291021 – Morning Pages

A lazy morning page post. Despite spending an hour or so on this, I dont have a lot to write. Sigh!

7:08. Home. Finally here after a week or so.

The highlight of yesterday would be that I was on a set. And the epiphany, the realization that I love love love being on a set. It is where I feel alive. It is where I am the most engaged. I may be good with content, writing, etc, but I really really love being on a live set – an event, a film, a play. Something where people get together to deliver something that would make the world lose a sense of time and misery that they are typically engulfed in! I have to find a way to be on more sets more often!

Lemme dive into the journal. I dont know what to write the journal allows me to think in a structured manner. Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. Again, I am unable to focus on anything for more than a few seconds. That too has become a task. I think once this madness is over, I would work on this. If it requires me to take drastic steps, will do so.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I have a home to come back to where I can be myself. A place where I can sprawl on the bed, make a mess and sleep wherever I want to and there is no one who’d bug me. This concept of personal space is very very important. It’s been a few years since I have had a good one. I need to work towards getting to it again. At least right now, I am grateful that my parents worked hard to get this place.
    2. Music. Not mine. But in general. I find great solace in music. When I am mindfucked, music is one of those things that I can escape to. Like right now, I am listening to this one. The other thing that I lean on when I am mindfucked is driving. Need to be able to get a car.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can finish some of the open tasks, especially for the clients that pay me, it would be great.
    2. If I can avoid food till 4 PM, it would be great. I am home and it would be tough to do so. Let’s see. The good part is that I will definitely be able to avoid Coke and Coffee. So that should be great.
  5. A daily affirmation.
    I have enough money in the bank to take care of myself and my people. It is enough to nudge all of us closer to our respective dreams and wishes.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I was a set. I realised that it’s the best damn experience. To the extent that I feel alive, engaged and in the moment. Time flies and I dont even know where it went. I think I must do whatever it takes to get closer and closer to being on a set. Help me, universe!
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. I had decided that I would not eat till 4. I did not eat till 2. And then I gave up. If I did not give up for 2 more hours, it would be awesome. It was a start nonetheless. Today, I will try it again. The last meal was I think around 11 last night. Today, let’s see if I can eat at around 4.
    2. I had way too much coke and coffee. I need to avoid these two things.
    3. If I did not leave my shoes behind in the cab I took to come home, it would have been nice. I hate when I am careless and leave things behind. I will try to get those shoes back. Let’s see.
  8. Quote for the day
    “Hope is a good thing, may be the best of the things. And good thing never dies.” – Andy, Shawshank Redemption.

Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0.
  • #noCoffee – 0.
  • #aPicADay – 0. Missed posting one yesterday. Will restart from today on.
  • Daily Journal – 22
  • Money spent – 4288
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 22
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 22

281021 – Morning Pages

A short note (yet again) on how I spent yesterday.

7:57. I woke up a few minutes ago. Groggy, tired, slight headache. Not sure why. But, here we go with the morning pages.

So yesterday was great. I met my extended family. A 25-year old nephew is getting married and in attendance were a few cousins and nephews and nieces. It was fun to catch up with them. Apart from my family, there must have been some 100 people in the gathering and no one seemed to be scared of COVID. Lol!

Anyhow. So back to fam. While I was there, almost everyone was curious about what I do for a living. And like I am unable to explain to the world, I was unable to express it to them. I realized that I need to create a brand. So bad so bad that it’s not funny.

The other thing was that I was so awkward in my head that it sucked. In the sense that I was the only one there that did not formal clothes on. Even the photographers, event managers, and others were in formal clothes. I was a misfit and it sucked. And it made me awkward. I think I must avoid all social dos altogether. I hate being the center of attention like that. Lol, for someone that wants to change the world, I balk at attention. Weird.

Anyhow. So that was that.

Apart from that, I am running so busy that I am not doing things that make me who I am. You know, taking notes, (trying to) eat well, think about taking over the world. Etc etc.

I think I need to prioritize. Come what may. Starting with eating better. Let’s do it from today. I had a burger at fries at 2 last night. So, I will not have anything till about 4. That’s 12+ hours of fast. Let’s see how it goes. If I can manage today, I think I can manage tomorrow and thereon. Lord, give me strength.

Guess this is it.

Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. I did not sleep as well as I would have wanted to.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. Last night I was working on a presentation and I just could not focus on it. It was really really terrible. Need to do something about it.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    Cant think of any right now 🙁
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can manage to not eat for 12 hours, I would be happy!
  5. A daily affirmation.
    I have enough will-power to be able to control my urges and not eat.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I met my extended family. Though I dont have a any deep relations with those, it was still great to see them, meet them and hug them.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I were not as awkward at the function I was at, it would have been better. In fact, if I could spend more time while I was there, it would have been even better. Not that I wanted to chill with them. It’s just that I would have seen the things from start to end.
  8. Quote for the day
    You get luckier once you have more to offer. This is as true as it comes. I have seen that as I grow old, I am more enthused by the idea of sharing more and offering more.

Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0.
  • #noCoffee – 0.
  • #aPicADay – 20. Yesterday’s here.
  • Daily Journal – 21
  • Money spent – 3619
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 21
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 21

271021 – Morning Pages

A very tiny post for today’s morning pages.

7:35. No time to even write / publish these. But I have to. Even if it’s just 100 words. So here we go. And lemme start with the journal.

Here we go with the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. I did not sleep as well as I would have wanted to. Though I had a cold enough room, I did not find the sleep.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. When I am tired, when I go out, when I have to step out, I no longer have to think about money.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. I have a family function to attend. If I can be there and not be awkward, it would be great.
  5. A daily affirmation.
    Even though muck is thrown at me, I am able to manage things well. And I dont lose the shit in my head.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I met a friend for dinner. Had some alcohol. Not a lot. Some beer. Had alcohol after I dont know how many years. And yet I was able to hold myself well. No, I dont intend to do this everyday. Or often. Just that I had it after a while. And I could hold it. So that was amazing. Oh, and when I was there, it loved the momos they served.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. Again. Work. That’s something that I am slacking on. I need to fix it.
    2. Food. Way too much food. Eating like a hog. I need to fix it!
  8. Quote for the day
    Real Artists Ship. This one is apparantly by Steve Jobs and I would love to make a tattoo of that on my butt! I really really need to learn how to start shipping.

That’s about it. No time to even write more. Will be back tomorrow. Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0.
  • #noCoffee – 0.
  • #aPicADay – 19. Yesterday’s here.
  • Daily Journal – 20
  • Money spent – 7239
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 20
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 20

261021 – Morning Pages

A VERY short post today. Did not have time and thus had to crunch my thoughts and ideas into a short one.

8:33. This is probably going to be the shortest one I’ve ever written. The thing is, I have a lot of work and while I want to prioritize morning pages over everything else, I am unable to. I can rant about it but without any further ado, here is the morning pages. I will lean on SM’s journal to write about this.

Oh before I start, today is AS’ event and I hope and pray and wish that it goes well. More about it on another day.

Here we go with the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. I slept well. Maybe some 6 hours straight. Not sure what caused it. But can’t complain. But then I have tons of things on my head. But that’s ok. I am ok with this sort of a life.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I can plan my time to deliver things. For example, I dont have time today to even write morning pages and yet I know that I will be able to deliver the urgent deliverable I am working on.
    2. I dont put names here but this one I need to. There’s this guy, Paras. He works with me. I am grateful that he respects me and he is around EACH time I need him. I hope that I am around when he needs me. And I need to have an army of people that is around me. Right now, I think I have no one when it comes to being able to trust em with life. VG comes close. Paras is closest. But I get that they have their own shit happening and thus I may not be their priority. I wish I could have people that made me their priority while I made them mine. You know, not seeking a romantic relationship here. But one where I know someone has my back. Ok, rant. Moving on.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can finish work on time and go home, it would be great. Lol. Everything is work. Mr. Garg needs a life.
  5. A daily affirmation.
    Each person I care for – family, relatives, friends, acquiantences etc – they are happy healthy engaged and thriving.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Spoke to a cousin of mine. I am not the one to invest too much time in family matters and I spoke to this one probably after ages. But it was great to talk to her. I will probably meet her tomorrow. Let’s see.
    2. I met a friend for dinner / coffee. It was so much fun to catch up with her.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. I really wanted to clip my nails. But I could not. It I could’ve, it would have been awesome.
    2. I ate like a hog. And as I write this, have ordered a lot of food already. I wish I could avoid eating. I remember telling a friend that when I am stressed, I get hungry and horny. And I am feeding into both these vices with carbs and porn. It sucks. Need to fix it.
  8. Quote for the day
    Progress > Perfection.

Ok. Now some words are out of the way, I will try and write till 9:14 and hit publish. So, in terms of things that I am thinking about, I updated the Work With Me page. In fact, the quote of the day came from this page.

I am also thinking about a rebranding project that I am working on. So far it seems to be going ok but if I dont action it today or tomorrow, it would go off-track.

I am also thinking about where I want to be post-Diwali. I am really thinking about being in Nepal. Not Kathmandu. Some remote place in the hills. I liked it there. Just that Internet would be a problem. I am thinking of Goa as well but the thing with Goa is that it is no longer cheap. And second, I have explored it already. Also, this time I want to be on a mountain. I need to get into fitness regime for the trek that I would undertake #in2022. Any ideas? clues? recommendations?

Ok. It’s 9:14. Publishing.

This is about it for the day. And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had a LOT!
  • #aPicADay – 18. Yesterday’s here.
  • Daily Journal – 19
  • Money spent – 7704
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 19
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 19

251021 – Morning Pages

Note on things that I am thinking about and things that I want to do today and this week and in this life.

8:47. I slept well last night. In fact, I slept longer than I normally would. The sleep was not really the best, I woke up multiple times. Checked my phone each time I woke. Scrolled mindlessly through the timelines on Twitter, Instagram, and others. Hoping that I would have attention from someone, something. But none was forthcoming. And then I drifted again to sleep. Up finally!

So, in terms of things, on the top of my head, lemme try with the bullet points today.

A. Missed the SWA Scriptlab deadline. I really wanted to participate in that. I even thought about hustling today to write the script but I realized I will not be able to prioritize it. So that.

In fact, I have been thinking a lot about this. If writing is what I want to make my career with and writing for the screen is going to be important, why is it that I am unable to put this on priority? And I had more than 3 weeks, after I came back from the trek to do this!

B. Yesterday, for a change I had this need to be with someone. Like you know, romantically. Like a significant other. Better half etc. Thing is, most days I am ok without one. I am fairly atamnirbhar with these things. Guess I have trained my mind ok on that. But somedays, I really feel the need. And those days, I don’t know what to do. It’s an interesting problem to have. And no, I dont have an answer to this one. Do you have any?

C. AS is producing an event tomorrow. She’s been at it for more than 2 months. More about it here. The world needs to watch out for her.

D. India lost to Pakistan in a cricket match. While I remain unaffected, the world around me seems to have come to a literal stop. Dunno why. I mean I know why but I am unable to understand the irrationality of people that believe that an outcome of a match needs to affect their lives. I know that the superhuman efforts by athletes inspire us, their conduct makes them role models, their actions make us look up to them. But I dont get how we could be mere followers and couch potatoes and attach our lives to their actions! Why do we need to flare up emotions?

Anyhow. Gotta start the day. Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. I have slept well. I have no one crying for attention. And I am generally hopeabout about things and all. So, I think I am ok. Not happy. Not sad. Ok.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. Each time I can sit by myself in the morning and write these morning pages without anything else on my mind, I feel grateful to the world and the universe and everything else.
    2. I am one of those people that loves sipping onto water. I am grateful that I am designed like that. Water is life!
    3. Spoke to M yesterday briefly. Each time I see her, my heart fills with love. Of course she doesnt give a F about my existence. But just to see her puttering around is such a great feeling!
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can fast today, it would be awesome. It would be tough but I will try as hard as possible. Thing is, I really really want to live long and fitness is an important part of that. I suck at it and I need to fix it. While I may not be able to work out, I can fast. And thus I need to get going with it. #note2self
    2. I need to cut my nails. It would be awesome if I could. Here’s a thing. I am very particular about the nail cutter and the filer I use! Fuck minimalism. I want my nailcutter 😀
  5. A daily affirmation.
    I am the master of my will. I do things that I want to do. And I dont owe anything to anyone. My actions dont need to be guided by whims of others.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Met a few people from Team SG. Each time I meet them as a group, I am awed by the collective talent, ambition and options that these guys have. I am so blessed. I of course need to amplify it. I need to continue to work hard to become a role model for these guys. And of course, take care of these guys till they are ready to fly away to their respective destinies!
    2. Saw this post on Instagram. The Memento Mori lesson got renewed. If I were to get something tatttoed ever, it would be “this too shall pass” and “Memento Mori”
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could finish more things that I had planned, it would have been better. Apart from work, I really wanted to send out the letter to bade log and work on the SWA competition. But I could not.
    2. If I ate less, it would have been better. Worse, I ate shit. Liteally. Oil. Carbs. Over-cooked. Of course, most of it was tasty and I would have loved to continued to eat and eat. But it’s literally killing myself slowly.
  8. Quote for the day
    You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice – Bob Marley. I am not really a Bob Marley fan. I dont even know his music. And I dont really understand these empty noises that quote like these make. But this one rang true. Probably because I am in that spot right now where I am forced to be a lot more strong than I would like to be. I mean who would not like to chill and not worry about the fuckeries of the world? 

This is about it for the day. And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had a few. Regular ones. Not Diet. Damn!
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had a LOT!
  • #aPicADay – 17. Yesterday’s here
  • Daily Journal – 18
  • Money spent – 2104
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 18
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 18