day announced that I am going. I slept on the floor of Satya’s bedroom and then eventually took a house. Life was easy, simple. But then I was 6 years younger. I had the time to do whatever I wanted to. People respected my ideas. I probably had some money to get thru tough times. Not any more. I am older, poorer, behind the times. I…

Wait!

Remember life’a a game?

Lemme play this game and piece together a solution. WTF! I can not be in this limbo.

Wait and watch.

Bas ho gaya.


There’s no #freewriting for #book2 today. Rather, I will use the time to work on SoG on playing the game (subscribe here). And the Goa working guide that I have been working on for 2 months. I Will ship both today and update links here.

Let’s fucking start.

Shipping.

Enough.


PS: Wrote these sidenotes (things that popped into my head as I wrote this piece). I can’t seem to fit these anywhere in the narrative and thus keeping them here. Yeah, it fucks the reading experience for you. But then these are my morning pages. These are what I need to save and think on and act on and all that. So ignore if you have to.

  1. I need to accept that I am a failure – a public one at that (lol, even in this, am trying to sound like Steve Jobs! What a loser you are, Mr. G.)
  2. I need to choose between a start-up that reaches a billion, films that reach millions, writing that reaches thousands, etc.
  3. I need to start happening to things (and not let things happen to me). It’s funny that I give this advice to everyone around me and often fall prey to this.