Category: Writing

060821 – Morning Pages

A list of things on the top of my head. This includes money, twitter, movement, Dr. Peterson and more.

6:42. Just woke up.

Less than a month to go when I leave this house. Couldn’t be happier. I just hope the next one I get to is better than this one. I think the way to make it better would be to find a house in a new building, on a higher floor with little furniture in it. Let’s see when I do that. Not till Diwali for sure. But whevever I do, these variables have to be kept in consideration as primary. And then secondary ones will include things like access to a Starbucks, commercial / cultural hubs, promixmity to whoever is the friend at that time. Etc. etc.

So that.

Chalo, lets start the day. And with things that I am thinking about.

A. Money

Lemme start with the thing from the top of my head.
Money.
Mine. And others. Others that work with me.

Thing with money is, it enables you to do more. It makes you free. It gives you access to things that you did not have otherwise access to. It helps you push things and go into unchartered places. It helps you grow. It gives you confidence to do more things. It is the thing that moves you. Plus, the world also works in a funny way. It rewards people that alreday have the money! I mean it’s the rich that can create opportunties and make more money along the way. Of course a few poor ones make money as well but those are that. Few. Few and far between. Generally it’s the rich. Money gets you more money.

Ok. I am getting into a rant.
Lemme track back.
And talk about the money for others that I work with.

So, I am directly responsible for a team of almost 13 people. Indirectly many more. But these 13 people, I am their primary source of revenue. Each month, on the month end, I am thinking about how would I pay these people on time. Somehow it works out!

And no, I dont pay them a lot of money but I do pay them as much as I can. I know that it’s not enough. Not even enough for them to buy a coffee at Starbucks on a daily basis (what I do!). And I want to change this. I want to be in a utopian world where everyone has the money they need to live life the way they want to. You know, not worried about meeting the basics.

Thing is, I want to pay my people enough so that they can live happily and engaged and all that. I am lucky that most people I work with understand where I come from, see that I am doing the best I can and thus they support me. I am sure they feel the lack of money (I feel!) but they dont complain.

The thing is, this house of cards hangs precariously on my ability to get work. Last year, during the pandemic, the house literally crumbled and if not for a few friends that extended loan and gave me work, I would probably be forced to let go of people. That time’s passe.

Now that I have some work on my plate, I need to find opportunities to grow, make more and then make some more. And of course use whatever I make to support my people. Again in the best way possible.

Thing is, money is never enough. It’s like playing a game. You know, you reach a certain level. And then you want to move up to the more difficult and advanced ones. Similarly, you reach a certain stage in life and you want more from there on. And money fuels this never-ending ride that keeps going to the moon and beyond. And I dont want to be that rich dad that just keeps giving without a concern for how that is being spent. So, I have to be this judicious old man that can predict how much a certain person with their personalty and lifestyle needs. And wants. And then, I want to give them more than their needs. And yet, not feed their wants.

The other thing is that most people I work with are in this (with me) because they see me as someone who’s got his heart at the right place. So that’s a good thing. Plus, most of these are in it for their respective passions (and not just to have that “work-life” balance thing going for them). And I anyway want to run my team, my setup as an entrepreneurial one where each person owns the thing they work on. Even if there is no money to be made per se. They must own a piece of thing they work on. I want to show them the “the vast and endless sea” and make them “to yearn” for that.

Ok. Moving on.

B. Dr. Peterson

I am back to seeing Jordan Peterson’s videos. There’s this pattern that I’ve spotted. Everytime I am little fucked about things, work or otherwise, YT throws either Peterson or Seneca at me. Really. So I dont know how the algorithm knows how I am feeling but it does!

So, Dr. Peterson is controversial but his takes are fascinating and I think I like what he says. I am still not deep into what he says and I only see edited, highlights version of what he preaches but I can relate to a lot that he says. From male dominance to power to relationships to individuality and more. I wish I could attend some sort of a long-form course where he talks about life and philosophy and all that. I saw these videos over yesterday…

Fuck, the range of people that I am influenced by is so wide. Steve Jobs, Dandapani, Jordon Peterson!

Anyhow. Moving on.
To movement.

C. Movement

In other news, I was talking to someone yesterday and I realised that I am a doer and a lazy bum at the same time.

Doer – I like to make things move. You know, cause movement.

Lazy – I dont want to do things myself. I’d rather put in some people to manage those ideas.

So this combination makes me a weirdo. Need to think more on this as I go along. Could be important. #note2self

D. No Twitter

So, I havent been on twitter for some 10-12 days now.

I do check it but I dont post it. I dont engage with people. I dont expect replies. I dont mindlessly scroll what people are posting. I dont bookmark threads hoping to never revisit / read those.

This staying off has been good. And bad.
Lemme try to tabulate things.

Bad. Twitter was like my mouth piece. My echochamber. I would let a lot of unfiltered thoughts move onto paper in shape of tweets. And then basis of feedback (if any) I get from my followers, I would shape my thoughts and opinions. Now that I dont have Twitter to post emo-tweets and all that, I am thinking about things all the time. I am unable to get negative thoughts out of my mind. And thus I am regurgitating those all the time. You know, from concisous to the back of my head to back to the front again. And it’s not cool. I think I am losing my stoicism! Lol! ;P

Often these thoughts / ideas are temporary flares. You know, a car cuts your rick the wrong way? You want to rant about it quick. You do that on twitter and you move on. So those times, I think twitter served well.

Other times, the thoughts are tad deeper. For example, I am clearly suffering on the relationship front. I have no one to talk to. Twitter was my only solace. So, in past when I suffered, I would put something on twitter to cope up with what’s hurting me. More often than not, this act of writing a tweet and posting was similar to talking to a confidante. I would thus be over whatever was hurting me. So that helped. Muck was out of me. I was ok.

Of course, this temporal messages phenomenon is not good. You dont really go deep. You dont delve and mull over things. Worse. If I dont delve, I merely scratch the surface and I dont go deeper. At the level where I need to solve it. So, I need to fix this. If I am suffering, I need to layer down to the very bottom and try and find an answer to that. And then solve it. Even if, I need to move on, like Dr. Peterson says.

Bad. I no longer have access to a hive brain that can throw back ideas, links, suggestions, connections etc to me. Not cool at all. This probably is the single-largest thing I miss about not being able to post on twitter.

Good. My screen time is drastically lower. Probably at the lowest point in life right now. So that’s great! Need to find a way to keep the screentime low for when I come back on twitter.

So yeah. This is about it. Ya, a lot on my mind! And, here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 148
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had two. Tall. Americanos.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 30 + 575 + 30 + 1425 + 163 + 189 + 35 (2447)
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 1. Walked super slow but I did walk.
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 238

050821 – Morning Pages

A shortish post where I thought I would unravel the folds of my heart and talk about things. But I couldn’t! As they say, it’s a sign!

8:36. Starbucks. I got up late today. Which is ok. At times it’s cool.

However, the last few days, I have consistently not been able to work on the EBC things. No walks. No Surya Namaskars. No workouts. Nothing. Damn! The funny thing is that I am not working as much. I mean I am optimizing my time better, to be honest. And thus I am getting done a lot.

Lemme rant for a bit. I am in that mood, you know.

About things that I typically do not talk about. Anyhow, I have decided to live in public and today could be a good time to start.

So things on the personal front (relationships and friends) haven’t been great lately. The family department is doing ok, thankfully. So, relationships. Even though I am 38, I dont understand how to run these. I understand few things. The vocabulary I use is even more limited. I like the idea of giving space to people. I like to not impose myself, even at places where I must try and assert my presence. As a result, I often find myself standing in a corner, staring at a wall.

Ok. Wait.

I’ve been trying to write this since 8:30. It’s almost 10. And I am hardly done with one para. No, not because I dont have enough to write. But because I keep getting interrupted by unplanned and inexplicable calls from people that I can’t hang up on. You know, Akshay, Paras, etc.

So maybe it’s a sign to not let the guard down on these things as yet. So, I shall refrain.

However, this means that this would become one of the shortest posts I’ve ever made on morning pages since I started writing last year (some 230 days ago. 237, if my calculation is right). In fact, lemme talk about this. I am surprised at myself that I have been able to write and publish every day since I started. This is now probably the longest streak on anything in life. I’ve been regular and it’s awesome. Of course, I haven’t been able to build an audience per se but I am sure this mad streak with writing every day is helping in some way or the other. I mean I am not sure. I am merely speculating. Let’s see.

Chalo that’s about this, I guess. Will be back tomorrow with more.

And since I dont want to publish less than 500 words, must mention this – I love empty Starbucks. You know, at 8 in the morning. It has yellow diffused lights, plush (and yet minimalistic) furniture, muted music (that is so indiscernible that you know something is playing but you can’t pinpoint what it is), and literally no one else. You are literally the king of the world Starbucks!

This is it.
500+ words. Including the ones captured with streaks.

Here.

  • OMAD – 0. Ate three meals yesterday 🙁
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 147
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had two. Tall. Americanos.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 30 + 816 + 559 + 169 + 164 + 900 (2683)
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0. Been missing for 2-3 days now.
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 237

040821 – Morning Pages

There’s nothing specific that I’ve on my head today. So a list of random notes / things / ideas etc.

5:50. I had a sleepless night. I mean I was in bed by 1030 I think but I kept waking up. I dont know why but I did not sleep ok. It has to be coffee. I had a strong one yesterday. Even though I ate like a hog after that and had a lot of water, the residue was still in my system, I am guessing. Anyhow. I am up. Yawning like a baby. Lots to be done today. Let’s see how it goes.

Yesterday was ok.
I did some work.
I talked to some people.
Troubleshooted a few things.
Moved along.
However, I did not do my 10K steps. I ate kachra. And I have anyway stopped working out. I am not even making pretenses that I will try and do anything. The only thing I am doing is regular walking. And trying to get enough sleep. Yesterday I didn’t do these two either.

So if I am serious about EBC and Everest eventually, I need to get my act together. And come to think of it, I had made a promise to myself that fitness will become my number 1 priority. Even if work suffers. I think what’s happening is that I am allowing work to suffer, and yet I am not doing anything for fitness. Must mend my ways.

Oh, I need to buy a new chappal. The one I bought from Bata is very very uncomfortable. In the sense that it’s heavy. It’s a good thing, to be honest – it is probably helping me prepare for trekking shoes that I will have to wear for 15 days. But on a day-to-day basis, walking around in bad chappals is probably gonna hurt me more. So need to buy some flip-flops.

Moving from the feet to the head. I have this void in my head. About not working on a book. I mean the book (biography) I am helping edit / write / research is sort of done. It’s with the publishers now and unless they come back with a lot of changes, my job there is done. I miss not working on it. I miss not thinking about it. I miss the narrative structures that I would draw. You know, putting a thought in a manner that it’s comprehensive and easy to consume. That. Maybe this is the right time to pick up the second book? Lemme try once I reach Starbucks.

Ok. What else is at the top of my head? I have spilled enough ink about how I am moving out of this house end of August. Oh yeah. The next short film that I am co-producing with Shikha and RCF is going on the floor soon. As early as the end of August. Yay!

Also, on the film, I am gonna make sure that I am the film photographer. I’ve been wanting to experiment with it and this is the opportunity that I have sort of created for myself. If I can make a mark, it will be a classic case of creating luck. In fact, I think I like this idea of playing with things and scratching my itch even if I have to put in my own money. I mean why else do I make money? To try new things. To spend on things that I like. To do things that others won’t allow me to. So that’s cool. And I must mention that all I am doing here is helping Shikha who’s the real reason why this film is happening. She (and a few others) are my Venue and Serena! Lol! Self-gloating max.

Ok. What else?

Guess rest is the regular humdrum of life. More tomorrow. Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 2
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 146
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had one. Venti.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 30 + 3000 + 363 + 399 + 25 + 55 (3872)
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 236

030821 – Morning Pages

A longish post on the darkness in my head and the light shown by the story of Richard Williams.

5:41. Woke up a few minutes ago.
Saw Whatsapp first thing in the morning.
Saw a video by Vijay Yadav. This one.

Then I saw Nobody’s trailer on AnSr’s recommendation. Here…

Almost cummed in my shorts. I mean the team from John Wick + Saul (aka Bob) + Music + Visual Delight. Wow.

Also, this is the second film since yesterday that I have been tripping over. The first one is King Richard sent by VG.

This film is based on the life of Richard Williams (better known as Venus and Serena’s father). King Richard touched me like no other film has, in the recent past. I mean it talks about an ambitious man that wants to see success through the success of his daughters. Will come back to this film in a bit. Lemme park it here. Point A.

So, I feel human after two days.

Human as in, physically, there are no lingering pains anywhere in the body. I feel refreshed, energized, and all that. It was probably aided by the fact that I have been resting last two days. I had slept at 10:30. So good 7 hours of sleep. Or maybe because I did not eat crap yesterday. Whatever worked yesterday, I hope it works today as well.

In contrast to this feeling of greatness in the morning, yesterday was bad. So bad that it was probably the darkest of the last few days. It may sound like hyperbole but I could only survive because of two things – 1, Naval. 2, my ambition. Will come back to this in a bit. Parked point B.

So, for some reason (money situation primarily), I spent all of yesterday questioning my life choices. I mean where I am is an outcome of the choices I’ve made and the way I’ve acted on those choices. Clearly, I did not do a good job at either (choices and actions). If things were bad just at work / career front, I would still be ok. But things have been pathetic at other ends also. Lemme share a chart that I maintain on my vision board. I don’t think I’ve ever made this public. But here it is. As of today morning.

A screengrab from my Vision Board

I don’t know where I found this chart from but I think it’s a great way to evaluate and measure where life is. And you can then reflect on what needs fixing. On my chart, I can see that I am failing at all 8 important things in life. The only saving grace is my family (and even on that, I choose to live away from my parents).

Of course, like any other thinking, feeling, evaluating individual, I want to fix these. And these dark days are occurring frequently and like Steve would say, if things arent good for a few days on the trot, maybe it’s the time to change those. Let’s see what I change. And how. And when.

Lemme talk about King Richard.

Coming to Parked Thing A, King Richard.

Here. See this. In case you haven’t.

I could relate so much to King Richard. I had tears flowing when I saw the trailer. I bet the film will win all the awards there are! I wager that it would get at least 10 Oscars.

It is after all a story of one man’s fight against odds, the chase of impossible, trust, faith, patience, hard work, grit and more. Oh, and of ambition.

For all the use of the word ambition in my head, thoughts, and actions, I am as big a failure as they come. To a point that it hurts. And it’s suffocating.

The days when I am not busy with the general humdrum of life, you know, the days when you can take a pause and think? Those days I spiral so bad into the literal abyss that I take literally a week to get out of. I must admit that the days I go AWOL on friends and family, I am not physically unwell. Rather I am suffering from dark thoughts about where I want to in life and how far away from that I am. In terms of money wealth, impact, reach, work, fame, notoriety, even fitness. And the worse is that from where I stand, I don’t see things improving at all.

As I age, these bouts of dark days are happening with more frequency (I know I’ve said this already) and it takes longer to get out of those. The escape mechanism I had of taking a car and hitting the road is no longer a viable option. The other escaping method was to eat like a mad man, switch off the phone, and sleep. Even that doesn’t help anymore.

This is where I lean on what I learned from Naval. Will come to it in a bit. I want to stay with King Richard right now.

So, the other thing that I picked from King Richard is the reinforcement of the belief that I will probably not be a massive success as an individual. Rather I may be cut for being that person in the shadows, the one that works with these superstars and shapes them. You know, someone that sees their success come to life via others. In Richard’s case, it was his daughters. In my case, I am not sure. I mean I do have a few young ones that I am investing into. But I am still far from seeing them reach anywhere. I just hope that I don’t end up like Vikramaditya in Sur. Anyhow. Who cares.

I like the idea of enabling others. I just hope I am able to contribute to their lives and make superstars and massive successes off them.

The other thing that I want to talk about, from King Richard, is this entire thing about giving a hard time to the ones that are working for you. Remember Whiplash? I mean the entire premise is this hard-love for talented apprentices. Of course, I remain conflicted about what I take away from that. On one side, I like the idea of hard work, determination, sacrifice to achieve what you potentially can. And on the other, I know that mental health issues are real, especially with the dopamine-laced brains of kids around us. After I saw King Richard, I think I am leaning towards being a tough mentor. But then, to be one, do I have what a Richard had? Or Fletcher?

I dont know. Time shall tell.

Parked Thing B. Lessons from Naval Ravikant.

Lemme talk about Naval and Ambition.

So I read this tweet from Naval that said something like this – you can’t control your thoughts but you can observe them and choose to react to those.

Yesterday was one such day. When I was mindfucked. Probably because I was unwell and there were other things playing on my head. So I went walking. I walked real slow. I did like 5K steps in 2 hours. And while I walked I did not have a companion with me. You know, things like phone calls, music, videos, chess and more. I did not even pause to take photos that I’ve been trying to last few days. I merely watched my thoughts. And I tried not to react to the non-stop dark thoughts about my inability to do things. Or my inability to hold onto friends / relationships etc. I merely observed the thoughts as they came and went. It was tough considering I had to observe traffic in / around Lokhandwala as well. Lol. Bad timing.

So I while I was observing my thoughts, my head kept swirling back to the definition of success that I want to live my life with. You know, the outcome of ambition. It dawned on me that I believe success is the long-forgotten Kabir Das ka doha. It goes…

Saain itna dijiye, jaame kutumb samaay, main bhookha naa rahoon, sadhu na bhookha jaaye

Kabir the poet

Further, here are the things that I thought would look like success.

Mastery over time. When I can be the master of my time with 100% certainty. Right now, I am at about 5% in terms of how I plan my life and time. Long way to go.

Financial Freedom. When I no longer work for money. And I can choose to work on things that I want to, even if I am not rewarded for those things. Right now, I am in debt. So far far away from financial freedom.

Plus, I do not have those ambitions where I want to reduce consumption, etc. I really want a lavish life with all comforts and all that. I want to be able to buy anything from anywhere without thinking about the cost / price.

Giant with a shoulder. When I can support others around me with whatever they need / want. And then I want to help others in whatever way I can!

That’s it. Three things.
Wow, that simple!

Funnily, as I think and write about this, family (my family, not my parents) doesn’t feature in this. Maybe I will change with time. And my personal goals of Everest, Marathon, etc do not fit in here as well. Hmm. Funny.

So yeah.

This is about it from the walk yesterday. A lot of this was probably triggered by King Richard. And by the general failure that I’ve been. Films do have power like no other. Must must must fastrack the non-existent films career. Come on, Universe!

I guess this is about it for the day. Realized, I’ve been writing for almost 2 hours now! Oh, and here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 1
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 145
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had two.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 30 + 232. Adding this from today on.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 2
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 235

[RANT] 020821 – Morning Pages

A ranty post on the first-world problems that I am afflicted with.

5:20. Woke up a few minutes ago. Yesterday I slept at some 8:30 or something. I wasn’t feeling too well. I was on a podcast and then on a call and I could barely keep my eyes open. People on the other side could see that I was unwell. Through a Zoom window. Sigh. I think I was probably gassed, bloated, sleep-deprived, and tired.

So, what happened was this – a friend and I decided that we would go for a long walk on Sunday. For that, I had to be out of my house at 6. And that meant I had to wake up at 5. And that meant I had to sleep by 10. But I slept at 1 or something. I had some work to be done. So I was sleep-deprived. Plus right after the not-so-strenuous walk, I ate from Pancham Puri (the best damn place to eat kachra that gives pleasure to your senses). The very mention of it is making me salivate! The food we ate was so well “oiled” that I could see a thick layer of oil floating over the gravy. And then I ate some more crap from random places. And as a result, I was full. And despite that, I kept loading myself with chocolates and water and I dont know what all. And thus I was pukish. And it showed. Not just to me. But to others.

In fact, this seems to be a trend. Since I started walking. Once I am done with my walks, I sort of eat far more than what I am supposed to. And as a result, these walks are probably doing more harm than good. So, need to control these. And fix things. From today on, come hell or high water, if I can’t eat food made at a home, I will not eat. Enough of ordering from out.

I also need to stop ignoring that all this walking around is probably taking its toll on me. You know, it’s making me tired and sore (without any massage or stretching) and I need to let the body recover. Starting with sleep. Need to stop compromising on it.

So that.

In other news, the joy from life seems to have disappeared. You know, there’s not Joie de Vivre! I am not even playing chess, the thing that I had found comfort in after I realized I am friendless and loveless. In fact, I was talking to AnPa on Saturday and I realized that life seems to be going ok but there aren’t any large exciting things happening that I could live on top of. You know, there’s no dopamine hit. There’s no hedonistic treadmill that am riding on. I mean there’s nothing wrong with life per se. There’s some money coming on. Most things I work on are what I like. Side projects are going well. The friends and family column needs a little nudge but that’s ok. Or maybe that’s what I need to work on? Let’s see.

Moving on.

There’s less than 45 days to go for EBC. I am still not working out. Neither am I getting any breathing exercises done. Must start with Surya Namaskar and Push-Ups. Thing is, I am most productive in the morning, and if feel as if I have wasted my time and all that. I dont know the fix for this 🙁

Ok. Enough of rants. Lemme talk of other things that are, well, not rants.

Over the weekend, while I couldn’t do a lot of work, I did record a couple of podcasts. Each of those taught me so much and allowed me to learn so much. I am wondering why I dont do more of these. Probably the laziness? I am not sure. Must fix this!

Then, I talked to someone who’s living the life I want to live. You know, works at the intersection of writing, strategy, teaching, travel, and more. He is doing exactly what I want to do with my life. Makes money. Hold intellectually stimulating conversations. Knows people at “higher” places. He even told me about a VERY VERY famous writer on his writing style. He said the writer would spend a year or two researching his next book. And then check into a hotel for a month and crank out the manuscript of 100,000 words. I think that’s fabulous. I must do the same. Take a month out each year and take a break for a month. And come out with a book. The other lesson I took (and got reinforced) from this chat was that the world celebrates success like nothing else. Need to get there.

Then, I gave gyaan to another aspiring entrepreneur about writing and books and all that.

Ok. Enough. It’s 6:29. More than an hour since I started writing. Need to get on with the day. Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 144
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 1
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 234

PS: Starting today, I will mark all ranty posts as [RANT]. I want to see how much I crib and rant and cry.

010821 – Morning Pages

A quick post about what I did yesterday and what I plan to do about those. More rant than anything else to be honest.

5:24. Woke up a few minutes ago. And I have less than 20 minutes to write today. Need to leave at 6 for a longish walk. I hope to do 20K steps today from 7ish till about 9ish. Let’s see how many I get in.

So let’s dive in. Here’s a quick recap of yesterday. And quick thoughts.

I took a break from walking. I averaged 15K steps this week before yesterday. I was on track to do 110K steps. Now, if I can get to 100K, I would be happy. And I am anyway eating like a mad man. Will stop from tomorrow on. I will also implement a no-call before 2 PM rule from tomorrow. At least I will not allow any calls to be scheduled before 2. The ones that are already on the calendar, I will honor those.

I realized yet again that success gets you friends like nothing else. If you are famous, rich, successful, funny, fit, good-looking, or anything on these lines, you would have FAR more friends than you’d normally have. I think I need to start working on this. I can’t change the way I look or my sense of humor. But I can work on getting rich and famous. So that’s next. After am back from EBC, I will focus on one thing only – getting famous. Come hell or high water.

I was forced to work from where I live in the morning as I had a podcast recording at an awkward time. And while I did that, I ate like crap, I wasted time like I was 19, I slept like I had all the money in the world. After the recording, I went to the Starbucks at the airport, and even though I spent like 3-4 hours there, I could get a lot done. I was in the zone while I was there. I need to find ways to get to a Starbucks or a co-working space as soon as I wake up. #note2self

I had a dark moment. At least two people I care for acted like dicks. They did not understand why I do things I do. They dont understand the sacrifices I am making to make ends meet. And not that I haven’t spelled it out for them. Despite that, they sort of piled onto me emotionally and made me lose track. I know they dont do it intentionally. And I know I need to be stoic enough to not let that affect me. I am working on it. I honestly dont really care what people tell me and how they behave with me. But when the ones I care for and want to care for me pile emotional baggage on me, I lose it. I need to find a way to not get swayed by these things.

Recorded a podcast. Loved it. Even though the conversation could be richer, I absolutely loved it. Must do more podcasts. If I have my way, I can do a podcast a day. But the thing is, I am one of those perfectionists and I want things to be perfect. And that means I dont allow my team to release these conversations. And thus affect the output. Maybe I will rely on my team for releases and then we’d see where it goes?

So yeah, these things. There’s more that I want to write but that’s all the time I have right now. Need to leave for a walk.

And here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 143
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0. Did not walk at all.
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 233

310721 – Morning Pages

Today’s post is about walking, discipline, work, gifts, photos and other random things. Read on!

7:35. Woke up a few minutes ago. I feel ok as I woke up. There’s a lot going on in my head. And I can’t pinpoint any of it. I mean there’s work that needs attention. There’s money that I need to find for more projects that I want to cook. There’s people that I am responsible for. There’s nails that I need to clip. There’s all the food that I am eating that I must avoid. As I type this, I am craving some random food. And as soon as I am done writing this, I know I will step out and order so much that I will be sleepy. And then I would curse myself for eating. I mean I know myself well. Funny humanness 😀

Ok, so quick recap of yesterday.

  1. Did about 17K steps. Walked up to Bandra (Popley’s showroom). And then took a rick back. So +1 on that.
  2. I ate three means. Including ice cream and dal makhani and roti and all the jazz. So -1000 on that.
  3. Saw this documentary about some great art heists over the last few years. It’s so fascinating that I want to retell these stories in #book2. I mean there could be a character that knows about the world of art and that could inspire the heist that I am planning in my book. No? Let’s see.
  4. Did some work but I continue to lag on all the work that I am supposed to be doing. Like crazy. I hope I can cover some backlog this weekend.
  5. I am recording a couple of episodes for Marketing Connect. So that should be cool. There’s nothing like talking marketing at a relaxed pace with other marketers that have interestined perspectives to share.

So that.

Coming back to steps. As of writing this, I am at 83K steps for the week. My goal is 110K steps. Let’s see if I can push and do 120. Looks unlikely with all the work and unwinding I need after a longish day at work. But let’s see. You never know. I may as well do it.

Thing is, the rigor and discipline I’ve shown with walking every day, if I can do the same with my calendar and tasks and work and other things, I would be in the same league at Elon and Jeff and Bill and Steve and all those. It’s just that I am unable to do it. I mean it’s just the walk. I am not even doing Surya Namaskar. Or push-ups. Or anything else for that matter. I know the long-term advantages of things. I know that my time is limited and I need to find better use of that. I know that I need to make money and try and become debt-free. I know that I need to earn to support all the dreams and ambitions of people that work with me. I know the deeper purpose, the higher reason, and all that. And yet I am not disciplined about things.

Ok. Rant. Anyone has any fixes here?

Lemme change tracks. Yesterday was hot. AF. I dont know what changed but I was sweating more than I would on regular days. I was more tired. The old tees that I wear pricked me as they used to in Delhi summers. I felt suffocated even without the mask. Was it more humid yesterday? Was it hotter? I think I must find a colder place to live in. You know, like near the poles? Maybe if things dont work out this year, I will go live higher up in the mountains. Lol, wishful thinking.

Wait.

I just realized that once I have my lunch, I dont really work. I merely while about and kill time. Maybe I should plan and fix all my meetings at this time? Good idea! As in, do all the work in the first half (from 8 AM to 2 PM). Have lunch. And then do all the meetings from 3 PM onward. Good idea. Will try to implement it from the next week itself. All my co-workers, beware!

So that. Oh, I may get to drive a car (VG’s) to Delhi. Towards the end of August as I wrap my house. I’ve always wanted to do a Mumbai Delhi road trip. And take pictures. And write about it. So that’s cool. Plus, it would help to take my mind off things, think about what I want to (which is a lot). And ship some things that I want to park in Delhi (specifically, some paintings that SG2 left behind). Looking forward to it. Most probably, it will be the weekend of 3-4-5 September. More than a month. Let’s see how it goes.

Before I end this post, I have to write about Nappa Dori. It was a friend’s birthday a few days ago and I ordered a small passport holder for her. And I put a message along with. You know, am a writer and all that! So while the order took more than 10 days to deliver (not everyone is Amazon), when it did get delivered, the way they had gone about it was superlative. To a point that I have become a fan of them for the rest of my life. Yeah, they are expensive. Yes, they may feel like overpriced gifts for rich people. But all we are, to be honest, is mush balls. And if a gift (or anything else for that matter) can’t make you feel good about things, what’s the point? So, Nappa Dori, you guys have my heart. And patronage.

And finally, as I end this, here are some pics that I clicked through the day yesterday.

  • I wish I couldve taken a better picture of this.
  • Love this one. Would’ve made it to my Instagram if I were active there.
  • Someday, will get a house here.
Some shots that I took yesterday. Particularly proud of the coffee one.

Wait. I love the coffee one so much that I will repost it. Here.

Love this one. Would’ve made it to my Instagram if I were active there.

So that’s about it from today’s morning pages. See you tomorrow. Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 142
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 7
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 232

300721 – Morning Pages

Quick dump on whatever I have on the top of my head.

6:09. Up! Feel surprisingly ok even though I did not sleep for too long. Legs hurt – I think it’s all the walking I’ve engaged in. Like yesterday, I did 21K steps. The last 3K steps, I had to call a friend and force her into a conversation with me so that I don’t get bored. So, if there’s something that keeps my head engaged, I can walk for like, forever! I just need to be able to add more to the routine. You know, breathing, pushups, yoga, etc. And stop eating kachra. Yesterday I had three meals and some 5000 calories. I mean whatever I am losing by walking, am piling more! Sigh!

Coming back. The highlight of the walk was when I spotted this building called Sholay. Really. Like the film. I couldn’t take the photo as some people were standing right there and it would be intrusive to their privacy. Found this on the internet. Source here. See…

🙂 Damn the power of films! And here’s the photo’s source.

Anyhow. So, in other news, I am back on coffee. And I don’t want to not admit but I enjoy the taste. Far better than green tea. And thanks to all the walks I am engaged in, it probably doesn’t stop me from sleeping well. So that.

Oh, I am also off FB. I have to stop embarrassing myself by trying to act cool on a platform that I don’t understand. The experiment lasted a few days but I am glad that it’s over. I do get bored at times and want to check what’s on Twitter or Insta. I do want to share all the thoughts that I have (like I want to post a scathing rant about Lucky Ali on Twitter) but I think between this blog, the echochamber, and altsaurabh, I am ok.

In terms of work, the book I am helping edit / write is finally off to the publishers of their inputs. This marks a closure in my head. It could come back with more inputs from the publishers but then that’s cool. Edits are ok. Life is like that. Stages and all that. So that’s cool.

This also means I have one less project to work on. And this means I have the bandwidth to take more. Know of any people wanting to hire a writer? Or a marketer? Or a brand manager? Or someone like that?

I also saw this ad on Youtube yesterday where Lucky Ali was promoting White Hat Jr. Damn old age. Forcing legends to support shitty businesses. I don’t think I can blame Lucky Ali per se. He may not understand what he’s pushing. It’s probably his managers that are to blame! In fact, brings me to another rant. The talent management business in India is broken. There are companies like Kwan and Exceed and all that but they are literally booking agents more than anything else. They merely block calendars and act like the rude elder brothers that no one wants, no one likes, no one cares for. They don’t think from the talent’s brand perspective. They don’t think of longevity. They don’t know how to build brands that could go beyond the next month’s calendar. Damn. This has been a rant forever. I wish I could fix it. The mere thought makes me sad.

Ok. Deep breath. Not my monkey. Not my circus.

Today looks like an easy day. I need to churn out a presentation before 10 (which should be easy enough if I reach Starbucks by 8 and work on it without distraction for an hour or so). I need to then deliver that at 2. And then a couple more things that should be manageable. And then some smaller pieces. So there’s some work but should be ok. The thing is, I am still exchanging my time for money. And this is neither sustainable, not right. Need to find ways to make money when I sleep. Any ideas anyone?

So yeah. That. Two things on the top of my mind all the time. A. Eating better and adding workouts to my routine. B. Making money while I sleep.

And as I end this, here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 141
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 6
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 231

290721 – Morning Pages

Recap of yesterday. Thoughts about today. Thoughts about attempts at becoming financially free!

6:51. Woke up a few minutes ago. I think I slept well. I had two dreams that I cant recall p[properly but I know in one, there was Rana Sir giving me some dope about a new client I am pitching to. And in the other, I had a negative dream about some MF client. Otherwise, I feel rested and ok. So that’s a good thing.

Yesterday I was at the beach and I remembered Goo Goo Dolls and I was haunted by the images from the film (City of Angels) that featured that track. Look at this.

I mean I was at the secluded beach per se and there were people sprinkled all over the beach. Each busy with their loved on. Or with their friends. Or something. I just couldn’t get the image out of my mind. I think I need to write a post on that. If only I had the time! #parkedIdeas #toWrite

I also walked some 17K steps during the day. I think I am on track to doing another 100K steps this week. The 17K I did yesterday were in two sets (2K and 14K). It helped that I had a few work calls and I kept going. The good thing was that while walking, I clicked a few pictures.

Here are a few unedited ones.

I wish I could get better at this. I mean I can make great frames. I just need to find how to edit better! Can’t wait to get back to Instagram and bombard the world with these pictures.

I have stopped Yoga altogether. I am not even attempting push-ups. Apart from the walk, I am not doing shit. I have learned that I need external motivation to do things. Damn it sucks. And since I am at self-loathing, I am eating a lot. And yesterday I had to fast and I ate three meals. And all ordered from outside. I think I can control this part for sure, if not other things. Let’s see how it goes.

So anyhow. That’s the recap from yesterday.

Today is probably going to be a good day. In the sense that I dont have too many calls planned during the day. I know as the day progresses, things would change and people would demand my time. But I remain committed to controlling my time as much as I can. Let’s see how it goes.

A thought that popped into my head yesterday was that I need to become an influencer for sure. In the traditional sense. And in the non-conventional sense. The deal is, being an influencer gives you a reach that anonymity can’t. And it gives you opportunities that you otherwise would not get. I was talking to someone yesterday and she mentioned that they had used a stand-up comic for a medical brand. Imagine a person who knows how to crack jokes doling out advice on medicine. Ludicrous. But true. Just because she’s an influencer. So that.

I know I dont have what it takes to become one. You know, looks, gift of gab, ability to make conversations, lot of time, narcissism et al. But I know what I have. The desire to be financially free. And I think the path to that is either via a business that works when you sleep. Or your reputation, that works for you while you sleep.

Yeah. For me, influence = reputation.

Naval captured it best in this how to get rich thread. If you haven’t read that yet, here.

So yeah. That.

Oh, I have a recording to do today for the Marketing Connect podcast. I am recording after a few weeks and I am looking forward to it. Let’s see how it goes. The issue would be to get the steps in after the recording. I mean it takes me 2 hours to get in 10K steps and if I finish the recording at 8:30 or so, I will need to be out till 1030 and with all the strays bugging you at all corners of the city, I really dont want to. Anyhow. Let’s see how it goes. If I cant even get the steps in, I should quit the ambition of Everest someday. And closer, the EBC.

Guess this is about it for the day.
Time to get ready and head to Starbucks.

Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 140
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 5
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 230

280721 – Morning Pages

Some crazy thoughts from a day when I cant seem to concentrate.

8:45. Woke up at 7:45. Right now at Starbucks. Lemme show you the view that I have right now.

From the vantage point of where I am sitting at this Starbucks.

Ya, that laptop is not more than 6 months old and looks withered. That is coffee. I am tripping on it for 2 days. Enough with ghaas ka paani.

So, here’s things that are at the top of my head.

A. When I woke up, I was more tired than usual. Probably walked too much. Probably stressed too much. Probably it was all the food I ate yesterday. Oh, I would have had some 5000 calories yesterday, if not more.

B. I can’t seem to concentrate at all. I don’t know what’s wrong. As I am writing this post, I am thinking about my relationships. When I am delivering a presentation, I am playing chess. When I am showering, I am thinking of ideas. When I am walking, I am on the phone. And all this after I’ve seen Dandapani videos like there’s no tomorrow. So clearly, there’s no effect on me. Need to think about it. Let’s see how or when.

C. I am not proud that I have moved to FB. Without any Twitter, I am not making any connections. Without any Instagram, I am not getting inspired. And FB sucks. I can’t put my thumb on what’s wrong with it but there’s something terribly wrong with FB as a platform. It’s making me do things that I typically would not do. I mean I am adding random people as friends and then am getting into small talk. I mean I do that on Twitter and Insta as well but that’s more to do with appreciating someone’s work or something cool. But on FB, am being exactly what I don’t want to be. I am also getting sucked into conversations that make no sense. Like this writer wanted help with his book. He wanted people to review. I volunteered. And then he sends me a long-ass message saying that he would only send the book if I agree that he can sue me if I plagiarise it. I am like, WTF!

D. Been writing a prompt a day for PPP for the last few days. Here’s the prompt for the day. “You are a cop and you recently read a story about a gang of art thieves that specialize in stealing figurines from remote temples. You need to lay a trap and capture the gang. How would you go about it?”

E. The road to EBC is looking harder with each passing day. I am not working at all. The only thing I have remained consistent since I started tracking is the walks. I think it is because I don’t need to put in any additional effort to walk. Plus it allows me to see the scenery. Wait. With that argument, I should be able to run /jog as well. But for some reason, I can’t seem to!

So yeah. That’s about it. Moving on with the day. Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0. Ate like 5000 calories yesterday.
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 139
  • #noCoffee – 0. Been having coffee last two days.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 4
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 229