251021 – Morning Pages

Note on things that I am thinking about and things that I want to do today and this week and in this life.

8:47. I slept well last night. In fact, I slept longer than I normally would. The sleep was not really the best, I woke up multiple times. Checked my phone each time I woke. Scrolled mindlessly through the timelines on Twitter, Instagram, and others. Hoping that I would have attention from someone, something. But none was forthcoming. And then I drifted again to sleep. Up finally!

So, in terms of things, on the top of my head, lemme try with the bullet points today.

A. Missed the SWA Scriptlab deadline. I really wanted to participate in that. I even thought about hustling today to write the script but I realized I will not be able to prioritize it. So that.

In fact, I have been thinking a lot about this. If writing is what I want to make my career with and writing for the screen is going to be important, why is it that I am unable to put this on priority? And I had more than 3 weeks, after I came back from the trek to do this!

B. Yesterday, for a change I had this need to be with someone. Like you know, romantically. Like a significant other. Better half etc. Thing is, most days I am ok without one. I am fairly atamnirbhar with these things. Guess I have trained my mind ok on that. But somedays, I really feel the need. And those days, I don’t know what to do. It’s an interesting problem to have. And no, I dont have an answer to this one. Do you have any?

C. AS is producing an event tomorrow. She’s been at it for more than 2 months. More about it here. The world needs to watch out for her.

D. India lost to Pakistan in a cricket match. While I remain unaffected, the world around me seems to have come to a literal stop. Dunno why. I mean I know why but I am unable to understand the irrationality of people that believe that an outcome of a match needs to affect their lives. I know that the superhuman efforts by athletes inspire us, their conduct makes them role models, their actions make us look up to them. But I dont get how we could be mere followers and couch potatoes and attach our lives to their actions! Why do we need to flare up emotions?

Anyhow. Gotta start the day. Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. I have slept well. I have no one crying for attention. And I am generally hopeabout about things and all. So, I think I am ok. Not happy. Not sad. Ok.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. Each time I can sit by myself in the morning and write these morning pages without anything else on my mind, I feel grateful to the world and the universe and everything else.
    2. I am one of those people that loves sipping onto water. I am grateful that I am designed like that. Water is life!
    3. Spoke to M yesterday briefly. Each time I see her, my heart fills with love. Of course she doesnt give a F about my existence. But just to see her puttering around is such a great feeling!
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can fast today, it would be awesome. It would be tough but I will try as hard as possible. Thing is, I really really want to live long and fitness is an important part of that. I suck at it and I need to fix it. While I may not be able to work out, I can fast. And thus I need to get going with it. #note2self
    2. I need to cut my nails. It would be awesome if I could. Here’s a thing. I am very particular about the nail cutter and the filer I use! Fuck minimalism. I want my nailcutter 😀
  5. A daily affirmation.
    I am the master of my will. I do things that I want to do. And I dont owe anything to anyone. My actions dont need to be guided by whims of others.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Met a few people from Team SG. Each time I meet them as a group, I am awed by the collective talent, ambition and options that these guys have. I am so blessed. I of course need to amplify it. I need to continue to work hard to become a role model for these guys. And of course, take care of these guys till they are ready to fly away to their respective destinies!
    2. Saw this post on Instagram. The Memento Mori lesson got renewed. If I were to get something tatttoed ever, it would be “this too shall pass” and “Memento Mori”
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could finish more things that I had planned, it would have been better. Apart from work, I really wanted to send out the letter to bade log and work on the SWA competition. But I could not.
    2. If I ate less, it would have been better. Worse, I ate shit. Liteally. Oil. Carbs. Over-cooked. Of course, most of it was tasty and I would have loved to continued to eat and eat. But it’s literally killing myself slowly.
  8. Quote for the day
    You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice – Bob Marley. I am not really a Bob Marley fan. I dont even know his music. And I dont really understand these empty noises that quote like these make. But this one rang true. Probably because I am in that spot right now where I am forced to be a lot more strong than I would like to be. I mean who would not like to chill and not worry about the fuckeries of the world? 

This is about it for the day. And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had a few. Regular ones. Not Diet. Damn!
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had a LOT!
  • #aPicADay – 17. Yesterday’s here
  • Daily Journal – 18
  • Money spent – 2104
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 18
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 18