120421 – Meditations

A conversation with self about a wide range of things that include health, sleep, book2 and more.

7:47 AM. Andheri.

I just woke up. I actually woke up the second time today. I slept at 8 last night. Woke up at 1. did some work till 4. And then slept again. And then I woke up. am a little tired but far better than what I thought I would be like. Guess polyphasic sleep is not bad. No, I am not advising anyone to change any patterns. Yes, I know more and more people have found to be a solid 8-hour of sleep to be life-changing. Anyhow. Different discussion for a different day.

COVID is now knocking on the doors. A good friend got it. Is recovering. Another good friend’s mother is in ICU. A former roommate’s parents got it the day before. An ex-girlfriend’s parents got it. They are still recovering. Quite a few colleagues have it. It’s a matter of time before I or my immediate family get it. I need to be mentally prepared for it. I can say all I want to but how do you cope with something as inexplicable as a communicable disease that spreads like wildfire ravages through tinder?

I don’t know how to escape. I have resigned to fate that it will strike my family and me at some point in time. I can delay it till I get the vaccine (assuming I want to get a vaccine – that’s another matter altogether). However, if it does strike, I am mentally prepared for all eventualities. But like I said, I hope it stays at bay.

In fact, these recent snafus around public health are troubling to be honest. I am scared that time would run out before I get to those lofty goals that I have for myself. The first deadline has just about 1800 days to go. I am thinking, should I try micro-dosing? There are 4 considerations here.

  • Moral – do I want the undue advantage? Guess this is easily answered.
  • Physical (long-term effect) – I am not sure of this. I need to read more and talk to people and see what they say.
  • Affordability – Again, I am not sure. Need to find out.
  • Access – Should not be a problem. If there’s one thing that I am sure of is my resourcefulness. I will get it from somewhere, if I decide to do it.

Wait!

Lemme write about this in #book2 as well. Allows me to conduct research for an unrelated matter. And add another dimension. May be the conflict could be to control the supply? Or could be to created under the influence? Let’s see!

So that. I have a busy day today. And the week for that matter. So, no time to waste. Its 8:13. I need to be ready and up and about by 9. Wait. I spend almost an hour on this everyday. Does this add up? Do I see any benefit in this? Do I get to inspire people from these notes? I am not sure. I may want to relook at this. The only tangible outcome I see is that I have something to look forward to when I wake up! Let’s see how this pans out. Like most things, I will let this simmer in my head and then will see what comes out of it.

No book2. Work needs to be done. See you guys tomorrow. And as I end this post, here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 120
  • #aPicADay – 101
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 33
  • #noCoke – 33
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0

110421 – Meditations

A quick note before I head off for something important.

0438. Andheri.

I woke up 5 minutes ago. Eyes are still groggy. Haven’t slept properly. Could’ve slept for more. But I would have missed writing this. I need to be on the road at 6:30. So there. Plus, I want to be up at 4 every day. So this is not bad a time to wake up.

Without further ado, here we go. Here are the things that I want to talk about…

Finished my quarterly update yesterday. It’s here. I am yet to send this to people. I will send it tonight. That’s how I work on important posts. I write. Forget about it. And then after a few days, I come back to it, tweak it and then put it in action. This allows me to look at things with objectivity.

I saw Irul last night. This is the second Malayalam film in two days (the first one was Joji). Again, did a thread alongside. Irul was better than Joji for sure. While both of them are in the crime space, Irul stands out for multiple reasons – limited characters (there are just three in Irul), one location (an old bungalow), and full of suspense. Brilliant writing. It did not let out who the killer was till the very end.

The other thing that stood out for me was that in Irul, one of the protagonists is a crime writer and writes crime / psychological. Has written one book. Has a regular day job. Who does he sound like? Lol!

I kept telling myself that if this were not a sign for me to get my act together and get serious about working on my next book, nothing ever would be.

Anyhow, I should do a proper review for both these films one of these days. The trouble is, I take a lot of time to write reviews (I will read what the director had to say about it, what was the inspiration, what other films exist in similar zone etc etc). And I must see other films. SK79 recommends that I see a few more Malayalam films like Super Deluxe and Kumbalangi Nights. I think I will. I enjoy watching content not merely for the sake of watching content and killing time but trying to find connections in what the filmmaker is trying to say.

Let’s see if I can find the time.

Yesterday was the 100th day of #aPicADay. Again, I have not missed a single day so far this year. I plan to do all 365. Let’s see what destiny has in store for me. While I am not happy with probably 85 of these 100 pics (its tough to get a shot everyday that epitomises what you saw on that day), I am happier that I got the streak going. As an individual, I have always

I tried for a 48-hour fast yesterday. I did not mention it. I managed 27 and then I ate like a pig. I had three full meals in one go. To a point that I couldn’t even breathe. I need to find a solution to this. I am thinking, I will subscribe to one of those Keto dabbas. I know they are expensive. I know that every time I have tried those in the past, I have sort of been unable to continue on Keto and have reverted to eating crap. May be this time I will be little better. I dont know.

For a change, this time, I can afford. But the question remains, do I want to? Is there a better option? Will think on this today and decide and act.

On #book2, I am not writing today. I don’t have the time. I did think of a line though. It goes,

Each day when I wake up, I am full of hope about the world I will get to live in today. But by the time I sleep, the hopes have been dashed in more ways than one.

The world that was supposed to be kind, is not. The people that were not supposed to rub me the wrong way, do. The odds that were shining bright in my favor sort of fade with the rising sun. The sun is too damn powerful like that. It’s supposed to give me energy. And here it is, taking away that thread that I hang onto for my life!

Raunak Singh, Carvan Serai

Guess this is about it for the day. Here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 119
  • #aPicADay – 100 Yay!
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 1
  • #noCoffee – 32
  • #noCoke – 32
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 2
  • Killer Boogie – 0

100421 – Meditations

Today’s post is about this restlessness in my head and heart for no apparent reason. May sound like a rant. Read at peril.

0728. Andheri.

Woke up about 15 minutes ago. Must have slept for 8 or so hours. Yesterday I was probably at the lowest points in my life. I don’t know why. I don’t know what was causing it. I literally slept through the day. It could be the house but I think I have made it bearable now. I even went for a walk and forced myself to do 10K steps. That did not help either. Oh, by the time I ended, I was so tired and breathless that I couldn’t even walk. Had to take a rick to come back. Since I needed a distraction, I saw this Malayalam film, Joji, and live-tweeted it. Here are the tweets in case. Interesting film. Good narrative. It’s one time watch for sure. I do feel that the story could’ve been better! But then my opinions may not make a lot of sense. Who am I after all? Unless I write a few things myself that are good enough for the world to take note of!

So that. On to #book2

[START]

Ankit was the dark horse of the family. Once he wanted something he wanted. By hook or crook. Or by Saam, Daam, Dand, Bhed. He could very well be the Duryodhana from Mahabharata. Often angry for no reason, often irritable for no fault of others, often at high pedestal that was accorded to him purely by his lineage, often rude when not required. When he was a child, even though his father knew where this was going, he did not believe in interfering with fate. Things that were written in the stars had to happen. Even if you used all your might, you’d not be able to stop those from happening.

So when Siddh, the Bhishma, had the opportunity to stop the young Ankit in his tracks, he chose not to. Rather he focused his energies on preparing for the hell Ankit was going to rain down on their tiny hamlet. A large part of the plan rested in finding the Krishna that would eventually goad the Pandavas into stopping Ankit. And that was becoming a problem. Each passing day he was getting older. Ankit was getting more and more belligerent. There was nothing that the old man, the father could do. Except wait. And keep others around him placated. His only hope was that he would find the savior soon. The other saving grace was that there was no sign of Indraprastha or Drauapadi. Yet. He knew it was a matter of time before Ankit would get fixated on something, someone that he would start showing his true colors.

Of course Siddh count confide this into anyone. His only companion was long gone. All he had were his books. Even if he tried to talk to others, they would probably dismiss. Being religious is one thing but being able to see the future is another altogether. People in Goa may be simpletons but they were not fools. Siddh, thus kept to himself.

[END]

So this is probably the first time I have expressed that I want Book2 to be an ode to Mahabharata and more importantly, Anjum Rajabali Sir.

What else do I want to talk about? Lemme think and write disjointed notes…

a, The lockdown for the next two days. I don’t even know how would I survive. I will try and walk around and see how it goes. Let’s see how it goes. I am supposed to go out on Sunday morning, going by the prep the cops had made yesterday, I am not sure if I’d be able to. Let’s see.

b, The mouse I ordered yesterday is here. Wireless is magic. The computer can now be perched at a distance and I and sit back and work. Well done, Mr. Garg. Why did I not think of this earlier? 😀

c, The quarterly letter that I send to mentors (archive here) needs to go this weekend. It was supposed to go last week but I could not edit it. This weekend, the letter is my task number 1. Everything else may wait. Lemme know if you want a copy!

d, Song of the day is an old favorite – So Gaya Ye Jahan. Here.

I guess that’s about it. I feel I have a lot more to say but I am unable to find the words. May be during the day? May be these morning pages / meditations are becoming a drag, a routine, and I have stopped deriving values from these? I mean I talk about how I spent the day. I talk about what I plan to do the next day. I share some of my thoughts that I don’t talk to the world about. I dump whatever is clouding my head. I almost never go back to what I have written. Except for those few days when I want to see where I was on a certain date in the past. I am not sure why I ought to continue with this. I mean, for that matter, I can question the meaning of life and all that. After all anything and everything we do while we are here is meaningless, pointless. Most of us would be forgotten within 50 years of dying. The impact we make would not last more than 100 years. We’d be lucky if things we create (companies, books, etc) live for more than 200 years after we are gone.

Reminds me of Camus and the Sisyphus. Despite not having meaning in anything that I do (including writing this post every day), the notion in my head that it keeps me going is what keeps me going!

Oh, here’s the thing. I have not read Camus. I merely know his name and what he talked about when he walked about Sisyphus. All I did was see this video to understand what he said. And here I am. Using his name like I am a scholar, deeply interested in his life. Lol. You see the problem there?

Anyhow. Enough for the day. Loads of rocks need to be rolled up some very high mountains. Oh, streaks? Here…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 118 (yesterday was 119 but today I checked and I am at 118. I made a mistake somewhere!)
  • #aPicADay – 99 (again, I checked. Today’s post will be 100th.)
  • 10K steps a day – 2
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 31
  • #noCoke – 31
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 1
  • Killer Boogie – 0

090421 – Meditations

Took almost an hour to write this one. Damn writing is hard! Lemme know what you think.

6:09. Andheri.

I woke after a sleep of 7 hours. No, I am still not as energized as I would want to be. But I am definitely ok. The good thing I did yesterday, amidst all the craziness around COVID is that I walked some 10K steps. Around the beach. So, small win.

I will start with #book2 before I get to the morning pages. This is the only way I will get some writing done!

[START]

“What’s the point of all this?” The loss, the grief, the pain, the suffering, all over again, for Rujuta, was way too much to bear. Why would the universe do that to her? Wasn’t she the best a human being could be? True she had done some inexplicable things in life but she was forced to do those. Knowingly she wouldn’t! Her values were better than that!

Raunak did not have any answers. The universe hadn’t been kind to him either. He never knew his family. He spent a large part of his life in jail. He’s always got close to where he wanted to and yet he never got to it!

They were still perched on top of the Betul Lighthouse. Even though it was inaccessible to the general public, Rujuta had her way with the government officials. It was like a scene out of Amir Khan’s 3 Idiots. Just that Rujuta and Raunak made for an odd pair. And instead of a water tank, they were on top of a lighthouse. While it was far from where they lived, the lighthouse had become Rujuta’s secret hiding spot. She liked to see the world from a height. That’s one thing that she missed about the highrises of the US. This was the first time she had got Raunak there.

Ranuak, of course, had no love for anything that gave him a bird’s view of things. He had had enough of that from that window in his jail. He wanted things to be a lot more real. Lot more tangible. Lot more earthy. He had to feel the texture, the place, the cracks, the smoothness with his feet, his hands, his body. He often wondered how much his life stayed still for almost 30 years and how much it changed in the last 3 months. It was straight out of the movies! He chuckled if Amir Khan would play his character if they ever made the film!

They continued to

[END]

So, on to morning pages meditations.

The thing I want to talk about right now is that humans are funny people. If not all humans, I am funny for sure. All this while I have cribbed about how this house is not the best that I have lived in and here I am, adjusting to its shenanigans, adapting myself to suit to space, cleaning the house, scrubbing it as much as I can, fight a losing battle against the birds and insects and lizards and cockroaches to keep them at bay and repeating to myself that it’s ok. If this continues, I may even begin to love this place!

If I can extrapolate this to other people, I am sure most others are rationalizing and tend to get comfortable in whatever they get. I think I have revolted against comfort but then I guess that’s how it is.

Also, the COVID situation is getting grimmer by the day. I know there’s the vaccine and all that but I am not sure it’s helping. I think I need to think about moving away from Mumbai. I don’t want to – I want to be in the middle of an ecosystem of interesting people that are hustlers and actually want to make money and there’s no way I will get that at any place other than Mumbai. Goa has loads of them but most of them are lost in their worlds.

The other thing I want to talk about is this friend. Let’s call him SK1979. So he is like me and unlike me – like me, he has a job that has nothing to do with films and like me, he wants to get into the business of films and like me, he is willing to put his money where his mouth is. Unlike me though, he gets paid a bomb, unlike me, he is focused (wants to do only films) and unlike me, he is clear about his fascination for films.

So last night for a project that we could potentially invest in, I got talking and I found that he and I were sort of completing each other’s sentences. And not in terms of specifics but in terms of values that we want to establish. I was in awe. Of course, he and I share values and that was reflected in our conversation. I am super lucky to have found him! I need to somehow find more such people and connect with such people and work with such people.

Unrelated, I got myself a Bluetooth keyboard for the computer. Oh man, this is life-changing. I need to get a Bluetooth mouse and with that, I think I can fix my back! And if I can hook the TV one of these days, I would be sorted!

I think whoever said that you need to invest in tools that make your life and work better was so right! Ok, by the time I finished this post, I placed an order. And damn, the Bluetooth mice are expensive! I got this one from Logitech! Also, if I may indulge, now that I am, may be I can get myself AirPods all over again once I have some more money to spare?

So yeah that.
This is about it for the day. Like all other days in the recent past, this is also going to be a long one. See you guys on the other side.

What else? Nothing much!

Here’s streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 119
  • #aPicADay – 99
  • 10K steps a day – 1
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 30
  • #noCoke – 30
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0

070421 – Meditations

A short ranty post that I converted midway into a piece of text for book2.

7:16 Andheri

Woke up ok. Better than the last few days. Guess I am getting used to the idea of sleeping in a noisy room with a lousy AC. So that’s cool.

So the highlight of yesterday has to be that I walked 10K steps yesterday. I don’t know after how many days. I mean I can find out the number of days but it’s been a while. It sucks to have been trapped in this house. I am trying to walk as much as possible (and that’s why the 10K) but I need to find another place for sure. May be some friend’s house.

OK!
I AM RANTING.
NEED TO STOP THIS. SO TODAY’S POST IS ONLY GONNA BE A PAGE FROM BOOK2.

[START]

One of Udita’a guilty pleasure is to play Jagjit Singh’s tracks early in the morning. Guilty pleasure because this was unlike the music Mrs. Gomes liked and you cant do shit at Caravan Serai that Mrs. Gomes did not approve of. But then at this ungodly hour, there were hardly any guests at Caravan Serai. All she had for company and audience was the cleaning crew that was anyway busy washing away what the revellers left behind the night, the cooing of birds that owned the beaches before the first stream of early risers started their jogs and the omnipresent sound of waves lapping up to the beach. These waves would drown out as the world started to life but at this time, there was hardly anyone that could give competition to what was probably the sweetest of sounds that nature created.

Except the rare, occasional song that the lone guard perched outside Caravan Serai would break into once in a while. These melodies were so rare that even after 5ish year at Caravan Serai, she would still get surprised when she heard him play his flute and sing. The language that he sung in had to be a dialect from Konkan but was different from what people spoke in Goa or even Maharashtra or Karnataka. Everytime she asked him about the songs he sung, he would skirt the conversation and divert her attention to something urgent happening at the other end of Caravan Serai.

Today, however she was determined to find out. The tourist season was long gone and there wasn’t a lot to be done anyway. She plugged in Jagjit’s Beyond Time and made her way to where the G001 was stationed. G001’s been around for a long time and as soon as he spotted Udita walking towards he knew what she would ask. Before she could make it, he walked off towards the beach.

Udita knew he was running away from the conversation and she had to ask him today. She was like any other young girl. Once she decided what she wanted, she would not rest till she got it.

She ran after him. “G001, wait! I need some help!” She knew he couldnt say to a call for help. Even if that would mean he’d have to put himself in harm’s way.

He slowed his unnaturally fast gait and turned around to ask her, “what happened? Is everything ok?”

She was still pacing towards him. She said, “Yes, yes. I just heard a piece of music and I need your help to place it.”

He knew where this was going. They’ve played this cat and mouse for a long time now. He sped towards the beach and said, “Not now. Mrs. Gomes has been asking me for a week now to get her a… “

Udita was literally running towards him. He was walking away effortlessly towards the sea. And yet the gap between them seemed to be increasing every second. She could hardly hear what he was saying. The gentle sounds of the waves crashing into the beach had now become loud thuds.

Udita yelled, “I can’t hear you, G001!”

G001 did not show any signs of stopping. He probably ignored what Udita said. The sea as restless today. The waves hit the land with more might than what G001 remembered. He knew that in another minute or so he will have to stop and face Udita. He did not know that he was going to be wrong about.

Udita knew this as well. She could see that he had reached to almost the end of the beach. She slowed down and said, “Where would you do now? I know you dont know how to swim! I am going to get my answers today!”

G001 turned around. Resigned to fate.

Udita came to a stop and bent over to catch breath. It was a tough hike, especially on the sandy beach.

She was about to come up with her trademark wisecrack but for a loud bang from where Caravan Serai was. She couldn’t comprehend what had transpired. All she could see was G001 running towards Caravan Serai, this time with a speed that she thought was humanly impossible.

[END]

So, to give context and add notes for myself, this is how I develop backstories of characters. This piece will probably not make it to the book whenever it comes out.

So that.
Felt good.
Maybe I will do this instead of ranting about how my house sucks and how I cant get fit and how I am growing old. May be. Let’s see how I feel when I wake up tomorrow.

Here’s streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 117
  • #aPicADay – 97
  • 10K steps a day – 1
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 28
  • #noCoke – 28
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0

060421 – Meditations

A not so happy post about how I felt this morning when I woke up. Read at peril.

0536 – Andheri.
Just woke up. Super blank.

0626.
Wrote some on my quarterly review. Still blank about what to post on morning meditations. I think there are multiple reasons, not sure which one is at play. Let’s investigate. Here’s a list.

  • I have been closeted in my house for an entire day (I did go out yesterday morning to a Starbucks and then went for a walk after I recorded the podcast). I hate it here.
  • I ate 3 large meals – all full of carbs, bad oil, at inappropriate times. For none of those, I was hungry. I was just bored and bugged and wanted some change. Maybe its all the crap I am eating? Maybe I will subscribe to some Keto service or something. The other day SG19Feb asked me to lose 10 KGs. Why not?
  • I did not really work a lot per se but by the time day ended, I was exhausted. Even watching reruns of Taarak Mehta did not help.
  • I slept at around 11 and I woke up at 5:30. I know I need more than 8 hours of sleep but 6.5 hours of sleep is actually more than enough for me. Most days. I have to get the AC situation fixed. Too hot to sleep peacefully otherwise.
  • A tiny tiff with a friend I care for. I hate that the handful of people I want to understand me and get the subtext of what I am saying, do not!
  • I did not brush my teeth yesterday. I know. TMI. But cant help it.

Any or more of the above five six could be a reason for my exhaustion and blankness. I don’t know if it’s a good thing but I am not liking how I feel right now. I tried everything – drinking water, stretching, moving around, music, even porn, writing, meditating, and more in the last 45 minutes. And yet I can’t seem to get my head to focus.

The more I think, the more I realize that it is probably because of the stress am taking that I will have to be indoors till end of April. I know that COVID is wreaking havoc and we need to stay indoors and maintain protocol but what about people like me who have the compulsive need to be out and about?

This staying indoors is going to fuck my brains. I don’t want to use the mental health thingy loosely. I am lucky that I am ok (compared to a lot of people I know) more or less. But if I am forced to stay indoors, I will find it tough to sail through. I dont know what to do. I have enlisted a friend to help me stay sane by giving me random things to work on.

Ok, while editing, I realised that this has come out too dark. Too sad. I am not that bad to be honest. Lemme talk of a few good things that have happened around me.

So, yesterday I recorded the first episode of the Investor Thesis podcast. I try to make this mythical creature called the investor more human. I try and understand what is required for a successful pitch to an investor. Of course, brevity is not my cup of tea and thus these are 90 minute long conversations. I will try to shorten these to about 30 (tough job) before I release these. Let’s see how that goes.

I also managed to step out for a walk after the day was done. I mean I had an option of not stepping out. But I did. And thank God, I did. I did some 8K steps. I plan to do 10K today. If I am getting locked into the house, I will ensure that I get my 10K steps for sure. Why? A, fresh air. B, the compulsive need to be not indoors.

Chalo, lemme talk of a pet peeve of mine. There are people that type flowers in their WA messages. I have at least three contacts that send flowers with every message they send. I have never understood their rationale or thinking. I mean I get it you want me to take away happy feelings and nice thoughts and a good aftertaste from our conversation. But does that merit a flower? In the conversation?

I also put a sticky note on front of the wall where I have placed my working desk. I know that if I want to be a digital nomad, these notes don’t help. Plus I anyway will move out from this house as soon as I get the next project that I can work on. But then, I like the idea of seeing things regularly and reinforcing things that I am working on. Knowing myself, I will have wall full of random notes stacked on top of each other soon. Let’s see.

I think this is about it. It was a real struggle to write this one. But I am glad I was able to. I am going to try my luck and see if Starbucks is open. Wait. I will not go. I will try and break the muscle memory and the patterns in my head. I will not go. I will rather get ready and come back at the desk and get going with work.

Over and out.

Oh, the streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 116
  • #aPicADay – 96
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 27
  • #noCoke – 27
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0 (Adding a new row. More on this in a few days)

050421 – Meditations

I talk about dreams, space situation and a new project that I am kickstarting today. Read on.

6:17. Woke up a few minutes ago.

Believe it or not but I dreamt of Lamberghini. And no, I haven’t heard it recently. Funny how our memories work. Staying on dreams, here’s an anecdote. I was on a drive with a 2-year old kid. She wanted to peak out of the sunroof and her mom did not want her to. The next day, the mother told me that in her sleep, the kid was talking about how she wants to peak out. Isn’t it insane? Even a 2-year old kid knows what she wants and what she’s been asked not to do. Since she is helpless, she suppresses the want but at the sub-conscious level she wants it. And she dreams about it! It is brilliant! This entire life, humankind and how our bodies and brain function is so so so fascinating!

Yesterday I took it easy. In fact, I have been taking it easy the last few weeks, to be honest. Since I came back from Goa. I mean I am delivering on what is expected from me in terms of work and I am pushing things forward – as much as I can. But I do need to get back to action. I feel I am not doing enough. Funnily there is no external “force” asking me to do more. It’s me who’s pushing myself to do more. I know I have to. I am far far away from the #lifeGoal of a billion dollars and billion lives and Mt. Everest!

Mt. Everest brings me to another point. On the 2nd April, VG shared a pic from exactly ten years ago – He, SGG and I had gone to see the Cricket World Cup finals at Wankhede and we took a pic there. And then we took a picture of the three of us again. In the 10 years, I have aged visibly and I think this is a trigger enough to push me to get fitter! I mean I’ve had a million triggers – including health scares but nothing makes me move. Damn!

Anyhow. Enough of self-beating. Here is a puzzle am trying to solve – making the house a tad better in terms of organizing the furniture. I need to optimize the space and make the most of what I have. Till I can move on to another place. I did some shuffling around and now the bedroom has some space to walk around. So that’s a win. With a lockdown looming large, I need all the space I can get. The hall still is like a godown with boxes that need to be unpacked. Things are stacked on top of each other and those need to be hidden from sight. Till I moved into this cramped space, I never realized I had such a big thing for space around me. In fact, if I were to get back to what I’ve written over the last few days, this space situation is a common pattern.

In other news, Mumbai yesterday reported 11000 new COVID cases. At least two good friends now have it. I met one of those as recently as the Monday gone by. 6 days. So I may be at risk. However, I don’t have any symptoms so far. If I do develop symptoms, I will have to isolate myself in this house. And it would be a pain to find my rhythm when I am indoors. It’s going to be a challenge. Last year, I managed it as I was alone in a larger space. That place was fairly spacious and clean. There was a clear demarcation of personal and workspaces. This time, I am in a far smaller space and there are regular issues that you expect an old tiny apartment to have. Plus when I work, I need to have people around me. I need to have the AC working well. I need to have infinite water and I make a million trips to the loo. All these are great at an office. Or a Starbucks. At home the place I live at, I am not sure.

So that. Oh, today I start recording for a new podcast. I call it the Investor Thesis. The idea is to talk to investors and learn from them about their journeys, their thesis when they invest, what they think India lacks. The challenge would be to get them to talk about things that are of long-term importance to listeners. Let’s see how it goes. I will do 20 episodes and see where this goes.

So that’s the update for the day. No time for #book2 and here’s streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 115
  • #aPicADay – 95
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 26
  • #noCoke – 26
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0 (damn!)

040421 – Meditations

Morning musings. Nothing in particular.

6:27. Andheri.

So I just woke up. I think I slept at 9 or 9:30 types last night. And I slept well, I think. I mean I don’t recall any dreams per se but I think I slept ok. So a 9-hour sleep. Need to do more of these. In fact last night I was talking to someone and she said that she wakes up at 330. When I asked her when she slept, she said 10 PM. 330 is too early even by my standards. I want to wake up at 430. And that means I need to start sleeping at 10ish. Let’s see. I want to do a lot of things. If only wishes were horses.

I am gunning for a 48-hour fast today on. Lemme talk about this silly thing I do. The days I eat a lot of crap (like I did over the last two days), I get into this guilt trip that I need to live for long (at least 120) and thus I need to eat better. So I decide to take up these longish fasts. And that makes compels me to order that thing that I want to taste before I go for a fast (often, ice-creams, paranthas, Maggi et al). Think of that last thing that people want to eat before they die. And then I eat even more. And then I get bloated like a pig. And then I go on another spiral of guilt. And the loop becomes a never-ending one. Damn.

Last night as well, I had ice-cream as my last meal. And I did not want it per se. I merely wanted to “end” my unhealthy binge with something I love and yet is unhealthy. So that. Let’s see.

For a change, I plan to stay home today (and make the place a little more livable – anyone wants to come and help me?) and may be head out for a walk if at all. So fast should be easy. I may have a breakfast meeting today though. In case that happens, I will try to avoid the temptation to eat. But in case I do eat, I will start after that and will take a shot from that time on. I HAVE to get fit. In fact, the Hernia is also acting up. I need to get that fixed.

Today I am also working on my less-than-often letter to mentors and friends and others that want to see me succeed. In case you want a copy, here’s a link.

So, there’s nothing else that I want to write today (while there’s a lot on my head).

Except… something that I’ve been promising and not delivering – book2!

Like I said a few days ago, I don’t even recall where am I with book2. So, whatever I write will be disjointed. Here we go…

[START]

The clouds in the sky were low, dark, and dense. Apart from the dense shadows of these clouds, the beach underneath was otherwise secluded. For a regular at Palolem, Rujuta found it surprising to start with. But then she realized that this is what probably happened every monsoon. The tourists stay away. The migrants move back to their hometowns. The locals breathe a sigh of relief. The rains wash away the sins and stains and stink and scandals that Goa was a party to over the last year. It’s probably nature’s attempt at resetting the savageness on probably its most gorgeous creation. Rujuta made a note to ask Tarana about it. Or may be Raunak, now that he had begun talking. Even though he’s been behind the bars a long time without any access to any material from outside, Rujuta found Raunak’s understanding of people.

“What a waste that Raunak is locked up in jail. If he were out there, he’d have given those motivational babas a run for their money,” she thought to herself.

She continued to walk along the beach. She had no agenda today. Unlike her. There was a lot happening in her personal life – a new place, a new man that she finally liked, a new adventure. The place that was central to all the things happening to her had a lot happening for itself. The missing people, hints of crimes committed decades ago, transition from one generation to another. On a regular day, she would have been at it and wouldn’t have rested till she sorted these issues. Like Tarana told her, she did not like the idea of open windows.

[END]

Not too many words but a post nonetheless! And to end today’s post, here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 114
  • #aPicADay – 94
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 25
  • #noCoke – 25
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 1

030421 – Meditations

A short note about my love for hotels and how I thinking way too much about the space that I live in!

6:12. Surat.

On a work call yesterday, when I told the client that I am in Surat, she asked me if I have decided to travel through the length and the breadth of the country while we are in the lockdown. Funny but that’s how it is. Even though I don’t want to be traveling, things happen. Plus the lust to be on the road is never-ending! So ya! That!

I am in a hotel as I write this. Not a fancy resort kinds but more of a comfortable business hotel. I have stayed in one after almost a year (I think the last I stayed in a hotel was when I did that event in Lucknow in Mar 2020). I sort of missed it! The thing is, I love hotels as much as I love to travel! There’s something about white bedsheets as taut as the skin of the drum, staff as impersonal as doctors, the furnishings in the room like a page from a luxury magazine, the characteristic smell of the bathroom towels, the hazaar pillows strewn around the room, the laundry bags, the water bottles aligned liked the ships in a battle formation! Uff, I can continue to write about hotels. I miss those days when I was with Gravity and I literally lived in hotels (or transits) for a large part of a month. Damn, I miss those days. In fact, if I had the means, I would literally live in a hotel, you know, in a serviced apartment! I can totally live in a hotel even if they are impersonal af. Well, maybe someday. Someday karte karte half the life is over!

So the other decision that I took over the last two days is that I am moving out of the current house I am in. Have had enough of it. Too small. Too cramped. Too old. I keep bumping into walls or furniture. I keep spotting a lizard or a cockroach in the house. I can’t move around when I take phone calls. The entitlement from other residents is mind-boggling. You know how the human mind works. You can find mistakes in everything if you want to. You know, the rationalizing animals that we are.

I think that decision to get unfurnished, empty houses in new buildings is the best one. I can then plonk a mattress, fit my writing table and the bookshelf in it and get almirahs on rent to store a handful of clothes I own. And I am set! I can literally workout in all the empty space that I would get. Of course, all this makes the house an impersonal and functional space. I wouldn’t be able to host anyone there. I wouldn’t be able to invite friends etc. But that’s ok. I anyway don’t like the idea of people in my personal space. The 6-month lock-in gets over at the end of May and I will start a hunt for a place. Unless I get the Goa project off the ground by then. No, I have not given up on Goa. Lol!

If you realize, for some reason, I have decided that I want to move on from the current place and I am now seeking excuses and “rational” reasons for moving on. I should actually talk about this in more detail on this blog. Or even on SoG.

I have more to write but I guess that’s about it for today. I am running on a clock. Need to get out and about in less than 30 minutes and have a workpiece to write by that time. More later.

Here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 113. I am glad I could pull this off even when I was on the road.
  • #aPicADay – 93
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 24
  • #noCoke – 24
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

020421 – Meditations

Quick note on what I am upto today. And tomorrow. And the rest of the weekend.

6:23 AM. Woke up better than I woke up last night. I think it’s because I finally slept on a thin mattress on the floor, with an AC that works (but makes a hell of a noise). Some development for sure. Next up is to get the AC fixed so that the sleep is sorted. So a tiny win.

So, yesterday was exhausting af. I don’t think I have worked as much in the recent past. I mean I have. But it was another monster yesterday. Way too many calls (which is ok). Way too much thinking (thinking’s leaving me exhausted to a point that I never thought was possible). Way too many notes (which is a good thing). By the end of the day, I was way too tired to even talk about anything. I had the LFW meeting and I couldn’t focus or contribute to the only other member that made it there. It sucked 🙁

Also, the thing is, LFW was a cohort Hemant and I started to help each other write better. But the group is sort of dead. This is yet another attempt at the community that I failed to build. I need to learn how to do this. #note2self

Here’s what we wanted to do at LFW.

Moving on.

This weekend is a long one. However, I am taking it easy. Going for a drive. I love how the universe conspires. I wrote a piece about the drive yesterday and how I love it. And I am going again today. What else do you want in life?

I’ll tell you what.

Work.

Despite this being literally a one-day weekend for me (both Friday and Saturday would get exhausted with the drive), I have a few things that I need to work on. Lemme make a list. In no order.

  1. Review the month gone by. I haven’t done this in a while and it’s about time I get back to it. This was one of the most helpful things that I ever did but somehow stopped doing. Need to get back to it.
  2. Send an update to my mentors. I send this once every 2 months or so. Lemme know if you want to get a copy. The last few updates are here. I think I will open it to people and publish it on this blog as well. You know, living in public.
  3. Action SoG Grant. I have been sitting on my ass for a while now!
  4. Work on SoG Book. This has been pending for I don’t know how long. In the month of April, I will ship this for sure.
  5. Action WorkInGoa.com. Nihar from Clay gave me the idea and I’ve just sat on my ass for it. Need to act on it. I HAVE to have a foot in Goa!
  6. Finish work on all the open projects tasks for the week gone by.
  7. Mails from C4E domain are getting marked as spam on Gmail. Need to fix it. I can’t have my business email goto spam like that. I don’t know how to fix it. Maybe I need a new email server for mass mailing? Any techies around?

Wow, that’s a long list. And no, this does not include work on all the tasks that I am supposed to anyway do, you know, the ones I have saved in Asana!

So that’s the plan for the day. Time to move on getting some things ticked off the list. I do have a lot to talk about but I think I will skip that. Here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 112
  • #aPicADay – 92
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 23
  • #noCoke – 23
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

No, no book2. Even though I promised. Daal Roti is taking precedence over the Cherries. Sigh!