200821 – Morning Pages

Quick update that I am not even sure that counts as morning pages. I am supposed to start my day with these but I did not.

10:03! Really.

This is probably the most late I’ve been on morning pages. Multiple things are at play. Woke up late. Client calls that I couldn’t avoid. Work calls that I could not avoid. And then general fuckery in life and all. But der aaye, durust aaye.

So, yesterday was quite ok. The day was ok. Did some yoga. Did some work. Slacked a bit. Walked a bit. Met Prak. Gave away things that she owned. Packed another bag. Couldn’t go to the beach. Which is ok. If I could only eat less, it would’ve been perfect!

Today looks like a busy day. Not too many calls but quite a few things need to be done. Let’s see when I get those done. Once I am done with those, I need to finish whatever is left to pack. I plan to move this weekend. Let’s see.

In things at the top of my head, I am thinking about something that’s been gnawing at me for long. My inability to create a roaring success. Lemme spend a min on this. There are two kinds of successes – mild and wild. Mild – comfortable house, pension, a loving family, and all that. Wild – change the world kinds. I crave wild success more than anything else in the world. And I am yet to even see even a glimpse of mild success. I can’t even put myself and wild success in one sentence. I want it so bad that I am willing to give an arm and leg for that. Really. I can. I will, if someone shows me the way!

Side Note: Read my SoG on mild success vs wild success.

I do know that there’s some variance needed for wild success. And that may happen today, tomorrow. Or never. But I am surprised that even mild hasn’t happened to me. Plus, saw this yesterday and was triggered…

This popped on my browser.

I do think I am smart.
I do think that I am resourceful.
Ok, I may be a dreamer but I do think I have the chops needed to make it rich and see mild success, if not wild.

And yet I dont have.
Ankit Pandey tells me that “Dhan yog aur rajyog ki dasha nahi aai hai. Simple.”

But then, the question remains, kab aaegi ye dasha?

So let’s see. If you believe in God, or Universe or whatever, please pray that I get to it soon. A lot needs to be done in life 😀

The other thing that I need to capture for posterity is that I reached out to Team MML and shared with them what I am going thru. These boys are like the last resort that I can confide in. I mean who else will I go to? Anyhow. So, even though most of us don’t talk anymore as much as we should, it was really comforting to have a set of people that trust me, that will not judge me for all my failures and shortcomings. I wish I had was better at making and retaining friends.

That’s about it for the time being. I hope I am not this late next time on.

Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0. Ate 10 times. 10 things 🙁
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 162
  • #noCoffee – 5. Wow! Let’s see if I can make it without coffee till Nov.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 659 (and bought three flight tickets)
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Havent done as yet.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 252

P.S.: Technically morning pages had to be the first thing I do in the morning. Today I did not. So technically my streak is gone :(. But then, I did publish this in the first half. So, cutting myself slack 😀

190621 – Morning Pages

Quick short note on what’s at the top of my mind while I am trying to stay away from work.

7:26. So, I woke up 5 minutes ago. Off a new bed. In a new place (Panchgani).

I am on a break of sorts for the next two days. The idea is to not use the computer or the phone as much as I would typically do on a regular day. I had thought I will think about things that are important to me and I can’t think of thinking while I am busy with regular humdrum.

But then I dont think that will happen here. For a simple reason that I am not prepared. I was to, yesterday. But work. So, these two days are “wasted” from that perspective. But then a break is gonna happen nonetheless. So that’s a great outcome.

Anyhow, yesterday, I did an NFG session for an audience that had paid to listen to me talk. For me, this was my first such session. Where I was paid to be a speaker on a specific subject.

However, thing is, all my life I have stayed away from charging for sharing my knowledge. I’ve never written about it. But let me try and talk about it today.

A. I have had this fear that if I charge people money and they dont enjoy what I had to say, would they not feel cheated? I mean I feel cheated when I pay for something and then I dont derive desired value from it. I dont want people that pay on the other side like that.

This is the same reason why I wrote this page on tnks. I did not want people to feel sad about buying my book and then not enjoying it.

B. I am very wary of coming across as one of those slick salesmen that are merely interested in selling things. The genuineness is fake. The conversations are to drive you toward a purchase. The agenda is to sell something. There is so much manipulation in each conversation that you know that your best interest is far away from their heads.

And I am by design not a person that wants to manipulate others. I like the idea of free will. I love the idea of people taking rational decisions (and not merely rationalising the ones they’ve taken). While I love brands and business and money, I am also an anti-consumerism-ist. I like the idea of less being more. I know that most selling is probably not needed. This is also a reason why I probably suck at sales as a discipline.

I know, I know. I need to believe that what I am selling is of value. And the decision getting taken on the other side (by the one you’re selling to) is being made without any coercion per se. I know that if I don’t sell, I will die hungry. It’s the same story as an antelope trying to outrun the slowest of the pack to survive that day.

So that.

Oh, this also reminds me of what one of my ex-bosses once told me. That I dont like the idea of having money. Every time I get some money, I start wailing in the misery of having money. I start pining for the days when I did not have the money. I get restless with the idea of money in my bank and I start spending it like a mad man. While I want to be rich and all that, this is probably the reason that I am still not wealthy. You know, the handicap with the art of selling and the discomfort with money in the bank.

Ok, now that I know what’s wrong, maybe I’ll work on it over?
Let’s see when. Adding to #sgToDo.

Chalo, enough.
Time to pack the laptop back in the bag. Will get back to it tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I am back to Ankur Tewari’s Dil Haare.

And here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 188
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #noCoke – 100. Yay!
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0