270321 – Meditations

A mundane update about how I am living, feeling, thinking and all that on this Saturday morning.

7:09. Andheri.

And we have a new theme. I got talking to a fellow planner (KS) yesterday and her inputs told me that I need to work on my website. And I agree. So, over the next few days, I will experiment with various looks and themes and so on and so forth. Let’s see how it goes.

The biggest news of yesterday is that I couldn’t manage the 48-hour fast that I had planned. I did about 38 and then I quit. I was not hungry, to be honest. I think it was the fact that I was “live-tweeting” the fast and every time I would put a tweet out, I’d think about food so much that I would miss it! Plus the survival gene probably kicked in – how can this body be starving and yet talking and thinking about food. The other thing that happened was that I was stressed and I had to eat to manage it. So that.

It was cool, to be honest, but when I broke the fast, I ate like a pig. Three full meals. In one go. And then some packets of chips. And then another. Damn. And was bloated to a point that I could not concentrate on work. I need to identify food that bloats me and stop having those. I also need to fix my water situation. I think I retain way too much water. Maybe I will log everything I eat and how I feel after that? How tough could it be? I am perpetually on my phone and it’s one more note that I need to make. No?

Let’s see. It’s too much effort but why not? I have to live long. And prosper.

The good news is that I can do these fasts at the drop of the hat. I just need to do them longer. And do them more frequently. My ideal state is when I’d be having 6 meals in a week. Let’s see.

And then add some sort of a workout in my plan. I also need to quit on all the tea I am having. The thing is, when I wake up, I am not tired. Neither am I irritable. But I know that I hardly get any sleep. I don’t think I get dreams. Dark circles and bags under my eyes are now as big as a Kangaroo has and I can have an offspring live under those. So that needs to be fixed.

What else to talk about?

Well, I am creatively stuck. At both work and non-work projects. At work, I cant seem to crack a simple presentation. I’ve been at it for more than 2 weeks now. On non-work projects (Aram Nagar, Films, book2, aPicADay, etc.), I cant seem to crack ideas that are interesting or inspiring. I know I can be that mediocre person and deliver whatever crap I can come up with. And more or less, people would accept it. Most things, projects, etc are waddling in mediocrity. But then how do I face myself after I deliver the work?

I think that’s about it for the day. The track of the day is Jagjit Singh’s Koi Fariyaad. Here. The plan for the day is to spend time with Surbhi. And try and work (remember those projects that I am stuck with?).

That’s it for the time being. Before I move on, here’s the streak…

  • Morning Pages – 106
  • #aPicADay – 86
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 17. Quitting tea as well. Even if that means I need to stop going to Starbucks. Moving to only water or lemonade.
  • #noCoke – 17
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

200321 – Morning Pages

A shortPost on how I spent yesterday and what I plan to do today.

8:52. I just woke up. I slept early but slept for long. Which is ok.

So the highlight has to be that I successfully did a 48-hour fast. It was surprisingly easy. To a point that I think I can do it often. In March, I’ve tried this multiple times and I have failed every time, except this one. In fact, I want to try and move to that 6 meals a week kind of diet where I eat once a day and then keep a 48-hour fast. Let’s see how it goes. The critical thing would be to not eat today till about 2 PM when I will have the meal of the day and then not eat anything till 2 tomorrow. Why 2? I saw an Instagram post by Dave Asprey where he says that’s apparently the human gut is designed to work the best at 2 PM. Let’s see how that affects me.

Ok. Moving to the next things.

For a change, I want to take a break and not do any actual work. Lol. Arti would be so so happy reading this!

I have a few options.

a, I can either spend the day reviewing various things / projects that I am working on and the next steps that I need to take on those. I typically do this once every month towards the end and for some reason, I feel like doing this today.

b, I can just sit and read. Since I need to take a break from actual work, I can do this. On reading, I am back to physical books. I recently bought two – Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Yourself and Morgal Housel’s Psychology of Money. Both are in the self-help category and I think that’s what I need right now. Let’s see if I can finish reading those today (at the speed at which I read, I think I can). Let’s see how this goes.

c, I can go for a super-long walk. You know a 20K-step walk and plugin to some podcast or something. In the past, I have wanted to walk all the way from Andheri to Siddhi Vinayak. I think I did manage it once (see next para). Though I can’t recall with surety. May be I will do it again today.

I don’t know which one would I choose. But I do know that I will go to Starbucks in a bit and get done with a work call that ends at 12. See I can never not work 😀

Wait.
Here’s a thing.
I just realized that I suck at remembering these teeny weeny things.
Which is ok. I just need to ensure that I note those things. For example, thanks to my Roam, I discovered that I walked on the 24th of Sep 2020. And I have also listed things that I thought of when I walked. Wow! I am impressed in myself ;P

Ok. Enough. The words are clearly not coming out. Time to take a break, shower, and go to Starbucks.

See you guys tomorrow.

And as I end this, here’s my streak list.

  • Morning Pages – 98
  • #aPicADay – 79
  • 10K steps a day – 0. Could only manage 7K
  • OMAD – 2
  • #noCoffee – 10
  • #noCoke – 10
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

040221 – Morning Pages

A page-full of self-talk, random updates and nothing special to report per se. Avoid if you want to.

7:28. Feel ok. Not too happy. Not too sad. Not too. confused. Not too content. One of those states where I am just being. Which is a good thing. Contentment is nice. For whatever it is worth.

And I have nothing to write about. Lol.

Really. I can’t think of a single thing to write about. Fuck fuck fuck. Lemme try. I am sitting outside Rajesh Sir’s house. Listening to Berklee’s rendition of Kun Faya Kun. Have some 25 tabs open. On the new M1. Tethered to the Vodafone connection that is surprisingly working today. The Jio Phone is not. Lol. The mysteries of the Internet and mobile phones in Goa. Reminds me I have an important call. And in Goa, that is giving me jitters. What if the Internet decides to stop working at the last minute? Lol. When did I become the kind to think so much about work? Managed a fast yesterday. The last thing I ate was at 3 AM or so yesterday (not today) before I went to sleep. So as we speak, I haven’t had a thing for more than 24 hours now. Except litres of water and more liters of lemonade. And chewing gum. I think a chewing gum is the secret ingredient you need to fast for long hours. I had told myself that I would fast for 48 hours. Let’s see if I can manage today without eating. If I can, I will gun for 72. And then 96. Kunal has challenged me to fast for 7 days. My longest has been 50 something, if I am not wrong. I tend to forget these things. Lol, king of wishful thinking I am.

Ok. What else?

I cant still think what to write.

Mumbai vs Goa? Work? Relationships?

Lemme take a stab at each. In reverse order.

Relationships – nothing home to write about. Lesser spoken the better. Like I said a few days ago, I miss the physical proximity of people that I care for (which is like 2 people and I know they don’t want me around – I mean they want me but not all the time). So, that.

Work – I seem to be un-hireable. Which is a good thing. I mean I am tempted to live an easy life with a packed calendar, fat salary and PF and company laptops and petty politics and flings with people you work with and year-end bonuses and all that. With all these, you have an option of those foreign travels, fancy cars, lavish buffets, designer clothes, and whatnot.

Mumbai vs Goa – I remain undecided. I like it here in Goa. But I miss the predictability of Mumbai. I love the opportunities that a large city like Mumbai offers for creating a large business that can have a global reach and can impact billions. And I crave connections with creative people in Goa that no other place has. This is the first time I am thinking this hard about such decisions. I think when I moved to Mumbai in 2013 (or was it 14?), I just one day announced that I am going. I slept on the floor of Satya’s bedroom and then eventually took a house. Life was easy, simple. But then I was 6 years younger. I had the time to do whatever I wanted to. People respected my ideas. I probably had some money to get thru tough times. Not any more. I am older, poorer, behind the times. I…

Wait!

Remember life’a a game?

Lemme play this game and piece together a solution. WTF! I can not be in this limbo.

Wait and watch.

Bas ho gaya.


There’s no #freewriting for #book2 today. Rather, I will use the time to work on SoG on playing the game (subscribe here). And the Goa working guide that I have been working on for 2 months. I Will ship both today and update links here.

Let’s fucking start.

Shipping.

Enough.


PS: Wrote these sidenotes (things that popped into my head as I wrote this piece). I can’t seem to fit these anywhere in the narrative and thus keeping them here. Yeah, it fucks the reading experience for you. But then these are my morning pages. These are what I need to save and think on and act on and all that. So ignore if you have to.

  1. I need to accept that I am a failure – a public one at that (lol, even in this, am trying to sound like Steve Jobs! What a loser you are, Mr. G.)
  2. I need to choose between a start-up that reaches a billion, films that reach millions, writing that reaches thousands, etc.
  3. I need to start happening to things (and not let things happen to me). It’s funny that I give this advice to everyone around me and often fall prey to this.

210121 – Morning Pages

Random update from a random day about random things that I thought about during the day gone by. And what I plan to do today.

6:59.

This one comes from the new M1. First things first. The keyboard is a tad different from the one I am used to (on the 2016 Air) and it’s taking a bit to get used to (this is affecting the speed at which I am working but I am hoping in due course, it would get better). But one thing’s for sure. This is fast. Plus the new OS (Big Sur) came preinstalled on this and there are tons of (great!) changes on this one. And they look interesting and intuitive and easy to use and effective and all that. I just need to get used to those. I hope this also helps in productivity. Let’s see.

So, coming to morning pages. Lemme use bullet points. Easy to write, think.

A. Last few days I’ve been jacked in the head. I still can’t point the reason (I suspect it’s work but it could very well be relationships) but I had a chat with SG2 yesterday. Heart to heart. Like I’ve not had with anyone in a long long time. I did not know who else to talk to. So when we spoke, honestly, she gave me no new insights but she gave me solutions (that I knew of already) but the way she put those were amazing. Filled me with hope. Rather than despair. So damn lucky to have access to her. The world needs more people like that. Thing is, the world will probably have people like that but they would be reserved, inaccessible, and all that. Wish the world was a more open place where people could talk freely without worrying about repercussions etc.

B. Yesterday was a super-duper crazy day with the internet. Like I haven’t had since I came here. It just did not work. The way things are with me (and if I need to act on the advice of SG2), I need to find a solution (which is essentially taking a house on rent in goa and paying through my nose to get 2 leased lines installed). If not that, I will go back to Mumbai. And if that remains unsustainable, I will quit Mumbai to go back to Delhi (where my folks have a place that is literally rent-free). Yes, it would be a blow. Yes it’s the last thing I’d ever want to do in life. But I guess that’s that. Oh, and one thing is sure. I will never ever now complain that the way our parents ran their lives (hoarding, chase of safety etc). It at least gives me a net when life throws lemons at me. The way I live my life, I dont even have a squeezey thingy to make lemonade out of that.

C. Another thing that is worth noting is this conversation with Vivek. He mentioned something deep af. He said that he’s made a promise to himself that anytime any of his friends is in deep shit, he would be there. I think this is a powerful thing. It says so many things at so many levels. Friends. In need. Shoulder. Support. Un-loneliness. I never thought about this and I think I need to make this a principle of my life. This one’s going in my Roam.

D. I’ve been doing OMAD last two-three days. Going ok. I want to push it and do a longer one. So, I plan to fast today. This means I will not eat anything today. The last thing I ate was at 11:55 PM last night. The next meal will be after 11:55 AM on Friday. So that’s 36 hours. Let’s see how it goes.

Guess this is it from the log of yesterday. To be honest, I can write more. Just that this keyboard would take some time getting used to. Making too many typos while typing and it’s breaking the flow. Plus I have a lot to do today and this means I need to get going. I always knew that morning pages would suffer as other things take priority.

Over and out.

Wait.

#freewriting for #book2. Has to happen. Duniya kya bolegi? Pradeep kya bolega? It’s 7:49. Will write till 8:15. Since this is a new laptop, I don’t think the battery is an issue for a change 😀

To move around, the vehicle of choice for people in Goa is a scooterette. Despite being a brand owned by a company, every small bike in Goa is called a Scooty. Just like every bath-tub is called a Jacuzzi across the world. Of course, some men preferred bicycles. And some heavy motorcycles like the Royal Enfield. But scootys is what rules the roads in Goa. So when Chintan asked Rujuta to hop onto one, she was mildly surprised. She had figured Chintan to be anything but a scooty person. She had thought he would be a Bullet person. But then that’s how Chintan was – a man of contrasts and shades. Tarana always said that everyone in the world is made of various shades. No one’s black or white. Rujuta knew Tarana would like Chintan. Come to think of it, she’d like even Mrs. Gomes. And vice versa. There was no reason for Tarana to stay back in Dharavi. She could easily spend his sunset years with Rujuta in Goa.

She had hopped on and Chintan was zipping through narrow roads of Anjuna. They were headed to meet Sherwin, one of those locals that knew everything that happened in that part of Goa and they needed someone like him to know more about the Japanese girl that had caught Rujuta’s fancy. You could send Rujuta on a holiday but you couldn’t keep her away from action!

***

Ok, that was a tough one to write. I know these two paras are mere lip-service (and no actual writing). Sorry, Pradeep. The words are just not flowing 🙁

May be tomorrow on, I will start the morning pages with 30 minutes of writing on book2 and then get down to writing about things that are in my head? Sounds like a good idea. Lemme try tomorrow and see how it goes!

Over and out.