Morning Pages Archives

200721 – Morning Pages

A quick short post about my experiments with workouts. No, they aren’t going that great. Maybe they’d, in a few days.

4:48. Woke up a few minutes ago. Groggy but I am ok. Better than other days.

Yesterday, put health over anything else. I did not even work. Which is unlike me but that’s ok. It worked out ok. No one missed me. Or my work. Or lack of thereof. The world continued to move around. Kaafi sobering thought. Learned yet again that I am not the center of the universe.

I was in bed by 10. Typically I would scroll around on Twitter and WhatsApp and other such apps as I drifted to sleep. Yesterday I did not touch it at all. A small win. I think.

Also, have decided to quit the house. Even if that means that I will have to shack in with someone for a few days in September. Started to clean the house. Gave away the Ukulele that Krishna made my buy. Will give more things away in the next few days. I mean I don’t have a lot of things anyway. Just some books. The guitar goes back to Vivek. The table goes to the office kind of thing that am trying to set up. The bookshelf, am not sure. Let’s see.

So in terms of other good things, I did 25 push-ups yesterday. In reps of 5. I did not know I was capable of doing these many. Yes, I took a lot of breaks between these reps. Yes, I couldn’t do SN properly after the pushups. But I did nonetheless. Today, I will try to do SN before the pushups. I ate once. Walked, went to the beach. See this. Climbed up 8 floors even though I was tired. All in all, better day health-wise than most others. Plan to repeat today.

Continue to trip onto Rap music. From Divine primarily. And then some others. Let’s see what’s next.

Update. Tried doing this set. I was dead in the 40th second! Damn! I will still go ahead and do my 12 SNs.

Thing is, its funny. How things stay on the top of your head. There’s a lot in life that I can be unthankful for and crib about. In fact last night, in sleep, I remember I woke up to have some water and I was thinking about my love life and how it sucked. May be the landlord is right. But then somehow, the thoughts immediately shifted to how I need to sleep and not check the phone (apart from checking on time) and do something in the morning. And here we are. While I am still thinking a lot about it, I am more concerned about getting those 12 SNs in before I get going with the day. I just hope I become strong enough to be able to come back from EBC. And then work hard to actually gun the summit. And strong enough in my head to let go. Of love. And of everything attached to it.

Anyhow. Am ranting. Time to get going with the day. Here’s streaks.

OMAD – 1
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 131
#noCoffee – 1
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 1
Surya Namaskar – 1
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -1
Morning Pages / Meditations – 221

Wow so many 1’s 😀

190721 – Morning Pages

Short note about old age, fitness, music, work and the unkind societal perceptions about moi.

7 AM.
From today on, I am hoping to change the way I live. I will get more conscious about how I live, how I eat, how I work out, and all that. Let’s see if I challenge myself on this, can I change myself. The idea is to live better, be healthy for a long long time. Wait. Lemme talk about old age. And how it sucks.

See this. Lucky Ali is the first artist that I became a fan of. He was what everything young person wanted to be. Sing well, play guitar like God, write things that can move mountains, farm, live on his terms, and so on and so forth. Even for his music, he refused to go down the predictable path and release a few pieces, at his terms. And not with large record labels. Why do we need music to be trapped in the boardrooms?

When I see this, there are a couple of ways in which I can look at this.

A. The guy is still got the zest for life. He’s working and doing what he likes the best – you know, performing, making music, chilling, and all that. So, perfect life.

B. On the other hand, the quality of music is so so so, well, average. I mean he’s going off-sync. And you know it’s not even planned. No, he’s not like that. He’s seen better days. It sucks to say this but he should have listened to his body and moved on. Or do something else that is more apt for his age. You know, perform solo.

No, my adulation for him is no less than what it was when I first became a fan. He will remain the first love that I’ve ever known. It was his music that played as background, in my head, as I was growing up. I had as a child.

So that.

Let me also talk about another thing that happened yesterday that sort of affected me. At least till I was sleeping. I am ok now of course. So my landlord came in yesterday for some errand. Unannounced. I hate when someone comes in where I live without informing. No, it’s not about surprise. It’s about needing time to prepare to put on a facade for social conversations. Anyhow. So he came in. And among other things, he gave me unsolicited thoughts about how I should be married. And how my life would be waste if I don’t have anyone to carry on my lineage. He told me that while it’s ok to stay alone at 38, once I am 45, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night and toss around in the bed. And then how if I had a wife, I would be dressed better and not roam around in tattered clothes. And then he qualified that I would not get any great women and I must marry whoever I can get.

I don’t even know on how many counts was the guy wrong. I mean, he’s not wrong. He comes from another era and at that time, the things he said probably made sense. They don’t anymore.

Agreed that I am not the most well-dressed. But I know that I am the most well-behaved for sure. I am hoping I am! I may not have a significant other and he may be right that I feel the need to have someone next to me once in a while but does that mean I marry for that? Well no!

Ok, now that I am writing, the words are not flowing. Maybe it’s not affected me as much as I thought it would. Which is a good thing. It’s great to get outsiders’ perspectives on your life. Especially from the ones that are vocal and dont mince words. So that.

Chalo, moving on to start the day. I am done with my push-ups and Surya Namaskars for the day. Cataloging here. Now, I need to watch what I eat. Hoping to eat Dal and Eggs. Wierd combination. I know. Let’s see if I can make it.

Oh, and I’ve been having coffee for last two days. Today on, am back to ghaas ka paani. Time to get started with work. Over and out.

Here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 130
#noCoffee – 0
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -1
Morning Pages / Meditations – 220

180721 – Morning Pages

A braindump of a thousand things that’ve been on the top of my head. Little ranty. Read with caution.

8:15. Woke up a few minutes ago. Have a lot on the top of my head. Let’s see how much of that gets translated onto the post. I am speculating that this would have 1200 odd words. Let’s see how many words I need to dump things here. Since most things are unrelated, I will use sections.

A. Health
If you know me, you will know that I’ve always kept my health the last in the list of priorities. To date, the order of priority has been work > family (including SG2, M, Team SG) > money > friends > writing > hedonism. And then if I was left with time, I’d think about health.

Starting tomorrow, I will change this. I will put health even above work. This means that I will not start my day till I have done some sort of workout – walk, run, yoga, push-ups, etc. I know it’s important for me to start the day early. At a Starbucks. With this brain dump. My best ideas come to me early in the morning. But I will let go of those for the next 2 months. I think I can survive that.

I will also have to sleep well. So that means, no late nights. Nothing after 9:30. Again, thoda tough. But let’s see how it goes.

Oh, related.
I’ve been noticing that the last few days the right eye is losing its sight. When I close my left eye, the right one is unable to focus on things in front of me. Plus I need to squint my eyes to look at things. Especially on the phone.

Brings to another related thing…

B. Social Media.
I am torn between growing my audience and reach on various SM platforms (you know, Twitter, Linkedin, Instagram, blog, etc.) and spending limited time with these distracting things.

Building a following, credibility, and reach takes a lot of effort, energy, thought, and time. Especially if you are like me. You know, with limited talent and a very limited understanding of human nature.

As I try hard to find things that I am interested in and are things that people may resonate with, I end up ~~investing~~ wasting a lot of time on these apps. Like any other sucker for a dopamine hit, I keep scrolling the infinite feed. And before I know it, I have wasted some 2 hours on these apps.

So I don’t know what to do about that.

In the long run, SM is important. Very important to build a personal brand and attract opportunities. Especially for people like me. But then I don’t know how to use it in moderation. On a whim, a couple of days back, I uninstalled Instagram. But then installed it back last night. And I just deleted it again. As I write this.

Lol, hate this love-hate relationship.

Ok. I have an idea. What if I install all these distracting apps on a different phone and use those once in a while?

Wait.

I am trying to reduce things that I have. This will add one more phone and one more charger.

Hmmm.

No, I don’t want to. I will keep things on the primary phone. I will test my self-control and see how long do I take before I install Instagram again and waste time on it. I plan to not use it till October. Let’s see.

Next.

C. Coffee.
I had coffee yesterday. After 17 days. No, I was not craving it. No, I was not sleepy. No, I was not bored. I just had it on a whim. You know, for no reason.

May I liked the aroma of coffee and Hazelnut flavor that Pooja had when I met her.

And no, after I had it, I did not feel any great or moved or energized. Even the tinge of Hazelnut on Americano wasn’t as tasty as I thought it would be!

D. Starbucks
The aforementioned coffee? I had it at a Starbucks. That was open on a Saturday. And will be open on a Sunday as well. Yay! In case you are curious, it’s the one at the arrival area at T2. It’s open from 7 AM till about 10 PM. And they have a private loo. So, for the weekends, I am sorted. Just that there’s no internet. So in case you choose to work from there, please ensure that you carry a charger and have a mobile connection that works. And they only have 2-3 charging points, so you need to go there early enough.

So, life is sort. Weekends are made. I plan to go there again today in a while. In case you want to meet me, you’re welcome 🙂

The best part? It’s at the airport. While I am not transiting anywhere but the feel of an airport is what I crave for!

E. The iPhone troubles
The iPhone charging cable went kaput. And that means I will have to buy another one. I think I would have spent more money on iPhone cables and changing screens than I would’ve spent on the damn phones.

F. The Bombay Bhai
This is what I was waiting to write. Last night, on my way back from the airport, I stopped at a chemist to buy snacks and all. And while I was in there, a gentleman, not more than 30 walked in. Following him was a secretary kind of person. And a beefy bodyguard. The dude was dressed in white and gold. You know, gold bracelets, rings, chains, earrings, etc. Even the chappal he wore had golden straps. The secretary carried two phones. The bodyguard has a gun holstered. Really. No masks though.

And I regret to say this, I was intimidated. The guy was drunk and was making misogynist jokes. To give him credit, he was joking around within the group and not disturbing anyone else. But he was very loud. And very drunk. And very scary. No, I don’t get scared easily. But yesterday was something else.

After I bought my things, as I stepped out, I saw a Mercedes parked in a way that had blocked half the road. Clearly, the guy was used to such pitstops at night. I’d pit him as the son of a local politician. Or a builder. Or he could be a self-made man as well. You know, he could have had a startup that he sold to investors for billions? Or got IPOd?

Anyhow. So I was intimidated at that time. But as I write this, I think I was more jealous than afraid. I mean the guy had everything that I want in life. Money. People that he trusted. A good life. I on the other hand have just this blog and rants. The worse part is that I don’t even know if I ever will make it to be able to afford a good life. I mean I am almost 40. I am way past an age where you are useful. I don’t even have a thing that could potentially become big tomorrow. By the time you are 40, you’ve either made it. Or accepted that you will never make it. I am neither. I am a mere dreamer that can only rant.

In fact, I read this thread last night. I have been thinking about it since. I fucking want to be that elite. Not because I care for signals or trophies. But each duel, each attempt at bettering others can shape me. And allow me to deliver more impact. See this tweet as well. I want to do this at scale!

Ok, deep breath.

Back to the blog. Last thing that I want to write.

G. Rap Music.
I don’t know how but I stumbled onto music from Gully Boy. I heard Ranveer Singh, the actor rap. Is there a thing he can’t do?

I then moved to Divine.
And then to Ikka Singh.
And more.
And I am hooked.

I know these artists may be very commercial and may not be the best or whatever. But I think I am initiated in the rap music scene. I will explore more over the next few days. Let’s see where I end.

Oh, I have to mention that Ikka’s slur around Jamna Paar? It resonated so hard! So so hard! I don’t think it’s as ghettoized as Dharavi is but it was a slur nonetheless and growing up, it did feel strange when people from other parts of Delhi frowned at Jamna Paar.

So that.

Guess this is about it for the day.

Here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 129
#noCoffee – 0. Had an Americano yesterday
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -1
Morning Pages / Meditations – 219

Oh, and I had speculated, this would be a 1200 word piece. This is 1460 something. Not bad, Mr. G!

170721 – Morning Pages

A quick note about life, food and films. What else could you ask for?

Woke up at 7:30 types. Slept like a log. Woke up during the night to get some water. Was so tired that I did not even have that. I do have faint recollections of some dream where I am on a trek or something but I can’t remember the details. Good that I am dreaming. Probably I needed the sleep. Had a very long week with a lot of work. I think the past few days have been the hardest for me in terms of work. As I move forward, I plan to get really sure of what I want to work on – after all, a lot of my time will be spent on sleep and working out (I hope so, so far, it’s wishful thinking).

So yesterday. Among other things, assaulted my stomach with a million things. I had (and not exaggerating), Maggi, Upma, Egg Roll, Veg Puff, Egg Fried Rice, 4 Scoops of Ice Cream. All of these were ordered from various places on Swiggy and Zomato. I am literally killing myself one bite at a time. Oh, and just ordered some dosa and idli and all that. I think Zomato and Swiggy are weapons of mass destruction. They are making our generation fat by promoting unhealthy food. I mean the choice is obviously of the ones that order but the bombardment with marketing messages is what nudges people to order in!

Anyhow. So yesterday, I had an interesting exchange on Twitter. Someone posted about how they can’t seem to not work or detach themselves from it. I resonated so much with it. When I started thinking more about it, I realized that I want to literally die while working. I posted this. And then I realized that all seems to be ok in life – I have some work, I have some side projects going, I continue to dream big (despite my age and repeated failures), I have M to go chill with once in a while (at least till she grows up and moves on with her life) and then some more things. What I don’t have is the luxury of modern life (you know, a car, a house, a stable bank balance that allows me to take more risks than I can). And I don’t have a stable emotional life. You know, that significant other that you may find solace in. So that. I love Twitter for the fact that it gives me so much food for thought that no other platform, individual, or anything else seems to give me. I just need to curate it better.

I wanted to unwind and I saw Malik. And uff! What a film! The fandom for Fahadh has gone up by a notch. Apart from SRK (not the actor :D), Farhan Akhtar, Ranveer Singh, I officially have a favorite actor. And the kind of films he features in. Must write about Anto Joseph to supporting such projects. At some point when I want to be that as well – you know, support ambitious projects that probably won’t see the light of the day otherwise.

Staying on the theme, Toofan has failed to impressed anyone. I wanted it to do well. Simply because it was written by Anjum Sir. And featured Farhan Akhtar. Damn!

Guess this is it. Have quite a few things to be done during the day. I plan to be at the Starbucks at the airport. I know there’s no internet there. But I hope it’s open so that I can sit and work. I can do all the writing for sure if nothing else. Let’s see how it pans out. Wish me luck 😀

Here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 128
#noCoffee – 17
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -1
Morning Pages / Meditations – 218

160721 – Morning Pages

A quick post about work, food, minimalism and more. Loved writing it, even if it didnt come out too good.

6:34. Been up for about 20 minutes. Played a game of chess as I was coming back to life. So this one is going to be a short one. I have a long day at work and I don’t have even the 45 minutes that I typically take for writing these morning pages. More than the long day, I am running behind on the deliverables. Like crazy. I have calls throughout the day and I need to present on those calls and I haven’t been able to figure what to say on those. I am gonna wing it. Let’s see how I do.

The lesson that I am taking away is that I tend to overestimate what I can do in a day. I think I read this somewhere that people routinely do that. Underestimate what they can do over long periods and overestimate what they can over shorter durations. I am no different. However, in my case, I think the goals that I have for the long-term are definitely not small ones. It’s the short-term that I need to find a way to fix.

Ok, am digressing towards the rant.

So the highlight of yesterday has to be that I managed 12 rounds of Surya Namaskar. I couldn’t walk as much as I would’ve wanted to. But 12 rounds literally killed me. I decided to eat disciplined. Which I did till about 8 PM last night. But then I ordered the love of my life – rice. Sigh.

Fuck epiphany happened! I was lurking on Twitter last night when I saw Shaan Puri talk about an in-home chef. I think that is what I need. VG has had one for a while and I can see the difference that it has made to his family’s food. I think I need to think about getting one. Just that I don’t want to maintain a kitchen, you know minimalism. Maybe I need to get into an arrangement with some friend? I mean most of my friends have a cook coming over a couple of times a day and make their food. I can use that facility and get my food made? The challenge however is that in-home chef can use ingredients that you want at a time when you want.

Wait. I have an idea. I will keep a running score of arguments in favor of and against minimalism. By the time I come back to Mumbai (after Diwali), depending on where the score is, I will move in that direction. So, the in-home chef is against minimalism. I am at -1 on that.

Also, lemme define minimalism. It is not really not having a lot of things. It’s really an abstraction for having no attachment to things. You know, how people have a favorite tee-shirt, a favorite postcard that they’ve got from someplace? a favorite memory that they continue to cling on to? I don’t want to get attached to anything. I want to live in the present. I thus consciously try to forget about things that are in the past. Lol. Not consciously. I just can’t seem to remember. So, I don’t want to cling to things. I don’t want to be a hoarder. I don’t want things to become obstacles to how I live and operate. An easy way to practice it is by reducing the number of things you have, you own, you like. And thus the chase of minimalism. And the way to do so is by having as few things as possible.

So yeah. That.

Right now, Shaan’s comments and VG’s experience are making me reconsider. Let’s see what I end up doing. By Diwali. And why Diwali? Well, like I’ve been saying, I need to be in Delhi for Diwali, and once I come back, I will find a house all over again. And this time, I will get a fancy and a big one with as few things in it as possible. Wishful thinking 😀

Guess this is it for the day. Not sure what else to write. Plus, like I said in the beginning, have a lot to work on. So, with this, over and out. See you guys on the other side.

Oh, the game I played as I woke up? I lost!

And here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 127
#noCoffee – 16
#aPicADay – 0
Minimaslism – -1. Started this today.
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 1. Let’s see if I can manage today.
10 mins of meditation – 0
Morning Pages / Meditations – 217

PS: I realize that I have been talking a lot about work the last few days. I need to get over it. Once this week is over, I will streamline it to a point that I am no longer ranting or cribbing about it.