180221 – Morning Pages

A note on my scattered-ness and a dump of things in my head.

8 AM. Starbucks Worli.

This trip to Mumbai, I am having a bit of a bad run. Busy more than bad. I am so busy with work that I don’t have time to do anything at all. And old age is not helping. I get tired easily and I need those 7 hours of sleep. The house continues to be a mess. Ok. This is beginning to look like a rant. Lemme not do this.

Back to morning pages.

So, I am at Worli right now. I have a meeting at 1030 and to avoid traffic, I came in early and have parked myself at this Starbucks. I can do whatever in life but I can NOT get stuck in traffic. It takes my soul away like mad. So, Starbucks.

I am kinda scattered in my head right now. I don’t know what to do or write. There are way too many thoughts in my head. This is the first time am feeling scattered and overwhelmed. Of course, the entire world can see my problem with attention. They call it a problem, I call it diverse interests. Listening to this. On loop. Thinking about things. Oh, I am wearing pants. After I don’t know how many years. And I am carrying shoes. For the two meetings that are up next, I need to be in my formal best. And it sucks, especially after you come from Goa where the best formal attire is shorts and chappal. No, the locals don’t dress up like that. They are actually among the most well-dressed people I know. But they accept with open arms if you choose to wear shorts and a tee. Unlike Mumbai and other places.

A large part of this scatteredness is that the work has picked up. And I am juggling three things right now. And there’s so much to do that am scrounging for time. I am making calls from taxis and ricks. I am eating while working. I am sleeping and thinking about things. I can now relate to those Americans that talk about how they need to do 2 jobs to make ends meet. I know that I will have to cut on my sleep if this continues.

So on work, like I said, work has picked up. And that means that I no longer have to seek help (if I can continue to deliver to existing clients). Just that the work I do is low-value and thus I get paid shit. No, this is not even building my brand per se but it’s helping me tide through. This tide through is important. A friend told me something cool. She said when her husband quit his job to do a startup, they cut their expenses so much that they would take buses and trains and avoid taxis, etc. They decided that they need to lay low for a few years and consolidate and build from thereon. They did all of that and more. And they did tide through. And today they are doing great with three houses, fancy cars, and whatnot. May be I am in that place right now. Even if the work I do is low value, it allows me to survive. And that’s what matters. I need to lay my head low, work hard and try to upgrade the value of work, and do more.

And yes, I continue to look for more work. Higher value. Point me in the direction!

Apart from this, I need to book my Goa travel. While the decision to live there and create a coffee shop is still not firmed up, I need to help a friend manage an event on the weekend and I need to be there for that. The good news is that events are making a comeback in Goa at least. The bad news is that the ticket size remains dismal. Acche din aane wale hai 🙂

Oh, I met Ashima and Parijat yesterday at their house. It’s a big feat, considering they have a dog at home that hates me. But I survived the day and we got some work done and Ashi stuffed me with some of the best Rajma Chawal (my comfort food) I’ve ever imagined in the world and we talked about all the decisions that I need to take in life.

What decisions? Here’s a list that I chatted with Ashi on…

  1. Where to live (Mumbai? Goa?)?
  2. How to get fit and live for long?
  3. How to manage money?

There were 2 more things that I have redacted.

I have to say that a simple conversation with her is so so therapeutic! I could speak freely without any fear of any judgment or bias. And while I don’t have answers but I do have direction. For example, for the Mumbai vs Goa decision, she simply asked me why do I want to get out of Mumbai and I realized I don’t have an answer, except seeking a cheaper place to live. And suddenly, places more than Goa opened up! I mean why not Delhi? Pondicherry? Pune? Thane for fuck sake! Yeah, yeah, Goa gives me access to eclectic people and creative crowds, and newer opportunities. But that’s that. If this is my years to lie low and consolidate, why get stuck on Goa?

Yes, I am more confused than ever. But I do know that the variable I was looking at was incorrect. I need to fix it. Let’s see what I decide.

Before I move onto the next thing, here’s a plug. Ashi is a homeopathic doctor for people like you and me. And pets. I have referred her to a few friends that need help with their pets and EACH person has great things to say about Ashi. You must see her website and in case you want a homeopathic opinion for your pet, do reach out to her.

Next. Car.

So I was in a car yesterday that was as big as a lavish1BHK in Mumbai. I pine for a time when I’d have a car. I am not materially attached to it. It could get scratched, bumped, and all that. It could be any make, model etc. But I need a vehicle to get around. In fact, I think I should actually live in a car and shower at the hostels and all that. After all, my best ideas come to me when am either showering or I am in transit! Lol!

What else? Nothing I guess.

I started this with a rant on Mumbai and lemme end with another Mumbai rant. This trip, I am having a bit of a lucky run. Oh, I have to mention that I am having a bit of a lucky run! I said that I am scrounging for time. Every time I miss the deadline, somehow, magically the client would push it! I know this is not sustainable and a time would come when everything would come on my head at the same time. So, need to pull socks! I have used this pulling of socks a few times. Need to expand my dictionary.

That’s it for the day.

Over and out. And no, nothing on #book2. 🙁