050321 – Morning Pages

A quick rant on how I was made to feel at a meeting yesterday.

5:30. AM.
I am up! And on it. Listening to Khawabon Key Parinde. I’ve always been a king of wishful thinking. I’ve even written about it on my blog once. Here.

So, today I get to meet one of my newer clients. I have been working for him since Oct last year and everytime I have spoken to him, I have left the (zoom) room inspired. This is my first IRL meeting with him. Lets see how it goes.

Yesterday was a mixed bag. Largely, took it easy. I had a few calls and I was a silent observer at most of those places. I don’t like to play a passive role but I think it’s ok to not want to run the show all the time. I think my fly as high as the Icarus needs taming and these meetings are sobering me up. Just that I don’t like when I am interrupted and cut in the middle by people. Or when I am taken for granted. Or when I am shrugged like a flunky in the white shirt. I remember I wrote about this 10 years ago and I am yet to get over it. This is not my ego per se. This is more about being treated as an equal human. That sucks. Someone told me a few days back that you rather work with someone that respects you than someone who pays you a lot. But then that’s naukri. If you want to win the world and become like Elon, Jeff, and others, you need to do what Guru Bhai tells us!

Anyhow. Moving on.

I was with someone else yesterday when they reminded me that I am a published author. Lol. Must move my ass and write more. The battle between making ends meet and chasing the dreams is a neverending one. Days like this I wish I had picked a comfortable job that would have given me the weekends to do whatever I wanted to. Or I had a rich father. Or a rich wife. Anyone wants to adopt? Or marry me? You need to have 10 odd crores to giveaway to me. Or maybe I can put my head down and write. Lol!

So that.

I guess that’s about it. Short post but at least poured out what gave me a sleepless night. Over and out.

PS: Funny that I am 38, I am triggered and affected by these trangressions of people that I work with. And this is when I want to change the world and impact a billion lives and make a billion dollars and all that. Sigh. At my age, people are making the world go around and I am cribbing about such tiny things. Damn, Mr. Garg!

020321 – Morning Pages

A quick post about how I dont have to write a post 😀

8:29. This is not the first thing am doing today. Work has picked up (yay!) and that means that time is at a premium now. And I have decided to push the limits and do podcasts and films and books and work!

I woke up at 6ish and went straight to my computer. And belted out a few emails, proposals, and other generic things. Then I had a longish chat with my sis. Then I bought a toothbrush, well, you know why. And then I had another work call. And another work call. And one more. Sigh. Will probably have to get up earlier.

I knew I had to talk about something but I can’t seem to pinpoint it.

I think one was that I am for some reason, ok to work from this home in Goa. Sir got Internet installed and now I don’t have to run helter-skelter. The latency and reliability are still an issue but I have internet. The other reason I think is that the place is spacious. Or maybe because this is in a quiet part of the most populous beach in India!

The other thing is that I am still on the fence about being in Mumbai or Goa. Truth be told, I am leaning more and more towards Mumbai. Simple reason is that I need to be in the middle of an ecosystem. Mumbai allows me that for sure.

What else? I cant think of anything. I think these pages are great braindumps only if you work on these in the morning.

Guess, will wrap this here and jump into the day. Over and out.

PS: I know this doesn’t amount to much. I am just glad that even if I get 300 words, I am able to write and publish. I want to keep this streak going for as long.

270221 – Morning Pages

Ladies and gents, there is no morning pages today. Managing an event and thus no time to write in the morning. If I get time during the day, I will edit the post. I know this does not count as a morning page but I wanted to keep the streak going.

I really wanted to talk about rejection. I got two of those this week. Both from the world of filmmaking. So that.

That’s it. Nothing more. I know this doesn’t count as a morning pages post but for whatever it’s worth, this is it.

PS: Wrote this on the phone on 27th and published on 28th.

140221 – Morning Pages

Nothing important on this one. Just a random piece of text from, well, a Starbucks!

9:36 AM

I am writing this from a Starbucks and I am telling you that there is no better feeling than this being able to walk-in to a store, sit on a comfortable chair, hike the laptop on a table that’s just at the right height, and a connection that works! It’s magic. Actually, it’s not magic. It’s more hygiene than anything else but when you live (or want to live) in Goa, these things look like magic!

So, morning pages.

Yesterday was interesting. I was like a vegetable and thugged it out. I binged on Brooklyn 911 and fuck it’s amazing. Exactly the kind of humor I want to have. I also saw Pride and Prejudice in parts. Fuck it’s been done so well that I actually pined for the freedom and opportunities to create things like that! Ok, too many fucks in one sentence.

The thug-life did not end at the binge. I actually went out with a few friends for dinner and drinks. No, I don’t drink. Yes, I ate like a mad man. The place where we were at, there were so many people that probably would put pre-covid parties to shame. The other shameful thing I observed was that kids as young as 16 (they looked like 16 or younger) were smoking, abusing alcohol, and living their hedonistic life. Yeah yeah, I sound like their father or that disgruntled uncle that you can’t seem to ever please.

In fact, in the spirit of living in public, here’s a confession. I am one of those that is never satisfied. I want to be divinely discontent but I think am devilishly discontent. What this does is that it leaves me asking everyone around me to push themselves to do more. And I often border on being pushy. And that means I am often not so kind when I talk to people. You know that question that Indian parents ask when you score 98%? Am that! So yeah. That. Why do I bring this up? I don’t know. It just came up when I wrote about kids indulging. I don’t understand how people do not work and while time like that. Vegetative-ness is not for me.

So that. The house still remains in mess. To a point that I dont even want to start cleaning it. But then, me being me, I did start with it. At least the bedroom. The problem with the rest of the house is that there’s no space to even walk. Yeah. Mumbai houses. And the boxes that contain all my life’s things. Imagine. Life reduced to a few boxes and eventually an urn of ash. And not even that if you decide to walk into the forest (the way I want to go, when I go). Fuck reminds me of Carl Sagan. Do see this.

Do that.

Oh, I have been sending some “writing tips” to a people on Whatsapp. I am not sure they work for people but I really enjoy writing those. In case you want in, you can join this admin-only group.

Guess that’s about it. I know I have more to say. I know I should say more. I know there is more to morning pages than a quick journal. I know I know a lot. I know I dont know even more than what I know. I know am merely indulging now and have stopped making sense a long time ago. I know. I know.

Over and out.

110221 – Morning Pages

A quick post on talking about the fact that I am back in Mumbai! Yay! Even though I would go back in about 10 days.

8:11. I have 19 minutes to do this.

Today’s one of those days where I cant even die. AA would laugh at this but it’s true. So, the things am thinking about are…

I am in Mumbai as I write this. At least till the 19th.

I am here after exactly three months (went to Delhi for Diwali on 10th Nov and then Goa on 6th Dec). When I reached home, a rude shock awaited. The house was in a mess. There were inches of dust, dead bodies of cockroaches, moss on the furniture, the stale smell in the almirahs, and whatnot. If you know me, I want things to be perfect af and I am anal about cleanliness. I was fucked in the head. But then I was too tired from the damn train journey and I slept. Fuck I am at that place in life where bodily comforts are more important than mental stimulation. Old age, boys and girls, sucks!

Lemme talk about the train. Yesterday I said that I will see if I could work from train. I am happy to report that the experiment failed gloriously. I couldn’t get a single thing done. The train journey is way too uncomfortable and obtrusive. The guy sitting next to me could not stop peeping into my laptop, my phone, my shirt, and I don’t know what else.

And that means that I have this BIG pile of things that I should’ve done yesteryday. And thus this rush to get over with these morning pages before 8:30.

So, the good thing is that I am writing from a Starbucks. Love that the store is clean, AC is perfect, cheap jazz is playing. And I just got myself a coffee. After a few days. I wish Goa offered such predictability. But guess that’s the charm of living in Goa and that’s what makes life fun. But the point is, at a Starbucks, I come into the rhythm, the zone as fast as, well, a train.

Anyhow, there’s more but there’s no time. This tweet by Anusha summarised my life so perfectly.

Let’s see if I can find more time during the day to write more. Till then, over and out. And its 8:29! Fuck so cool!

PS: This is not really the morning pages that Julia talks about but I had to keep the streak going.

The Coffee Consumption Confession

I talk about what exactly I love about a Starbucks Coffee store near me. And why I had coffee today after almost a month.

For someone who’s a big Starbucks fan and spends almost 5 hours every day and 4000 bucks a week there, I have a confession to make.

I don’t really love coffee as much. To me, any roast, any bean, any method of making coffee is the same, as long as there’s no milk in it. I HATE milk!

I think marketing team at Starbucks understands people like me. At Starbucks, they keep tinkering with the fabled Starbucks menu, they can’t seem to get my attention. I always want that regular Earl Gray Tea (at least for the last few weeks). They even tried the gimmick of reducing the price of Starbucks Coffee, I remain non-committal. I simply can’t love what they brew!

What I rather love is their ambiance, the comfortable seating, the jazz (that people world over love to hate), and the general sense of ease and familiarity and niceness all around. I know a large part of it is faux but at least for the time you are there, the duration you are hanging out, it’s cool. You feel you belong to that place.

Plus, most times, the patrons hanging out at an outlet tend to be the same. You start knowing them by their faces, even if you don’t know their names. They tend to sit at the same spots. You start knowing those spots and the paraphernalia that they would use to claim the spot. Like at this Starbucks near me, this girl comes in at around 11 and she likes to first take out some 10 books, place them all over the table and then, start her work. This another girl, all she cares for is a charging point and whatever she’s lost into, in her phone. This young couple always takes that corner seat and are oblivious to the world outside. To a people-watcher like me, a Starbucks is a gold mine. At some point, I need to also get comfortable being a Sherlock and start making deductions 😀

Anyhow. The point of this post?

Well, two points.

a, I had to write for 30 minutes.

b, Today, I had coffee.

Yes I did!

After may be a month or so. And no it was not from Starbucks. But from some random place. And no, I did not have a reason per se. Just that I was meeting a friend after really long and I have this really strong association of coffee and her. And breaking the coffee consumption chain while I was with her felt like a great way to reinforce the association.

No?

Part of 30 days, 30 minutes, 30 posts project. Others in the series are at 3010, 3110, 0111, 0211031104110511061109111011, 1211.