Morning Pages Archives

110921 – Morning Pages

A quick post about how I spent yesterday. And what I plan to do today. Nothing of significance. Random text, to be honest.

7:18. Home. Woke up a few minutes ago. Writing this at home is a struggle. I dont have a place where I could be in unobtrusive peace. Lemme talk more. At a Starbucks, there’s chaos, there’s life, there’s movement, noise, things that you expect at a coffee shop, and whatnot. However, not one of those is directed at me. Plus I am at a little distance from most of those. So the noise and movement and activity do not bother me. They are at the best background. And that helps me get in the flow. Really does.

At home, on the other hand, A, the space is confined. No, I dont have a fancy house that can offer space to each occupant. B, most of the background is directed at me. I will leave that your imagination about what it means. And C, I dont have a place that allows me to sit and stand and move and all that while I am working. So that.

An easy solution is, if I am going to stay here for long, is to find a house / office where I can sit and work out of. I used to, some 10 years ago. With Kunal. I remember we had rented a flat for 3K or something and we would work from there. It was really cool. If nothing else, we would go there every day. It’s insane that even back then I knew (or was it KG) that I needed to separate the spaces where I worked and lived.

Oh, I did meet Kunal. Went for a walk. Wore those trekking shoes. Got sore feet and boils but these were a little less pronounced and prickly than the first time I wore shoes. So, it does get better. Plus I wore shoes from about 7 PM till 10 PM. The longest I think I’ve worn shoes in a long long time. So, achievement unlocked.

Yesterday I also met Vivek. Someone I know off Twitter. He has to be one of the sharpest people I have come to known. Plus he’s insightful and is generally a likable person. I met him for the first time and to be honest, it did not feel as if I was meeting him for the first time. I think I must get more active on Twitter and try and interact with more people. I think that’s where my salvation lies – meeting people, learning from them, leaving them richer. Just need to find opportunities to make money that allows me to do this for the rest of my life!

So that.

In other news, continuing with the things I hate, today I need to finish shopping for EBC. EBC is great but I hate shopping. Takes too much effort. Requires tolerating too many pushy salespeople. But I have less than 6 days to go and I need to buy a few essentials. A couple of bags – a large one and a small one. A pant. I dont want to buy this at all. I can tolerate one of the two. But not both. And then tiny things like a water bottle, safety patches, etc. And then there are smaller things that I dont even know.

So the day would be spent on all this. I do have some work planned but let’s see when I find the time.

Guess this is about it.

I am realizing that if you remove work from your day-to-day thinking (like I have), and start expecting literally nothing from your friends or family (like I have), and stop thinking about leaving an impact, making the world a better place, and everything else, life starts to look simple. At least the last few weeks, even months for that matter have been like that. I have been able to abstract myself from various complex webs that we often weave in our heads. I think I should write about it sometime. Lol! This sometime list is like infinity!

Anyhow, here’s the streaks. Today is the 275th update. If I write till the 17th, it would be 281 posts. I will probably take voice notes when I am gone and then transcribe them. Let’s see how it goes.

Chalo. Over and out.

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 184
#noCoffee – 28
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 1334
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2 +1 (ease of shifting)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 274
NOFAP – 10

100921 – Morning Pages

A quick post where I rant to my heart’s content. About nothing in specific. And yet, about everything.

7:08. Home. Woke up some time ago. I am unable to find a place where I can sit and work. There is this humdrum of a well-lived house – sounds of clattering from the kitchen, water being poured somewhere on some plants, the incessant doorbell, and so on and so forth. I am so so so used to living by myself and designing my spaces to my liking that I am unable to understand how to react to all this commotion. Of course, this is not commotion per se. This is more like the sounds of life but I guess these are not for me. I designed my life in a way that I did not have a kitchen (though I wanted to change that), there was no one to talk to or do anything till I first initiated. Even when I lived with sgGF, she was the kind to sleep late and I had the first few hours of the day to myself. And there’s nothing that sets my mood, the tone of my day like the mornings do. My mornings are the most sacrosanct time. I need to be left to myself – even if I am watching Taarak Mehta!

Plus, since I have come home (been two days), I haven’t been able to think of things. This happens each time I am here. I am not sure what is the cause. There has to be one. Why is it that I am not as engaged as I would want to be when I am in Delhi? #tothink

Anyhow. Rant hai. Moving on.

So in the highlights yesterday, I met one of those young ones that I want to become my budhape ki laathi. It was fabulous to see young people and their ambitions and dreams and the effort they are willing to make for that. I wish I could give them a better support system than what I have offered them right now. I call them #teamSG. I need to find a better name. I mean Team SG is super vain and I don’t want that. So that’s something I need to work on.

I was also at a Decathlon outlet and I was amazed at the collection. The sad part though was that the person who was support to help around was super uninterested in selling. What a shame, to be honest. Also, I noticed a subtle difference. At the Decathlons in Mumbai, they dont ask you to deposit your bags to the security. Here, they did. Guess something to do with how people behave? How big a problem pilferage is in Delhi? Lol!

Oh, I missed mentioning but I slept at around 7 last night. Woke up at 9. Slept again at 10. And then I woke up at 6ish today. And while the sleep was ok, I had a few distinct dreams that I recall. Yay! I think it’s after a while that I have been able to remember my dreams. Took a note over at #echochamber.

For the EBC, I had planned to take a Gimbal and a new phone to record a video blog of the journey. However, I have decided against it. I dont have the money to get a phone. And the one I have can’t do – it’s a three-year-old iPhone and the battery is literally dead. And I dont want to spend anything. I would rather use the money to help build the people that I care for. No, I can’t put in words why I do this for others but this is what defines me and I can’t escape from it. Maybe with time, I will change but as of today, this is how it is. So that!

What else?

I feel as if I have a lot to talk about. A lot to write. A lot to pour out. But then the thoughts are scattered so all over the place that I dont know what to do. I am so glad that I have this break coming up. I will be with some people but I can choose to remain aloof and silent and merely observe things. Let’s see how that experiment goes.

Guess this is about it. Time to get going with the day. Have a lot to do. Need to of course find a place to go work from. Not sure where I’d go. Time shall tell.

Over and out. Here’s streaks.

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 183
#noCoffee – 27
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 6096
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2 +1 (ease of shifting)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 273
NOFAP – 9

090921 – Morning Pages

A super-short-post about what I did yesterday and what I am thinking about. Not much to read to be honest.

9:15. A friend’s office. Here cos I needed to work and I couldn’t do that at home. Not that the home is not comfortable but there are way too many distractions here. So that. I am hoping to work from here for a large part of the day.

In terms of updates from yesterday, the highlight has to be this 19-year old that I met yesterday. He sort of exactly knows what he wants in life and where he wants to be and the path he needs to take to reach there. I was left speechless after I spoke to him. I was impressed beyond words. I mean I do have other young people that I spend time with but this one was like none other. At 38, twice his age, I dont have a fraction of the clarity that he has. Kids these days!

Apart from that the day yesterday was sort of busy with work. Had way too many calls to attend and too many things to do. Time just went like poof! Need to find a solution to this fuckery. Let’s see when and how.

What else?

I am sort of out of clues. Thing is, I am writing this at 9:30 when the day has started and the mind’s already occupied with things that need to be done during the day. Maybe more tomorrow. Or may be this morning pages thingy is going to wither down like people do.

Sigh.

More tomorrow. Hopefully.

Here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 182
#noCoffee – 26
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 2550
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2 +1 (ease of shifting)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 272
NOFAP – 8

080921 – Morning Pages

A short note on mortality and how I would want to leave this world. When I do.

9:38. Home. The only home I’ve ever known. Except in the embrace of the ones I that I’ve loved. And the ones that have loved me. So this home, the one I have grown in, am here after a while. Almost a year! The last time I came here, it was Diwali of 2020 and then I went to Goa. And then I was in Mumbai and then the pandemic hit us again and all that. So that.

Ok. Time to get into some somber mood. This is probably one of the most important posts I’d ever write. I hope words can do justice.

So yesterday, I went to a hospital to meet a relative who’s just had heart surgery.

Lemme give some context. I’ve known him since I was a child and I have spent enough and more time in his backyard. Even in his lap. And he’s given me no less love than he would give to his children. And in life, he’s been a pillar to the entire family. And beyond. He has been an icon of righteousness, selfless service, and everything that you want in a man. No, he’s not really one of those people who’d inspire you with his tales of courage or exploits in business. He is as simple as they come and yet as special as they could be.

Yesterday, he was bedridden. Which is ok. I have seen him when he’s asleep.

But then he had a million wires and hoses and pipes running through his body to the machines that sort of keep the vital functions alive. He looked frail. Fragile. He still had his confidence and his neck held high, the one that I remember him for. But he was clearly putting in a lot of effort to do that. And oh man, did he put the effort!

Of course, he would recover and would be back to action before we know it. Of course, this is part and parcel of life. Of course, I need to be strong and get used to seeing my loved ones in that state – after all, age is catching up.

But that’s not what this post is about. It is about how I do NOT want to be like that. Articulation happened when I was talking to Krishna yesterday. So, the thing is, most people that know me, know me as someone hyper. Someone that can’t sit idle for a minute. Someone that is so fidgety that he’s moving all the time. Someone so full of energy that it’s literally impossible to control. Or contain. Someone who’s so infectious, so disturbing, so all over the place that you can’t ignore him. I dont know if this is good or bad. But this is how I am. If you have any other impressions of me, please do let me know.

So, if I were to fall sick and I am forced onto a bed, bondage-d by pipes and cables and all that, I do NOT want anyone I know to see me decapitated like that. Before any of those people that I love (there are just a handful of those) were to see me like that, I would want the plug to be pulled. Really. I have thought hard about this. For all the zest I have for life, for all the things I want to do with our limited time here, if I am ever in a position like that, I really want my dreams, my hopes, my existence to be wiped out. I am ok to go without saying my goodbyes. The good part is that hardly anyone cares for me outside my parents and probably my sis. So there is no question of giving closure to people. They would find it. Time anyway heals.

Coming back. So, I dont want the ones I love to have the last memory of me to not be of a person that couldn’t sit still and not have child-like enthusiasm or energy. Come what may.

So yeah. That.

Over and out.

And here’s streaks.

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 181
#noCoffee – 25
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 3109
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2 +1 (ease of shifting)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 271
NOFAP – 7

070921 – Morning Pages

A short post about how I spent yesterday. Some rants about life, time, health, massages and other things.

8:40. Ahmedabad.

Today I leave Ahd and go to Delhi.

No my work here is not done. But I am done with the place. I can stay longer and all that but need a change in the scenery.

Taking a train. No, I dont like it. But desperate times call for desperate measures. So this is as desperate as it goes. All the money I made in the last few months has been poured into LHV and the next short film. No, it’s not a bad thing. It’s a tradeoff at best. And I am ok with it.

Both these things are exactly where I want to be in life – venture capital, films. These are the building blocks that I am putting in right now for the future. Just that I am almost 40 and there is no future in sight. Sigh!

Anyhow.

So yesterday was fairly ok. I was at a Starbucks in the first half. Got done a lot of things that needed to be done. And then I met a few friends. Pitched the idea for C4E Base. Got rejected. Met more friends. Jammed on other things that could be done. Caught on an afternoon nap (must get regular with these). Woke up and worked again.

I think it was the perfect day.

Except that when I went to bed, I was in that #foreveralone fetal position till I found sleep. Need to do something about it. No, I dont want shaadi. Neither do I want steady love. Have had enough of those and dont think I want to invest energies anymore. Unless some miracles happen. Never say never, as they say.

So, the good part or bad part of being on the road is that you know that you are short of time and you try to make the max of whatever you have. I mean I am writing this from the breakfast table. Otherwise, I would have waited to get to a Starbucks and then write. You know, am trying to max out my time. I anyway like this life where I am rushed all the time. Just that the rush has to be caused by me and not by others. The slow life is not for me.

I must mention that most of my conversations with people here in Ahmedabad have reinforced the belief that life is short. Time is shorter. Especially for people like me who are old, un-rich, almost intelligent, and still do not know where they want to land in life.

So that.

Ok. Let’s move to frivolous things.

The other day my mom told me to meet one of my relatives here in Ahd. Her specific instructions were to wear pants and be well-groomed when I went. Lol. She knows me too well. So, I went for a haircut and all that. While I was there, I was tempted to get a head massage. And I did. And oh man, it was the worst massage in the history of mankind. I mean I would have questioned the very existence of the masseuse if I was in the mood. But then I let go. The good part is, I realized how much I love massages. I must must make it a part of my daily routine and life once I get back to a regular life post the trek. #note2self

The thing with the trek is, I have less than 10 days to go and I am not in great shape at all. The deviated septum is getting deviated all the more. I am eating like a pig. I haven’t walked at all in the last 10 days. Once I reach Delhi tomorrow, I am hoping I would try and get some semblance going. I can at least try breathing exercises if nothing else. I really want to come back alive and do more things with my time :D.

So yeah. I guess this is it for the day. See you guys tomorrow. Hopefully. I mean it’s 270 days. I wish I could extend it to 300 but theek hai. Such is life.

Here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 180
#noCoffee – 24
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 2025
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2 +1 (ease of shifting)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 270
NOFAP – 6