260821 – Morning Pages

A shortpost lamenting about lack of money, fancy things, audience and more. Damn these ranty and negative posts!

8:30. Starbucks. Somewhere in Lower Parel. I am here yet again. Second time in less than a week or so. Work. Sigh. I am now realising how incredible a waste of time this face to face meetings are, especially when it’s mere transactional work. TBH, today is not transactional per se. This one is an important meeting. But this could very well have been a Zoom call. But theek hai. Kaam hai. Karo.

So, yesterday I was supposed to start a 48-hour fast. But I ended up eating like a pig. That was coming out of famine. I ate whatever I saw. Even if the taste was BS and all I ate was fried in oil that was already heated and re-heated a million times. As a result, my stomach has revolted. I have this funny feeling in my gut. I dont know what to do to solve it. I remember Vijesh telling me that each time you are unwell, just fast for 3 days and have just coconut water. So lemme try that today. I mean today I will have to have a lot of green tea (aka ghaas ka paani) as I am on the road but I can have coconut water from tomorrow on. Let’s see.

Also, yesterday, a funny thing happened. I have to log it in here. I am part of the team that is making a short film. For that, since it’s an indie film, we need to save as much money as we can. The team decided that they would pick things from our respective homes and houses and decorate the set. They thus decided to come over to my place. And when they were decided that, I realized that I hate to let strangers come over to my space for inspection. I dont have anything to hide. I have just a handful of things. Even those, most are packed already. I keep my place mostly tidy. But when the decision was made to come over to my place, I was fucked in my head. And these were people that I trust and love and care for and all that. And for a project that would help me go beyond in life. And yet I heard my pit growl. I dont know what it is about getting people in places where I live.

I remember last year when I lived at a fancier place, during the lockdown, VG and AS came over on some frivolous pretext. I was mindfucked for a week after that. The same thing happened when I lived in a fancy locality but a fuckall house. I think it’s my insecurity at the inability to make enough to stand shoulder to shoulder with my peers. I need to think more about this at some point in time in life. Let’s see when. #toThink

Oh, I got paid for a project that I had done in June. This means I can now fund the film that I spoke about earlier. And more importantly, I can pay my people. Yay!

Ok. Moving on. Next thing. Today.

For starters, I am gonna try and fast today.

Today looks like a bad day. In the sense that I am already in unchartered waters (wearing pants, formal shirt, carrying shoes, at a place that is known for poshness). Plus way too many things open with way too many projects for one of my clients. Plus the growling stomach and the parched heart. Wah. Parched heart. I wish I was more famous and my words found more homes.

I just hope that I can avoid the temptation to eat while I am zipping thru the town. Of course, I have discovered that as long as I am busy in my head, I can. So maybe I need to do that. Keep myself occupied. With what? I dont know yet. Let’s see.

Guess this is it for the day.
I shall report back how it is tomorrow.

Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 168
  • #noCoffee – 11
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 1886
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 258

250821 – Morning Pages

Quick post on tabs pandemic, people, proximity, photos, pains of traveling in Mumbai.

7:43. In shelter. I am here till about 11. Have a few calls where I need to be in a silent, quiet room and defend a case per se. I can’t really take calls from Starbucks. I am thinking, the days I am gonna be in Delhi, I would not have a quiet room per se. I do have a separate room per se but I am not sure how quiet it is going to be. Let’s see when we reach there.

So the largest thing, on the top of my head, is the pandemic of unclosed tabs. I have some 1200 tabs open that need work on. I mean not open per se but the ones that I need to act upon. I dont even know how to close those. Some are videos to be seen, some are things to be read, some are things to do. I dont know what to do about it. I am in that circle where I open tabs like my life depends on those and then keep pushing them back. Any solutions anyone?

The highlight of the day has to be the walk on the Versova beach with AdiSave. We talked about life, work, projects, and all that. And then a quick meeting with SJ and him. We talked about TRS, the future, and all that. I love such meetings, such conversations. I love the idea of sort of planning where I want to be. And then actually making things happen that take us there. Also, I love these in-person meets. There’s something about being able to see someone from up close that a Zoom call does not cut.

Oh, and here’s a pick from the walk yesterday. I think this is among the best pics I’ve clicked in a long long time.

Tell me when you spot the guy. He was supposed to be the focal point 😀

The thing is, I could meet Adi Sir cos he lives close by. It’s not really walking distance but I can meet him fast enough if required. I also called Rana Sir. He lives far from where I am and thus it was a phone call (and not an in-person meeting). I spoke to Hemant Sir about things. While these phone calls are awesome, they’re not really my thing.

In fact, I wish everyone I care for, lived within walking distance from me. That’s the thing. At a point in time, VG made plans that all of us friends must live together as grow old. I am not sure if that will pan out. Let’s see if it does. I just hope it’s not in India. And if it is in India, it has to be a beach. Or mountains.

Actually, I can’t do a laidback life. I would want to be bang in the middle of the action! So let’s see.

What else?

Oh, I sat with SJ2 the other day and gave him dope on what to do in case I dont come back from EBC. I dont want to be the guy that leaves a mess behind.

Of course, I ate kachra like a man coming from a famine. No, not a good thing. But I can not seem to control what I eat and how I eat and where I eat and all that. I need to figure out a solution to this food problem. Ok. Here’s a promise. I will make another attempt at a 48-hour fast from today on. I had the last thing at around 1 AM last night. So I will try to eat the next thing on the morning of the 28th. Let’s see if I can manage.

Today looks like a longish day with a few meetings, few calls, and a lot of other small errands. Like I said, the first one is important enough for me to stay back and not go to a Starbucks. So that.

Guess this is about it for the time being. More tomorrow. I have to travel to Lower Parel tomorrow and need to stay there till 7:30 PM at least. Bummer. Dreading it already. The good part is that I have a train pass / ticket and that means I dont have to get stuck in the traffic. In the morning, it’s anyway ok. The evening is what I am worried about. Chalo let’s see how it is.

Oh, before I end, here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 167
  • #noCoffee – 10
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 1385
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 257

240821 – Morning Pages

A weird post where I touch upon a million things under the sun. Clothes, Mumbai, Fitness, EBC and more.

8:23. Woke up a few minutes ago. Groggy. I actually slept at 3 or something. I was in bed at around 10:30 but I couldn’t just sleep. I even ordered a parantha at 1ish and ate. Thereby fucking up OMAD. I have just about 2 weeks to get to EBC and I am running way behind on my attempts at getting ready for it. I may be in for a surprise when I am there. I just hope that in the worst case, they airlift me back to humanity! And just to be prepared, I sat with SJ2 and gave him access to all my passwords. And the will. In case.

So, in the news yesterday, I did a lot of work. It was one of my most productive days, to be honest. Even though I did not move the needle on a lot of things but I did have control over my time and delivered on most things that were expected from me. So that was cool.

Oh, I was dressed in an office shirt (and shorts :D), and no I did not see the advantages of dressing up well. I did not make any heads turn. I did not feel more confident. I did not have strangers walking up to me and telling me that they feel I could be a fit in their next film. Rather I was sweating (it was hot yesterday) and that meant that I am not sure if I would take the adventure of dressing up to help me get ahead in the world.

What else? The thing is when you are so groggy, there is this lingering, mild headache, you dont know what to do. You can’t think straight. The best way to get out of this is to go take a walk. Or maybe eat something. If not even that, have some coffee or something. Lol.

Ok, lemme write bullet points about what’s on my head. This often works for me.

  1. M is moving away from Mumbai in the next 6 months. She’s probably the closest thing I have that I am attached to at an emotional level. Everything else is expendable. Thing is, I am randomly getting emo about it. I mean it is good for her in the long run if she’s out of here. There are better oppourtunities. She gets to spread her wings and get away from the cocoon that she’s living here in.
  2. I feel guilty at some level for not being able to work out and all that. Thing is, I just can’t use my mornings for anything but work. And by evening, things from the day are piled and there is no time. Plus I am unable to start by myself. I mean I can work all that I want to. But I can’t work out. It’s way too boring! The only sustainable way for me to make it work would be to start engaging in some sport in the after-work hours.
  3. I’ve been reading about some criticism of Dr. Peterson. No, I havent found anything alarming. I mean people dont like the fact that he’s a “conservative” but there’s no logical argument against what he preachers. Guess that’s true with every polarising figure. Anyhow. This is still WIP.
  4. I have this opportunity where I could with with BA on his idea as a co-founder. I am at a place where I have enough and more work on my shoulders. I am almost getting comfortable in terms of money I make. I do want to make more. I am not sure if I have the bandwidth to work on it at a deeper level. So I am at this crossroads. Need to take a call. Will probably do so while I am walking up the EBC.
  5. There’s so much flux in life right now! There are so many open things on my head right now that I am not sure where to find peace. I mean I am distracted a lot. I am thinking a lot about random things. There seems to be this hulchul just below the surface. I dont know what’s causing it. I dont know what’s the antidote. I dont know what’s the solution. But I know something is wrong for sure and it needs fixing.

So this. I know a lot to dump. Should I get back to meditation or something? I dont know. Let me try today.

I am hoping to not go to a Starbucks today. Let’s see if I can manage that. I know I won’t be able to. I mean it’s like a habit, a routine. And anyway I dont have a lot of time left here in Mumbai. I would be gone in less than 10 days. But what goes in trying to write and seeing if I can manage to stay “in shelter”.

So that’s about it. Ok, need to move on with the day. Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 166
  • #noCoffee – 9
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 4098
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 256

230821 – Morning Pages

A quick post about food, habits and clothes. And then some gyaan.

9:31. At the Starbucks. Even though I woke up at 7, I puttered around the house. I had bought shoes and some other things yesterday from a Decathlon and I just wanted to sort of unpacking. And torture myself with the thoughts of wearing those when I am on my way to EBC.

Oh, I am wearing better clothes since yesterday. I mean not old, fata hua tees. But better shirts and all that. I wore a Kurta (or the closest garment I had to one) for Rakhi at M&m. And today, I am wearing a shirt that I would otherwise reserve for an office, in-person meeting.

No, it’s not cool. Neither it offers any comfort. But I have decided to mould myself to the ways of the world. Enough of gareebi. I just need to learn fake smiles and social conversations and some humor and I would be on my way to becoming a Steve Jobs. Lol. Wishful thinking.

The other good thing that happened was that I managed a 46-hour fast. On a whim. I have realised that the age-old adage is correct – that you eat food only when you are in a societal construct (meeting people, friends, family etc). Or when you are bored. Or you are habituated. You know, you want a chai as soon as you wake up.

So, Saturday and Sunday, I kept myself very very busy. And that helped. I need to now fill my calendar with things. The flip side is that I won’t get to work out. But I know I would be able to avoid eating.

The tough part was to say no to all the awesome things that VG’s place had. And then I had to meet some colleagues. I was tempted to pick from their plates but I did not. I did have a tiny morsel of Coconut from M. And then another tiny piece of cake from the colleague whose birthday we were celebrating. So I can say that I could avoid the societal constructs easy.

The habit is the thing that I need to work on. I mean I have to do a couple of video calls today and I will do those from SJ2’s place. And that means I will probably go buy kachra. And that’s because I am habituated. Need to break this chain.

So that.

Oh, I was to move houses on the weekend but I didn’t. I just did not feel like it. Not that I did a lot but I just did not feel like it. The move is now moved to the next weekend. And that is a time that I dont have an option to shift indiscriminately. I mean I need to vacate the house by the 2nd. So, I know what am doing the next weekend! And I hate hate hate this shifting and all that. It’s way too soul-sucking. But then, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Of course, I will add another post to the series of posts that I write when I move.

I think this is it for the day. Need to get going. Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 2. Ate after a 46-hour fast. Let’s see if I can manage OMAD today as well.
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 165
  • #noCoffee – 8
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 10403
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 255

220821 – Morning Pages

A quick post where the only highlight is that I am on a 32-hour fast as it gets published.

6:52. Yet again, sleepless. I think it’s all the tea I am having. I haven’t had coffee in a while. Oh, and, I did manage a fast yesterday. As we speak, I haven’t had anything since 10 PM on the 20th. So, I am well past 24 hours. Let’s see how much can I stretch this. The only time I would be tempted to eat would be when I meet M at around 11:30. If I can avoid eating at that time, I can try and push it to 48 hours. So that!

In “news from yesterday”, it was, well, an interesting day. Did some work. Sent some emails. Saw some motivational videos. Thought a lot about life. Gave gyaan on Team SG Aug 21 Group. I then actually sat at a coffee shop (Blue Tokai, not Starbucks) and did not have my phone (not that I planned, the battery had run out) and thought about where I am in life and where I want to be. It was one of those rare sessions where I thought deeply about things. And not merely reacted to things happening in my head. It was tough, to be honest. But it was good. I found some answers. I am still grappling with some. I hope I can do more such sessions more often.

So that.

There’s this thing that I wanted to write about yesterday but I could not. Lemme put this out today. So I am like one of those people that if left alone with an ax in the forest, will chop the damn forest down. I first heard this phrase in one of Dr. Peterson’s videos. I can’t find the link right now but if I do, I will insert it here. So, I am that. What he means is that there are some people that can’t sit idle even if they have all they crave for, want, need et al. So I am that. I have to have something to work on. More the merrier. And I dont say no to incoming work even if I am loaded like the man who’s been given the target to chop the damn forest!

Oh, by the way, the track I am tripping onto these days is this.

There’s something about acoustic music. I cant pin point but I really really dig it.

Ok, it’s 8:22. I am the Powai Starbucks. This is where I wrote #tnks. I miss those days. Time seemed like an academic concept with little or no relevance or blue. Oh, the exuberance and hope that young age gifts you. I would sit here from the time they open for 2-3 hours. Write to my hearts content. And then go work. To be honest, I was probably not even sure of what I was working on. I was following the herd that I’ve been a part of. And that was alright. I mean we all make mistakes. All I can do is prevent the next generation from making the mistakes I made. If only I could become a persuasive communicator.

So that.

What else?

Nothing much. I am really gunning for a 48-hour fast. M will try and feed me. I will see if I can just taste it a bit. You know like a morsel.

More tomorrow. Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 1. Managed a fast! Yay!
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 164
  • #noCoffee – 7
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 2357
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 254

210821 – Morning Pages

A longish post on things at the top of my head. While writing this, I ended up stumbling upon an idea that could define who I am and help me leave a legacy!

6:51 AM.
Woke up with a mild headache. At the lower back of my head. Where you have the medulla oblongata. I get this one when I am either catching a cold. Or I am stressed. Let’s see which one of the two it is. Plus I am not been sleeping properly. In the sense that even though I haven’t had coffee in a few days, I am still wide-eyed till late in the night. I dont know what is causing this state. This phase of life, I really want it to pass by fast!

So in terms of yesterday, I started by thinking that I would eat once and that too food cooked for me, at a friend’s place. Went there. Ate that. And then cooked myself some Maggi. And then ordered some kachra. You know chips and all that. And ended the day with rice and roti and I dont know what all. I am literally dumping things in my stomach and I am hoping to lose weight and go walk up to EBC. The Fuck. I have just about 3 weeks before I am up there. I need to get my act together if I want to come back in one piece.

Am gonna fast today. Come what may. Let’s see what I am made up of. If required, I will spend a fortune at Starbucks and stay parked there. But I will not eat.

Been thinking that should I give it up. You know, the dreams and hopes and aspirations and all that and find some easy gig and retire. I am almost at the retirement age anyway.

Ok. Moving on. So over the last 2-3 days, I have seen two films. The Taking of Pelham 123 and Gone Baby Gone. Both are in the right zone that I like – some action, some adventure, a puzzle, a human thrown into a moral dilemma. And some slick work with the camera, music, and acting. Both have amazing performances – the kinds that move you and make you think and give you ideas and want you to stop those thoughts about quitting!

The desire to be in the middle of things for making films is getting stronger by the day. I can feel it. Sense it. You know how those killer dogs sniff their prey?

But then this is nothing new. I have sniffed multiple such things multiple times for multiple things. I remember, when I was in Goa last year, I was thinking of making a fortune in Goa. Before that, last year itself, I was trying to do a startup that would given me a billion dollars. More recently, I started with Long Haul Ventures thinking I would revolutionize how startups raise money. There are more examples. I mean the list of these opportunities that are just-around-the-corner is a mile long. I hope one of those comes true. Soon. Or else, you would see me as a teacher or something at some third-rate college that won’t even pay me enough money to make my ends meet and live the fancy lifestyle. You know, the one where I can fund people around me.

Anyhow. The larger lesson from these films happened when I read more about how those films came into being. Specifically when I was reading about Gone Baby Gone. The film stars Casey Affleck. And is directed by his brother Ben Affleck. Ben happens to be a childhood friend of Matt Damon, another accomplished actor, and more. While each of those people has gone onto do great things, it’s unreal how they help each other, support each other and ensure that they see success together. If I could leave a lesson to the young kids, I would say, they need to find collaborators, friends, and bouncing boards early in life. #teamSG

Oh, there’s a similar story about Leo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt being buddies for a long time and collaborating. Those salons in Europe when it was the intellectual and artistic capital of the world is famous for spawning friendships and collaborations and supporting each other, even if these friends were not in the same industry. I mean you could be a painter that knows a writer and in case someone asks for a writer, you would recommend the friend you know and give whatever inputs you can give.

I must re-create these salons. I must seed opportunities for young people to meet each other. You know, a curated list of young kids that I have met and I throw them in a room with other young kids that I feel has the potential. Come to think of it, this could be an idea. You know, to reinvent success. Can I do this at a commercial scale? Run a structured business where I identify talent, take that person thru the things I feel are important to become long-term thinkers and then let them “graduate” once they have a friend or two that they can work with together for a long long time to come. Fuck, interesting! #parkedideas. Must think about this on the upcoming road trip and the trek. #sgP1

Oh, btw, these friendships that I am talking about, are not like Bollywood where entire dynasties are engaged in the business of films. Where your merit may or may not count as long as you share the same last name.

So that. I am excited!

Ok, need to move on. It’s almost 7:45. Starbucks awaits. The packing and all that shall happen once I am back. Two things are the mantra for the day. Dont while time on things that dont add up. Fast.

And here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0. I am attempting a fast today. Let’s see.
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 163
  • #noCoffee – 6
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 886
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 253

200821 – Morning Pages

Quick update that I am not even sure that counts as morning pages. I am supposed to start my day with these but I did not.

10:03! Really.

This is probably the most late I’ve been on morning pages. Multiple things are at play. Woke up late. Client calls that I couldn’t avoid. Work calls that I could not avoid. And then general fuckery in life and all. But der aaye, durust aaye.

So, yesterday was quite ok. The day was ok. Did some yoga. Did some work. Slacked a bit. Walked a bit. Met Prak. Gave away things that she owned. Packed another bag. Couldn’t go to the beach. Which is ok. If I could only eat less, it would’ve been perfect!

Today looks like a busy day. Not too many calls but quite a few things need to be done. Let’s see when I get those done. Once I am done with those, I need to finish whatever is left to pack. I plan to move this weekend. Let’s see.

In things at the top of my head, I am thinking about something that’s been gnawing at me for long. My inability to create a roaring success. Lemme spend a min on this. There are two kinds of successes – mild and wild. Mild – comfortable house, pension, a loving family, and all that. Wild – change the world kinds. I crave wild success more than anything else in the world. And I am yet to even see even a glimpse of mild success. I can’t even put myself and wild success in one sentence. I want it so bad that I am willing to give an arm and leg for that. Really. I can. I will, if someone shows me the way!

Side Note: Read my SoG on mild success vs wild success.

I do know that there’s some variance needed for wild success. And that may happen today, tomorrow. Or never. But I am surprised that even mild hasn’t happened to me. Plus, saw this yesterday and was triggered…

This popped on my browser.

I do think I am smart.
I do think that I am resourceful.
Ok, I may be a dreamer but I do think I have the chops needed to make it rich and see mild success, if not wild.

And yet I dont have.
Ankit Pandey tells me that “Dhan yog aur rajyog ki dasha nahi aai hai. Simple.”

But then, the question remains, kab aaegi ye dasha?

So let’s see. If you believe in God, or Universe or whatever, please pray that I get to it soon. A lot needs to be done in life 😀

The other thing that I need to capture for posterity is that I reached out to Team MML and shared with them what I am going thru. These boys are like the last resort that I can confide in. I mean who else will I go to? Anyhow. So, even though most of us don’t talk anymore as much as we should, it was really comforting to have a set of people that trust me, that will not judge me for all my failures and shortcomings. I wish I had was better at making and retaining friends.

That’s about it for the time being. I hope I am not this late next time on.

Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0. Ate 10 times. 10 things 🙁
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 162
  • #noCoffee – 5. Wow! Let’s see if I can make it without coffee till Nov.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 659 (and bought three flight tickets)
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Havent done as yet.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 252

P.S.: Technically morning pages had to be the first thing I do in the morning. Today I did not. So technically my streak is gone :(. But then, I did publish this in the first half. So, cutting myself slack 😀

190821 – Morning Pages

In today’s post, I talk about how I enjoy meeting people f2f, local trains in Mumbai and benefits of taking a pause.

5:58. Woke up a few minutes ago. And I slept for good 12 hours or so over the last 24 hours. Lemme come back to it. So I had a meeting at Lower Parel yesterday. I came back at around 4. Ate. Slept for a couple of hours. And then ate and then slept again for a couple of hours. And then finally, I slept. Was in bed by 11. So that’s 2 + 2 + 7. So 11. Not 12.

But then, the highlight of yesterday has to be that I wore shoes. And pants. Denims. And traveled for 3 hours to attend an hour-long meeting. Total waste of time to be honest. But then I also realized how much I love meeting people. And how much I suck at small talk. I mean talk to me about work, I can yap for hours. But talk to me about films and all, I can’t do shit.

Oh, I took a train on the way back. Must have taken one after I dont know how long. Thankfully I had that universal pass and all that. I had forgotten my art of finding the queue with the shortest length, the platform nearest to the exits, the grind of walking up the stairs to change tracks. You may hate em but the local trains remain the fastest way to travel within Mumbai.

So, as I said, I was back by 4. Dint do must after that. Was not tired per se to be hoenst. But was in this weird sa zone where I did not want to do anything. More on why I was in this zone is on echochamber.

I did manage some packing. Mostly books. There isn’t a lot anyway. The decision to get Ikea’s Frakta (this and this) turned out to be a good one. Most of the books are now in bags that can be easily managed, stored and carried around. Actually, cartons are better for storage but I am not really concerned about storage at this point.

While packing, I made separate bags for books that I need to take to Delhi. And books that I need to store here in Bom. Wait. Why do I even want to store things in Bom? I don’t plan to have a house that has a toothpick more than what I need. But then why do I even take them to Delhi? I mean that house is small and there’s any way a loft full of books. Should I just dump them in some godown? Paras has one. Or at SJ2’s place. Or maybe keep waiting to have enough money to start a co-working space wherever I decide to spend my time and then make a library of sorts there? I dont know yet. Will think over the next few days. All I know is that I need to get things in boxes / bags so that I can move those easily.

Ok. Plans for today?

Well, the calendar looks kind of empty for the time being. But I am sure as the day progresses, it will get filled with meetings and all that. I need to buy myself shoes for the trek today come what may. If I want to come back in one piece from EBC! There’s a Decathlon in Bandra. Will probably go there if I am not too fried during the day. So far, I think my mood is ok.

I will go to Starbucks as soon as it opens. Reminds me. Yesterday, I was at another Starbucks in the morning (one in Lower Parel – you know I did not want to travel in peak hours) and it had giant windows overlooking a construction site. And before I started work, I put Anne Reburn’s track on my headphones, sipped onto the green tea, slowly, for as long as the track ran. I was literally in that moment. I dont know what made that moment magical. Music? Pause? The feeling of no-rush? I loved it! Those three minutes were lovely. I think I need to do this every day. I mean most times when I start the day, I am rushing to get things done. I dont pause per se. Maybe I need to do this. Maybe Naval isn’t wrong after all!

Ok. Been at this for an hour now. Need to take a break. Get ready for Surya Namaskars. Was on a two-day streak before I had to take a break yesterday.

Back. Done. 12. Felt easy today for some reason.

Time to get ready and head to a Starbucks. Also, I think I’ve written enough for the day. Ending it. Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 1
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 161
  • #noCoffee – 4
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 1097
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. If I do tomorrow as well, will update as 2. Dont want to get too ahead of myself.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 251

180821 – Morning Pages

A quick note about things on the top of my head. I talk about moving on from this house, relationships, music, life and death!

6:24. This one is going to be short and sweet. I have to be on the road at 7:15 tops. Have a meeting at Worli and I need to find a Starbucks for that. And then have another meeting at 11. There itself. And then another meeting at 1 after that. This day shall be spent on the road. And in talking. Much like a large part of yesterday. Sigh. No, I am not enjoying this. But theek hai. This is where we are. This is what I have to do till I figure the next steps.

The thing with the f2f meeting is that I need to wear pants and shoes. The two things that I have come to hate more than anything else. Especially since the lockdown. I will of course carry a pair of chappals in a bag that I will wear as soon as I am out of the meeting. Thank God I dont have smelly feet. So that helps.

Today’s post has no structure. I will merely dump things that are on top of my head. Let’s go…

A. Have started to pack the house. I am now in that stage where I have accepted that I am moving on. I have accepted that this place is a thing of the past. The problem-solving mind in me has taken over and now I am thinking of the best way to pack and move on. I could choose cartons. Or I could choose suitcases. Or bags. I need to optimize for sturdiness, convenience, cost, and more. So I settled on those big Ikea bags. Have ordered a few of those (and some more things). Let’s see if I can pack when they come. I am also making stacks of things that I need to send to various people – one for SG2, one for PM, one for SJ, one that needs to be given away, and then some more for more people. If all goes well, I will move my effects by this weekend.

I am thinking, will my life be this organized when I finally move on? You know, all things stacked neatly in bags / cartons? No spec of dust around. Whoever walks through my effects would be amazed to find that I was always this planned. Oh, btw, the other day I starting making a sheet of all the things I own. So far I have just touched the tip of the iceberg and I am already tired. When you live, you dont spot those things but when it comes to making a list, you realise how much you have. Need to reduce drastically. For the ones curious, the sheet is here. Do lemme know what you think of this.

B. Good part of yesterday is that I went to the beach and sat there for a bit. While I was there, I reaslied that for all the stoic things I read, I am probably as un-stoic a person as they come. I am attached to people. I expect things without expecting them. I crave their attention. I seek their validation. A lot of my misery in the last few days is a direct result and outcome of this very thing. You know, on one side, not expecting. And on the other, expecting a lot. I am trying hard to detach. I have started with things. I have moved on from most people. Need to move on from whatever handful I am left attached to.

Another lens is that till about 6 months back I was thinking about how would I make ends meet. Now that that’s not a problem, I am now at a higher-level problem. Of belonging and all that. Maslow, you bugger!

And thus the snafus in my head. More on this someday.

C. I want to now come to a point in life where I dont need a laptop. I should be able to merely get things done from a phone. You know, I dont want to do. I want to manage. Which I was, for the most part when I did events. But since I pivoted to marketing / content, a lot needs to be done. By me. You know, quality. So that’s one of the things I am working towards.

D. Day 250. This is the 250th day of a non-stop streak of writing morning pages. I have not missed these even one day! I think I am incredibly proud of this. I dont think I have shown this much rigor, this much attention, and this much perseverance with anything ever. I hope I can continue this till the 16th of Sep (when I go for my annual break). The bigger challenge would be to pick this up once I am back. Because once that rhythm is broken, you know how it is.

E. Anne Reburn. I am hooked on this cover of Country Roads. By an artist called Anne Reburn. She is so good! The track has a tiny twist. Do see it.

I have to meet Anne at some point in time in life and I will probably request her to play this for me. #lifeGoal. Of course, the keyword is “request”. As an artist, she chooses what she showers on me. In fact, this is the shift that has happened in my head. Rather than “demanding” from people that I adulate, people I am in awe of, people I admire, people I take inspiration from, I now “request” them to give me whatever they can spare. It is no longer about “taking” from them. It’s about “learning” from them.

Guess this is about it. It’s 6:51. I need to be out of the house in less than 15 mins. Over and out.

I know this is a short post. But I am glad I got it in. Had a lot on my head. Phew!

Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0. Streak. 000
  • #noCoke – 160
  • #noCoffee – 3
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 4647
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Not doing today either. Unless some miracle happens.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 250! Yay!

170821 – Morning Pages

A ranty post about work, Starbucks and how I am dependent on public places to get things done.

7:21. Woke up a few minutes ago. Little groggy. Tired as well. I dont know why. I did not do anything that would leave me like this. Plus, I have a long day ahead. And a lot of what I am busy with, I need to be the one talking. So, it’s going to be a long and interesting day. And by the end of it, I would probably be exhausted. Not exactly the kind of busyness that I like but theek hai. That’s where life is right now and can’t complain. Or rejoice. Let’s see how it goes.

Oh, because I am the one talking, if I talk well and I see that people are enjoying what am saying, I would end the day on a high. And if everything goes flat, I would be sad. Yeah, my work is what guides my happiness and sadness.

Ok, yesterday. This amazing thing happened. I worked for more than 12 hours! I mean I am not proud but I realised that that’s all I have to my life. And I could only do this because stores are now allowed to remain open till 10 PM.

I started at 830 with morning pages. Took a break around 12 for lunch etc. And then went back to a Starbucks at 5ish or something. And stayed till 945. So I was up and about for longer. And rather than sleeping by 945, I actually did more things. I must say that the vibe at a Starbucks in the morning is way different than the Starbucks in the evening. There are many more people merely chilling, catching up, gossiping in the evening. The crowds are more effervescent. There are larger groups, noises are louder. Morning is more intimate. People are mostly working and trying to get things done. I think I am indifferent to this vibe per se, as long as I get a place to sit and bury myself in my laptop. And of course, being a morning person and all that, I prefer mornings. Even if the vibe was wild like a club!

Thing is, this dependence on public places to work from is not really cool. I need to be less dependent on things. You know, walk on my journey by myself. Plus, It’s not cheap at all. I mean I spend almost 1000 bucks each day there. Making it the most expensive indulgence I have. But then, I am thinking, if it allows me to get things done, why not? Plus I am sure once offices are open and I get back to a WeWork or something, I would manage it cheaper.

Let’s see.

The point remains that I am more effective when I am not alone. And definitely far far better when I am not at this house. The good part is that I am gonna be out in less than 15 days. Yay!

In other news, I restarted with a lo-carb diet. I mean it’s just been one day but I plan to continue with it till the time I am in Mumbai. Once I go to Delhi, I am sure I would want to eat all the street food strewn out there on every nook and cranny!

Nothing else to report per se. As always, I have way too many ideas. Way less time. And I still dont ship. Sigh. Need to fix it. Somehow. And before I spiral down into a full-blown rant and a depressive cave, must move on. Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0. No work on any book yesterday.
  • #noCoke – 159
  • #noCoffee – 2. Had none. Had 2 chais.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 1880
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 2. Did 12 rounds today as well.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 249