200821 – Morning Pages

Quick update that I am not even sure that counts as morning pages. I am supposed to start my day with these but I did not.

10:03! Really.

This is probably the most late I’ve been on morning pages. Multiple things are at play. Woke up late. Client calls that I couldn’t avoid. Work calls that I could not avoid. And then general fuckery in life and all. But der aaye, durust aaye.

So, yesterday was quite ok. The day was ok. Did some yoga. Did some work. Slacked a bit. Walked a bit. Met Prak. Gave away things that she owned. Packed another bag. Couldn’t go to the beach. Which is ok. If I could only eat less, it would’ve been perfect!

Today looks like a busy day. Not too many calls but quite a few things need to be done. Let’s see when I get those done. Once I am done with those, I need to finish whatever is left to pack. I plan to move this weekend. Let’s see.

In things at the top of my head, I am thinking about something that’s been gnawing at me for long. My inability to create a roaring success. Lemme spend a min on this. There are two kinds of successes – mild and wild. Mild – comfortable house, pension, a loving family, and all that. Wild – change the world kinds. I crave wild success more than anything else in the world. And I am yet to even see even a glimpse of mild success. I can’t even put myself and wild success in one sentence. I want it so bad that I am willing to give an arm and leg for that. Really. I can. I will, if someone shows me the way!

Side Note: Read my SoG on mild success vs wild success.

I do know that there’s some variance needed for wild success. And that may happen today, tomorrow. Or never. But I am surprised that even mild hasn’t happened to me. Plus, saw this yesterday and was triggered…

This popped on my browser.

I do think I am smart.
I do think that I am resourceful.
Ok, I may be a dreamer but I do think I have the chops needed to make it rich and see mild success, if not wild.

And yet I dont have.
Ankit Pandey tells me that “Dhan yog aur rajyog ki dasha nahi aai hai. Simple.”

But then, the question remains, kab aaegi ye dasha?

So let’s see. If you believe in God, or Universe or whatever, please pray that I get to it soon. A lot needs to be done in life πŸ˜€

The other thing that I need to capture for posterity is that I reached out to Team MML and shared with them what I am going thru. These boys are like the last resort that I can confide in. I mean who else will I go to? Anyhow. So, even though most of us don’t talk anymore as much as we should, it was really comforting to have a set of people that trust me, that will not judge me for all my failures and shortcomings. I wish I had was better at making and retaining friends.

That’s about it for the time being. I hope I am not this late next time on.

Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0. Ate 10 times. 10 things πŸ™
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 162
  • #noCoffee – 5. Wow! Let’s see if I can make it without coffee till Nov.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 659 (and bought three flight tickets)
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Havent done as yet.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 252

P.S.: Technically morning pages had to be the first thing I do in the morning. Today I did not. So technically my streak is gone :(. But then, I did publish this in the first half. So, cutting myself slack πŸ˜€