220421 – Morning Pages

An incoherent report on how I spent the last two hours.

Been up for a bit. Feel tired and energy less for some reason. I don’t know why. Sleep? Well, I slept well. I ever had some dreams (a great indicator if you got restful sleep). Was a long day yesterday. From like 10 till about 8, was on the computer and on calls. Damn all these calls are exhausting.

Heads to tired and brain so fried that I dont have a lot to talk about. I will come back to the post in a bit.

Shuffled around the house. Filled all those thousand water bottles that I drink water from throughout the day. Cleaned the kitchen (which doesn’t really need cleaning – afterall I dont cook at home, though since I got this home-cooked dabba, I do see merit in having a kitchen at home).

Dont know what to write. How to write. Etc.

Saw this documentary. On 1.5x speed. Not the best documentaries. More like marketing material for the book. Truth be told, I have had this book on my bookshelf for years and I am yet to read it in its entirety. Maybe this listlessness that am feeling is a calling to read the book and implement some of the lessons.

Let’s see.

Saw this. Better than the last one. I like a couple of lines from therein. One of them goes something like, temptations were created, were given to you, to make you stronger. If you fight with a stronger opponent, you grow in strength. If you fight with a temptation, you grow stronger as a person. If you can fight the bodily pleasures that guide actions, you can become better.

Do see the video.

Maybe I need to grow as a stronger person. May be this is what I need? I have been a hedonistic, pleasure-seeker for a large part of my life. From Diet Coke to AC to Food to Comfortable beds to Bodily pleasures. From ego to validation to envy and more. I am entrapped. Of course, lately, I have stopped succumbing to these and I exercise a lot of restraint but I can see patterns where I have picked the phone first thing in the morning (like I did today) and have stayed up to chat up with random strangers (like yesterday) and eaten so much that my gut would burst (a few days ago) and a la Fight Club, spend money that I don’t have to buy things I don’t need to impress people I don’t like (all the time; I even got a new credit card yesterday!).

So may be I need to get out of these. May be Yogananda is the answer. No, I don’t believe in God. I am borderline spiritual though. Damn this mind!

Down the youtube rabbit hole. Ending up seeing a hundred videos about Kriya Yoga. Damn we humans are I am great at sinking time into pointless pursuits!

Ok enough. Lemme get on with the day. I have a lot of things on my hands, heads, and to-do lists. Oh, I must say that I am dying to gobble up some Coke. Miss it terribly. I am dying to get it! I know I would enjoy the first can. And once I get the first can, I would get addicted to it like crazy. Bummer.

I think this is about it from today. Before I go, here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 130
  • #aPicADay – 111
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 43
  • #noCoke – 43
  • 10 mins of meditation – 8
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Original Work (limited time only) – 7
  • Surya Namaskar – 3

No, no original work today. At least not yet. Let me see if I can find time during the day.