031021 – Morning Pages

A lazy post where I am sort of coming back to the grind. In terms of writing, thinking, striving, trying, dreaming and all that.

9:04. AM PM Cafe, Pokhara, Nepal.

I am on a computer after about two weeks. And I am rusty. And I am surprised that the infinite speed at which I could type is now reduced to a literal crawl.

So there are so so so many things to write and reflect on. There are so many decisions to be made. There are so many things to be done. I dont even know where to start from. I’d probably just use bullet points and see where it goes?

Here we go. In no order.

A.
EBC was not tough. I mean it was tough indeed but if I could manage it, I am sure everyone in the world can. More on this when I write a longer post about EBC but it really wasn’t tough.

B.
Last night, as I started to come back to the world, I installed Instagram, Twitter, and all other apps that I had deleted a few months ago. Have wasted so much time on those. It’s so easy to fall down the rabbit hole. But then while I was there, I did not miss it at all.

C.
I have no clue of what’s happening in the world. And for a change, I am ok with it. I mean Sony and Zee almost merged. Air India got sold. Apple’s new range is being talked about. Gandhi’s birthday came and went and there was the usual brouhaha about it. And like I said, I did not care. Don’t care. For once, the hermit life of living off the grid, doing things by self on a day-to-day basis without the pressure to make a dent in the universe felt good! But then, that’s not what we were put here for. There is a responsibility that we have towards Universe after all.

D.
Learned so much about myself. My limitations, my dreams, my aspirations, my plans, my shortcomings. I learned how insignificant I am. I learned that most rants that we town-dwelling folks have, are meaningless when the temperature is sub-zero and you have to share a hole in the mountain with 25 other people as your toilet.

E.
I realized (and re-affirmed) that while I may want to be a billionaire, at the very core, I like the company of common-folk. You know, the ones that are not really billionaires and all that. While I was at the trek, I saw my fellow travelers engage with other fancy people and I was happier talking to the porters and the guides, and local folks that were drawing water from the lakes. This has been a theme since I dont know how long. When I did events, I would find the company of an ordinary carpenter more soothing than that of the CEO or the celebrity dancer that we would invite to perform. So, it’s essentially a reaffirmation of who I’ve been. And no, I dont know what this means in the long run but thats how it is.

F.
The dream of doing the Everest is more real now. I mean I have now seen it from up-close (lol!) and I know what it takes. One side of me tells me that it’s going to be a tough tough battle. I mean I did reach the base camp. And I looked up the Khumbu ice-fall and it looked scary. And on the other end, it looked doable. I mean it’s just a walk up the ice. So I may just as well make it to the Jan 1, 2026 deadline. Just that I need to find 4 months and 40 lakhs to support my expedition. Let’s see when that happens. Right now, I need to focus on more urgent things like work and all. Been away for a large part of the last 2 weeks and I am sort of disconnected.

G.
Lemme talk of work. So, most things sort of disintegrated at work. This means that I am still not at a place where I can go for long leaves and let things happen on auto-pilot. I will have to sort of rebuild work from scratch. It sucks to be at a point where I am struggling to make ends meet. And then I am craving to make ends meet at end of each month. And I am always thinking where to get the next tranch of loan from, to fund the dreams of people that I’ve sort of chosen to keep close. One thought is that I must stop feeding others and get to some stability for myself. The other is, this is what defines me! How can I quit on these people? More than that, how can I quit on myself and my decisions?

H.
In terms of people, while I was there, I think I was ok to not think about anyone that I knew prior to the trek. This includes my parents, my sis, M, romantic interests, friends, colleagues, and more. This was a big big revelation to me. Need to think more about this. #note2self #toThink

I.
I have some 1000 ideas about what to write, each thing inspired by the time I spent away from the Internet and the people and the world I know of. Let’s see when I can find the time to do so. I also need to write a lot of other things that I have been putting for later (quarterly email to bade log, for example). So that.


So yeah. Guess this is about it! I mean I can find more things to write about but as of now, these are the things that I can think of. More over the next few days.

Not that things are any clear for me but it was a good break to have. Now that I am back to the grind, let’s see how things go from here on. More in the next few days. Hope to continue writing these every day from today on. And finally, the streaks. I dont even remember where I left them at. I will start tomorrow, hopefully. Till then, over and out!

160921 – Morning Pages

A not-so-post post from the day. Probably the last before I leave for a no-phone, no-internet trip.

8:30. Home. This could be the last post before I leave for my trip. And I dont know when I will pick back the baton after I am back. I dont have any deep or meaningful or insightful or “famous last words” kind of a thing to leave this text with.

Yesterday was a little weird. I did some work. I did some time pass. I had stayed the previous night at a nice hotel. I was in that space where things looked rosy. But then moment I reached home, the grind of the 2-hour travel from Gurgaon to home literally killed me. Plus as soon I was back, I had to take an RTPCR test for travel. This is my second test and like last time around, it was very uncomfortable. Blame it on my deviated septum. And then I was in this zone where I was unable to work. Yeah, I am that fragile. And then I had an argument of sorts with a colleague. That was not cool either. But guess that’s ok. Part and parcel of life.

Today is more or less gonna get spent on working. I do have to buy a few last-minute things. Will step out and get those. I also need to pack things. There’s less than a day to go for the trip. So that.

I am hoping I would be able to write tomorrow as well. Let’s see.

Oh, this feels like such an anti-climax moment – ending a 280-day streak with a dud post. But guess that’s how life is. No clear closures.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 189
  • #noCoffee – 33
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 10277
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 279
  • NOFAP – 15

150921 – Morning Pages

A quick post from a hotel room about, well, hotels, people, self, friends and more.

8:30. Gurgaon. Probably my second last morning page till I leave for my trek. Yesterday was pretty interesting as well. I met a few people, including some that I had not met in a while. And then I met newish friends as well. And then I was at new places, new cafes. I think I am warming up to Gurgaon. And I suspect I would end up liking it more than Delhi. But then, lemme know get ahead of myself. There’s no place like Mumbai. Or Goa. And these urban jungles like Gurgaon are great for a few days. Living and working is a whole new ballgame.

Anyhow. So, quite a few things happened yesterday that I need to capture here. I dont have the time to get into minute details and write a longish thing but lemme capture the highlights and then maybe at a later date, will write something, if I feel like it.

A. Mutiny in TeamSG. There is this bunch of young people I mentor and I want them to become best friends with each other and together do more. They’ve been doing it together for a while now and I sort of not interfere a lot in their life etc. However, I got to know that they are not really happy and I had to intervene and get them to talk to each other and see the light.

But that’s not the point. The point is, when I was talking to them, I realized that I wanted to do EXACTLY that. Mentor kids. Help resolve their issues. Get them to be better. So yeah!

B. I stayed overnight at a fancy hotel. This is after a while that I am in a fancy hotel. In Ahmedabad, it was business, 3-star. Yesterday was an Oyo that I paid 700 for. So when I checked in last night, multiple things happened. I had to record these.

  • I missed Kila. And Paras. And all the events crew that I have sort of lived and worked with. Damn I miss that life where I would travel all the time and move around and get things done. I dont know if I was creating anything of tangible or sustainable value but I loved to be on the move.
  • It felt good that I can be at places that offer me comfort, privacy, space, luxury, convinience, respect (even if its fake). Like I said, it’s after a while. And I know most of this is a transaction, it is still a thing that I cherish.
  • While hotels are the most impoesonal places, I love that the fancy ones dont judge you. I can walk in with the most shitty clothes and no one would bother me. I could be in chappels (see point C below) and they would not judge me.
  • The showers btw are the best thing ever. If I had my way, I would spend all my time in hotel showers.
  • Some people love the breakfat spread. I am not that big a fan to be honest. But once in a while I like the idea of picking from whatever is around me.

C. In Gurgaon, I dont know why but fancy places have this hangup of not allowing people with chappals inside. I mean why do I need to wear shoes to go eat out with friends? Or even by myself! I think I will start a movement to blacklist places that dont allow you in when you are in chappals. #parkedIdeas

D. At another place where I was stopped for wearing chappals, I was so raged that the Delhi boy in me sort of came out rushing. I had to get access. I had to show off that I know some people that can help me get in. I had to sort of be that person that no one can stop.

E. A newish friend told me a few things that I am taking note of. Here they are…

  • I probably do more for people, even at the cost of my harm. I need to stop doing that. Will think and see.
  • When I was talking, I could see so many instances where I was sort of made a fool out of, continue to be made a fool and yet I am around. I need to probably cut those people and things out. It is hard – afterall you have invested your life and energy and time into those relationships and projects but remember, wear your seatbelt before you help others! Even Kabir said “main bhi bhookha na rahu” before he went to “sadhu”.
  • I need to stop being so self-obsessed. This is something that I have heard from a lot of people. Do I need to work on this.

F. The Apple event yesterday? EVERYone I know is talking about it. Everyone is raving about the ads and the presentation and the event and all that. I will probably watch it on the flight to Kathmandu. I love love love people that do things well. So that.

Guess this is about it for the day. I want to write more. But work beckons. More later. Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 188
  • #noCoffee – 32
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 15630
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1 (buying things for once in a life adventures)
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 278
  • NOFAP – 14. Wow. Two weeks!

140921 – Morning Pages

An inane update from a Starbucks in Gurgaon.

9:33. Still in Gurgaon. Was up late. Not for work this time. So a tad delayed with morning pages. But as long as I write, it’s cool.

Yesterday was a whirlwind. I met a few friends that I have literally grown up with (from MDI), a client, and a newish friend. It was amazing – talked of old things, plans for life, new ideas, impacting the world, making this a better place, achieving things that have remained under the radar and yet are lurking around the surface. Met curator, founder, and owner of this fascinating place called Fig / Museo. Was so inspired to meet more people like that and create spaces like that. The thought of creating C4E Base became all the more firm.

So that. Today is a longish day. Let’s see how I manage the juggle between work that needs to be done, calls to be made, people to be met, things to be thought, dreams to be conjured. Lol. Random poetic shit.

The highlight of the day has to be the fact that I was told that what I write resonates with people. Of course, this resonation happens with very few people but it does. And that makes the effort and time worth it. If I can leave even one person inspired, I would die a happy man.

In other news, I read this long-read yesterday about a person trying to cope up with this loss after 9/11. This was one of those rare pieces that moved me almost to tears. For multiple reasons. To start with the guy is trying to find his raison d’etre. Then he feels this terrible terrible sense of loss that nothing in the world seems to compensate for. The loss is more profound because the guy thought he was responsible for those people. And at many levels, I can relate to this. I mean I am responsible for all the people that work with me. In whatever capacity, in whatever way. While I may not run a fancy organization, I do have this sense of ownership over their lives and careers. And that to me is an overwhelming responsibility. To a point that I am willing to harm myself to ensure that the people that are around me are happy, healthy, engaged, and compensated to the best of my abilities.

Sigh! So much to do, so few opportunities. Come on, universe!

That’s about it for the day. More later. If I get time. Meanwhile, here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 187
  • #noCoffee – 31
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 6566
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1 (buying things for once in a life adventures)
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 277
  • NOFAP – 13

130921 – Morning Pages

A note from the land of thekas and perpetual construction!

8:43. This one comes to you from a Starbucks in Gurgaon. Took me almost two hours to reach here. Had to meet a couple of people and anyway what else would I do at home. I am even hoping to stay back the night and meet more people if I can.

There is this funny feeling when I am in Gurgaon. I see these tall, swanky buildings and people dressed in their official best and making merry after their office hours at those fancy places to dine out. It’s a world that I want to belong to but I am unable to relate to. A lot of people I know can only navigate life in such worlds and would probably be lost at a place like Mumbai, where I have decided to live life has decided to make me call home. Actually, I can’t really call Mumbai home. There’s nothing that I look forward to. The only thing that Mumbai offers me that no other city offers me is the freedom and convenience to move around. And in a way, I want to. I mean I am almost always the worst dressed person around. And in Mumbai, it’s cool. At Gurgaon, I get stares when I walk around. Today I am dressed in my best shirt and a pair of jeans. And yet I am being stared at. Probably it’s the chappal.

Reminds me. I have less than a week now to go and I am still not wearing shoes. And to top it off, I went and bought a pair of hiking sandals for myself. My plan is to wear those as far as I can. And wear shoes only and if only I need to.

In other news, I have started to think about where life would take me from here on. For a change, I have started to get serious. In the sense, I was in the zone where I was steadfast in my decision to stay independent. Where I try to find work that gives me the freedom to move around, live anywhere, and do multiple things. But this trip to Delhi has changed a few things. For starters, I now need to up my ante as a son. My parents need me. And they need the money. With my lifestyle, money has always been a challenge. I was ok to live life as and when and I have upgraded and downgraded my lifestyle a few times already. But now, I think I need some sort of stability. More than for myself, for my folks. They have only given me. I owe them this much. Even if that means I need to put my life and my aspirations at stake. In an ideal world, I would make both things work – get something that allows me the freedom, and them the comfort that money can bring. No, I often dont talk about these things in public but well, live in public!

Ok. Moving on from somber things.

I am still undecided about working from Nepal. On one side, it would offer an opportunity to work from a new place and understand a new place. The stint in Goa was very very useful. I made a few connections and learned a lot. If I could work from Nepal for a few days, it would be very enriching. In arguments against working from Nepal, the challenge would be to find a place that allows me to make phone calls in peace and a comfortable enough bed to crash on. BTW, my definition of comfort is fairly evolved and most people I know will probably not understand it. More on this some other day.

What else? Guess this is about it. I am in that place where I know that I have a 3-week break coming up. In less than a week. And that means I can’t initiate any new projects. And there’s no time per se to even push things on exiting projects. Weird kind of place to be in, to be honest.

But I guess, as they say, this too shall pass!

And before I end this, here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 186
  • #noCoffee – 30
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 2560
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1 (buying things for once in a life adventures)
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 276
  • NOFAP – 12