221021 – Morning Pages

I talk about how my dreams of a nation are getting shattered! And more.

8:54. Some hotel in Gurgoan. Before you ask, no I am not sick or tired of sleeping on a different bed each night. I actually like it. Let’s see how many days this continues.

Ok morning pages. I have to start by “declaring” that today I am fasting. Come what may. And I will not even have coffee. Or Coke. Only water. And chewing gum. I dont feel good. There’s way too much kachra that I have been feeding myself. I mean there’s nothing that comes close to eating the perfect Chole Bhature in Delhi and the after-taste is great and you feel good. But after a while, all the maida sort of blows up my belly. So, I am done. At least today. Not sure about tomorrow. But today, I am on a fast. If I eat something today, I will donate 5000 to a charity of Krishna’s choice.

With that out of the way, let’s talk the real morning pages.

So, unless you live under the cave, you would know that SRK’s son is in jail. And there was this Fab India ad that created a storm. And yesterday I discovered there was another ad by Ceat that made people mad. And I think I mentioned on morning pages that an email exchange on my alumni group sort of showcased the rift in the society and the angst that is simmering just below the surface.

And, it SUCKS. To a point that I have decided (and it’s a #lifeEvent for me) that I will move on. And I regret that I did not move on earlier. I don’t know what I would do (the skills I have are not really transferable) but I will move on. Even if I have to become a cabbie. I know it’s one life and time doesn’t turn back and I am closer to my death than how many years I have been around. I know my biggest “career” bet (with films with TRS, in terms of efforts, money, emotions) is right here. I know that I wouldn’t be able to start from scratch. But I know that I am out. I will probably plan the move. I mean it may take a few months. Or a few years. Or whatever. But I will move on. Here’s a promise to self. #sgLifeGoal. I will not die in India. Unless I can “affect” how India is.

So that.

Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. It’s tough being who I am. Conflicted. All over the place. Spread out. Etc etc.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. The fact that I can decide on how to spend my time.
    2. The fact that I can use the gift of the gab decent enough to get things done and create opportunities.
  4. Things that would make my today great. Just one thing.
    1. If I can fast, it would be great. I’ve been up for 40 odd minutes and I’ve just had water. Need to sustain this for another 14 or so hours 😀
  5. A daily affirmation. I can control my urges and wishes. I am the master of my sense. If I decide to stay hungry, I can go for hours. And even days.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I ate Chole Bhature yesterday. Loved the taste. I realised that I am not as taste-dead as I thought I was.
    2. It was amazing to sit by myself in an empty office of a friend and get a few things done.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. Work. Funnily, there is nothing on the top of my mind but work. I would have loved to get more things done than what I got done yesterday.
    2. Food. If I could control the food that I ate, it would be better.
  8. Quote for the day
    Dar ke aage jeet hai! Lol!

Guess this is about it for the day. And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 3
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #aPicADay – 14. Yesterday’s here.
  • Daily Journal – 15
  • Money spent – 11268
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 15
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 15

211021 – Morning Pages

No morning pages per se. Just the journal. Read if you want to.

9:17. Gurgaon. Was at home in the morning. Came over in the morning. Have too much work. Next two days I need to show myself that how cool I can be.

I dont really have morning pages per se. I mean I dont have the time. But I do have the journal format that I will fill in. The good part of the journal is that it’s akin to the morning pages and that allows me to think about how the day was.

Here we go. Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. I was mindfucked last night about a few things. But then I am ok now. This travel within Delhi is being a bitch. While I enjoy meeting people this travel is a problem.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 2. Did 10 minutes meditation yesterday. Havent got the time to do it today. Let’s see if I can manage 10 minutes during the day.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I am grateful that I have access to enough and more work for the next few days.
    2. I am grateful that I have someone like Krishna that is invested in my success. He took time out to talk to someone else. Just to help me succeed.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. I need to tick more than 50% of things from my todo list.
    2. I need to not eat anything for the rest of the day. I will try to have a lot of black coffee and some chewing gum. Let’s see.
  5. A daily affirmation. I will be be able to manage my time and deliver on all the projects that are open.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I met a friend yesterday for coffee and it was amazing to be honest and upfront about life and all that. Even though I am not close with her, she is the best-est friend of another great friend. And thus I could be candid.
    2. I went back home and met my parents after 3-4 days
    3. Spoke to Vanita after a few days. That was amazing!
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could have stayed back in Gurgaon, it would have been better.
    2. If I could stick to OMAD, it would have been amazing. I tried to. But once I went home, I had to eat what my mom had prepared.
  8. Quote for the day
    “Invest in yourself. It will pay you back with interest.”

Guess this is about it for the day. And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 2. Avoided it yet again.
  • #noCoffee – 0.
  • #aPicADay – 13. Yesterday’s here.
  • Daily Journal – 14
  • Money spent – 12413.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 14
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 14

201021 – Morning Pages

A short note on how the day was and what’s on the top of my head. Not a lot apart from work.

7:19. Yet another hotel room. Loving this life where I work for a large part of the day. And then I drag the small suitcase to the hotel that I want to. And while I do that, I catch up with a friend. And then I sleep. And then I wake up and get writing these morning pages. I could get used to a life like this. In fact, this entire movement around and not having a stable place to be at is giving me the feels! Yeah, man. The feels!

Ok. In terms of yesterday. Work and all. Thoughts and all. Life and all.

So the second day of the workshop went ok. It wasn’t as good as the first one. But went ok. I can improve on a few things. Let’s see how the next one is. One thing is for sure. I need to talk more about this to people. I mean I think I do a good job and this deserves to reach more people. Need to make it more popular and known. #note2self #sgTodo

The other things that I was supposed to, I did work on a lot but I could not find to close all of those. I’d say I could’ve done more. Let’s see when I get to a day when I have done enough to be able to have a big smile on my face when I am writing these morning pages.

Today I have a lot on my plate. Let’s see what I deliver on it. It’s 7:40 right now and once it’s about 9, I will have to literally dive into work! And I have a few lot of things that are open ever since I’ve come back from the base camp. Including a travelogue that I want to write about the basecamp trek!

In things that I want to capture is the intolerance and the worst and the best that religious conversations bring out. Yesterday, on the alumni group of my business school, the alumni committee wishes everyone on the occasion of Eid. Someone responded and asked why did they skip wishing on other festivals. It was not long before it took a communal angle. And then from there it just went downhill. People that have gone to a premier business school engaged in heated exchanges, name-calling, questioning, and dunno what else. And this is a group of highly educated, reasonably smart people that are probably more aware than an average joe.

I dont know what has happened to the country that I’ve grown in. I dont know what to do about it. Can’t blame others. Can’t find the problem. Can’t fix it. DAMN!

Anyhow. This is about the morning pages. Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :). I feel good. Even though I did not sleep ok, I am at a desk, staring into the sun, appreciating it as it comes up and fills me with life. No photo can do justice to how it is.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I am grateful that I have this sun coming up as I am writing this. I am so so so content in this moment. I have no worries and even though things I am working on need urgent attention, I am not anxious.
    2. I am grateful that I love water so much. I have had 2 litres since I woke up.
    3. I am grateul that I am able to plan a large part of my day.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. I would love if I can deliver on open projects. If not all, some.
    2. I would be great if I could actually go back home. Only to meet my parents. And nothing else.
    3. Like yesterday, If I can skip coke, it would be great. In fact, I would love it if I could do OMAD.
  5. A daily affirmation. I look great and I have this brilliant sense of clothing and dressing.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I could yet again make things happen for people around me. This time I did not create opportunties per se but helped people close on projects that they needed help with.
    2. I had a tough conversation with someone else about things that needed to be done. I am typically the kinds to avoid tough conversations. But I managed one. I should lean more into such tougher chats more often. #note2self
    3. Got CM to agree to spending sometime everyday on helping me with where I want to be in life. I have tried to have multiple people like that but none seems to be panning out. Let’s see if CM sticks. Wish me luck.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could deliver on more things at work, I would have liked it. I had decided that I would not sleep last night till I finish various projects. But I could not. The day would’ve been better if I could.
    2. If I could have got about 10 minutes of meditation in, it would have been better. I would try to get it in today. Right after shower. Let’s see.
    3. Again, if I could skip coffee, it would have been amazing. To be honest, I would not be able to do it today either. But I can definitely skip Coke. And gun for OMAD.
  8. Quote for the day
    “Discipline not desire, determines destiny.” – Anon. Thanks to Harshit for sending me this. Must say that he sends me a quote everyday and I read those and they are really unlifting. He’s been doing it for 1069 days as we speak. I am amazed as his consistency!

Guess this is about it for the day. And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 1. Avoided it. I almost had one. But then skipped.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had quite a few. Let’s see if I can quit today on.
  • #aPicADay – 12. Yesterday’s here.
  • Daily Journal – 13
  • Money spent – 19501. Again, random expense. From today on, need to get these in order.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 13
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 13

191021 – Morning Pages

Update about what I did yesterday, what I plan to do today. And some random things from here and there.

8:46. Some hotel. Just had breakfast. I have time till 10:30 I think before I need to get started. That means I can write this leisurely. Assuming I have enough to write about. Let’s find out.

So, yesterday went in a blur. Before I knew it, it was 2. And then before I knew it, it was 9. Right now I am at ease. Wearing a nice, crisp shirt. Here’s a thing. When I was in Mumbai, I never cared but now that I am with my parents where things are managed, it feels great to wear a crisp shirt. Even if gets crumped in the next 3 seconds.

Gurgaon gives you so many opportunities to each kachra that you are sort of unaware of when you are not here. I mean in just yesterday, I have had momos, egg chow mein (the kinds that only exist in India), Banana cake, the famous Gurgaon paranthas, and whatnot. All these are clearly fucking with my system. I can feel the stomach revolting. I need to fix my food intake but right now I am prioritizing work over it. I know I should not. But I dont know what to do. Guess this is why they say that financial independence is the best kinds.

Anyhow.

So, took a brand workshop yesterday for a startup. Totally enjoyed giving gyaan and seeing the aha moments come on the faces of people. I loved it. Like everyone else, I love it when I am helpful and I get paid for that! In fact, I think I was born to perform. Just that I do not have the talent to sing or dance or something. I can speak reasonably ok. I need to find how I take this ok to “great” levels. And what could I speak that makes people pay and allows me to live a fulfilling life. If you are reading this, you probably know me. Any ideas? What do you guys think?

Continuing with work, I happened to catch up with my ex-colleagues from the events industry fraternity. I realized that I miss them so much and I love them so much that I probably should’ve never quit. I may sound biased but there probably is no other industry like that. In the sense, you need to have the right mix of suaveness and street-smartness, to be able to even be a part of it. And I think I was right there. I had it. Just that I was unable to stick to it. Lol. Story of my life.

So yeah. That. And here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :). I feel good. I slept ok last night. I hadnt slept well the night before. So that worked out well.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1. Less distracted. But this is only becuase I could shuffle a few things and get closure on those. Need to continue to ship and I will hoipefully get better. And then I need to start with meditation.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I slept well last night. It was nice to have woken up before an alarm (like most days) but with some peace and sanity.
    2. I loved the hot fast shower and the crisp shirt I got to wear about it. I never realised a nice shirt could mean so much. Oh, and I need to find a way to live in the hotel.
    3. I could get two of my younger friends to collaborate and work together (NJ and CM). I am grateful that I can create opportunities for people around me.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. I would love it if the workshop is delivered well. Yesterday it went ok. Today, I need to see if I can deliver.
    2. I have been asked to attempt a script. Let’s see if I am able to get that out of the way. It would be nice if I could.
    3. I will try to skip Coke. If I can do that, nothing like it.
  5. A daily affirmation. I can control my urges and not give in to things that could harm me. I will be able to avoid things like Coke today.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Same as gratitude piece. That I could create opportunities for people around me. Just need to scale it.
    2. Delivered the brand workshop reasonably well. Need to do that today as well.
    3. A friend was in distress. I could help her while she went through a pot-boiler of emotions.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could avoid eating kachra, it would have been awesome.
    2. If I did not waste time and ensured that I got more done, it would have been better.
  8. Quote for the day
    “Luck is the best superpower” – Elon Musk. And you need to work on developing luck. I can probably give a discourse on this (not that I have been lucky but I am fairly ok on that department).

This is about it for the day. And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had 2. Will try and stop from after today.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Sipping on to one as we speak. Will stop from after today.
  • #aPicADay – 11. Yesterday’s here. I had decided to click a Red pic and I had to force myself to find redness around me. I had to sort of create the frame and it was an interesting challenge to do so. Let’s see what color do I choose right now.
  • Daily Journal – 12
  • Money spent – 21465. And no, I did not buy an asset per se. It was spent on something random that I hate hate hate.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 12
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 12

181021 – Morning Pages

A quick post (and yet not a shortpost) about things on the top of my head. And things that I have planned for this week. Read on.

8:20. Yet another hotel. This trip of staying in a different bed each night is exactly what I had dreamed of all my life. Never knew I would do this in Delhi / Gurgaon and at my own expense. In my dreams, I was this high-flying super amazing, successful dude that the clients would give an arm and a leg for and hotels would be a small part of it.

Dont have a lot of time today. I need to get into work thingy by 9 AM. That means I have less than 20 minutes to write things and get going.

So yesterday was a very interesting day. I met a senior from college. Picked his brains about life and all that. Realized that I have just about 10 useful years left. Makes me sad that I have spent my entire life and haven’t achieved anything. I’ve not even written as much as I would’ve liked to.

While I was being sad about wasting my time and life, I stumbled onto some music from some live sessions that Lucky Ali is doing this year. I got even sadder. The guy’s a childhood hero and now he is literally off-sync. Of course, there’s this charm about listening to music that you loved so much when you grew up but age has clearly “rusted” his ability to sing. The good part is that I saw a post from him where he said Mahesh Mathai and he are working on another video. Which is a great thing. The guy directed the classic O Sanam – probably the first track that I fell in love with. And they are collaborating with Mike McCleary, again a long-time Lucky Ali contributor.

I also found and saw this TEDx talk where Lucky Ali talks about his life and philosophy. Do see it if you get time.

Wow. I wrote a lot. And there is more.

At the behest of a friend, I took the Enneagram Personality Test. You can take it as well for free here. I am not sure what is the interpretation and what are my next steps but the great thing is that I could predict the outcome even before I took the test. So that was a great thing. Pat on the back for scoring high on self-awareness bit 🙂

Guess this is about it.

Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :). I feel good even if I am sleep deprived. I have realised that I am very very happy and engaged when I am juggling multiple balls. Even if some of those fall down.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. Super distracted. I can’t focus on a thing for more than 10 seconds.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I can create opportuntiies and circumstances that allow me to get things done.
    2. I have people around me (including bosses, managers, clients) that understand where I am coming from and allow me to do what I want to do.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. I have a workshop to take. If I can deliver a good one, I will feel great about myself. I know I am good at it but each workshop is new with new participants and thus the chase of greatness in the success of it.
    2. If I can close the open tasks from the last week, it would be great.
    3. I really need to work on my health. It would be great if I could stop with the coke and coffee and carbs. And maybe get onto OMAD?
  5. A daily affirmation. I am good at what I do and it’s my duty to deliver with the best of my abilities. And I must. I must do whatever it takes to get things done to the best of my abilities.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Met people from Team SG. It was good fun to catch up with the future.
    2. Got some work done. Yay! I need to just accelerate on that and do a lot more.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. I shouldnt have to stay up for work. If I had managed time better, it would have been nice. Lesson for the day is to manage time better.
    2. I would have liked if I did not have all that coffee.
    3. I would have loved if I did not have to struggle to find an autorickshaw to come to the hotel.
  8. Quote for the day
    “Be reliable. Unreliability can cancel out other virtues.” – Charlie Munger. Found this via this tweet. This one quote is VERY important to me. The kinds that I would like to pin up on the wall in front of me. If you add resourcefulness to the mix, you would become unbeatable!

This is about it for the day. And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had 2.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Too much coffee. Need to get a grip. I will try to not have any nmore today. And then get onto the streak.
  • #aPicADay – ??. Was on 10. Yet to post today’s
  • Daily Journal – 11
  • Money spent – 9752. Wow!
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 11
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 11

171021 – Morning Pages

A Morning Pages from a Starbucks after a while. I think I got the mojo back just because I am here. Read on and find out!

8:39 AM. Starbucks. Somewhere in Gurgaon. 🙂

Just the thought that I am at a Starbucks makes me happy! The typing is faster and my mood is generally better. Yay! Having access to a public place to kickstart my mornings is THAT important to me. And since I know it now, I must do whatever it takes to create a routine, a life that ensures that I get my mornings to myself. #note2self

So I am in Gurgoan for the next few days. Let’s see how it is. So far, to be honest, I like it. I never imagined I would. To me, it was a concrete jungle without a soul. I was wrong. Even if I dont have any people around, I like it. For some reason. Probably, the novelty of a new city, the experience of new places and the wonder of a different culture (while we are in India, Gurgoan is distinct from Delhi, which is distinct from Mumbai) is alluring? Let’s see if this stays with me after a few days.

What could also be helping this cheery mood is that I am sleeping in hotels. Something that I love so much that I want to build a life where I literally live in a hotel. You know, a serviced apartment. The good part is that I am ready for it. In the sense, I dont have any material things (things like photos of loved ones, things that you gather from your travels across the world, memorabilia, books, white goods, and other such things) that I want to stock the place I live at with. Except for a toothbrush and toiletries. So that.

Also, since I am here (Delhi / Gurgoan) for an extended time, I am meeting all the friends, mentors, and others that I have not met in a while. And I am loving it. If I had my way, I would merely meet people, talk, and imagine what the world could be.

I must write about meeting Vijesh. Each time I meet him, he makes me think deeply about where I am in life and what I want from life. He always challenges me to think beyond what I am capable of. And he leaves me with questions that I continue to ponder upon long after I am done with meeting him. This time around as well he has asked me a few things that I am left thinking about. I need to find answers. Let’s see when I do that. Maybe around Diwali when there’s nothing else to do?

Guess this is it for the day. Today as well, I plan to meet some people and then sleep at a hotel. In case you are around Gurgaon, lemme know. Am here till Tuesday night for sure.

Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :). Probably because I am at a Starbucks and typing away to glory ;P
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. Literally 0. I am still distracted. I need to find a solution to this.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. The world I live in gives me the opportunities to find places like Starbucks that I can sit at and write.
    2. The life I have created allows me to live by myself when I feel the need to. And yet it allows me to find connections whne I need to.
    3. I have people like Vijesh that I can bank on, when I need counsel. Even when I dont need counsel, I can reach out and chat about life and all.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. Again, work. I need to finish all that is pending. Or else Monday would come crashing down on me. And I would hate that!
    2. If I could get some unexpected meetings, it would be a nice surprise and it would be great!
  5. A daily affirmation. I can be super productive when I want to be and I can do all that I am supposed to.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Met Vijesh. This is the third time I am putting his name here 😀
    2. Got some work done. Again, work is such a large part of how I live my life.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. I think it was as close to a perfect day as any. Maybe I could’ve ended it with a dinner with someone from opposite gender?
    2. I would have liked to have better sleep than what I had yesterday.
    3. If I could eat better, nothing like it!
  8. Quote for the day
    “Want to get lucky? Take more shots.”. Thanks to Harshit for sharing this.

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had 4!
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had I dont know how many.
  • #aPicADay – 10. Today’s. Yesterday’s
  • Daily Journal – 10
  • Money spent – 3031
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 10
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 10

161021 – Morning Pages

A rambling post talking about things I am thinking about this Saturday morning. A lot of it is work. Need to get it out of the way.

7:17. Home.

The screen time across devices has reached a pandemic level. I am spending more than 18 hours on the phone and the laptop. I need to control it. I am literally addicted to social networking websites and I am scrolling those feeds without thinking. I am not even registering what I am seeing. I am merely moving. I am constantly checking even when I am engaged in other things. Need to get away from that.

Yesterday was good. I met one of the people I care for. I spoke to two more that I care for. And I met the friend that I literally grew up with. Drove around the town (realized how much I love driving) with him and talked about what he could do (realized how much I love thinking about work). Or what we could do together. We went to Theo’s and ate. Realised how much I love good cafes and getting out of the house even though I dont like the food. The concept of someone serving you and you being able to sit and all that is nice. I love them. If you are in Noida and want to eat good continental food or baked things, you have to go eat at Theo’s. At Theo’s I even had Diet Coke but that’s ok. It’s from the next week that I plan to get into action. So that’s cool.

#epiphany just happened. Maybe I dont like spending time at home because I dont have things that bind me at home. You know, relationships. People. Etc. Or may be I dont have the kind of space that I want – physical or personal. Maybe this is why I love the idea of moving from one place to another. Maybe this is why I hate indoors? Need to think.

In other things, saw this tweet where Visa (love this guy’s work and thoughts) says that Morgan wrote 3000+ articles before he became the phenomenal writer of Psychology of Money. This has reaffirmed my view on quantity vs quality debate. I need to double down on the output and continue writing. I mean I want to make a life as a content creator. I have merely written like 3 pieces and I am hoping to be famous. How dare I? Need to write a 100 pieces to start with. And then a 1000. And then ask the question to God, the Universe or whatever about success and failure.

So that!

I guess this is it. Oh, must log that I couldn’t get sleep last night for some reason. I was up till 3ish. Need to fix this.

Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: 🙂
    Right now I am ok. I have just woken up and I am little tired and groggy (was up till 3 AM). Need to get back to better sleep and a better state of mind. I think if I stop being on so many devices all the time, it would be better.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0.
    Literally 0. Distracted all the time. Need to find a solution.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. So many people put their faith in me. I am grateful that I have them around. It gives meaning to my life.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. Work. I have been stalling it this entire week. And this is the week after the trek. I should’ve done a lot to be honest. But I did not. I need to ship a lot of things. Must work hard today.
    2. Better food. I need to be mindful of what I eat. Today on, I will get onto OMAD. Haven’t done it in a while. Will be tough. Let’s see if I can manage.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I am a super hero and I can get things done at a snap of my fingers. I will show how cool I am and will get things done.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Met Monu. Spoke to people from #teamSG.
    2. I drove a car after a while. I realised that I love it so so much that it’s not funny.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could’ve avoided Diet Coke, I wouldn’t have broken the streak.
    2. I wish I found the time to get some work done. It’s just playing too much on my mind. And if it’s wrecking such havoc on how I think and I am living, I need to find a way out. It is not worth taking all this stress. #note2self.
    3. If I could have slept on time, it would have been nice.
  8. Quote for the day
    “In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.” – Yogi Berra

PS: I could only write one thing that I am grateful for. I need to ensure that each day I force myself to think of three things.

PPS: I also need to avoid repetition. I wrote about a thing and then I am repeating it in the journal. I need to find a way to not waste words.

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had one Diet Coke yesterday.
  • #noCoffee – 2
  • #aPicADay – 8. I am yet to post today’s. I plan to take a new one. So if I post today, I will make the streak 9. If I dont, I am back to 0.
  • Daily Journal – 9
  • Money spent – 6361. I am back to tracking it rigourously. Ergo.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 9
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 9

151021 – Morning Pages

A #shortPost for the day where I talk about what I am thinking about.

8:27. Home. Woke up a few minutes ago. Had a very very long day. Worked so much that I did not realize when it was like 11:30 in the night. I think I did this much work after a while. Which is ok. Right now, I need to work hard to make things work. But the thing is, I feel spent. Even though I have slept for like 7 hours. It’s like, you know when you have nothing to create, nothing to do. You feel all your energy and creative juices have been taken away from you. If I feel like this on a day-to-day basis, I would probably feel burnt out.

Anyhow. Moving on.

So the plan for the day is go to some Starbucks (nearest is 12 KMs away :() and get some work done. I need to move out. I feel the need to see things on the outside. I am so glad that lockdown is over and I can go out and all that. Just that Delhi does not offer a Starbucks next to my place. That’s one thing I miss btw about Mumbai. I could literally walk to so many Starbucks outlets. Sigh.

Wait. Maybe Gurgaon could offer what Mumbai had. Maybe I could live in Gurgaon for a few days? Yeah! Sounds like a plan.

Must act and find a place. Let’s see how do I find short-term rentals. In an ideal world, I want to live in a hotel. Let’s see if I can afford one. Shall spend time looking for one. Know of any decent ones?

Also, here’s a thing that I have been thinking about. Can I create a like where I am a writer / podcaster / YouTube / content creator? Where 1000 true fans pay me enough to not worry about work? And then I create that dent. I mean could being a content creator be a path to financial independence? #currentThoughts

Guess this is about it. Here’s the song for the day. Hotel California.

And here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|.
    Still feeling shitty. I think it’s the general state of mind that I need to work on.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
    Need to work on this. Yesterday, after shower, I did sit for 3 minutes of meditation but even that was difficult. Need to amp up.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I am grateful that most people that I am with, they allow me to be who I want to be.
    2. I could avoid coffee yesterday. Now that I have gone without one for a day, I will try to not have it today either. Let’s see how it goes.
    3. One amazing thing of being at home is that get home-made food. Now that I have it, I realise how much I craved for simple meals. Food anyway is not big on my agenda. So that.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. Like yesterday, I think the greatness is linked to work. If I can get some work done, I would feel like I am on the top of the world.
    2. I want to step out and sit somewhere and work. Let’s see when I manage to do that.
    3. I want to meet some of my people. You know, old friends, my team, others that I know already. The ones that I want to see happy, successful, thriving etc.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I am worth a billion dollars and I use this money and access to enable my people to do more with their lives.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I could skip coffee. I have captured this already.
    2. I had a tough situation at work. I have been able to manage it. I may end up not working with that client but at least it’s not getting dirty.
    3. I could manage time to juggle various projects that I am on. It’s a little tricky but I could.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could’ve got some sort of a workout in, I would have felt better. So far, I havent been able to.
    2. If I did not have to loan my time for money, it have been awesome.
    3. If people in general were little nicer in terms of how they speak, the world would be a far far better place.
  8. Quote for the day
    “Passion is for losers and for hobbies. Have obsession with your purpose in life” – Naveen Jain

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 1
  • #noCoffee – 1
  • #aPicADay – 8. Here is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 8
  • Money spent – 0 :D. And no, I did not track. Just that I was indoors and did not step out and thus no expenses.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 8
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 8

141021 – Morning Pages

A rambling, long post on how I spent yesterday and whatever was clouding my head. Read on.

7:58. Home. After three days I think. Not that I missed it. Not that I hoped I would have any better. But home nonetheless.

So I have a lot planned for today. Essentially it is catching up with all the things that I have been procrastinating for the last few days. In fact, like this entire week has been, yesterday was a blur. I was stuck till about 8 in a situation that I could not wring myself out of. And then I was stuck in traffic. And then when I reached home, I was mindfucked like a mad man. I even put an emo tweet out. See this. Of course, I learned instantly that these emo tweets dont help. While you put those because you want to share and there is no one else that you want to share things with, you also somewhere expect that dark cloud would part and some light will shine through. And no, strangers dont text you and give you validation. God doesn’t appear and gives you a magic potion of happiness. Whatever you seek, it is not forthcoming. You need to get over things yourself. So that’s a lesson!

In fact, reminds me, till a few years ago, I would not filter any of my thoughts and rant like a bitch on twitter and blog and everywhere else. You know, I was living in public to an extreme level! But I was in my early 30s, I wanted to make a dent (still want to) and I would take a lot of inputs and adapt myself. A lot of well-meaning people told me that by putting things out like that, I come across as an overly emotional person and that means the kind of opportunities I want and seek dont come my way. This also meant that I was exploding my gullible nature to the world and I got taken for a ride. And thus I stopped.

But, as I am growing older, I am realizing that even if the world takes me for a ride, I want to live authentic, honest and public life. I dont want to be in the rat race. And I want to live for myself. And do things for myself. And I want to make a billion dollars while I do that. And more.

So, back to emo, shit posting. Tolerate it. Or ignore it.

Ok. Moving on.

Last night when I was on my way back home, I was pukish! I know what it was. A lot of coffee (I must have had some 20 cups, if not more). Very less food (ate literally nothing). Pollution (I must have travelled some 100 KMs within the city).

And I did not like it at all. In fact, I hated it. So, today on, even if I am dying, I shall not have coffee. Or coke. And everything I eat will be done with mindfulness and with an assumption that my body is my temple and everything that goes in needs to be carefully vetted.

Finally, the last large thing that happened yesterday was when I was talking to a friend. In a casual conversation, I was talking about how I am and what I do, I happened to talk about money. And the responses made me sick. I realised that I am one of those urban poor. You know, the world (and my friends and contacts) assumes that I am this rich person with a lot of assets and money and all that. In fact I live like that (you know, Starbucks, Apple, Nike etc). However, IRL, I may not be that. No, the money is not important. Important is that the people dont understand me.

Wait. Why should they? Who are they? What do they owe you? After all, its your life and you need to find your way around things.

Ok, final thing about today. I just realised I love it when I am alone. I am home and I am not liking the movement around me. You know, the helps and non-stop door bell and all that. I am dying to step out. But then the nearest Starbucks is like 12 KMs away! Plus this time of the day, right after I wake up, this time is the most important time of the day for me. I get some things done. I catch up on email. I write these morning pages. I think about things to be done. I make grand plans for things. I hate the failures. I mean I go thru thus wide range of emotions on a day to day basis and I think the time in the morning the one that I need the most. I dont know what to do preserve it. Except stepping out as soon as I wake up ;P

Ok, enough. Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. Was feeling shitty for last 2-3 days. Ok now.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. Back home to my parents. I may want to be alone but this is where I belong. Need to find a balance.
    2. The ability to stay calm in most dire situations.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. I think my work means the world to me. More than anything else. I need to thus find a way to get things done. And if I do that, I would be happy and today would be great.
    2. I will step out at some point in time today. When I do that, I will probably goto a Starbucks and I would want to NOT order a coffee while I am there. If I can stay away from coffee and coke, it would be great.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I am the master of my time. I need to give it to others and when I do give it out, I will do so at my terms.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. The cab ride back home was good. Even though I was pukish, I enjoyed it a lot!
    2. I had the office machine-wali coffee yesterday. Had some 10 cups. I enjoyed the taste of sugar and milk-powder and all that. I got pukish as well. The Amazing thing is that I now know what I need to avoid.
    3. Another ex-client called and wanted to offer me work. It is less than what I would want to charge for a 3-day project. But it’s work nonetheless. Yet to decide if I am taking it up. Let’s see.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I reacted better to the news and things around me, it would’ve been better.
  8. Quote for the day
    “I wasn’t much of a petty thief. I wanted the whole world or nothing.” – Charles Bukowski. I even tweeted this yesterday.

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had a few. Wont have today on.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had a few. Wont have today on.
  • #aPicADay – 7. Here is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 7
  • Money spent – Did not track. Must have spent 500 odd except the hotel bill.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 7
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 7. Making it 7 to help track things easy. Most things I do thus get in the sync.

131021 – Morning Pages

Tiniest post that I have written in a while. Need to rethink how I work on morning pages.

8:23. Another hotel in Gurgoan. Liked it yet again. The idea of being by myself, meeting people once in a while for work, and then disappearing somewhere is very very liberating. I need to somehow create a life that enables me to do this more regularly! So that.

I must say that these days I am tripping on this track by Israel. I wake up and put it on loop and let Iz croon and it’s soothing like a bhajan that my parents would probably play when I was a kid. Here’s a thing about my relationship with music.

What else? I dont know what else to write. Need to rethink on what I do with morning pages.

Anyway, here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :). Again, I like the idea of waking up by self, having no one to bother me and having my morning to myself. I love this and I need to ensure that I have more of this.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. Again, I slept at a decentish hotel.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can escape the non-workingness of the last few days, I would like it.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I will do what I want to without any fear or input or judgement from others.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Got to sleep well at a hotel.
    2. Could work on a few things that were open over the last three days. I need to close many more things today.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could’ve managed time better and been little more assertive, it would’ve been better.
  8. Quote for the day
    No quote today. I am running from one thing from another. Like I said, I need to rethink these morning pages.

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had a few. Wont have today on.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had a few. Wont have today on.
  • #aPicADay – 6. Here is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 6
  • Money spent – Tracked.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 6
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 7