200521 – Meditations

This post was a pain to write. To a point that it took me more than 90 minutes and yet I couldn’t get anything of value in. Sigh.

Woke up a while ago. Slept for some 7 hours, if not more. No, no dreams per se that I can recall. The body is sore. Guess will walk around a bit and get some water.

Puttered around. I could see the lights in my head switching on. You know, how in a big house you sort of switch on the lights one after another and the dark places showers with bright light, one room at a time. That.

So lemme make a list of things on the top of my head.

A. BTC crash. I don’t know if I want to call it a crash. I don’t understand it as well to even qualify it as crash or buying opportunity or correction or whatever. But it’s incredible that tweets from one Elon Musk and a piece of news from China could affect the price so much. There’s something fundamental that I don’t understand that almost all the intelligent people I know seem to know! So that.

B. Yesterday, on a tweet, Paras Chopra (I don’t know him but would love to) asked “How many hours of peak productivity are you able to squeeze out on an average day?

Peak productivity = being capable of original work with fresh ideas.”

On a cursory glance, I saw that the responses there ranged from 1 hour to 4. I reckon I can put in 2-3 good hours on a good day. These good days are getting few and far between. Anyway, so there was this response from Bhavin Turakhia where he simply said “10-12”.

No wonder the dude is doing so well at such a young age!

Must try and get the focus back. #note2self

Still not feeling a 100% after more than an hour of waking up. Not sure what else to write. Maybe I will come back to the post in a bit. Lemme take a break and get on with the day.

C. A friend on Twitter pointed out at this talk on fasting by Dr. Jamnadas. I’ve been thinking a lot about food and eating and fasting and energy and more. I even got started on an expensive food service (been 2 days and I am yet to see any change in how I am).

Maybe this video comes at an opportune time. Guess I will see the video and make changes in how I eat and all that. Let’s see. In case you are lazy to click on the link, see this video for a bit.

D. The other thought that I had, while writing this piece is that maybe I am so lethargic and so sleepy and so unhinged because I am not stepping out of the house? May be because I am spending way too much time on the screens – laptop, phone, etc. Maybe I need to start walking more. During the last lockdown, I would go for long walks. This time around, I am not walking at all. Nah, I can workout. I can’t do yoga. But I love walking and there’s no reason why I can’t go out for a walk often. In fact, must go now. Work be damned. If I am not feeling ok, what’s the point of work?

Oh and today when I leave for a walk, I will wear shoes. Primarily, to make it easy when I walk. And second, to try and build a habit or something around it. And while I walk, I can see the above video. Good idea!

E. So now that it’s settled that I will go for at least an hour long walk after I publish this, I need to plan the day in a way that I get more things done. And this includes participating in all the useless meetings that are called upon for no reason. There are quite a few things open at various ends. Everytime I look at my Asana, I cringe 🙁

I am actually effective at things. To a point that I can get a lot done. There are days when I am freakishly productive and there are days when I slack so much that I dont know what hit me. I just need to identify these patterns and slot my work, my life in a way that things get done. And I get breaks as well. So that.

F. The other thing that just dawned on me while I was writing this is I want to make losing my data a regular feature. What I mean is that it’s been a few days since I lost all my data and to be honest, I don’t feel as bad or I don’t feel as lost as I was in the first 15 minutes of the loss. I’ve made peace with it, I guess. I just need to now repeat this often. You know, after every month or so, wipe the phone clean. Whatever needs to be saved can be saved on a drive but I will delete all conversations, photos, and other such ephemeral things often. Setting a remind for 1 Jun 2021. Let’s see if I actually do it!

So, guess this is about it for the day. This one was a struggle to write. Will go for a walk. Meanwhile, here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 158
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 1. Stopped coffee from yesterday on.
  • #noCoke – 70. I am very very tempted to have a coke. Damn. Let’s see if I can avoid it.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 1. Did 10 minutes after few days. Was tough but I am glad I managed.
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

Ending this at 8:49 AM

100121 – Morning Pages

Today’s edition of morning pages is tad rushed. But I am glad I could still get it in. And write a few words for book2.


Morning. This one would be a short one. I have a few things to do and I woke up late. I need to be out of the house by 11:00. And that means I have about 30 minutes to get this done. Yeah yeah, I am to blame – waking up late and all. Let’s get going.

So the exuberance around the new year is now fading away. 10 days in the new year, I am now at a point where I am back to thinking about existential things (the last few days of December and the first few days of January were spent in that dreamy state where I imagine the bright possibilities that the future represents and how I’d get to that state). Now the reality has started to hit hard. Things are real, immediate, and scary.

I can talk more but lemme try and prioritize. I have limited time today. First-order is a freewriting paragraph for #book2. Here we go…

He woke up with what seemed like a hangover. The back of his head. was thumping like someone was playing drums up in there. It couldn’t be a hangover. He’s been sober now for almost 10 days, the longest he’s been. No, he didn’t plan for this. It just happened. How do you get liquor inside the confines of a jail? Hypothetically you could. There was always what Red called a Sears inside every jail. In America. In India. In Goa. And in every other place on the planet. He could get his Gin if he wanted to. He’s been around jails a long time. But he was hurt – physically and mentally. How could things go so wrong? They had everything planned. With the meticulousness that they were known for. Well, they weren’t really known – that’s why they could avoid getting caught for so long. But between the five of them, they always planned every scenario, including getting caught. And what had happened on that morning, they couldn’t have ever imagined. Or planned for. Even the failsafe they had that included all of them killing each other in case of adversity didn’t work. Well, it did. For Santosh at least. But not for Raunak. And in none of the scenarios they planned for, Raunak was getting caught. He was the linchpin of the gang and he was the only one that knew all that they’ve been up to over the last 3 decades. With him out of action, the gang was as good as non-existent.

Ok, enough. Just a short para. No time. But I am glad I got this para in.

The other thing that has started to happen lately is that I am getting way too many calls from way too many people interested in knowing about Bitcoin and crypto in general. While these have been around forever (since 2009 really), I think it’s time I jump into em with all I have. Lol, yet another thing that I want to work on. Mera kya hoga?

The other thing that I need to note is that I am struggling to stay off carbs. And I haven’t been able to add any workout, exercise to my routine. I don’t think I will ever be able to. How am I to then run that Marathon or climb that Everest? In fact, yesterday only I was finalizing my #in2021 goals and living long featured big in there. And I need to get going on it. I don’t know how to.

Its funny.

Really. On one side, I give gyaan to everyone about how to achieve their goals and climb their Everests. On the other, I am unable to get to my own. I am disciplined (for a large part), very stingy with my time (for a large part), cautious about what I spent my attention on (for a large part) and get things done (for a large part), and yet eating clean and working out is something that I cant seem to do. Take yesterday. I started with a lo-carb breakfast. But then was too stressed about the yearly goals and money in the bank and started popping Diet Cokes. And before I knew it, I had 7. Then, I had to meet Gaurav (he’s leaving today). He called me to a bakery and I just couldn’t avoid the temptation of having some chocolate croissants Pain Au Chocolat. Which, if you ask me is the best damn thing ever invented in terms of food. Just the act of writing about it is making me salivate and think of the time spent at LPQ at Powai, which to me was the best damn place in the whole wide world. Too bad it shut. Someday I’d love to bring it back. Fuck I have way too many things that I have planned for someday.

I digressed.

The point is, while all other things (work, money, relationships, etc) will figure out by themselves, I think the fitness piece is what I need help on. What can I do? What is the way out? Maybe pickup some sport?