300421 – Meditations

For a change, today’s morning pages is a list of things that I am grateful for. And a list of things that I must work on. Read on.

7:21. Woke a few minutes ago. Not a lot of the mind as I wake up but for some reason heart and the head is heavy. I don’t know what this is but I can hide behind the garb of ennui. Don’t get me wrong. I have a lot of action happening. I am learning new things. I am talking to multiple people. I am getting stretched to the edge of my mental faculty.

I think I am just bugged that I’ve been holed up in this house. I think (I will have to dig out what I wrote) but I was fairly happy with my previous house. In the sense that it was new, spacious, airy and I could walk around. I think I am perfectly ok with the loneliness and staying alone, as long as I can meet people once in a while.

In this one, none of those is true.

Anyhow. What started as description of what’s on my head ended up a rant. Lemme talk about a few things I am grateful for. Let’s see what I have.

a/ I paid salaries to people on my teams – C4E, Podium, TRS, PPP, and more. I even added a team member at C4E for a project. So all in all, grateful that I can support some other people. No, none of these people are paid a lot. No the money we pay to these people is enough to run the house. But we do offer meaningful, polite, aligned to their interests work. Of course, people come and go (I’ve always wanted to create businesses where people do not leave but people do leave and that’s ok) but I am very sure that not one person would have complaints about how I work. So that’s a good thing I guess.

I just hope I could scale the business to a point where all of us are chasing our dreams and have more than enough!

b/ Got back to taking extensive notes. Since I moved to Goa, because I was on the move all the time (no place to work, bad internet, too much baggage, etc), I had stopped taking notes with a pen and paper. Now that I am back, I am beating myself in the head about why I even stopped! It was THE best thing that happened to me. So so so glad to be back on it.

Krishna gave me an amazing tip. He said I could have positioned myself as the productivity guy – you know, a combination of habits, notes, and multi-tasking. If I can teach this to the world, it would be awesome! Need to think. #note2self.

c/ I started to port these meditations to Roam. With time, I want to move all my content ever (all blogs, books, photos, memories etc) to a system like Roam and actually create a repository of all my things on the cloud.

The idea is to discover patterns and hidden connections in my thoughts. And then act on those. Someone told me that as you grow older, you start with the journey on the inside. I think tools like Roam are going to revolutionize how knowledge workers live and play!

d/ Discovered The Murshidabadi Project while searching for new music. Loved it! Love love them. Especially the way the dude sings. Love the nirvana he is in when he’s performing. Wow! I am tripping on this track. Prior to this, I saw this. If soulful music is your thing, you must check these people out.

Side #note2self. Must pull some strings to get to teach at MDI Murshidabad. I really think teaching is my calling. Even if I am not paid, I would like to deliver impact as a teacher. Plus I am the happiest when I see others see their dreams come true. Let’s see.

So that.
Ok felt good.
Lemme now get back to the mean. And be harsh on myself and talk about things I did not do. Here’s a list as well.

  1. Did not do Surya Namaskar. I think it’s been 4 days now since I’ve not done it. I am not walking. I am not doing anything for fitness. Damn.
  2. After almost 15 days, I ate crappy Indian food. I had this sudden craving to eat crappy carbs loaded with spicy things. I tried to resist but could not. As the last resort, I tossed a coin 5 times. Out of that 4 times, it told me to go ahead and eat. And I did. I ordered Aaloo Parantha and some Ice Cream. My taste buds couldn’t comprehend the sugar rush from the ice cream. Now that I’ve broken the clean eating thingy, I plan to order Maggi, Pizza, Chole Bhature, Samosa, and maybe some more Indian over the next two days. No, no Coke. No Coffee. Maybe I will get started with coffee. Let’s see. But from Monday on, I will get back to serious Keto. Probably get a subscription, even though it’s expensive. I hope whatever my irrational mind decides, I can justify it on my blog.
  3. I have been immersed in work so much that I haven’t had the time to write anything new. Nothing on Roshan. Nothing on book2. Grrr.

That’s about it for the day.

Here’s streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 138
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 51
  • #noCoke – 51
  • 10 mins of meditation – 1
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Original Work (limited time only) – 0.
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Have missed this for 4 days now.

More tomorrow.

100121 – Morning Pages

Today’s edition of morning pages is tad rushed. But I am glad I could still get it in. And write a few words for book2.

10:03

Morning. This one would be a short one. I have a few things to do and I woke up late. I need to be out of the house by 11:00. And that means I have about 30 minutes to get this done. Yeah yeah, I am to blame – waking up late and all. Let’s get going.

So the exuberance around the new year is now fading away. 10 days in the new year, I am now at a point where I am back to thinking about existential things (the last few days of December and the first few days of January were spent in that dreamy state where I imagine the bright possibilities that the future represents and how I’d get to that state). Now the reality has started to hit hard. Things are real, immediate, and scary.

I can talk more but lemme try and prioritize. I have limited time today. First-order is a freewriting paragraph for #book2. Here we go…

He woke up with what seemed like a hangover. The back of his head. was thumping like someone was playing drums up in there. It couldn’t be a hangover. He’s been sober now for almost 10 days, the longest he’s been. No, he didn’t plan for this. It just happened. How do you get liquor inside the confines of a jail? Hypothetically you could. There was always what Red called a Sears inside every jail. In America. In India. In Goa. And in every other place on the planet. He could get his Gin if he wanted to. He’s been around jails a long time. But he was hurt – physically and mentally. How could things go so wrong? They had everything planned. With the meticulousness that they were known for. Well, they weren’t really known – that’s why they could avoid getting caught for so long. But between the five of them, they always planned every scenario, including getting caught. And what had happened on that morning, they couldn’t have ever imagined. Or planned for. Even the failsafe they had that included all of them killing each other in case of adversity didn’t work. Well, it did. For Santosh at least. But not for Raunak. And in none of the scenarios they planned for, Raunak was getting caught. He was the linchpin of the gang and he was the only one that knew all that they’ve been up to over the last 3 decades. With him out of action, the gang was as good as non-existent.

Ok, enough. Just a short para. No time. But I am glad I got this para in.


The other thing that has started to happen lately is that I am getting way too many calls from way too many people interested in knowing about Bitcoin and crypto in general. While these have been around forever (since 2009 really), I think it’s time I jump into em with all I have. Lol, yet another thing that I want to work on. Mera kya hoga?

The other thing that I need to note is that I am struggling to stay off carbs. And I haven’t been able to add any workout, exercise to my routine. I don’t think I will ever be able to. How am I to then run that Marathon or climb that Everest? In fact, yesterday only I was finalizing my #in2021 goals and living long featured big in there. And I need to get going on it. I don’t know how to.

Its funny.

Really. On one side, I give gyaan to everyone about how to achieve their goals and climb their Everests. On the other, I am unable to get to my own. I am disciplined (for a large part), very stingy with my time (for a large part), cautious about what I spent my attention on (for a large part) and get things done (for a large part), and yet eating clean and working out is something that I cant seem to do. Take yesterday. I started with a lo-carb breakfast. But then was too stressed about the yearly goals and money in the bank and started popping Diet Cokes. And before I knew it, I had 7. Then, I had to meet Gaurav (he’s leaving today). He called me to a bakery and I just couldn’t avoid the temptation of having some chocolate croissants Pain Au Chocolat. Which, if you ask me is the best damn thing ever invented in terms of food. Just the act of writing about it is making me salivate and think of the time spent at LPQ at Powai, which to me was the best damn place in the whole wide world. Too bad it shut. Someday I’d love to bring it back. Fuck I have way too many things that I have planned for someday.

I digressed.

The point is, while all other things (work, money, relationships, etc) will figure out by themselves, I think the fitness piece is what I need help on. What can I do? What is the way out? Maybe pickup some sport?

Anyone?