141021 – Morning Pages

A rambling, long post on how I spent yesterday and whatever was clouding my head. Read on.

7:58. Home. After three days I think. Not that I missed it. Not that I hoped I would have any better. But home nonetheless.

So I have a lot planned for today. Essentially it is catching up with all the things that I have been procrastinating for the last few days. In fact, like this entire week has been, yesterday was a blur. I was stuck till about 8 in a situation that I could not wring myself out of. And then I was stuck in traffic. And then when I reached home, I was mindfucked like a mad man. I even put an emo tweet out. See this. Of course, I learned instantly that these emo tweets dont help. While you put those because you want to share and there is no one else that you want to share things with, you also somewhere expect that dark cloud would part and some light will shine through. And no, strangers dont text you and give you validation. God doesn’t appear and gives you a magic potion of happiness. Whatever you seek, it is not forthcoming. You need to get over things yourself. So that’s a lesson!

In fact, reminds me, till a few years ago, I would not filter any of my thoughts and rant like a bitch on twitter and blog and everywhere else. You know, I was living in public to an extreme level! But I was in my early 30s, I wanted to make a dent (still want to) and I would take a lot of inputs and adapt myself. A lot of well-meaning people told me that by putting things out like that, I come across as an overly emotional person and that means the kind of opportunities I want and seek dont come my way. This also meant that I was exploding my gullible nature to the world and I got taken for a ride. And thus I stopped.

But, as I am growing older, I am realizing that even if the world takes me for a ride, I want to live authentic, honest and public life. I dont want to be in the rat race. And I want to live for myself. And do things for myself. And I want to make a billion dollars while I do that. And more.

So, back to emo, shit posting. Tolerate it. Or ignore it.

Ok. Moving on.

Last night when I was on my way back home, I was pukish! I know what it was. A lot of coffee (I must have had some 20 cups, if not more). Very less food (ate literally nothing). Pollution (I must have travelled some 100 KMs within the city).

And I did not like it at all. In fact, I hated it. So, today on, even if I am dying, I shall not have coffee. Or coke. And everything I eat will be done with mindfulness and with an assumption that my body is my temple and everything that goes in needs to be carefully vetted.

Finally, the last large thing that happened yesterday was when I was talking to a friend. In a casual conversation, I was talking about how I am and what I do, I happened to talk about money. And the responses made me sick. I realised that I am one of those urban poor. You know, the world (and my friends and contacts) assumes that I am this rich person with a lot of assets and money and all that. In fact I live like that (you know, Starbucks, Apple, Nike etc). However, IRL, I may not be that. No, the money is not important. Important is that the people dont understand me.

Wait. Why should they? Who are they? What do they owe you? After all, its your life and you need to find your way around things.

Ok, final thing about today. I just realised I love it when I am alone. I am home and I am not liking the movement around me. You know, the helps and non-stop door bell and all that. I am dying to step out. But then the nearest Starbucks is like 12 KMs away! Plus this time of the day, right after I wake up, this time is the most important time of the day for me. I get some things done. I catch up on email. I write these morning pages. I think about things to be done. I make grand plans for things. I hate the failures. I mean I go thru thus wide range of emotions on a day to day basis and I think the time in the morning the one that I need the most. I dont know what to do preserve it. Except stepping out as soon as I wake up ;P

Ok, enough. Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. Was feeling shitty for last 2-3 days. Ok now.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. Back home to my parents. I may want to be alone but this is where I belong. Need to find a balance.
    2. The ability to stay calm in most dire situations.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. I think my work means the world to me. More than anything else. I need to thus find a way to get things done. And if I do that, I would be happy and today would be great.
    2. I will step out at some point in time today. When I do that, I will probably goto a Starbucks and I would want to NOT order a coffee while I am there. If I can stay away from coffee and coke, it would be great.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I am the master of my time. I need to give it to others and when I do give it out, I will do so at my terms.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. The cab ride back home was good. Even though I was pukish, I enjoyed it a lot!
    2. I had the office machine-wali coffee yesterday. Had some 10 cups. I enjoyed the taste of sugar and milk-powder and all that. I got pukish as well. The Amazing thing is that I now know what I need to avoid.
    3. Another ex-client called and wanted to offer me work. It is less than what I would want to charge for a 3-day project. But it’s work nonetheless. Yet to decide if I am taking it up. Let’s see.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I reacted better to the news and things around me, it would’ve been better.
  8. Quote for the day
    “I wasn’t much of a petty thief. I wanted the whole world or nothing.” – Charles Bukowski. I even tweeted this yesterday.

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had a few. Wont have today on.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had a few. Wont have today on.
  • #aPicADay – 7. Here is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 7
  • Money spent – Did not track. Must have spent 500 odd except the hotel bill.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 7
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 7. Making it 7 to help track things easy. Most things I do thus get in the sync.

131021 – Morning Pages

Tiniest post that I have written in a while. Need to rethink how I work on morning pages.

8:23. Another hotel in Gurgoan. Liked it yet again. The idea of being by myself, meeting people once in a while for work, and then disappearing somewhere is very very liberating. I need to somehow create a life that enables me to do this more regularly! So that.

I must say that these days I am tripping on this track by Israel. I wake up and put it on loop and let Iz croon and it’s soothing like a bhajan that my parents would probably play when I was a kid. Here’s a thing about my relationship with music.

What else? I dont know what else to write. Need to rethink on what I do with morning pages.

Anyway, here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :). Again, I like the idea of waking up by self, having no one to bother me and having my morning to myself. I love this and I need to ensure that I have more of this.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. Again, I slept at a decentish hotel.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can escape the non-workingness of the last few days, I would like it.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I will do what I want to without any fear or input or judgement from others.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Got to sleep well at a hotel.
    2. Could work on a few things that were open over the last three days. I need to close many more things today.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could’ve managed time better and been little more assertive, it would’ve been better.
  8. Quote for the day
    No quote today. I am running from one thing from another. Like I said, I need to rethink these morning pages.

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had a few. Wont have today on.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had a few. Wont have today on.
  • #aPicADay – 6. Here is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 6
  • Money spent – Tracked.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 6
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 7

121021 – Morning Pages

Quick post on how I spent yesterday. And a rant on how I could have done better.

7:12. Some hotel in Gurgaon. I had stayed overnight.

So, the number of times I have come to Gurgaon this trip, I could have rented a place here to live and save money on travel, hotel etc. Ya, I refuse to stay with friends and spend money on hotels. Actually, I like the idea of being by myself, with some me time and experience the convenience offered by a hotel. Like right now, I am in a hotel room, darkness around me, sitting on a lounger, feet perched on a table and writing away to glory. I would love to control things like this. Just that I would love to get more time for self.

Yesterday was adventuous, to say the least. I did some work. I couldnt attend a couple of meetings that I had planned. I couldnt deliver on a few things that I had promised to people – including a chat with a someone I could potentially do a startup with. I am not managing my time well at all. And the worse part is that I am not just whiling my time on day dreaming or something. I am just stuck. If I were day dreaming, I would be happy. But I was not. So that.

The highlight of the day was a dinner with a friend at this place in Gurgaon where they had live music. Even though I had to wear shoes, I realised how much I love muted lights, great service and live music. Especially with tracks that I can sing along to. The band that I was with yesterday played the rom-com tracks that I love so much. Their selection was right out of my playlist. I couldnt have requested for more tracks to be honest. Plus the band played really well. I wish I could take them home :D. Plus, while I was there, I realised I like the idea of spending money and availing experiences and comforts with the money. The entire EBC trip was that. Money is such an important part of life and I seem to be chasing it like a mad man and I dont know the way out 🙁

Anyhow. Guess this is it in terms of how I spent my day yesterday. I can write more but must take a pause and get going.

So, here’s the journal…

  1. Emoticon: :). I am loving that I am at by myself at a hotel room. I think I must find a way to live at a serviced apartment / hotel in life.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1. Need to really amp this up.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I am able to afford semi-decent places to stay back should I get late at some place. I need to find a way to not even think multiple times about booking a place. Let’s see when I reach that point.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. There are a lot of things open since I started work after the EBC trip. If I can complete a few of those, I would be happy and the day would be great!
    2. Yesterday, even though I was in Gurgoan, I could not meet people. Today it looks tough as well. I need to be able to find a way to juggle time and be more meticulous about how I spend my time. If I can manage that, it would be a great day.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I control my time and I can say no to things that would be time syncs. And say yes to things that I think would help me live better and grow in the times to come.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Met a friend for dinner.
    2. Got to stay at a hotel overnight. I love it when I get to stay. Maybe I like the idea of being on the move all the time?
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could’ve managed time better and been little more assertive, it would’ve been better.
  8. Quote for the day
    From Shravan Kumar – “Home is behind and the world ahead”. Apparently, this is the title of a film. Not sure of that. But on first thoughts, this is a lot more than a film. I mean this is everything that I sort of stood for in life and to see a line express my thoughts like that is brilliant!

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had 2.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Sipping onto coffee as we speak.
  • #aPicADay – 5. Here is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 5
  • Money spent – Tracked. Will start cataloging soon.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 5
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 6

111021 – Morning Pages

We have a journal (not a post) for today. Read on.

8:15. Gurgoan. Yeah. Gurgaon. I am here for a meeting. As they say, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

So, I dont have a lot to talk about except a song. Kun Faya Kun. It’s been my go-to song for a while now. I start my day with it. And I end my day with it. I don’t know what it is but it gives me immense peace! So that.

Here’s a thing. Since I have started on SM’s journal method, I find that I have very few words to share and write about. In a way, it’s a good thing. And a bad. Good – I have a structured way of thinking about things and reflect on how things are going. Bad – The free flow of type is not happening. In fact, today as well, I dont have anything else to write after I finished writing the journal format. I may actually drop it if this continues to hamper me from writing.

Here’s the journal…

  1. Emoticon: 🙂
    I am at the office of Gravity Entertainment – the place where I literally learnt about life. It’s like homecoming of sorts. No, not in hunt of a naukri per se. Something else. Will write if it materializes. Plus, now that I am here, I realise I like working out of an office. Or a Starbucks. Or a place to sit out of. So that.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 2. I am better than yesterday.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I get to choose how I live my life. In the sense that I can pick my time (more or less), work on things that I want to work on (more or less) and ignore things that I want to stay away from.
    2. I get some respect. Need more of it. But I need to earn more.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. Like yesterday, if I can finish all the things that I have planned to work on, it would be great.
    2. I am in Gurgaon. If I could meet some people that I otherwise dont get to, it would be awesome.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I am happy and content and I have acche din coming up soon.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I went to a Starbucks and worked.
    2. I got a painting framed. I plan to gift that. I dont like the idea of buying things for myself anymore. Each thing I do, I want to give out.
    3. Spoke to M after a few days. Phew!
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could’ve done more work, it would’ve been better.
  8. Quote for the day
    There is no quote per se. Rather I am thinking about this post from Shravya where she talks about relationships. More on this over the next few days.

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 1
  • #noCoffee – 0. Sipping onto coffee as we speak.
  • #aPicADay – 4. Here is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 4
  • Money spent – Trcaked some bit. Need to get more serious.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 4
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 5

101021 – Morning Pages

A long, rambling post from how I spent yesterday. A couple of interesting incidents and some revelations.

6:36. Home.

Had an eventful day yesterday. I had decided to meet a senior at CP and then sit at a Starbucks and deliver on things. And while I was there, I was called to Gurgoan for a meeting. And once I reached Gurgaon, everything was literally thrown out of gear. But that’s ok. That’s how life is. It has a mind and a schedule and a plan of its own.

But then, in Gurgaon, I met my old colleagues, a lockdown friend, bumped into an ex-colleague, browsed through a bookstore, had a leisurely walk while I gave gyaan on writing to a friend! It was a great day, to be honest. I mean I did not do anything that I had planned but it was nice the way it panned out.

While meeting my old colleagues, I realized how much I love the events business. Plus the guys I used to work with, I love them. They are as hardworking as they come and all they do is work. I realize why and how I have the ethos I have. Thanks, Anna, Suvi, Solo!

Went again to Museo. Every time I go there, I am inspired. Must must create a place like that. #lifeGoal

When I was at a Starbucks (in the Galleria market), I bumped into an ex-colleague at a Starbucks. I was trying to work from there and she was passing by. Credits to her that she recognized me and got talking. I love how a place like Starbucks inspires these serendipitous connections.

Oh, the reason I had stepped out of home? To meet another senior from MDI? That was brilliant. The guy I met (Shankar Nath) had so so so so much clarity about what he wants in life. I was envious and inspired at the same time. In one line, he said he does not care about money, fame, brands, reputation, or any such construct that people like me care for. He said he lives his life with a stress-minimization theory. Anything he does, if it adds stress to his life, he does not do. For example, he refuses to do things that make him stressed. On the other hand, my entire life is built around adding more and more stress! Something to ponder upon. I mean I may not blatantly copy what he did. It’s his trip. Mine is clearly different. The only negative out of that meeting is that I ended up having two Diet Cokes and fried food. No, I am not helping matters here.

Oh, I have to write that it’s a bitch to find a cab in Delhi / Gurgaon / Noida. The cabbies, irrespective of Ola or Uber would not go to where you would want to. They want to be paid in cash. They dont want to cross borders. They want to drive through the longest route and fleece. Public transport is anyway fucked up. So that.

In bright things, I got myself a bright new Red iPhone 11. I had wanted to buy a newer version but this is all I can afford right now. And it’s ok. Acche din aaenge. The thing is, I will experiment with two phones for the next few days. One with essential apps (WhatsApp, email, etc). And the other with things I use to kill time (Twitter etc.). Let’s see how that experiment goes.

In the brightest things department, I ended the day by talking to people from #teamSG. I love their energy and ideas and ambitions and aspirations and how they are the damn future. I am grateful that I am playing a tiny part in their future. I really feel responsible for their career and future and all that. I hope I can do justice to my interactions with them.

The last piece that I want to write and catalog is something that #Maa told me. Can’t put it here. It would go on #sgEchochamber.

Guess this is it for the day. Here’s the journal…

  1. Emoticon: :|.
    Same as yesterday. Indiffernet. Little tired. I had way too much coffee, coke and green tea yesterday and thus I did not sleep well. I wont be able to sleep today either – I have a lot to work on.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. There are enough and more people that I can lean on when I need to.
    2. The world throws opportunites at me when I am in soup. Like right now, I need work and yesterday I got at least one distinct opportunty that I could work on to make ends meet.
    3. ?
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can finish all the things that I have planned to work on (the ones I am slacking on since Friday) it would be great. This includes the letter to bade log as well. This is it. My happiness is so much dependent on my work that it’s not funny.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I am gifted enough to be able to juggle multiple things and deliver on multiple projects at the same time. Another one. When I need, opportunites come to me by themselves!
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? A lot!
    1. Met my old colleagues and boss at Gravity Entertainment. Gravity is where I literally learnt about the world by travelling and executing events across the world. I would love to be with them (or create a company like that) if I had more freedom and more control.
    2. Got a new iPhone. I dont feel any special to be honest. Just that the new device is not broken from all corners.
    3. Had a brief call with #teamSG. It was amaze to catch up with them. I like the idea of having people that I care for. And the ones that care for me.
    4. Met Shankar for lunch.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. I shouldnt have had coke when I met Shankar.
    2. I shouldve shipped the letter, at least. And I should’ve made some headway onto the work that’s piled on my plate. It looks tough today as well as I need to first finish things at work.
    3. ?
  8. Quote for the day
    “I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.” – Anon

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #aPicADay – 3. Here is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 3
  • Money spent – Again, did not track.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 3
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 4