250821 – Morning Pages

Quick post on tabs pandemic, people, proximity, photos, pains of traveling in Mumbai.

7:43. In shelter. I am here till about 11. Have a few calls where I need to be in a silent, quiet room and defend a case per se. I can’t really take calls from Starbucks. I am thinking, the days I am gonna be in Delhi, I would not have a quiet room per se. I do have a separate room per se but I am not sure how quiet it is going to be. Let’s see when we reach there.

So the largest thing, on the top of my head, is the pandemic of unclosed tabs. I have some 1200 tabs open that need work on. I mean not open per se but the ones that I need to act upon. I dont even know how to close those. Some are videos to be seen, some are things to be read, some are things to do. I dont know what to do about it. I am in that circle where I open tabs like my life depends on those and then keep pushing them back. Any solutions anyone?

The highlight of the day has to be the walk on the Versova beach with AdiSave. We talked about life, work, projects, and all that. And then a quick meeting with SJ and him. We talked about TRS, the future, and all that. I love such meetings, such conversations. I love the idea of sort of planning where I want to be. And then actually making things happen that take us there. Also, I love these in-person meets. There’s something about being able to see someone from up close that a Zoom call does not cut.

Oh, and here’s a pick from the walk yesterday. I think this is among the best pics I’ve clicked in a long long time.

Tell me when you spot the guy. He was supposed to be the focal point πŸ˜€

The thing is, I could meet Adi Sir cos he lives close by. It’s not really walking distance but I can meet him fast enough if required. I also called Rana Sir. He lives far from where I am and thus it was a phone call (and not an in-person meeting). I spoke to Hemant Sir about things. While these phone calls are awesome, they’re not really my thing.

In fact, I wish everyone I care for, lived within walking distance from me. That’s the thing. At a point in time, VG made plans that all of us friends must live together as grow old. I am not sure if that will pan out. Let’s see if it does. I just hope it’s not in India. And if it is in India, it has to be a beach. Or mountains.

Actually, I can’t do a laidback life. I would want to be bang in the middle of the action! So let’s see.

What else?

Oh, I sat with SJ2 the other day and gave him dope on what to do in case I dont come back from EBC. I dont want to be the guy that leaves a mess behind.

Of course, I ate kachra like a man coming from a famine. No, not a good thing. But I can not seem to control what I eat and how I eat and where I eat and all that. I need to figure out a solution to this food problem. Ok. Here’s a promise. I will make another attempt at a 48-hour fast from today on. I had the last thing at around 1 AM last night. So I will try to eat the next thing on the morning of the 28th. Let’s see if I can manage.

Today looks like a longish day with a few meetings, few calls, and a lot of other small errands. Like I said, the first one is important enough for me to stay back and not go to a Starbucks. So that.

Guess this is about it for the time being. More tomorrow. I have to travel to Lower Parel tomorrow and need to stay there till 7:30 PM at least. Bummer. Dreading it already. The good part is that I have a train pass / ticket and that means I dont have to get stuck in the traffic. In the morning, it’s anyway ok. The evening is what I am worried about. Chalo let’s see how it is.

Oh, before I end, here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 167
  • #noCoffee – 10
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 1385
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 257

040821 – Morning Pages

There’s nothing specific that I’ve on my head today. So a list of random notes / things / ideas etc.

5:50. I had a sleepless night. I mean I was in bed by 1030 I think but I kept waking up. I dont know why but I did not sleep ok. It has to be coffee. I had a strong one yesterday. Even though I ate like a hog after that and had a lot of water, the residue was still in my system, I am guessing. Anyhow. I am up. Yawning like a baby. Lots to be done today. Let’s see how it goes.

Yesterday was ok.
I did some work.
I talked to some people.
Troubleshooted a few things.
Moved along.
However, I did not do my 10K steps. I ate kachra. And I have anyway stopped working out. I am not even making pretenses that I will try and do anything. The only thing I am doing is regular walking. And trying to get enough sleep. Yesterday I didn’t do these two either.

So if I am serious about EBC and Everest eventually, I need to get my act together. And come to think of it, I had made a promise to myself that fitness will become my number 1 priority. Even if work suffers. I think what’s happening is that I am allowing work to suffer, and yet I am not doing anything for fitness. Must mend my ways.

Oh, I need to buy a new chappal. The one I bought from Bata is very very uncomfortable. In the sense that it’s heavy. It’s a good thing, to be honest – it is probably helping me prepare for trekking shoes that I will have to wear for 15 days. But on a day-to-day basis, walking around in bad chappals is probably gonna hurt me more. So need to buy some flip-flops.

Moving from the feet to the head. I have this void in my head. About not working on a book. I mean the book (biography) I am helping edit / write / research is sort of done. It’s with the publishers now and unless they come back with a lot of changes, my job there is done. I miss not working on it. I miss not thinking about it. I miss the narrative structures that I would draw. You know, putting a thought in a manner that it’s comprehensive and easy to consume. That. Maybe this is the right time to pick up the second book? Lemme try once I reach Starbucks.

Ok. What else is at the top of my head? I have spilled enough ink about how I am moving out of this house end of August. Oh yeah. The next short film that I am co-producing with Shikha and RCF is going on the floor soon. As early as the end of August. Yay!

Also, on the film, I am gonna make sure that I am the film photographer. I’ve been wanting to experiment with it and this is the opportunity that I have sort of created for myself. If I can make a mark, it will be a classic case of creating luck. In fact, I think I like this idea of playing with things and scratching my itch even if I have to put in my own money. I mean why else do I make money? To try new things. To spend on things that I like. To do things that others won’t allow me to. So that’s cool. And I must mention that all I am doing here is helping Shikha who’s the real reason why this film is happening. She (and a few others) are my Venue and Serena! Lol! Self-gloating max.

Ok. What else?

Guess rest is the regular humdrum of life. More tomorrow. Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 2
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 146
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had one. Venti.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 30 + 3000 + 363 + 399 + 25 + 55 (3872)
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 236

290721 – Morning Pages

Recap of yesterday. Thoughts about today. Thoughts about attempts at becoming financially free!

6:51. Woke up a few minutes ago. I think I slept well. I had two dreams that I cant recall p[properly but I know in one, there was Rana Sir giving me some dope about a new client I am pitching to. And in the other, I had a negative dream about some MF client. Otherwise, I feel rested and ok. So that’s a good thing.

Yesterday I was at the beach and I remembered Goo Goo Dolls and I was haunted by the images from the film (City of Angels) that featured that track. Look at this.

I mean I was at the secluded beach per se and there were people sprinkled all over the beach. Each busy with their loved on. Or with their friends. Or something. I just couldn’t get the image out of my mind. I think I need to write a post on that. If only I had the time! #parkedIdeas #toWrite

I also walked some 17K steps during the day. I think I am on track to doing another 100K steps this week. The 17K I did yesterday were in two sets (2K and 14K). It helped that I had a few work calls and I kept going. The good thing was that while walking, I clicked a few pictures.

Here are a few unedited ones.

I have stopped Yoga altogether. I am not even attempting push-ups. Apart from the walk, I am not doing shit. I have learned that I need external motivation to do things. Damn it sucks. And since I am at self-loathing, I am eating a lot. And yesterday I had to fast and I ate three meals. And all ordered from outside. I think I can control this part for sure, if not other things. Let’s see how it goes.

So anyhow. That’s the recap from yesterday.

Today is probably going to be a good day. In the sense that I dont have too many calls planned during the day. I know as the day progresses, things would change and people would demand my time. But I remain committed to controlling my time as much as I can. Let’s see how it goes.

A thought that popped into my head yesterday was that I need to become an influencer for sure. In the traditional sense. And in the non-conventional sense. The deal is, being an influencer gives you a reach that anonymity can’t. And it gives you opportunities that you otherwise would not get. I was talking to someone yesterday and she mentioned that they had used a stand-up comic for a medical brand. Imagine a person who knows how to crack jokes doling out advice on medicine. Ludicrous. But true. Just because she’s an influencer. So that.

I know I dont have what it takes to become one. You know, looks, gift of gab, ability to make conversations, lot of time, narcissism et al. But I know what I have. The desire to be financially free. And I think the path to that is either via a business that works when you sleep. Or your reputation, that works for you while you sleep.

Yeah. For me, influence = reputation.

Naval captured it best in this how to get rich thread. If you haven’t read that yet, here.

So yeah. That.

Oh, I have a recording to do today for the Marketing Connect podcast. I am recording after a few weeks and I am looking forward to it. Let’s see how it goes. The issue would be to get the steps in after the recording. I mean it takes me 2 hours to get in 10K steps and if I finish the recording at 8:30 or so, I will need to be out till 1030 and with all the strays bugging you at all corners of the city, I really dont want to. Anyhow. Let’s see how it goes. If I cant even get the steps in, I should quit the ambition of Everest someday. And closer, the EBC.

Guess this is about it for the day.
Time to get ready and head to Starbucks.

Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 140
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 5
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 230

180121 – Morning Pages

A rant-ful post about inane things. You may want to skip reading this one.

6:27.

I’ve been up for a bit. I slept at around 10 last night. And thanks to all the movement in the house next to mine, I had a fitful sleep. Did I tell you that the walls are wafer-thin here? But I think I feel as rested as I ever could be. There is some soreness in the ankles, claves, and legs – that I think I can blame on all the walking I did yesterday. I will come to it in a bit.

So, I have to say that I’ve not been myself for the last few days. I think more than anything else, the financial insecurity is eating me alive. Lol. Hyperbole. But yes I am worried about money. I mean I know that in the long run, I will be ok (wait, when exactly is this long-run? I am almost 40 and I have been in this hand-to-mouth state since I was 25). Anyhow, I need to pay salaries in about 10 days and rent in about 15 and I am not sure where would I get that money from. I did not want to take more debt this year and I don’t seem to be finding enough work. In fact, more than just worrying, it’s also making me into a person that I am not. I am avoiding people. And the ones that I do end up talking to, I am being curt with them. I am faking my emotions a lot more (even though I want to have coherence in my thoughts and actions). I am unable to express my true emotions and I am merely going with the flow. I like being in control (even if it’s a fake sense of control) and without the confidence that money gives me, I seem to be losing this ability.

The worse part is no one around me understands what I am going thru. They don’t have to, to be honest. They have enough shit in their lives. I am not their priority. This is one of those rare times when I wish I had someone to understand me, be my side, and tell me all will be ok. Maybe that’s why this rant on the blog? Am I trying to make this inanimate object, a bunch of pixels on the internet my companion? I think times like these and situations like these make people start believing in God and other cults? Maybe this is that weak point that everyone talks about that comes often in lives?

But then, I know, this too shall pass!

Ok. Hoping it will pass. Moving on.

So yesterday was like any other day. Did some work, slacked some, and then vegetated some. Vegetated as in, merely existed and did not do anything leaves a mark. Did not even talk to the two people I call friends in Goa. I know that I just have 1810 days left before I need to show results on my lofty goals and while the impending deadline inspires me, I am also fucked in the head because of my inability to move the needle. I am not sure what is stopping me. I think I have everything needed to whoop some mad ass and make an impact and get rich in the process. I am no longer lazy (I was till maybe 2017). I work harder, longer, and smarter than most people I know. Of course, I am smart. I have no clue what is that thing missing in my life.

Wait. Could it be the focus? I mean I’ve always been that person that does multiple things. May be this meandering at multiple places has got me to a place where I have some interesting things under my belt. And maybe to scale from hereon, I need to focus on one thing?

Will think on this during the day and report.

Anyhow. The good thing that happened yesterday was that I walked 20K steps. The plan was to do that on the trot but I took two breaks. Which is ok. I at least walked. From Baga to Fort Aguada and then back. I spend some 30 minutes at the Fort seeing the sun go down and see the day merge with the night. Absolutely loved the time I spent there. Clicked some great (I hope so) pics. Realized my limitations as a photographer. Wish I could be better at it.

Here are a couple of photos for you to gawk at…

I loved the spot so much that I can see myself going there often to catch the sunset. It’s kind of far from where I live (and once I take a house, where I intend to live) I think if I were not a loner, I think this trip to Goa has made me one. Am absolutely ok in my own company now.

Oh, the other crazy thing that happened last night when I was trying to get sleep was a deeper understanding of A R Rahman’s music. Because the internet was not working, I put on ARR’s Sufi set that is saved on my phone. The set has tracks not just from ARR but others that have adopted the Sufi way of life. And for probably the first time, I could relate to their music, the higher purpose, the bhakti, the effort they put in, and the connection they must feel to that nameless faceless thing that people call God, Universe, higher power, energy, whatever. I could feel how the music for them is not about entertainment. Or about practice. Or money. Or validation. But about respect. A tool they use when they want to feel closer to their creator. The trance they get in when they are one with their creator.

No, I have never felt such a connection with anyone or anything but I could clearly picture them living a life where they are in a complete submission to the almightly. I have to know more. Maybe I will chat with Sowmya one of these days. Maybe when I go back to Mumbai to wrap things.

That’s about it I guess. I have a long day today with quite a few things to work on. And a few IRL meetings to squeeze in. I plan to work from Felix for a large part of the day. Let’s see if their Internet holds up today. I have to find a solution to this Internet thingy if I have to be in Goa. It’s been acting weird since Friday.

Chalo over and out. Hope you guys have a great day. Onto #freewriting for #book2. It’s 7:27 and the battery is 6%. Will write till the battery is 1%.

The only complaint that Mrs. Gomes had with tourists that came into Goa is that they did not respect the local traditions. Especially from North India. The ones from the South were a lot more respectful. They probably understood the way of life in smaller communities. But they were far filthier than the ones from the North. It was like choosing a lesser evil and she would take filth over disrespect. So when Chintan first walked into Caravan Serai, Mrs. Gomes looked at him with the default disdain that she had reserved with middle-aged men from north India that wore linen shirts to hide their beer bellies that were bloated all the more with all the butter chicken they had probably eaten.

Chintan looked no different. He would have been smart in his younger days. He was atleast 40 and he still had a head that was full of hair. His hair was better than what most Indian men had and he had a hairband on to pull em back. He carried a leather man-purse that he plopped loudly on the bar counter. The bar was a curious choice. The entire place was empty and most people chose bars as the last option ever. Chintan clearly was unlike most. He pulled a bar stool with his leg and while trying to settle down on it, he got busy pulling out his paraphernalia from the bag that had seen a few years. Without looking up, he continued to fiddle with his things and said to no one in particular, “Could I have a glass of water? Cold, please? And a Gin and Tonic – whatever is your choice. And an ashtray please.”

These three lines told Mrs. Gomes that he was going to be an interesting person. He did not fuss about the brand of Gin or Tonic. He wanted his water cold. And he spoke with the authority of a man that knew how to command respect.

He had pulled a stack of loose sheets and was twirling a pencil in his fingers. He looked up to the bar with a questioning gaze at Mrs. Gomes. She took her sweet time to respond to him and said, “On its way. You new here in Goa?”

Mrs. Gomes had to know every patron that walked into Caravan Serai. Even though the place was now much bigger and much in demand, she still liked to run it her way. Basant and Udita often told her often to take it easy and cede control to one of those hospitality management companies that had sprung up. Mrs. Gomes clearly did not think that the two girls made sense. Each time they had this conversation, she would respond by telling them about the promise she made to her father and the legacy of her family, and then she would pace around with an apparent worry about who’s run the place once she was gone? She knew she wasn’t going away anytime soon. Even though she was 73, she was as lucid as she was when she was 23, could out-work Udita, some 50 years her junior, and keep a sharp eye on her staff of almost 30 people and all the patrons and guests that came and went throughout the day.

***

7:53. 1%. Gotta hit publish.

So that’s it for the day. See you guys tom.

020121 – Morning Pages

On the 2nd day of 2021, I talk about how I spent the first day of 2020 and how I am guilty of enjoying a film like Coolie No. 1.

02 Jan, 0705 hrs.

I had a brilliant start to the new year. Here’s how.

  • I could say no to very tempting offers to a, munch onto crispy brown fries at a fancy restaurant. And b, at the same place, I could say no to an ice-cold Diet Coke that was sweating with dew. Mmmm. Merely talking about it is making me want to grab one. But I did not.
  • I found 60 bucks at a garage! This is after a while that I have found money lying on the road. I consider that each rupee I find like that is worth a crore at some point in time. So, I am worth 60 crores already! Yay!
  • Met a friend (remember the restaurant I talked about above? there) and talked about the Goa magazine I have been thinking about. He may come on board as a partner. So Yay!
  • Was at FabIndia and saw this amazing notepad at a compelling price at a great discount. The regular Saurabh would have bought it but I resisted the temptation and did not.
  • Worked on the #in2021 plan for a bit. Still not done with it, but happy about the progress am making with it. Will share soon.
  • Started posting #aPicADay on Insta with this shot from Anjuna. Got 35 likes. Which is about 0.5%. With 800 followers, this should be at 80-100 (~1-1.5%). May be it will increase as we go along? And in case it does not, I will merely do it for the joy of doing and not for the thrill of seeking numbers.
  • At a cafe, I saw this young boy taking some amazing shots with an iPhone. Talked to him about Dil Haare‘s video that I want to make. He sounded interested. He’s gone MIA since ;P The larger point is that there are so many talented people but there’s no way for them to collaborate with others. Is this a problem worth solving?
  • Read some. The next part of Julia Cameron’s book. Realized my limitations as an artist and an enabler. Let’s see what I do to fix it.
  • Stayed away from the phone for a large part of the day. Decided to not chase time syncs (Instagram, Twitter, etc) and only use them when I want to. Could resist those for a large part. Yay!

So yeah. There’s luck, new beginnings, restraint, and overall general hopefulness. Couldn’t have asked for a better start. What about you? How was it for you?

Today looks busy as well. With things that I want to work on. Cheers to that. I have meetings from 10:30 on. I may also get to meet an interesting artist with Nupura towards the evening if all goes well. I of course need to complete the #in2021 plan before that. Maybe squeeze in a walk, if I can. Lol, who am I kidding?

Ok, what else?

Yeah! I have to talk about this and get judged. So, I don’t watch a lot of movies, and for an aspiring filmmaker, this is of course not done. My to-watch list is a mile long and even if I take three lifetimes, I would probably still not get to finish the list. The most recent one that I have been dying to see is AK vs AK. But I haven’t had the time. Or the inclination, maybe. But, I have been seeing Coolie No. 1 (the new one with Varun Dhawan in the lead role) intermittently. I kid you not, I am enjoying it! To a point that I find myself thinking about it. I am about an hour into it and like most such films that give you the guilty-pleasure, I don’t want it to get over! I have a shitty data connection here at Goa and yet I try to stream the film!

Lol. Goa does funny things to people πŸ˜€

Oh, I will also start work on book2 today. For the umpteenth time. Let’s see how this shot at chasing immortality goes. I am often left marveling at how optimistic I could be about things and how thick-skinned I could be about my folly! I mean if I was talking to myself, I would tell myself that book2 is an elaborate facade you’ve created to tell yourself that you amount to something. There is no substance to it. And I would tell myself to stop fooling myself and move on.

But then, I want to tell stories and I like the idea of being able to talk to people and uncover what moves them and then get inspired to explore more. And nothing better than to write books! And thus!

Anyhow, this is a rant for a different time, different day. Time to get on with the day and get some work done!

Over and out.