301021 – Morning Pages

Even though I had enough and more time today, I still did not know what to write. Here’s the post nonetheless.

8:09. Home.

Been sleeping as if I have been sleep-deprived for 10 years. Maybe I am. so good sleep that I am literally remembering my dreams. Something that I haven’t done in a while. Have promptly logged those in my #dreamCatching notebook. The back is sore, the neck hurts and all those nitrogen bubbles are popping all over my body. So that.

So groggy and so slow that I can’t even think. Maybe cos I haven’t had coffee in the whole of yesterday. And had a lot of carbs. And slept well after ages. I think I need to move to lo-carb OMAD pronto. Today on. Damn this struggle with food, fitness, weight, and lust for long life.

The best thing about yesterday is that I got paid by one of my clients that had held some money back. The money helped me pay back a tiny chunk of what I owe to the world. I must pay back everything I owe. Somehow. Plus I am not making any large commitments till I pay back all loans. May take me a year or more. But I shall stick to it. Of course, if something super compelling comes up, I will take the plunge. I am a fool like that!

For a change, I have some time today and yet I dont know what to write. The grogginess is not helping. Maybe I will come back in a bit and write more?

Ok, I came back at 9:10. Still nothing else to write 😐

#note2self. Must take out time to think more about what I want these morning pages to be. I’ve been on it for almost a year now and I still havent seen any external traction. Of course, to me, as a person, these pages have helped a lot. I love that I can dump thoughts on my head here. I just need to get more active and use this time to get something done. Damn the pressure of doing large things ;P

Anyhow, here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. I had a few things to do yesterday and if I were the same SG as I have been, I would have done all of those. But I couldnt. It is just becuase I am unable to concentrate on anything for long. Need to fix this.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I made enough money this money to be able to pay back one of my creditors. One of my lifegoals is to be at a point where I dont owe anyone anything. At least the money, Need to have more months like this. Dear universe…
    2. Even though I am in debt, am still able to choose how I want to live my life. I am grateful for that.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can try and do OMAD, it would be amazing. I am supposed to meet a few friends and all and thus it would be tough. But let’s see.
    2. Work. Lol!
  5. A daily affirmation.
    I am able to control my urges and do thing that I want to, at time when I want to, in a manner I want to.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I was home for the large part of the day. All four of us were under one roof after a while. That was amazing.
    2. I slept well. Overslept actually. That was great. Yay!
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. I havent been able to give time to others that I care for. I need to fix it. I can’t ignore others just because one thing is asking for disproportionate attention.
    2. I had decided to fast. If not that, live on OMAD. But I was unable to. So that.
  8. Quote for the day
    “Instead of working 9-5 like a machine, work like a lion: Train hard, sprint, rest, & reassess. Repeat.” – Naval

Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 1. Hope to make this longer.
  • #noCoffee – 1. Hope to make this longer.
  • #aPicADay – 0.
  • Daily Journal – 23
  • Money spent – 774. Because I was home and there was no opportunity to spend. Lol.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 23
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 23

291021 – Morning Pages

A lazy morning page post. Despite spending an hour or so on this, I dont have a lot to write. Sigh!

7:08. Home. Finally here after a week or so.

The highlight of yesterday would be that I was on a set. And the epiphany, the realization that I love love love being on a set. It is where I feel alive. It is where I am the most engaged. I may be good with content, writing, etc, but I really really love being on a live set – an event, a film, a play. Something where people get together to deliver something that would make the world lose a sense of time and misery that they are typically engulfed in! I have to find a way to be on more sets more often!

Lemme dive into the journal. I dont know what to write the journal allows me to think in a structured manner. Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. Again, I am unable to focus on anything for more than a few seconds. That too has become a task. I think once this madness is over, I would work on this. If it requires me to take drastic steps, will do so.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I have a home to come back to where I can be myself. A place where I can sprawl on the bed, make a mess and sleep wherever I want to and there is no one who’d bug me. This concept of personal space is very very important. It’s been a few years since I have had a good one. I need to work towards getting to it again. At least right now, I am grateful that my parents worked hard to get this place.
    2. Music. Not mine. But in general. I find great solace in music. When I am mindfucked, music is one of those things that I can escape to. Like right now, I am listening to this one. The other thing that I lean on when I am mindfucked is driving. Need to be able to get a car.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can finish some of the open tasks, especially for the clients that pay me, it would be great.
    2. If I can avoid food till 4 PM, it would be great. I am home and it would be tough to do so. Let’s see. The good part is that I will definitely be able to avoid Coke and Coffee. So that should be great.
  5. A daily affirmation.
    I have enough money in the bank to take care of myself and my people. It is enough to nudge all of us closer to our respective dreams and wishes.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I was a set. I realised that it’s the best damn experience. To the extent that I feel alive, engaged and in the moment. Time flies and I dont even know where it went. I think I must do whatever it takes to get closer and closer to being on a set. Help me, universe!
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. I had decided that I would not eat till 4. I did not eat till 2. And then I gave up. If I did not give up for 2 more hours, it would be awesome. It was a start nonetheless. Today, I will try it again. The last meal was I think around 11 last night. Today, let’s see if I can eat at around 4.
    2. I had way too much coke and coffee. I need to avoid these two things.
    3. If I did not leave my shoes behind in the cab I took to come home, it would have been nice. I hate when I am careless and leave things behind. I will try to get those shoes back. Let’s see.
  8. Quote for the day
    “Hope is a good thing, may be the best of the things. And good thing never dies.” – Andy, Shawshank Redemption.

Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0.
  • #noCoffee – 0.
  • #aPicADay – 0. Missed posting one yesterday. Will restart from today on.
  • Daily Journal – 22
  • Money spent – 4288
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 22
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 22

281021 – Morning Pages

A short note (yet again) on how I spent yesterday.

7:57. I woke up a few minutes ago. Groggy, tired, slight headache. Not sure why. But, here we go with the morning pages.

So yesterday was great. I met my extended family. A 25-year old nephew is getting married and in attendance were a few cousins and nephews and nieces. It was fun to catch up with them. Apart from my family, there must have been some 100 people in the gathering and no one seemed to be scared of COVID. Lol!

Anyhow. So back to fam. While I was there, almost everyone was curious about what I do for a living. And like I am unable to explain to the world, I was unable to express it to them. I realized that I need to create a brand. So bad so bad that it’s not funny.

The other thing was that I was so awkward in my head that it sucked. In the sense that I was the only one there that did not formal clothes on. Even the photographers, event managers, and others were in formal clothes. I was a misfit and it sucked. And it made me awkward. I think I must avoid all social dos altogether. I hate being the center of attention like that. Lol, for someone that wants to change the world, I balk at attention. Weird.

Anyhow. So that was that.

Apart from that, I am running so busy that I am not doing things that make me who I am. You know, taking notes, (trying to) eat well, think about taking over the world. Etc etc.

I think I need to prioritize. Come what may. Starting with eating better. Let’s do it from today. I had a burger at fries at 2 last night. So, I will not have anything till about 4. That’s 12+ hours of fast. Let’s see how it goes. If I can manage today, I think I can manage tomorrow and thereon. Lord, give me strength.

Guess this is it.

Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. I did not sleep as well as I would have wanted to.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. Last night I was working on a presentation and I just could not focus on it. It was really really terrible. Need to do something about it.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    Cant think of any right now 🙁
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can manage to not eat for 12 hours, I would be happy!
  5. A daily affirmation.
    I have enough will-power to be able to control my urges and not eat.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I met my extended family. Though I dont have a any deep relations with those, it was still great to see them, meet them and hug them.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I were not as awkward at the function I was at, it would have been better. In fact, if I could spend more time while I was there, it would have been even better. Not that I wanted to chill with them. It’s just that I would have seen the things from start to end.
  8. Quote for the day
    You get luckier once you have more to offer. This is as true as it comes. I have seen that as I grow old, I am more enthused by the idea of sharing more and offering more.

Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0.
  • #noCoffee – 0.
  • #aPicADay – 20. Yesterday’s here.
  • Daily Journal – 21
  • Money spent – 3619
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 21
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 21

271021 – Morning Pages

A very tiny post for today’s morning pages.

7:35. No time to even write / publish these. But I have to. Even if it’s just 100 words. So here we go. And lemme start with the journal.

Here we go with the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. I did not sleep as well as I would have wanted to. Though I had a cold enough room, I did not find the sleep.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. When I am tired, when I go out, when I have to step out, I no longer have to think about money.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. I have a family function to attend. If I can be there and not be awkward, it would be great.
  5. A daily affirmation.
    Even though muck is thrown at me, I am able to manage things well. And I dont lose the shit in my head.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I met a friend for dinner. Had some alcohol. Not a lot. Some beer. Had alcohol after I dont know how many years. And yet I was able to hold myself well. No, I dont intend to do this everyday. Or often. Just that I had it after a while. And I could hold it. So that was amazing. Oh, and when I was there, it loved the momos they served.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. Again. Work. That’s something that I am slacking on. I need to fix it.
    2. Food. Way too much food. Eating like a hog. I need to fix it!
  8. Quote for the day
    Real Artists Ship. This one is apparantly by Steve Jobs and I would love to make a tattoo of that on my butt! I really really need to learn how to start shipping.

That’s about it. No time to even write more. Will be back tomorrow. Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0.
  • #noCoffee – 0.
  • #aPicADay – 19. Yesterday’s here.
  • Daily Journal – 20
  • Money spent – 7239
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 20
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 20

261021 – Morning Pages

A VERY short post today. Did not have time and thus had to crunch my thoughts and ideas into a short one.

8:33. This is probably going to be the shortest one I’ve ever written. The thing is, I have a lot of work and while I want to prioritize morning pages over everything else, I am unable to. I can rant about it but without any further ado, here is the morning pages. I will lean on SM’s journal to write about this.

Oh before I start, today is AS’ event and I hope and pray and wish that it goes well. More about it on another day.

Here we go with the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. I slept well. Maybe some 6 hours straight. Not sure what caused it. But can’t complain. But then I have tons of things on my head. But that’s ok. I am ok with this sort of a life.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I can plan my time to deliver things. For example, I dont have time today to even write morning pages and yet I know that I will be able to deliver the urgent deliverable I am working on.
    2. I dont put names here but this one I need to. There’s this guy, Paras. He works with me. I am grateful that he respects me and he is around EACH time I need him. I hope that I am around when he needs me. And I need to have an army of people that is around me. Right now, I think I have no one when it comes to being able to trust em with life. VG comes close. Paras is closest. But I get that they have their own shit happening and thus I may not be their priority. I wish I could have people that made me their priority while I made them mine. You know, not seeking a romantic relationship here. But one where I know someone has my back. Ok, rant. Moving on.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can finish work on time and go home, it would be great. Lol. Everything is work. Mr. Garg needs a life.
  5. A daily affirmation.
    Each person I care for – family, relatives, friends, acquiantences etc – they are happy healthy engaged and thriving.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Spoke to a cousin of mine. I am not the one to invest too much time in family matters and I spoke to this one probably after ages. But it was great to talk to her. I will probably meet her tomorrow. Let’s see.
    2. I met a friend for dinner / coffee. It was so much fun to catch up with her.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. I really wanted to clip my nails. But I could not. It I could’ve, it would have been awesome.
    2. I ate like a hog. And as I write this, have ordered a lot of food already. I wish I could avoid eating. I remember telling a friend that when I am stressed, I get hungry and horny. And I am feeding into both these vices with carbs and porn. It sucks. Need to fix it.
  8. Quote for the day
    Progress > Perfection.

Ok. Now some words are out of the way, I will try and write till 9:14 and hit publish. So, in terms of things that I am thinking about, I updated the Work With Me page. In fact, the quote of the day came from this page.

I am also thinking about a rebranding project that I am working on. So far it seems to be going ok but if I dont action it today or tomorrow, it would go off-track.

I am also thinking about where I want to be post-Diwali. I am really thinking about being in Nepal. Not Kathmandu. Some remote place in the hills. I liked it there. Just that Internet would be a problem. I am thinking of Goa as well but the thing with Goa is that it is no longer cheap. And second, I have explored it already. Also, this time I want to be on a mountain. I need to get into fitness regime for the trek that I would undertake #in2022. Any ideas? clues? recommendations?

Ok. It’s 9:14. Publishing.

This is about it for the day. And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had a LOT!
  • #aPicADay – 18. Yesterday’s here.
  • Daily Journal – 19
  • Money spent – 7704
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 19
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 19