121021 – Morning Pages

Quick post on how I spent yesterday. And a rant on how I could have done better.

7:12. Some hotel in Gurgaon. I had stayed overnight.

So, the number of times I have come to Gurgaon this trip, I could have rented a place here to live and save money on travel, hotel etc. Ya, I refuse to stay with friends and spend money on hotels. Actually, I like the idea of being by myself, with some me time and experience the convenience offered by a hotel. Like right now, I am in a hotel room, darkness around me, sitting on a lounger, feet perched on a table and writing away to glory. I would love to control things like this. Just that I would love to get more time for self.

Yesterday was adventuous, to say the least. I did some work. I couldnt attend a couple of meetings that I had planned. I couldnt deliver on a few things that I had promised to people – including a chat with a someone I could potentially do a startup with. I am not managing my time well at all. And the worse part is that I am not just whiling my time on day dreaming or something. I am just stuck. If I were day dreaming, I would be happy. But I was not. So that.

The highlight of the day was a dinner with a friend at this place in Gurgaon where they had live music. Even though I had to wear shoes, I realised how much I love muted lights, great service and live music. Especially with tracks that I can sing along to. The band that I was with yesterday played the rom-com tracks that I love so much. Their selection was right out of my playlist. I couldnt have requested for more tracks to be honest. Plus the band played really well. I wish I could take them home :D. Plus, while I was there, I realised I like the idea of spending money and availing experiences and comforts with the money. The entire EBC trip was that. Money is such an important part of life and I seem to be chasing it like a mad man and I dont know the way out πŸ™

Anyhow. Guess this is it in terms of how I spent my day yesterday. I can write more but must take a pause and get going.

So, here’s the journal…

  1. Emoticon:Β :). I am loving that I am at by myself at a hotel room. I think I must find a way to live at a serviced apartment / hotel in life.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1. Need to really amp this up.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I am able to afford semi-decent places to stay back should I get late at some place. I need to find a way to not even think multiple times about booking a place. Let’s see when I reach that point.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. There are a lot of things open since I started work after the EBC trip. If I can complete a few of those, I would be happy and the day would be great!
    2. Yesterday, even though I was in Gurgoan, I could not meet people. Today it looks tough as well. I need to be able to find a way to juggle time and be more meticulous about how I spend my time. If I can manage that, it would be a great day.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I control my time and I can say no to things that would be time syncs. And say yes to things that I think would help me live better and grow in the times to come.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday?Β 
    1. Met a friend for dinner.
    2. Got to stay at a hotel overnight. I love it when I get to stay. Maybe I like the idea of being on the move all the time?
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could’ve managed time better and been little more assertive, it would’ve been better.
  8. Quote for the day
    From Shravan Kumar – “Home is behind and the world ahead”. Apparently, this is the title of a film. Not sure of that. But on first thoughts, this is a lot more than a film. I mean this is everything that I sort of stood for in life and to see a line express my thoughts like that is brilliant!

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had 2.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Sipping onto coffee as we speak.
  • #aPicADay – 5. Here is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 5
  • Money spent – Tracked. Will start cataloging soon.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 5
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 6

111021 – Morning Pages

We have a journal (not a post) for today. Read on.

8:15. Gurgoan. Yeah. Gurgaon. I am here for a meeting. As they say, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

So, I dont have a lot to talk about except a song. Kun Faya Kun. It’s been my go-to song for a while now. I start my day with it. And I end my day with it. I don’t know what it is but it gives me immense peace! So that.

Here’s a thing. Since I have started on SM’s journal method, I find that I have very few words to share and write about. In a way, it’s a good thing. And a bad. Good – I have a structured way of thinking about things and reflect on how things are going. Bad – The free flow of type is not happening. In fact, today as well, I dont have anything else to write after I finished writing the journal format. I may actually drop it if this continues to hamper me from writing.

Here’s the journal…

  1. Emoticon: πŸ™‚
    I am at the office of Gravity Entertainment – the place where I literally learnt about life. It’s like homecoming of sorts. No, not in hunt of a naukri per se. Something else. Will write if it materializes. Plus, now that I am here, I realise I like working out of an office. Or a Starbucks. Or a place to sit out of. So that.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 2. I am better than yesterday.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I get to choose how I live my life. In the sense that I can pick my time (more or less), work on things that I want to work on (more or less) and ignore things that I want to stay away from.
    2. I get some respect. Need more of it. But I need to earn more.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. Like yesterday, if I can finish all the things that I have planned to work on, it would be great.
    2. I am in Gurgaon. If I could meet some people that I otherwise dont get to, it would be awesome.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I am happy and content and I have acche din coming up soon.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday?Β 
    1. I went to a Starbucks and worked.
    2. I got a painting framed. I plan to gift that. I dont like the idea of buying things for myself anymore. Each thing I do, I want to give out.
    3. Spoke to M after a few days. Phew!
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could’ve done more work, it would’ve been better.
  8. Quote for the day
    There is no quote per se. Rather I am thinking about this post from Shravya where she talks about relationships. More on this over the next few days.

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 1
  • #noCoffee – 0. Sipping onto coffee as we speak.
  • #aPicADay – 4.Β HereΒ is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 4
  • Money spent – Trcaked some bit. Need to get more serious.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 4
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 5

101021 – Morning Pages

A long, rambling post from how I spent yesterday. A couple of interesting incidents and some revelations.

6:36. Home.

Had an eventful day yesterday. I had decided to meet a senior at CP and then sit at a Starbucks and deliver on things. And while I was there, I was called to Gurgoan for a meeting. And once I reached Gurgaon, everything was literally thrown out of gear. But that’s ok. That’s how life is. It has a mind and a schedule and a plan of its own.

But then, in Gurgaon, I met my old colleagues, a lockdown friend, bumped into an ex-colleague, browsed through a bookstore, had a leisurely walk while I gave gyaan on writing to a friend! It was a great day, to be honest. I mean I did not do anything that I had planned but it was nice the way it panned out.

While meeting my old colleagues, I realized how much I love the events business. Plus the guys I used to work with, I love them. They are as hardworking as they come and all they do is work. I realize why and how I have the ethos I have. Thanks, Anna, Suvi, Solo!

Went again to Museo. Every time I go there, I am inspired. Must must create a place like that. #lifeGoal

When I was at a Starbucks (in the Galleria market), I bumped into an ex-colleague at a Starbucks. I was trying to work from there and she was passing by. Credits to her that she recognized me and got talking. I love how a place like Starbucks inspires these serendipitous connections.

Oh, the reason I had stepped out of home? To meet another senior from MDI? That was brilliant. The guy I met (Shankar Nath) had so so so so much clarity about what he wants in life. I was envious and inspired at the same time. In one line, he said he does not care about money, fame, brands, reputation, or any such construct that people like me care for. He said he lives his life with a stress-minimization theory. Anything he does, if it adds stress to his life, he does not do. For example, he refuses to do things that make him stressed. On the other hand, my entire life is built around adding more and more stress! Something to ponder upon. I mean I may not blatantly copy what he did. It’s his trip. Mine is clearly different. The only negative out of that meeting is that I ended up having two Diet Cokes and fried food. No, I am not helping matters here.

Oh, I have to write that it’s a bitch to find a cab in Delhi / Gurgaon / Noida. The cabbies, irrespective of Ola or Uber would not go to where you would want to. They want to be paid in cash. They dont want to cross borders. They want to drive through the longest route and fleece. Public transport is anyway fucked up. So that.

In bright things, I got myself a bright new Red iPhone 11. I had wanted to buy a newer version but this is all I can afford right now. And it’s ok. Acche din aaenge. The thing is, I will experiment with two phones for the next few days. One with essential apps (WhatsApp, email, etc). And the other with things I use to kill time (Twitter etc.). Let’s see how that experiment goes.

In the brightest things department, I ended the day by talking to people from #teamSG. I love their energy and ideas and ambitions and aspirations and how they are the damn future. I am grateful that I am playing a tiny part in their future. I really feel responsible for their career and future and all that. I hope I can do justice to my interactions with them.

The last piece that I want to write and catalog is something that #Maa told me. Can’t put it here. It would go on #sgEchochamber.

Guess this is it for the day. Here’s the journal…

  1. Emoticon: :|.
    Same as yesterday. Indiffernet. Little tired. I had way too much coffee, coke and green tea yesterday and thus I did not sleep well. I wont be able to sleep today either – I have a lot to work on.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. There are enough and more people that I can lean on when I need to.
    2. The world throws opportunites at me when I am in soup. Like right now, I need work and yesterday I got at least one distinct opportunty that I could work on to make ends meet.
    3. ?
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can finish all the things that I have planned to work on (the ones I am slacking on since Friday) it would be great. This includes the letter to bade log as well. This is it. My happiness is so much dependent on my work that it’s not funny.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I am gifted enough to be able to juggle multiple things and deliver on multiple projects at the same time. Another one. When I need, opportunites come to me by themselves!
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? A lot!
    1. Met my old colleagues and boss at Gravity Entertainment. Gravity is where I literally learnt about the world by travelling and executing events across the world. I would love to be with them (or create a company like that) if I had more freedom and more control.
    2. Got a new iPhone. I dont feel any special to be honest. Just that the new device is not broken from all corners.
    3. Had a brief call with #teamSG. It was amaze to catch up with them. I like the idea of having people that I care for. And the ones that care for me.
    4. Met Shankar for lunch.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. I shouldnt have had coke when I met Shankar.
    2. I shouldve shipped the letter, at least. And I should’ve made some headway onto the work that’s piled on my plate. It looks tough today as well as I need to first finish things at work.
    3. ?
  8. Quote for the day
    “I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.” – Anon

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #aPicADay – 3.Β Here is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 3
  • Money spent – Again, did not track.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 3
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 4

091021 – Morning Pages

A quick and a short post on today’s morning pages. Not much to write to be honest. But still a post nonetheless.

8:43. Just woke up. Home.

Yesterday was fun. I met a few friends. This was after a while I met someone and I realized how much I love meeting people and spending time talking about work and life and all that. I mean the phone and the texts and all that is around and I can on it all the time. But there is something about meeting people f2f that virtual communication can’t really deliver.

So that.

Staying on the theme of virtual communication, I have been spending a lot of time on social media (twitter, Instagram, facebook and others) lately. All of it needs to stop. I have larger things to work on and not worry about validation from friends and strangers. Today on, I will use two phones – one for critical communication (calls, emails, WhatsApp) and the other for all frivolous ones (twitter, Instagram etc). Let’s see how that experiment goes.

In other news and a quick #note2self, yesterday, I met a guy that asked me about my work and made me realise that I probably suck as much because I dont make the effort to make phone calls. I have no problems to be honest to make these phone calls. Just that I am the kinds that respect other people’s times and do not bother them. And I expect exactly this from others when they speak with me. So, maybe I need to change this as I go along. In fact this is what the Everesrt Base Camp should have taught me. That life is so fragile, so unprdictable, so harsh that a mere phone call can’t really hurt!

Anyhow. More later. For the time being, here’s the journal for the day.

  1. Emoticon: :|.
    Indiffernet. Not happy. Not sad. Not content. Thinking about money and life and all that.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 2.
    I remain 2.
  3. Things that I am grateful.
    1. I have friends that I can meet and be myself and have a great time meeting.
    2. I have the confidence to walk into a coffee store and use my time to get things done, rather than getting stuck in the traffic (when I get late)
    3. ?
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. I am to meet a senior from college. If that meeting converts into business, it would be great.
    2. If I can ship the quarterly letter, it would be great. I have written a large part of it yesterday.
  5. A daily affirmation.
    I have all that I need to live happy and healthy.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday?
    1. Met a friend from MDI. Realised that I am not touchy / feely / huggy with the closest of my friends.
    2. Interviewed some amazing people for The Podium. These kids that AD had found are among the best we’ve had in a long long time. I just hope they come on board and take us to greater heights.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could have had a cab, the day could have started better.
    2. I could not avoid eating kachra yesterday. I need to learn how to do that. I ended up eating nachos and peanuts and I dont know what else.
    3. One random person I was hoping to meet cancelled on me. I need to become someone that no one cancels on! Dunno how. But that.
  8. Quote for the day
    From Will Smith. If you and I get on a theadmill together, there are two outcomes possible. Either you are getting off it before me. Or I am going to die on it. Here.

Moving on with the day. Here’s the streaks.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 1
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had 2 yesterday.
  • #aPicADay – 2. Here.
  • Daily Journal – 2
  • Money spent – Did not track. Will start from today.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 2
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 3

081021 – Morning Pages

Another quick post. Nothing specific. Added more sections to the daily journal / morning pages.

9:09. Starbucks. Yay!

I can’t begin to tell how excited and happy and content I am to be at a Starbucks. And a predictable place where I have fairly fast wi-fi, decent music, ok coffee, and clean indoors. I dont know why I dont live next to one. I mean in Mumbai, I lived next to 5. But that’s past now. The new place I find in whatever city I choose to live in has to be next to a Starbucks. If I go to Goa, then I am not sure. But if it’s a legit city, I need a house next to a Starbucks. Or a 24X7 co-working.

So that.

Ok. Today, I have started a new thing. Each day, first thing in the morning, I plan to send a list of things that I plan to work on to my team. And then by EOD, I want to update them on how I did during the day. I have already mailed them what I am going to do. These include things that I would do for money and things I would not do for money. Today was day 1. So let’s see how it goes. I will also add it to my streaks.

Continuing on that, I also spotted this Twitter thread by Sanjay Mehta where he talks about his journaling. He says his journal has the following sections…

  1. Date
  2. An emoticon that describes how he’s feeling
  3. A Mindful Index
  4. Quote of the day
  5. Things that he is grafeful for on that day.
  6. Things that would make today great.
  7. A Daily affirmation
  8. 3 amazing things that happened yesterday.
  9. What could have made my previous day better.

I think this is a brilliant method to journal and capture the thoughts in your head. I think I will copy this. While SM does this with pen and paper, I am far from it. I am trying to adopt minimalism. So, for starters, I will capture these here. On morning pages. Here we go…

  1. Emoticon: :). Started the day with a wretched mood when I could not get a cab. Had to take an auto and the metro. Worked out to be honest cos I could find an open Starbucks by the time I reached.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 2. Been very very distracted lately. A lot’s on my mind with respect to work. Let’s see how I fare.
  3. Things that I am grateful.
    1. a, the fact that I can afford expensive coffee.
    2. b, the fact that I am back after an ardous trek to the Base Camp.
    3. c, my parents that give me so much freedom that it’s criminal.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. I plan to write my quarterly update to bade log. If I can manage that, I would be happy.
    2. If I can avoid eating crap (even though I am out the entire day), I would be happy.
  5. A daily affirmation. I live in abundance and I have access to all the resources I need to make things happen.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday?
    1. Gave gyaan to a friend on podcasting
    2. Got back to work. Had some calls. Realised how much I miss working!
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could work out of an office or a cafe, I would have liked it
    2. If I was little less sleepy, I would be better.
    3. If I could’ve got some workout in, even better!
  8. Quote for the day: “Amor Fati

Ok. This took me a lot of time. But I am glad I did this. Made me think, reflect and really get in my head. So cool! Thanks, Sanjay!

Moving on with the day. Here’s the streaks.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 1
  • #noCoffee – 0. Having one as we speak.
  • #aPicADay – 1. Here.
  • Daily Journal – 1. Started today
  • Money spent – Did not track. Will start from today.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 1
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 2

071021 – Morning Pages

An inane update and a shortpost about restarting morning pages.

6:38. Home. The only one I have ever known.

So I am in Delhi now. And I am back to work. I need to dive headfirst into work, even if Delhi doesn’t offer me the most conducive environment for work. In fact, I will try this week, and then on the basis of how it goes, I will decide if I want to stay here. Or move to some other place (even Mumbai, if that is required).

One large thing that I want to do is to be 32″ around my waist by end of the year. I will start working on it from today. Eat less. Eat at home. Eat mindfully. Fast once a week. The day I am gonna get the most crap in my system, would be the weekends. So, fast on the weekends.

That.

On to other things, there’s a lot open at my end. At work specifically. And for other things that I need to do for the home. And for random dreams that I like the idea of conjuring. I was hoping that the trip to EBC would give me some clarity about life and all that. None of that happened. To be honest, the daily grind of the walk was way too overwhelming to even apply my head to something else. I mean I did find time to scribble and think and all that but it wasn’t what I had imagined it to be. Easier would have been to throw the connectivity somewhere and then just stay with a notepad and a pencil. Maybe the next break I take would be exactly this. Let’s see when that happens. Where things stand right now, I have a lot to work on.

What else?

Not sure. Nothing strikes my head right now. I am yet to open my notes, email, Asana, Roam, etc, and figure out the things that need to be done. Plus, since I have just woken up after a 16-hour sleep, I am yet to come back to life. Even moving limbs is being a pain. Maybe it’s all the exhaustion of the walk of the last few days?

Guess this is about it. Time to get going and start working.

And, finally, starting streaks from today on. From ground-up. Here we go.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. I had a lot of coke while I was on the trek. It stops today.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Ditto. Lot of coffee. It stops today.
  • #aPicADay – 0. Took a lot of pics but did not post those.
  • Money spent – 0. Literallty stopped tracking money. Need to track.
  • Killer Boogie – 0. I may start with this, now that I have nothing else to work on for my fitness.
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Will get to this.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0. Will get to this.
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 1. Today is post 1.
  • NOFAP – Did a sreak of more than a month. Let’s see what I decide on this over the next few days.

051021 – Morning Pages

A meaningless post with no special updates. Just a collection of thoughts and things that are at the top of my head.

7:45. Breakfast table at the hotel.

Quite honestly, I love hotels. Even this one – for all the problems and shittiness and issues that it has. In fact, I would love to live in a hotel. You know, those serviced apartments? Those. Plus I anyway dont really care about possessions, gifts, personal things as long as I have a large, comfortable bed to sleep in and an AC that works well. And a service that comes and cleans the place in my absence. Someone I know lives in a service apartment at a fancy hotel in Dubai and I am jealous of him. Wait. Not jealous. Inspired. After all, the guy has worked hard to make that happen. Let’s see when I get to make that happen.

For the time being, the highlight of the day has to be that I am back to work from today. Even though I am in Nepal till tomorrow. Plus, a lot has happened in my absence. Most of it is not pleasant. I will have to take some hard calls about life and work and career and relationships and all that. The next few days would be interesting, to say the least. I must say that I quite like it here. People are nice. It has a small-town vibe and yet places that offer comfort and convenience. I think if I can manage to find remote work, I would not mind living and working out of Nepal. Of course, Goa as an option is open to working out of! It all probably depends on the kind of work I can find for myself. So that.

Oh, yesterday was fun. We went out to this club (Purple Haze, Kathmandu) where a live band was playing. The acoustics were fucked up (Killa would have lost his shit) but I loved the vibe. It was exactly the kind of place that I would love to own and run and manage. High ceilings, interesting decor, great service (something that I have found consistent at Nepal), and top of it all, managed well. I saw the band and I had to had to had to dream of owning a place like that. If not for anything specific, just for the opportunities that it provides. In fact, I took a note as well while I was there. Where most people see entertainment, relaxation, chilling out, etc, I see opportunity. I just need to be able to capitalize on those. Come on, universe. Come on, Mr. G.

What else?
I am not sure what else to write.
Oh, once I am back in India, I plan to go on a disciplined diet of low-carb food, in an attempt to get fitter. I have promised a couple of people that I would be 32″ by the time 2021 ends. I am at 37 and a half right now. In fact, I had thought I would lose weight while on the trek but nothing of that sort has happened. I’ve actually put on more weight for all the Dal Rice that I ate while I was there.

I think this is about it for the time being. I mean there’s a lot to be written and thought and all that but I am still not there when it comes to writing. This break of 15 days was way too long and the writing muscle seems to have waned off. They say it right. Muscles atrophy if you dont practice things every day. May be in the next few days the words would flow better and things would make more sense.

Till then, over and out. More tomorrow.

PS: No streaks today either.
PPS: I need to find a way to get these morning pages to become more than just a journal of sorts. Maybe I will start writing the next book. Maybe I will work on the script. Maybe I will bring back SoG here. But something has to happen with these pages to make em more useful. Ideas anyone?

041021 – Morning Pages

Quick post on how it is to come back to a connected life.

9:17. Kathmandu. I am at one of those 3-star hotels that position themselves as 4 and fail miserably at it. So while you pay a lot of money for it, in reality, you have really wasted that. In fact, this whole trip, I have been on autopilot per se. I have not tried to be the pushy, type-A planner that I know myself to be. Rather, I have merely gone with what others planned and followed instructions. To be honest, it was not bad. Having things managed for you by others. But what sucked was that I was unable to control the amount of money I spent. I had imagined I will spend not more than 50K. And the trip is already 4X of that. And I have two more days to go. But then, that’s ok. Such is life and these are the things that make life worth living – you know, the ups and the downs. There are way too many highlights in exchange. And I think this is why I even make money in the first place – to be able to live for experiences.

So, the highlight of yesterday has to be the relaxed, lazy day spent strolling around Thamel. The thing is, I like the idea of this idleness for a large part of the day. And then a lot of action for some part of the day. And then repeat.

To be honest, I quite like Kathmandu (even with all the pollution, dust, and sneaky salespeople). It has all the good things that India has – unorganized mess, crazy traffic, winding roads, freedom to jaywalk, chaotic life, etc. And then more – a hub for tourists, small lanes, cozy restaurants, cute coffee shops that could serve as the perfect inspiration for writing shit. You get the drift. I think this is the same as Goa. Or a Dubai. Or a Bangkok. The option to be in a city that is multi-cultural and international in its very fabric. A Delhi or a Mumbai or a Bangalore is not that. It is more business, more work, more day-to-day large business kind of place. I think I am more suited for a place that has more international, cosmopolitan life. But then the dreams that I hold so close, the ambitions that are so lofty, I dont know what to do about those.

Or maybe, just maybe, this is all an after-effect of spending so much time in the mountains that I am sort of disenchanted from the city life. Once I am back to work and the daily grind, I would probably forget all that I am thinking about and I would be back in action – you know, hustle, work, dreaming, meeting people, doing things etc etc.

Apart from this rant about work and life, the minds pretty much blank. I am still jittery while typing even though I am on my own computer. I will probably need another couple of days to get back to normal, I think. Let’s see when that happens and how I feel when that happens.

Guess this is it.

Oh, I dont have the time to work on streaks today as well. I would start those from tomorrow on, hopefully. Plus I’ve had coffee, coke, and sugar in a million forms and I dont want to think about it right now.

So, till tomorrow, over and out.

031021 – Morning Pages

A lazy post where I am sort of coming back to the grind. In terms of writing, thinking, striving, trying, dreaming and all that.

9:04. AM PM Cafe, Pokhara, Nepal.

I am on a computer after about two weeks. And I am rusty. And I am surprised that the infinite speed at which I could type is now reduced to a literal crawl.

So there are so so so many things to write and reflect on. There are so many decisions to be made. There are so many things to be done. I dont even know where to start from. I’d probably just use bullet points and see where it goes?

Here we go. In no order.

A.
EBC was not tough. I mean it was tough indeed but if I could manage it, I am sure everyone in the world can. More on this when I write a longer post about EBC but it really wasn’t tough.

B.
Last night, as I started to come back to the world, I installed Instagram, Twitter, and all other apps that I had deleted a few months ago. Have wasted so much time on those. It’s so easy to fall down the rabbit hole. But then while I was there, I did not miss it at all.

C.
I have no clue of what’s happening in the world. And for a change, I am ok with it. I mean Sony and Zee almost merged. Air India got sold. Apple’s new range is being talked about. Gandhi’s birthday came and went and there was the usual brouhaha about it. And like I said, I did not care. Don’t care. For once, the hermit life of living off the grid, doing things by self on a day-to-day basis without the pressure to make a dent in the universe felt good! But then, that’s not what we were put here for. There is a responsibility that we have towards Universe after all.

D.
Learned so much about myself. My limitations, my dreams, my aspirations, my plans, my shortcomings. I learned how insignificant I am. I learned that most rants that we town-dwelling folks have, are meaningless when the temperature is sub-zero and you have to share a hole in the mountain with 25 other people as your toilet.

E.
I realized (and re-affirmed) that while I may want to be a billionaire, at the very core, I like the company of common-folk. You know, the ones that are not really billionaires and all that. While I was at the trek, I saw my fellow travelers engage with other fancy people and I was happier talking to the porters and the guides, and local folks that were drawing water from the lakes. This has been a theme since I dont know how long. When I did events, I would find the company of an ordinary carpenter more soothing than that of the CEO or the celebrity dancer that we would invite to perform. So, it’s essentially a reaffirmation of who I’ve been. And no, I dont know what this means in the long run but thats how it is.

F.
The dream of doing the Everest is more real now. I mean I have now seen it from up-close (lol!) and I know what it takes. One side of me tells me that it’s going to be a tough tough battle. I mean I did reach the base camp. And I looked up the Khumbu ice-fall and it looked scary. And on the other end, it looked doable. I mean it’s just a walk up the ice. So I may just as well make it to the Jan 1, 2026 deadline. Just that I need to find 4 months and 40 lakhs to support my expedition. Let’s see when that happens. Right now, I need to focus on more urgent things like work and all. Been away for a large part of the last 2 weeks and I am sort of disconnected.

G.
Lemme talk of work. So, most things sort of disintegrated at work. This means that I am still not at a place where I can go for long leaves and let things happen on auto-pilot. I will have to sort of rebuild work from scratch. It sucks to be at a point where I am struggling to make ends meet. And then I am craving to make ends meet at end of each month. And I am always thinking where to get the next tranch of loan from, to fund the dreams of people that I’ve sort of chosen to keep close. One thought is that I must stop feeding others and get to some stability for myself. The other is, this is what defines me! How can I quit on these people? More than that, how can I quit on myself and my decisions?

H.
In terms of people, while I was there, I think I was ok to not think about anyone that I knew prior to the trek. This includes my parents, my sis, M, romantic interests, friends, colleagues, and more. This was a big big revelation to me. Need to think more about this. #note2self #toThink

I.
I have some 1000 ideas about what to write, each thing inspired by the time I spent away from the Internet and the people and the world I know of. Let’s see when I can find the time to do so. I also need to write a lot of other things that I have been putting for later (quarterly email to bade log, for example). So that.


So yeah. Guess this is about it! I mean I can find more things to write about but as of now, these are the things that I can think of. More over the next few days.

Not that things are any clear for me but it was a good break to have. Now that I am back to the grind, let’s see how things go from here on. More in the next few days. Hope to continue writing these every day from today on. And finally, the streaks. I dont even remember where I left them at. I will start tomorrow, hopefully. Till then, over and out!

160921 – Morning Pages

A not-so-post post from the day. Probably the last before I leave for a no-phone, no-internet trip.

8:30. Home. This could be the last post before I leave for my trip. And I dont know when I will pick back the baton after I am back. I dont have any deep or meaningful or insightful or “famous last words” kind of a thing to leave this text with.

Yesterday was a little weird. I did some work. I did some time pass. I had stayed the previous night at a nice hotel. I was in that space where things looked rosy. But then moment I reached home, the grind of the 2-hour travel from Gurgaon to home literally killed me. Plus as soon I was back, I had to take an RTPCR test for travel. This is my second test and like last time around, it was very uncomfortable. Blame it on my deviated septum. And then I was in this zone where I was unable to work. Yeah, I am that fragile. And then I had an argument of sorts with a colleague. That was not cool either. But guess that’s ok. Part and parcel of life.

Today is more or less gonna get spent on working. I do have to buy a few last-minute things. Will step out and get those. I also need to pack things. There’s less than a day to go for the trip. So that.

I am hoping I would be able to write tomorrow as well. Let’s see.

Oh, this feels like such an anti-climax moment – ending a 280-day streak with a dud post. But guess that’s how life is. No clear closures.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 189
  • #noCoffee – 33
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 10277
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 279
  • NOFAP – 15