6:56. Hello June! The 6th month of the year that’s flying past like time has never flown is here!
Let’s see how it goes. The rant yesterday was sobering. In the sense that I could dump whatever was on my head and I was at peace. Let’s see how the next few days go. I think that these morning pages is a good good idea. In absence of any specific person to talk about how I am feeling deep down, these pages help me get the load off my head. This is as good as therapy. Plus I can send the link to whoever cares. Or even to a professional counselor if need be.
Thank you, Steve, for teaching me that we are already naked. There is thus no reason to hide anything that I am thinking about, working on, etc. This living in public is proving to be a good idea.
So yesterday, as soon I had crapped and showered, I left the house. Went to a friend’s place. Picked a coffee on the way. Was somehow reminded of those times when I would wake up, take a shower, and would be out of the house in the next 10 minutes. I have actually lived all my life like that. I really think it’s getting stuck at one place that fucks my head. Now that I’ve realized and I have an option (a friend has kindly agreed to allow me to use his house and I will of course share the rent), I will use it. At least till the time Starbucks opens. Or a co-working place.
I would ideally want this to be within walking distance but that’s ok. One thing at a time.
In other news, I haven’t done Surya Namaskars in more than 3 days. Will do it today, after I am done publishing this. I am walking almost 10K steps every day. I mean there’s no way for me to see how many steps am doing (remember am back on an Android?) but I am walking for sure. To a point that the chappal I wear is so worn out that it’s smooth as silk!
Oh, I have to thank the Android phones. I am using the phone less and less. Most calls are on desktop WhatsApp (thank you, Vodafone) and that means I don’t even need to hold the phone! Plus, I am off Twitter and Instagram again. So that’s helping reduce the usage as well.
So yesterday, I took up a challenge. I must say it’s stupid and vain and all that. Lemme talk about it. There is this new crime show on HBO / Hotstar, Mare of Easttown featuring Kate Winslet. While talking to some friends, I was
challenged to write about the show in such an eloquent manner told that I am not good enough a writer that can write about it so well that it exhibits how good the show it is. I simple words, my writing cant move the mountains.
So, clearly, my ego was hurt. Of course! Such a kid, Mr. Garg.
So, I plan to invest some 7 hours watching the show (I watched 22 minutes yesterday) and then another 2-3 hours in writing about it. And then will publish it here. And maybe at some other publications that have a wider reach.
For context, I haven’t seen a piece of fictional content in ages (the last thing I saw was Nomadland, on the insistence of Vivek) and I don’t have it in me to watch 7 hours of content and remember the storylines, leave alone writing. So it would be a big one if I can actually pull it off. Plus, I do hope that it does justice to how I write. If not that, at least I would improve. I am actually looking forward to the challenge! Bring it on!
The thing is, I love it when I face these challenges. And I love taking these challenges head-on. Most times I fail. Not most. Almost every time I fail. To a point that I am dumped in misery and I question why I even took that challenge up. And yet I seek more. You know, like a junkie. If not for these external, public challenges, like seems drab and boring to me. So that. Maybe am stuck with the feeling of ennui because I am not left with a big challenge? I mean I can take up book2 as a challenge and start thinking about how I have failed at producing it. And I have been failing since 2015. 7 years. Kab khoon khaulega re tera, Faizal
And damn this need for external validation with things!
The other change I am doing today on is to live my life strictly by a calendar. A large part of how I live is anyway dictated by a calendar. I am going to take it up by a notch. I am going to get more anal about it. To a point that I will not do anything that is not on my calendar. Even these morning pages go in my calendar. I have earmarked 6:3o to 7:15 for these morning pages. The days I wake up late, I will miss writing. And that means I will break the 170+ day streak. And that would be a sad thing.
Of course, I can shuffle things – I am still not the Prime Minister of a country that my calendar is what the world follows. But more or less, I need to account for every minute that I am awake. Time is short. Lots of things need done. Let’s see how it goes. I’ve already plotted Morning Pages, Book2, and Mare of Easttown on it. Will add more during the day and I shall pack it to a point that I can’t afford to die.
This brings me to the end of the post. I mean I have more that I can write. But for the time being, this is it. The next task on the calendar is calling 😀
- Morning Pages / Meditations – 170
- #aPicADay – 0
- 10K steps a day – 0
- OMAD – 0
- #noCoffee – 0
- #noCoke – 82
- 10 mins of meditation – 0
- #book2 – 0
- Killer Boogie – 0
- Surya Namaskar – 0