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230821 – Morning Pages

A quick post about food, habits and clothes. And then some gyaan.

9:31. At the Starbucks. Even though I woke up at 7, I puttered around the house. I had bought shoes and some other things yesterday from a Decathlon and I just wanted to sort of unpacking. And torture myself with the thoughts of wearing those when I am on my way to EBC.

Oh, I am wearing better clothes since yesterday. I mean not old, fata hua tees. But better shirts and all that. I wore a Kurta (or the closest garment I had to one) for Rakhi at M&m. And today, I am wearing a shirt that I would otherwise reserve for an office, in-person meeting.

No, it’s not cool. Neither it offers any comfort. But I have decided to mould myself to the ways of the world. Enough of gareebi. I just need to learn fake smiles and social conversations and some humor and I would be on my way to becoming a Steve Jobs. Lol. Wishful thinking.

The other good thing that happened was that I managed a 46-hour fast. On a whim. I have realised that the age-old adage is correct – that you eat food only when you are in a societal construct (meeting people, friends, family etc). Or when you are bored. Or you are habituated. You know, you want a chai as soon as you wake up.

So, Saturday and Sunday, I kept myself very very busy. And that helped. I need to now fill my calendar with things. The flip side is that I won’t get to work out. But I know I would be able to avoid eating.

The tough part was to say no to all the awesome things that VG’s place had. And then I had to meet some colleagues. I was tempted to pick from their plates but I did not. I did have a tiny morsel of Coconut from M. And then another tiny piece of cake from the colleague whose birthday we were celebrating. So I can say that I could avoid the societal constructs easy.

The habit is the thing that I need to work on. I mean I have to do a couple of video calls today and I will do those from SJ2’s place. And that means I will probably go buy kachra. And that’s because I am habituated. Need to break this chain.

So that.

Oh, I was to move houses on the weekend but I didn’t. I just did not feel like it. Not that I did a lot but I just did not feel like it. The move is now moved to the next weekend. And that is a time that I dont have an option to shift indiscriminately. I mean I need to vacate the house by the 2nd. So, I know what am doing the next weekend! And I hate hate hate this shifting and all that. It’s way too soul-sucking. But then, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Of course, I will add another post to the series of posts that I write when I move.

I think this is it for the day. Need to get going. Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 2. Ate after a 46-hour fast. Let’s see if I can manage OMAD today as well.
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 165
  • #noCoffee – 8
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 10403
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 255

220821 – Morning Pages

A quick post where the only highlight is that I am on a 32-hour fast as it gets published.

6:52. Yet again, sleepless. I think it’s all the tea I am having. I haven’t had coffee in a while. Oh, and, I did manage a fast yesterday. As we speak, I haven’t had anything since 10 PM on the 20th. So, I am well past 24 hours. Let’s see how much can I stretch this. The only time I would be tempted to eat would be when I meet M at around 11:30. If I can avoid eating at that time, I can try and push it to 48 hours. So that!

In “news from yesterday”, it was, well, an interesting day. Did some work. Sent some emails. Saw some motivational videos. Thought a lot about life. Gave gyaan on Team SG Aug 21 Group. I then actually sat at a coffee shop (Blue Tokai, not Starbucks) and did not have my phone (not that I planned, the battery had run out) and thought about where I am in life and where I want to be. It was one of those rare sessions where I thought deeply about things. And not merely reacted to things happening in my head. It was tough, to be honest. But it was good. I found some answers. I am still grappling with some. I hope I can do more such sessions more often.

So that.

There’s this thing that I wanted to write about yesterday but I could not. Lemme put this out today. So I am like one of those people that if left alone with an ax in the forest, will chop the damn forest down. I first heard this phrase in one of Dr. Peterson’s videos. I can’t find the link right now but if I do, I will insert it here. So, I am that. What he means is that there are some people that can’t sit idle even if they have all they crave for, want, need et al. So I am that. I have to have something to work on. More the merrier. And I dont say no to incoming work even if I am loaded like the man who’s been given the target to chop the damn forest!

Oh, by the way, the track I am tripping onto these days is this.

There’s something about acoustic music. I cant pin point but I really really dig it.

Ok, it’s 8:22. I am the Powai Starbucks. This is where I wrote #tnks. I miss those days. Time seemed like an academic concept with little or no relevance or blue. Oh, the exuberance and hope that young age gifts you. I would sit here from the time they open for 2-3 hours. Write to my hearts content. And then go work. To be honest, I was probably not even sure of what I was working on. I was following the herd that I’ve been a part of. And that was alright. I mean we all make mistakes. All I can do is prevent the next generation from making the mistakes I made. If only I could become a persuasive communicator.

So that.

What else?

Nothing much. I am really gunning for a 48-hour fast. M will try and feed me. I will see if I can just taste it a bit. You know like a morsel.

More tomorrow. Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 1. Managed a fast! Yay!
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 164
  • #noCoffee – 7
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 2357
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 254

210821 – Morning Pages

A longish post on things at the top of my head. While writing this, I ended up stumbling upon an idea that could define who I am and help me leave a legacy!

6:51 AM.
Woke up with a mild headache. At the lower back of my head. Where you have the medulla oblongata. I get this one when I am either catching a cold. Or I am stressed. Let’s see which one of the two it is. Plus I am not been sleeping properly. In the sense that even though I haven’t had coffee in a few days, I am still wide-eyed till late in the night. I dont know what is causing this state. This phase of life, I really want it to pass by fast!

So in terms of yesterday, I started by thinking that I would eat once and that too food cooked for me, at a friend’s place. Went there. Ate that. And then cooked myself some Maggi. And then ordered some kachra. You know chips and all that. And ended the day with rice and roti and I dont know what all. I am literally dumping things in my stomach and I am hoping to lose weight and go walk up to EBC. The Fuck. I have just about 3 weeks before I am up there. I need to get my act together if I want to come back in one piece.

Am gonna fast today. Come what may. Let’s see what I am made up of. If required, I will spend a fortune at Starbucks and stay parked there. But I will not eat.

Been thinking that should I give it up. You know, the dreams and hopes and aspirations and all that and find some easy gig and retire. I am almost at the retirement age anyway.

Ok. Moving on. So over the last 2-3 days, I have seen two films. The Taking of Pelham 123 and Gone Baby Gone. Both are in the right zone that I like – some action, some adventure, a puzzle, a human thrown into a moral dilemma. And some slick work with the camera, music, and acting. Both have amazing performances – the kinds that move you and make you think and give you ideas and want you to stop those thoughts about quitting!

The desire to be in the middle of things for making films is getting stronger by the day. I can feel it. Sense it. You know how those killer dogs sniff their prey?

But then this is nothing new. I have sniffed multiple such things multiple times for multiple things. I remember, when I was in Goa last year, I was thinking of making a fortune in Goa. Before that, last year itself, I was trying to do a startup that would given me a billion dollars. More recently, I started with Long Haul Ventures thinking I would revolutionize how startups raise money. There are more examples. I mean the list of these opportunities that are just-around-the-corner is a mile long. I hope one of those comes true. Soon. Or else, you would see me as a teacher or something at some third-rate college that won’t even pay me enough money to make my ends meet and live the fancy lifestyle. You know, the one where I can fund people around me.

Anyhow. The larger lesson from these films happened when I read more about how those films came into being. Specifically when I was reading about Gone Baby Gone. The film stars Casey Affleck. And is directed by his brother Ben Affleck. Ben happens to be a childhood friend of Matt Damon, another accomplished actor, and more. While each of those people has gone onto do great things, it’s unreal how they help each other, support each other and ensure that they see success together. If I could leave a lesson to the young kids, I would say, they need to find collaborators, friends, and bouncing boards early in life. #teamSG

Oh, there’s a similar story about Leo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt being buddies for a long time and collaborating. Those salons in Europe when it was the intellectual and artistic capital of the world is famous for spawning friendships and collaborations and supporting each other, even if these friends were not in the same industry. I mean you could be a painter that knows a writer and in case someone asks for a writer, you would recommend the friend you know and give whatever inputs you can give.

I must re-create these salons. I must seed opportunities for young people to meet each other. You know, a curated list of young kids that I have met and I throw them in a room with other young kids that I feel has the potential. Come to think of it, this could be an idea. You know, to reinvent success. Can I do this at a commercial scale? Run a structured business where I identify talent, take that person thru the things I feel are important to become long-term thinkers and then let them “graduate” once they have a friend or two that they can work with together for a long long time to come. Fuck, interesting! #parkedideas. Must think about this on the upcoming road trip and the trek. #sgP1

Oh, btw, these friendships that I am talking about, are not like Bollywood where entire dynasties are engaged in the business of films. Where your merit may or may not count as long as you share the same last name.

So that. I am excited!

Ok, need to move on. It’s almost 7:45. Starbucks awaits. The packing and all that shall happen once I am back. Two things are the mantra for the day. Dont while time on things that dont add up. Fast.

And here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0. I am attempting a fast today. Let’s see.
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 163
  • #noCoffee – 6
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 886
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 253

200821 – Morning Pages

Quick update that I am not even sure that counts as morning pages. I am supposed to start my day with these but I did not.

10:03! Really.

This is probably the most late I’ve been on morning pages. Multiple things are at play. Woke up late. Client calls that I couldn’t avoid. Work calls that I could not avoid. And then general fuckery in life and all. But der aaye, durust aaye.

So, yesterday was quite ok. The day was ok. Did some yoga. Did some work. Slacked a bit. Walked a bit. Met Prak. Gave away things that she owned. Packed another bag. Couldn’t go to the beach. Which is ok. If I could only eat less, it would’ve been perfect!

Today looks like a busy day. Not too many calls but quite a few things need to be done. Let’s see when I get those done. Once I am done with those, I need to finish whatever is left to pack. I plan to move this weekend. Let’s see.

In things at the top of my head, I am thinking about something that’s been gnawing at me for long. My inability to create a roaring success. Lemme spend a min on this. There are two kinds of successes – mild and wild. Mild – comfortable house, pension, a loving family, and all that. Wild – change the world kinds. I crave wild success more than anything else in the world. And I am yet to even see even a glimpse of mild success. I can’t even put myself and wild success in one sentence. I want it so bad that I am willing to give an arm and leg for that. Really. I can. I will, if someone shows me the way!

Side Note: Read my SoG on mild success vs wild success.

I do know that there’s some variance needed for wild success. And that may happen today, tomorrow. Or never. But I am surprised that even mild hasn’t happened to me. Plus, saw this yesterday and was triggered…

This popped on my browser.

I do think I am smart.
I do think that I am resourceful.
Ok, I may be a dreamer but I do think I have the chops needed to make it rich and see mild success, if not wild.

And yet I dont have.
Ankit Pandey tells me that “Dhan yog aur rajyog ki dasha nahi aai hai. Simple.”

But then, the question remains, kab aaegi ye dasha?

So let’s see. If you believe in God, or Universe or whatever, please pray that I get to it soon. A lot needs to be done in life 😀

The other thing that I need to capture for posterity is that I reached out to Team MML and shared with them what I am going thru. These boys are like the last resort that I can confide in. I mean who else will I go to? Anyhow. So, even though most of us don’t talk anymore as much as we should, it was really comforting to have a set of people that trust me, that will not judge me for all my failures and shortcomings. I wish I had was better at making and retaining friends.

That’s about it for the time being. I hope I am not this late next time on.

Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0. Ate 10 times. 10 things 🙁
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 162
  • #noCoffee – 5. Wow! Let’s see if I can make it without coffee till Nov.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 659 (and bought three flight tickets)
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Havent done as yet.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 252

P.S.: Technically morning pages had to be the first thing I do in the morning. Today I did not. So technically my streak is gone :(. But then, I did publish this in the first half. So, cutting myself slack 😀

190821 – Morning Pages

In today’s post, I talk about how I enjoy meeting people f2f, local trains in Mumbai and benefits of taking a pause.

5:58. Woke up a few minutes ago. And I slept for good 12 hours or so over the last 24 hours. Lemme come back to it. So I had a meeting at Lower Parel yesterday. I came back at around 4. Ate. Slept for a couple of hours. And then ate and then slept again for a couple of hours. And then finally, I slept. Was in bed by 11. So that’s 2 + 2 + 7. So 11. Not 12.

But then, the highlight of yesterday has to be that I wore shoes. And pants. Denims. And traveled for 3 hours to attend an hour-long meeting. Total waste of time to be honest. But then I also realized how much I love meeting people. And how much I suck at small talk. I mean talk to me about work, I can yap for hours. But talk to me about films and all, I can’t do shit.

Oh, I took a train on the way back. Must have taken one after I dont know how long. Thankfully I had that universal pass and all that. I had forgotten my art of finding the queue with the shortest length, the platform nearest to the exits, the grind of walking up the stairs to change tracks. You may hate em but the local trains remain the fastest way to travel within Mumbai.

So, as I said, I was back by 4. Dint do must after that. Was not tired per se to be hoenst. But was in this weird sa zone where I did not want to do anything. More on why I was in this zone is on echochamber.

I did manage some packing. Mostly books. There isn’t a lot anyway. The decision to get Ikea’s Frakta (this and this) turned out to be a good one. Most of the books are now in bags that can be easily managed, stored and carried around. Actually, cartons are better for storage but I am not really concerned about storage at this point.

While packing, I made separate bags for books that I need to take to Delhi. And books that I need to store here in Bom. Wait. Why do I even want to store things in Bom? I don’t plan to have a house that has a toothpick more than what I need. But then why do I even take them to Delhi? I mean that house is small and there’s any way a loft full of books. Should I just dump them in some godown? Paras has one. Or at SJ2’s place. Or maybe keep waiting to have enough money to start a co-working space wherever I decide to spend my time and then make a library of sorts there? I dont know yet. Will think over the next few days. All I know is that I need to get things in boxes / bags so that I can move those easily.

Ok. Plans for today?

Well, the calendar looks kind of empty for the time being. But I am sure as the day progresses, it will get filled with meetings and all that. I need to buy myself shoes for the trek today come what may. If I want to come back in one piece from EBC! There’s a Decathlon in Bandra. Will probably go there if I am not too fried during the day. So far, I think my mood is ok.

I will go to Starbucks as soon as it opens. Reminds me. Yesterday, I was at another Starbucks in the morning (one in Lower Parel – you know I did not want to travel in peak hours) and it had giant windows overlooking a construction site. And before I started work, I put Anne Reburn’s track on my headphones, sipped onto the green tea, slowly, for as long as the track ran. I was literally in that moment. I dont know what made that moment magical. Music? Pause? The feeling of no-rush? I loved it! Those three minutes were lovely. I think I need to do this every day. I mean most times when I start the day, I am rushing to get things done. I dont pause per se. Maybe I need to do this. Maybe Naval isn’t wrong after all!

Ok. Been at this for an hour now. Need to take a break. Get ready for Surya Namaskars. Was on a two-day streak before I had to take a break yesterday.

Back. Done. 12. Felt easy today for some reason.

Time to get ready and head to a Starbucks. Also, I think I’ve written enough for the day. Ending it. Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 1
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 161
  • #noCoffee – 4
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 1097
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. If I do tomorrow as well, will update as 2. Dont want to get too ahead of myself.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 251

180821 – Morning Pages

A quick note about things on the top of my head. I talk about moving on from this house, relationships, music, life and death!

6:24. This one is going to be short and sweet. I have to be on the road at 7:15 tops. Have a meeting at Worli and I need to find a Starbucks for that. And then have another meeting at 11. There itself. And then another meeting at 1 after that. This day shall be spent on the road. And in talking. Much like a large part of yesterday. Sigh. No, I am not enjoying this. But theek hai. This is where we are. This is what I have to do till I figure the next steps.

The thing with the f2f meeting is that I need to wear pants and shoes. The two things that I have come to hate more than anything else. Especially since the lockdown. I will of course carry a pair of chappals in a bag that I will wear as soon as I am out of the meeting. Thank God I dont have smelly feet. So that helps.

Today’s post has no structure. I will merely dump things that are on top of my head. Let’s go…

A. Have started to pack the house. I am now in that stage where I have accepted that I am moving on. I have accepted that this place is a thing of the past. The problem-solving mind in me has taken over and now I am thinking of the best way to pack and move on. I could choose cartons. Or I could choose suitcases. Or bags. I need to optimize for sturdiness, convenience, cost, and more. So I settled on those big Ikea bags. Have ordered a few of those (and some more things). Let’s see if I can pack when they come. I am also making stacks of things that I need to send to various people – one for SG2, one for PM, one for SJ, one that needs to be given away, and then some more for more people. If all goes well, I will move my effects by this weekend.

I am thinking, will my life be this organized when I finally move on? You know, all things stacked neatly in bags / cartons? No spec of dust around. Whoever walks through my effects would be amazed to find that I was always this planned. Oh, btw, the other day I starting making a sheet of all the things I own. So far I have just touched the tip of the iceberg and I am already tired. When you live, you dont spot those things but when it comes to making a list, you realise how much you have. Need to reduce drastically. For the ones curious, the sheet is here. Do lemme know what you think of this.

B. Good part of yesterday is that I went to the beach and sat there for a bit. While I was there, I reaslied that for all the stoic things I read, I am probably as un-stoic a person as they come. I am attached to people. I expect things without expecting them. I crave their attention. I seek their validation. A lot of my misery in the last few days is a direct result and outcome of this very thing. You know, on one side, not expecting. And on the other, expecting a lot. I am trying hard to detach. I have started with things. I have moved on from most people. Need to move on from whatever handful I am left attached to.

Another lens is that till about 6 months back I was thinking about how would I make ends meet. Now that that’s not a problem, I am now at a higher-level problem. Of belonging and all that. Maslow, you bugger!

And thus the snafus in my head. More on this someday.

C. I want to now come to a point in life where I dont need a laptop. I should be able to merely get things done from a phone. You know, I dont want to do. I want to manage. Which I was, for the most part when I did events. But since I pivoted to marketing / content, a lot needs to be done. By me. You know, quality. So that’s one of the things I am working towards.

D. Day 250. This is the 250th day of a non-stop streak of writing morning pages. I have not missed these even one day! I think I am incredibly proud of this. I dont think I have shown this much rigor, this much attention, and this much perseverance with anything ever. I hope I can continue this till the 16th of Sep (when I go for my annual break). The bigger challenge would be to pick this up once I am back. Because once that rhythm is broken, you know how it is.

E. Anne Reburn. I am hooked on this cover of Country Roads. By an artist called Anne Reburn. She is so good! The track has a tiny twist. Do see it.

I have to meet Anne at some point in time in life and I will probably request her to play this for me. #lifeGoal. Of course, the keyword is “request”. As an artist, she chooses what she showers on me. In fact, this is the shift that has happened in my head. Rather than “demanding” from people that I adulate, people I am in awe of, people I admire, people I take inspiration from, I now “request” them to give me whatever they can spare. It is no longer about “taking” from them. It’s about “learning” from them.

Guess this is about it. It’s 6:51. I need to be out of the house in less than 15 mins. Over and out.

I know this is a short post. But I am glad I got it in. Had a lot on my head. Phew!

Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0. Streak. 000
  • #noCoke – 160
  • #noCoffee – 3
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 4647
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Not doing today either. Unless some miracle happens.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 250! Yay!

170821 – Morning Pages

A ranty post about work, Starbucks and how I am dependent on public places to get things done.

7:21. Woke up a few minutes ago. Little groggy. Tired as well. I dont know why. I did not do anything that would leave me like this. Plus, I have a long day ahead. And a lot of what I am busy with, I need to be the one talking. So, it’s going to be a long and interesting day. And by the end of it, I would probably be exhausted. Not exactly the kind of busyness that I like but theek hai. That’s where life is right now and can’t complain. Or rejoice. Let’s see how it goes.

Oh, because I am the one talking, if I talk well and I see that people are enjoying what am saying, I would end the day on a high. And if everything goes flat, I would be sad. Yeah, my work is what guides my happiness and sadness.

Ok, yesterday. This amazing thing happened. I worked for more than 12 hours! I mean I am not proud but I realised that that’s all I have to my life. And I could only do this because stores are now allowed to remain open till 10 PM.

I started at 830 with morning pages. Took a break around 12 for lunch etc. And then went back to a Starbucks at 5ish or something. And stayed till 945. So I was up and about for longer. And rather than sleeping by 945, I actually did more things. I must say that the vibe at a Starbucks in the morning is way different than the Starbucks in the evening. There are many more people merely chilling, catching up, gossiping in the evening. The crowds are more effervescent. There are larger groups, noises are louder. Morning is more intimate. People are mostly working and trying to get things done. I think I am indifferent to this vibe per se, as long as I get a place to sit and bury myself in my laptop. And of course, being a morning person and all that, I prefer mornings. Even if the vibe was wild like a club!

Thing is, this dependence on public places to work from is not really cool. I need to be less dependent on things. You know, walk on my journey by myself. Plus, It’s not cheap at all. I mean I spend almost 1000 bucks each day there. Making it the most expensive indulgence I have. But then, I am thinking, if it allows me to get things done, why not? Plus I am sure once offices are open and I get back to a WeWork or something, I would manage it cheaper.

Let’s see.

The point remains that I am more effective when I am not alone. And definitely far far better when I am not at this house. The good part is that I am gonna be out in less than 15 days. Yay!

In other news, I restarted with a lo-carb diet. I mean it’s just been one day but I plan to continue with it till the time I am in Mumbai. Once I go to Delhi, I am sure I would want to eat all the street food strewn out there on every nook and cranny!

Nothing else to report per se. As always, I have way too many ideas. Way less time. And I still dont ship. Sigh. Need to fix it. Somehow. And before I spiral down into a full-blown rant and a depressive cave, must move on. Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0. No work on any book yesterday.
  • #noCoke – 159
  • #noCoffee – 2. Had none. Had 2 chais.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 1880
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 2. Did 12 rounds today as well.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 249

160821 – Morning Pages

A shortPost on what I am changing in my life from today on!

8:09. Starbucks.
I changed something today. I dint write as soon as I woke up. Rather, I puttered around. Played some chess (lost both the games). Did 12 Surya Namaskaras (yay!). And then reached Starbucks.

And here I am. On my morning pages. And I will write till 8:30. Sharp. And then 5 minutes to tag things in my notes. And then work. I think I can do with this routine.

So the highlight of yesterday has to be that I walked for a bit and went and sat at the seaside at Versova. This is what I will miss once I am not in Mumbai. To be honest, it was tough to be with myself. But I managed for a few minutes and it was indeed a good thing.

I also had a Frooti (or was it a Slice?) yesterday once I came back from the walk. I was dying to have a Diet Coke. I dont know what it is about staring at the sea and Diet Coke. I had to have one. But then, streaks. So I replaced it with whatever non-fizzy, non-sugary thing the store had. And somehow I settled on a mango-drink.

And yeah, it was tasty. I had had one after I dont know how long.

In other news, I did a session with a few young people I work with. The youngest was 19. Oldest, 25. There were 6 of them and I talked to them about SoG Book. This was my attempt at researching for the book. The kind of things they want to read and understand. It was fascinating to talk to them. I realized that what I have on SoG is not something that these kids would want to read. They of course have questions and doubts and all in their heads. But what I have is entirely different from what they want. So, back to the drawing board.

Starting Keto from today. And I started SNs as well. Enough. I think the darkness of the last few days is being caused by the kachra I am eating. So I am going to fix it. It is tough with all the ease and accessibility and all that. I will fall back to the age-old tested methods of chewing onto chewing gum all the time, drinking water all the time, and eating OMAD. I somehow need to stop with the stress eating. I can’t really control stress – there are things in my life that I am missing. There are things in life that could be better. But I know that I can’t control those. So, why bother.

Rather, fix the reaction to the stress. You know, not succumb to stress!

So that.

Ok. 8:32. Time to get on with the day. Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 1. Did some work on SoG Book.
  • #noCoke – 158
  • #noCoffee – 1. Had none. Had chai rather.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 4540
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Did 12 rounds today. If I manage tomorrow, I will add to the streaks.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 248

150821 – Morning Pages

A shortnote on how yesterday was. And the good and bad and the ugly of being me.

8:44. Starbucks.

Yesterday was a bad bad day. Kept faking that things are ok. They weren’t. Couldn’t focus on work. Couldn’t center my mind. Couldn’t get attention on one thing. Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t function. Was to meet someone. I chose to not do it. Thankfully it was a Saturday and no one needed my attention. So I could get by without talking to anymore. I can’t afford to have these dark days on a workday. I would get rogered.

Come to think of it, there’s nothing wrong with me per se. Life seems to be going ok. People I care for are healthy and happy. I have some money in the bank (even though it’s still debt) and I know more is on the way. There is some work that keeps me engaged. There are challenges with it but none that I would lose my sleep over. Or get spaced out the way I am right now was yesterday. Today I am far better.

I dont even know what triggered it. I was awesome in the morning. Spoke to a friend that I would shack up with in Japan if I go there. Made myself Maggi for brunch. Ate some more kachra. Caught an afternoon nap. And then was back to work. Somewhere between making myself Maggi and getting to work, the switch just flipped. The equanimity in my head turned into darkness. And it kept me engulfed. Till I woke up today.

I was fucked to a point that I couldn’t breathe. Not exaggerating. I had to step out in the afternoon. I went to the Starbucks at the airport. I had to be outside. Could it be the lockdown that’s taking a toll on me? Now? After when everything is open? Lol, Mr. Garg.

Anyhow. It’s a thing of the past now. I am ok now. As I write this.

Lemme talk about some good things that happened yesterday.

A. I worked on SoG book.
I am still not clear about how the output would look like but I did make a tough structure. This is how it looks like…

If you have any thoughts on this, please do feed me. I am still not sure of how the book will take shape. But I really want it to be a life manual for kids in their late teens, early 20s.

Any thoughts?

B. Saw this video about Miyamoto Musashi and his life and his teachings.
Super super inspired. I think these Japanese were ahead of their times and the lessons are still relevant. Of course, how they lived is literally impossible for someone like me to ape but I can pull some lessons from there and implement them in my life.

Among other things, I am amazed at the similarities between his life and that of stoics and non-religious ascetics. In the absence of any attachments, you probably get to a higher plane and do more with your life!

C. Saw some documentaries before I slept.
And I think it worked well. In the sense that from despair and cluelessness, I was immediately transposed into a zone where I was left amazed and inspired. I mean there’s so much about the world that I dont know about. And like a child in the candy bar I was left wanting more.

D. I wandered on my Roam.
Most of my life is now cataloged on Roam. Even if there are things that are out of Roam, they are all linked in there. Yesterday when I was spaced out, I whipped out my Roam and spent an hour or so flipping from one page to another and fixing things, tinkering things, and thinking about those things.

It was fascinating to see my brain in action. Lol. It’s not a comment on the greatness of my brain. But the way interconnected thoughts pop-up. In a loose manner, it was great to see how one thought could trigger another. And then another. Without any apparent effort. The human brain is a kickass thing. I wish I had in me to go beyond the basic curiosity!

Guess this is it for the day. Like I said, I am ok now. Time to get on with the day and get some work done.

Oh, today is India’s independence day. From being that jingoist nationalistic patriot to almost forgetting the importance of 15th August, I have come far! Yeah, judge me. But I think I am done with showing off these affiliations. More on this #someday.

Guess this is about it. Over and out.

Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0. Ate like a pig yesterday.
  • #book2 – 0. Worked on SoG Book.
  • #noCoke – 157
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had three. 2X Venti. Tall. All three Americano.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 4703
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 247

140821 – Morning Pages

A shortPost to start the day. Minds blank and I dont know what to write. So, short post.

7:00. Woke up a few minutes ago. The highlight of yesterday has to be that I could manage OMAD. Even though I ate a ton of crap while I ate yesterday, but I ate it all in one go. And no ice cream. No sandwiches. No snacks before or after that. If I can do OMAD today again, I think I can start a streak. Plus, it’s a well-established fact that unless I have someone apart from me, I can’t work out. I will need a coach or something for when I start the workout. The only thing I can do for the time being is to control what I eat. So that. Need to try and eat only one time today. And maybe, whatever I decide to eat, I will try and order something “healthy”.

So that.

The highlight of yesterday was a meeting with a writer to talk about a short film that we may get to make at RCP and C4E. While I may not agree with a lot of things that people are doing with the film, I think I am one of those that let others decide and do things. You know, I dont interfere and pile on random ideas that I am brimming with all the time. I just hope that I am able to make my own film someday. The way things are going, I think it’s tough.

Brings me to another thing that is buried somewhere in my conscious. A head-on plunge into the world of films. I have thought that once I have taken care of my debt and I have enough in the bank to live without pay for 3 years, I will plunge into the world of filmmaking. Like head-on. And do things for free if I have to. But will be in the thick of things and start from the bottom up, if required. I would be 40+ in all probability unless some miracle happens. But whenever that happens, I will be there. Late bloomers you know. #lifeGoal!

And then I will give 5ish years or so to films before jumping the gun and going back to the next profession. Lol! WTF am I on? I think I remain as fickle-minded as I was since I was a kid.

Sigh. No more words.

Anyhow. Time to get going with the day. Here’s streaks

  • OMAD – 1
  • #book2 – 0. Have missed this three days in a row. Thankfully Starbucks is open today. And thus I can try and get some words on. Let’s see.
  • #noCoke – 156
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had two. Venti. Tall. Americano.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 1030
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 2
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 246