090521 – Meditations

An inane update from a day that went past like a breeze. In other works, I slept through the day!

8:00
Just woke up. Must have slept some 14 hours yesterday. To a point that I am having a hard time opening my eyes. I mean my eyes are anyway getting fucked, thanks to all this sitting in front of a screen all day long. The left eye is especially bad. I think I need to add a distance to the screen. Or may be the distance is adding on the strain? Will check with Kunal and figure out.

So in some good news, I got the first shot of the COVID vaccine. I got Covaxin, not that I had a choice. I took it around lunch yesterday. Here is the Twitter thread that I wrote about the process etc. I am told that I may show some symptoms of the disease but so far I feel ok, except for some soreness in the arm I got the vaccine in. Guess that would go in a few days. I am hoping the second shot (due in about a month) would be as comfortable.

The getting of the vaccination slot for this COVID vaccine has been such a harrowing experience. To a point that I had almost given up. But then like other things, it’s a matter of luck and doggedness. Of course, the celebs seem to be getting these slots east and have spotless sofas to park their asses on when they get the vaccine.

To be honest, I actually did not want to take the medicine – I mean, the vaccine is super new and no one knows of the long-term effect on the human body. One of my friends that understand medical science told me that this could be a foolish thing to do – you know, inoculate the entire world with something that we have no experience with. What if that ends the human race? But then more and more evidence starting pouring in about the benefits and advantages. Plus, to be honest, I had the FOMO about not taking it when others I know took it. Plus, if this vaccine allows me to travel around freely (if not outside, even in India), why not? I can’t be at one place, you know.

So that. Let’s see how today goes. Depends on how my body copes up with the vaccine.

Oh, I am starting with a Keto subscription from next week. Even if it’s expensive and I cant afford it. I want to give a part of the coming week to not starve my body. And I have firmed up in my head that I need to move on from this house. I will start the search. The tenets of the places I want to live at remain the same – spacious, higher-floor, newer-building, close to a Starbucks, unfurnished (apart from ACs and Wardrobes). I am ok with Thane or Borivali etc. The days I need to be in the middle of civilization, I will shack up with friends. I have a few bachelor friends that are sprinkled around Mumbai where I can go shack up on days when I need to be in a city. These are at Andheri, Ghatkopar and Worli. The Ghatkopar one lives in a chimney, so I may not live with him.

But the point is, I will lean more on friends. And if nothing else, I have a friend that runs a chain of youth hostels. I can always use that. I can request him to give the room to me for cheap.

Guess this is finally a step in the direction of becoming a nomad. If only I had the money, I would probably live in a hotel for life! Sigh!

Oh, I will take the search easy. I will not make a hasty decision.

So that’s about it for the day. For most of the day yesterday and the day before, it did not irk me that I have lost that the data that is literally my life’s work and all that. Guess what’s gone is gone and subconsciously, I have accepted it. I am hoping that in the long run, I don’t regret that I needed something and that is not longer available. Time shall tell.

With that, it’s over and out. See you guys tomorrow. Here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 147
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #noCoke – 60
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Original Work (limited time only) – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0


060521 – Meditations

A longish post on things like COVID, house, iPhone and more. Little dark and depressing. Read at peril.

5:43. I woke up with a combination of a weird pain in my stomach (I suspect it’s the chana masala I had for dinner) and even more weird sounds that the AC made throughout the night. The AC at my place, on a normal day, sounds like Bane. It has its moods. It can be incredibly quiet. It can be incredibly loud. And it can be that tease that wants your attention all the time but would never give you the action.

And now that I am up, I better make use of the time. If nothing else, I can get done with the morning pages before I dive head-on into the day ahead. I am not sure what all do I want to write. But let’s try.

A. iPhone snafu.
So I broke the screen of the iPhone (this is a 2018 X). This is at least the second time that I have broken a screen on this one. Last time, it was last year, around this time (and during another lockdown) that I broke it. I am tempted to buy a new phone (I’ve been using this for 3 years now and it’s time for an upgrade; I want. Not need.) but I think I will get this one fixed. That’s anyway not the point. The point is that I don’t have a usable phone. And I feel helpless without one. Lemme try and think why is that and may be make a list.

For starters, all my work is dependent on the phone – coordinating, taking feedback, giving inputs, conversations, and so on and so forth. I use a variety of tools – Whatsapp, MS Teams, Phone Calls, Emails (in that order) and while I use a laptop for these, I am also dependent on a phone – you know, multitasking and all that. Without a phone, I was ok more or less for a large part. Except for Whatsapp. And I have to admit, I felt very very restless without access to Whatsapp. No, I am not missing anyone in particular. No, I don’t have any important messages coming my way. No, I am not impaired in my ability to work or get things done. Just that, something felt missing.

Then, I check the phone multiple times a day to get OTPs and other such 2FA applications (authenticator etc). Thankfully, I did not need to use a lot of those yesterday. May be today, once I am ordering my food. Or if I get logged out from any of work related things.

Finally, I think with an Internet connection on and a working laptop (about 4 months old), I was more or less ok.

But then I have to get the phone fixed. It’s the constant companion that I wake up with, that I sleep with, that goes with me to almost all the places you can imagine except the shower. It’s a thing that I carry even if I am not carrying any money on me. Or even the house keys. Now that I don’t have a phone, I realize that when I do have a working phone, I feel not just connected, but also empowered. When I hold an iPhone, I have that Thor’s Hammer, Arjuna’s Brahmastra, Iron Man’s Jarvis, and the Crypton from Waqt Humara Hai!

So that.

Oh no, I cant do an Android Phone, even if they are now far better, faster, sleeker, sexier, cheaper than the iPhone.

B. Done with Byomkesh
I’ve seen binged on all 32 episodes of Byomkesh Bakshi. These episodes were my companion over the last month or so for every time I had to eat or I had to let my mind wander.

For the uninitiated, Byomkesh is India’s answer to Sherlock. A detective that uses deductive reasoning to solve seemingly complex crimes. Each crime is seeming complex to solve, there are no clues on who’s done it or how the crime’s been done. And yet Byomkesh comes in, observes people, dips into his infinite pool of knowledge, and comes out with that thread that when pulled unravels the mystery.

Of course, the production value and direction and acting wouldn’t survive in the world we are in, the stories are so interesting that you are willing to ignore all those. Like I did.

I really wish I had the talent to write such simple and yet deep short stories. Brevity is not my scene. Must try and develop that muscle.

C. Tentatively started to look for a house at Thane and Borivali
So yesterday I started to look for a cheaper house. And since I want a lot of space, I need to move away from epicentres. So it has to be Thane or Borivali. This time when I take a house, I will make sure it is not an old building. In fact, I have to be the first or second tenant. And I dont want any old, rickety, tired white goods. And I need the place that has a Starbucks within a 2-Km radius. Rest I dont care about. Once this COVID thing is over (another 6 months I am hoping), I will move back to an epicentre. Or I would have moved to Goa by then. Or I would have left the country for good. I mean I don’t know where I would be in six months. But today, I know that I need to live with peace and I dont have that right now.

Let’s see what I actually do and if I actually make the move.

D. Scared about COVID
Some really good friends, the ones that take more than all the precautions required have got it as well. To a point where I am thinking, how is it that I am the only one left unaffected. Lemme illustrate with another example. If you opened my phone log and looked at a list of 20 people that I speak to most often, EACH of those (or their VERY close personal connections – wives, kids, parents, etc) have been affected. I feel like an anomaly to not have contracted the disease. I am wondering how. May be cos I live alone and the only person that comes into the house is my help? May be cos when I go for walks, I mask up, properly with the nose and all covered and maintain distance in case I encounter others around me. May be I’ve already had a minor strain and I have antibodies. I don’t know. But I know that it’s a matter of time before I get it. And with COVID, you don’t know what it would do to your body. Someone I used to play poker with passed away at 32. And I have heard of 90-year olds recovering. So, I don’t know. I think this is the first time I have felt fear. I don’t know why. But then, I think this too shall pass.

So that’s about today I guess.
When I was reviewing what I wrote, I realized this piece reads like a rant of a depressed and sad man. I did not intend it to be. I merely wanted to log thoughts in my head. But then, who am I to control whatever takes birth from me? May be at some point, it will tip. I will stop seeding these thoughts. Let’s see where it tips.

In the meanwhile, here’s streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 144
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 1
  • #noCoke – 57
  • 10 mins of meditation – 3
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Original Work (limited time only) – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 1

Over and out.

050521 – Meditations

Update on things clouding my head. There’s nothing new but usual suspects – life, house, money!

7:04. I’ve been up for a bit now. Actually, I didn’t sleep very well. Why? Well, among other things, I had a coffee yesterday. Iced Americano. After some 55 days. Can’t say I missed the taste but I did like the idea that it could be helpful when I have a lot of work.

No, I don’t plan to get addicted to it again.

It shall only be had on days like yesterday when things on my plate overwhelm me and I need additional help to come up with superhuman effort and knock things off my todo list.

And I will try to have it later than 6 PM. Yesterday I had it at around 8 I think and I was as wide awake as an owl till about 2. And then I had to force myself to sleep.

In other news, in another action item yesterday, I got back on Twitter and Instagram. And I plan to stay active. I may not post too much but I will offer and extend some morsels of help as and when I can. If nothing else, I will support others that are. It somehow dawned onto me that while I am unable to help, and I suck at offering a shoulder, I need to do whatever little l can. Even an iota of help could be useful at this time. Individuals across the world have shown what compassion and willingness to help can do when regulators and policymakers and governments fail. I have now seen the power and impact of an individual’s action. It reminds me of that aasman me soorakh line…

“कैसे आकाश में सूराख़ नहीं हो सकता, एक पत्थर तो तबीयत से उछालो यारों” – Dushyant Kumar

If I could get something tattooed on me, it would be these two likes from Dushyant Kumar. Apart from “this too shall pass.”

#note2self – I must make it a point to read some of the Hindi poets that are no longer around. They’ve some incredible work. I mean I am a fan of late Rahat Indori’s work, especially the way he would narrate his work. Must spend time on listening to some old ones.

Ok. Moving on.

I also saw this post by Rana Ayyub where she talked about how life is sudden and you may not get time to say goodbye etc. I am inspired and I have decided to write an email to every person that I have hurt wanted to apologize but did not have the courage to. I know some of those chapters were closed long ago and my apology will probably bring back bad memories for those people. I will thus be careful and ensure that I am mindful before I send. I will write those nonetheless, even if I don’t send them. I mean, I am sure I will remain safe in this pandemic but you never know what happens next. So I do not want to leave this world without closing some of these conversations. No, I am not premonitioning my demise but I want to not leave without saying a bye to people that have shaped me – in a good way or a bad way. So that.

Oh, how can I even forget talking about this? In fact, I had to start with this. Yesterday Bill and Melinda Gates announced that they are ending their marriage of 27 years.

27. Years.

This is the second person that I look up to that has done this (first is Jeff Bezos. He and Scott were married for 25 years). Both Bill and Jeff have been idols for long. Their marriages were #lifeGoals for long. The wives played such an important role while these guys were on the road, building their businesses and all that. I’ve in fact wanted a partner like that. That supports my maddening ambition. Or vice versa (become second fiddle to someone as ambitious). But this announcement just broke my heart. The last time I was this sad for one of my idols, it was probably when Steve Jobs passed away. For some reason, I was not that affected by the cheating and divorce scandal of Bezos.

Anyhow, if I had any faith left in the institution of marriage, this was probably the last nail in its coffin. I mean Bill and Melinda were married for 27 freaking years. They were my ideal couple – make a lot of money and then use the rigor of business in doling out that money to make the world a better place. Plus they are old. I mean Bill Gates is 65. Melinda is 55 something. After 27 years, you probably know so much about each other that even if some doubts creep in about the impending cracks in the marriage, you probably fix it beforehand. You know, it’s messier to separate at that age, especially if you are a public figure. It just reduces the impact that you can have.

Damn you never know what happens behind closed doors!

Someone actually put a tweet out yesterday that said that out of the top 10 richest people in the world, only 2 have not been divorced (Mark Zuckerberg and one of the Google Founders!). Is there a correlation? If there is, I am glad that my plans of not marrying in the first place will not tip the numbers in the list. Unless more people enter the list when I am there. Lol! King of wishful thinking, Mr. Garg.

Also, today is the 5th. When I had to give my landlord notice if I did not want a messy exit from this house. I had wanted to do it for two reasons – a, get to a cheaper place and b, try and move to Goa. Even though I know it’s tough to live and work in Goa, I wanted to have a base there. I know that I will not have the network that I have here. I know that things are moving online and people are ok to meet on Zoom but I am super ineffective on Zoom as it’s been proven a million times already. So that. In one line, I am in that limbo that I’ve been forever.

One option is to move to Thane or something and then use hostels or friend’s couches when I need to be in Mumbai. I will save on the rent, live at a distance that allows for chance meetings and such connections. I don’t know. This inability to decide obviously stems from the inability to spend money and that’s something that I need to work on anyway.

I think this is about it. Have a long day ahead that starts early. Time to move on with things. More tomorrow. Here’s streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 143
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had one yesterday after 55 days!
  • #noCoke – 56
  • 10 mins of meditation – 2
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Original Work (limited time only) – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

150321 – Morning Pages

A report on how I spent my Sunday. And a challenge to self for the next 48 hours.

7:24. Mumbai.

Just woke up. Eyes are fogged but I feel ok. So that’s cool.

Yesterday was cool. Was actually good. I thugged it out to be honest. Went for a drive. Met friends. Ate like a pig, had some hundred meals (remember OMAD?), did not walk as much as I wanted to. Slept multiple times during the day. Shopped. Met a few work colleagues (without actually doing any work). Basically, took it easy. And for some reason, I think I enjoyed that. So so unlike me!

Anyhow, here’s a pic from the drive to Bhavali Dam.

This is a raw image.

After the drive, met a couple of friends, even if it was for a bit. Went househunting. I know. Again. When I was looking for a place, I saw 4-5 options and when I was going through the alternatives, I realised that I dont like any houses that are in old buildings. I need the building to be a virgin. Lol. So, lets see when I find a new place.

I also went shopping. To my regular jaunt at Cottonworld. It is at these places that you realize that you’ve put on weight like a bloated pig. Even the person at the shop could see that I have put on weight (advantages and problems of being a regular). I anyhow had to buy clothes (I hadn’t bought in a while and the ones I had, had so many holes in em that I was getting judged by even strangers). As always, I was in and out of the place in less than 10 minutes and I bought a few shirts and a pair of shorts. I just need to buy a pair of pants that I can wear to work meetings and some tees that I can wear on a day-to-day basis. And I am set for the next 2-3 years.

COVID is making a come back in Mumbai. That means we are staring at another lockdown. In the last one, I think I was ok with how things were around. But if there’s another lockdown I don’t think I’d be able to cope up. Or may be I will. This time I actually have work that will keep me busy. So let’s see.

So what else? Not sure. Lemme reach Starbucks before I publish. May be I will write a bit for book2?

At Starbucks. Just called for a tea. I think I know what I would attempt. A 48-hour reset. Last meal was at around 1 AM last night today morning. So that means I will eat on Wednesday night or something. Let’s see if I last that long. I mean I can, if I have something happening. I tend to eat a lot when I am getting bored or when I am stressed. I need to keep myself occupied and I think I can manage without eating. Let’s see how it goes.

As I wrap this up, yesterday was a bad day for my streaks. I couldn’t do OMAD. Neither could I walk around for 10K steps. Rest I could. Here’s a report…

  • Morning Pages – 93
  • #aPicADay – XX (will count at some later date)
  • 10K steps a day – 0 (did about 7K but that was regular walking and not purposeful one)
  • OMAD – 0 (ate like a Pig)
  • #noCoffee – 5
  • #noCoke – 5
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

With this, over and out.

070321 – Morning Pages

I talk about various things clouding my head. These include a car, search for a more spacious house and chess! Read on.

6:45 AM. Morning. Let’s dive head on. On things that are in my head. In bullet points.

A. Car.
Just woke up and for some reason, I am pining for a car. For some reason, been pining for the last few days years. I know I can’t afford one. Not for at least the next few quarters. But the thing is, there’s nothing that gives me more pleasure than a drive.

I think I know what’s the trigger here. A very old friend that I have sort of lost touch with called and asked if I’d want to drive out to Lonavala. Last I knew, he had a Volkswagen Polo and is among those few that share my love for drives. All these years, VG has been a constant companion for drives but then life happened and the drives dried down. This old friend, when he asked for a drive, like a druggie, I was salivating even before he mentioned Lonavala. I wanted it at that instant. Like now. But the dude asked me for a thing on the weekend. And when the weekend came, he bailed on me. Damn! Imagine you tell a coke-addict that he’d get a lifeline but when he doesn’t how would he feel? That! I wanted to scream out loud! It was like someone snatched candy from a kid that wants nothing but that. Like I said, I am the happiest when I am behind a steering wheel and I am on a road. I should’ve become an uber driver ;P

Unrelated. May be I am pining so much cos a couple of friends bought new cars in the last few days? I dont think so. I am definitely not jealous, rather, happy for them for these step-ups in life.

See this…

B. Aram Nagar
Finally made some progress on the Aram Nagar project. In the week that’s gone by, have had a couple of meetings already with Mudit on it. Oh, Mudit is a writer, director and has agreed to come on board and help. We have started to jam and see where it goes. We aim to shoot a few photos next week to see what we get. Idea is to capture the richness of the place that probably has the single largest contribution to the film industry. Let’s see how it goes. This is not a major project per se but I would like to see it happen. With Mudit on board, I hope it gets on a fast track.

C. Chess.
I am embarrassed to report that I just can’t seem to win anymore at chess. In the last 30 days, I’ve lost almost every game I’ve played. No, I don’t want to be a grandmaster. And I am very very average. But I don’t like the idea of a losing streak.

See this chart…

Do you see the slippery slope to the right? The fuck! I don’t know what to do about it. No, I don’t want to take tutorials. I don’t plan to play for a living and it will remain a hobby (and that too a non-serious one) for sure. I just need to end this streak.

D. Better House
So, I have decided that I want to be in Mumbai for the next few months (till I get some stability in life), I need to find a better place to live. The one I live in is not bad, to be honest. Just that it’s like a pigeonhole. I’ve not had fancy houses but whatever ones I had, they were always spacious and airy. Even in Mumbai. The ones that were not spacious, I made space by throwing away furniture. I like the idea of sleeping on a mattress. This one is neither spacious, not airy. And has so much furniture in it that I keep bumping into things even if I stretch my arms. So I need to change. Especially if I am going to WFH for the new few months.

The thing is, I am ok to change but I hate the idea of paying the exorbitant brokerage each time I want to move. But then the damn brokers do add value, to be honest. They rely on information asymmetry and give you numerous options that are otherwise impossible to find.

Plus moving comes with its own stress. You sort of leave a place and then if you are unable to find a place fast, you tend to make a hasty decision. I got lucky with the one before this. I loved the location and the space and the fact that it was a new building. Wait. That’s the thing. I don’t like those old houses that have been lived in. I like new constructions where I am either the first or the second tenant. This is for two reasons. A, since these are modern constructions, these tend to have a little better planned architecture. And B, since these are new, these places are cleaner and have lesser issues.

So that. Need to get started with househunting.

E. Jake Peralta and Gina Linetti.
I don’t know who told me about Brooklyn Nine-Nine. But the way I can’t stop winning at chess, I can’t quit seeing this. I mean this is as close to binge-watching things as I have been in the last three years. I don’t consume a lot of TV content and I am surprised at myself that I love this so much.

The two characters that stand out for me are Jake and Gina.

Jake, well, I want to be him. Lol. Goofy and funny and irreverent to authority and best part? Brilliant at what he does!

Gina, I want to date a Gina! Funny, opinionated, exuberant, outspoken and all that.

So that.

F. Fucking Book2
Lol. Book2 has taken the backseat for the time being. There are other larger issues to tackle.

With this, it’s over and out. See you guys tom!

150121 – Morning Pages

I talk about how yesterday was a bad day and how I need to write about films and may be, make a quick trip to Mumbai.

7:34 AM. I had a disappointing day yesterday. More than external factors that I can easily pin blame on, I think it was me. A couple of really important meetings got canceled (no, this is not my fault). I missed sending an email to a prospective client (I should’ve been more careful). Another client call got fucked cos my internet sucked (I could’ve been at a co-working space rather than at a cafe). The two projects that I am thinking hard about – Shumbur and TRS in Goa, both are proving to be tough to crack. Both of these depend on other people saying yes and it’s a task to first find those, pitch to those, and then close. Of course, it is fun to do these but still. Life should be easier. I stress-ate crap like Doritos and chocolates and Chips and all. Despite eating well for a large part of the day. And promising to myself that I will not eat. All it took was a few taps on Swiggy. Even though it’s not installed on my phone.

I hope today is better. Even though am groggy and sore in the back and neck and joints (is this a result of eating crap?). I do have quite a few things lined up for the day. I plan to check out this new co-working cafe that has come up in Anjuna (Felix). Clay is anyway fun, just that the phone does not work there at all and I can’t do video calls. If I can get another alternative in Felix, why not! PS: While looking for directions to Felix, I figured, there’s another one – Nomad. Should’ve tried that as well! I did not know there would be so many coworking places in Goa. I have to get going with that Ultimate Guide to Remote Working from Goa.

So that’s the rant on how the day yesterday was.

Coming to what am thinking on. The favorite part of these morning pages for me. While talking to Shikha yesterday about TRS and where it could go, I realized that I want to write about films and Bollywood, and more. Though I am not as well-informed or well-read or well-researched about it, I think films have the power like no other medium. For most people, it is the most immersive, easiest to comprehend and understand the medium. And that gives filmmakers power like nothing else. While I am far from making films, I can definitely talk about this power. And how filmmakers are leveraging (and even wasting) the opportunity they have. I can’t talk about the craft per se. I can’t talk about deep, thinking filmmakers that have shown alternative realities to us. I am not even aware of world cinema. I am a mere aam aadmi that finds my escape in a film that is made well and I want to write about that. Of course, I do want to point out the problematic things they paddle in their films (body-shaming, hate-mongering, casual sexism, stereotyping et al). Films, after all, have to reflect the times we live in, talk about how can we move forward, and communicate things that simpletons like me do not understand. The good part is that in The Red Sparrow, I have access to a film platform that reaches far and wide. However, this access is not really a free pass. I still need to pass through the editorial filters of the team that manages it. I can’t bypass that. Even if I could, I don’t want to. The platform is bigger than an individual.

The other thing am thinking is that I need a trip to the chaos of Mumbai soon. I’ve been here 45 days. I know how it is to live here and I know the issues and I know the good things. I need to now decide on where I want to be. I want to make a trip to Mumbai before I do that.

On that trip, I can see if I like the comforts of Mumbai better. Or if I like the open expanses of Goa. If I decide on Goa, I can even wrap up the house and belongings in Mumbai. And if I do that, I will have to find a hostel or something that I can use when I travel there for these “break” trips from the peace of Goa. Let’s see when that happens. Plus, if I want to be in Goa, I will have to find a house for myself in Goa. I can of course use Rajesh sir’s house. He’s cool like that. But I don’t want to take advantage of his kindness. And if I choose to be here, I am reasonably sure that I want to be in Anjuna, Assagaon, or thereabouts. It has to be North. Beyond Baga and the touristy stretches and yet close to places where people hang out. I could go even further to Mandrem / Ashwen etc. but that would make me very far from almost everything.

Lol. I think I am getting ahead of myself. The entire para above is essentially me getting ahead of myself with things. Take a deep breath, Mr. Garg. I think it’s all the carbs that I ate last night that are talking. I don’t even know where would my work take me. What if work picks up in Mumbai? Or Delhi? Even Chennai for that matter? What if projects that am thinking about do not materialize in Goa? That’s something that I don’t have an answer to. I need to think. Let’s see.

So that.

Onto #freewriting for #book2. It is 8:31. I will write till 9. Let’s see how many words do I get in.

Blue.

The color of the sea.

Every time I see the sea, I am fascinated by the vastness of it. It is so infinite, so never-ending that it would have only taken the ingenuity of a human to navigate. I don’t think any of God’s creation has what it takes to circumnavigate all the waters that we are surrounded by. True, some fishes are known to travel more than 12000 KMs in search of food and warmth, and better seasons. They still do not come close to us. We may not have the fins or coated eyes of gills or large lungs or whatever. But we do have a thumb that moves perpendicular to the other 4 fingers. And we have the wheel. And we have tamed the fire. And we have sharp tools to make whatever we want to. And we have made them boats that tear around the sea and take us places.

I’ve never been close to one. I grew up in Punjab and while we did dip around in the lakes and canals and the rivers that dotted the state, I never knew of the infinite that an ocean is. Funny that I think about it from the closed confines of the cell that I am locked in. Often when the sea is in a mood and the winds are strong, they carry the smells from the faraway lands. On the nights when the ocean is angry and dueling with the rock, we are on the top of, the moans and the cacophony of the crashes drown even the voices in the head. That’s what all of us want in life. No? Drown them voices in the head? To get out of the shackles and the traps that our own minds have bound us in?

There were no easy answers for Raunak.

On one side, he was in jail for the rest of his life, without a possibility of a bail. Who would bail him anyway? There was no next of kin. No one even knew if he was alive.

And on the other, he held the secret to the greatest treasure known to mankind.

***

Ok, that’s about it for the day. More tomorrow.

040121 – Morning Pages

A quick, dirty post for today’s morning pages. Nothing significant to offer to be honest.

6:54.

Today’s edition would be small. Probably the smallest that I have ever written. Have a few deadlines at work and I need to allocate some time to it. I am gonna end this by 715. That means just about 15 mins. And I will thus not spend the extra time in fixing the tags, meta data etc. That I can do during the day.

So while I have a lot of talk about (a lot’s on my head), with the limited time I have, lets see how much I get on paper.

If I had to use one phrase to describe how I spent yesterday, I would say, I broke all the rules that I have set for myself for 21.

For starters, on morning pages, I am not to talk about the past per se. Neither are these pages supposed to be part of a journal per se.

Then, I am late with my 2021 plans. It was supposed to happen yesterday but I could not. I was NickyM‘s maître d’hôtel for the day. Nick had some errands to run and needed someone to take the post. I did. And it was fun. It helps that his food is so good that the job is merely getting chatty with people – which I did with ease. I have learned this art of faking conversations with strangers and coming across as a “nice guy” – I mean I think they think of me as the nice guy when I speak with them. I am digressing. So I was to work on the plan for 21 but I could not. I had even decided that I will make myself the priority but I did not. I am actually glad that I did break the rule – I learned that I may like running a restaurant (to add to a million things that I already want to do in life).

Good news is that I am still eating far less than last few days. And I am eating less carbs. Except all the peanuts. I must be eating so many peanuts that the entire country would be left without any chakna with their drinks.

The last thing that I have to talk about is the house situation in Goa. I like it here so far and I can see myself living here for another couple of months, if not more. So that means I need to do two things. A, figure out the house. I can’t continue to live on Rajesh Sir’s largesse. I’d start looking out and will take a 2-month lease from maybe the 15th onwards, once the tourists are gone. May be. And B, need to figure out the Mumbai house. Do I need to stay there. Or do I need to give it up altogether. Thing is, all of it is so dependent on work, on the money. I need to probably fix that first! So that.

Ok, I have 4 more minutes to go.

Oh yeah. So I am in Mumbai in mid of Feb. When I need to attend a wedding of the other Rajesh. Fuck, I have too many similar-sounding people around me. As of today there are three Nikhil’s at the top of my head. There are two Rajeshs. No Saurabhs, which I thought was the most common name in the world. Lol.

So I think that’s that for the day.

There are more that I want to write and talk about but I will leave it for tomorrow when I am not this rushed.

Over and out.