100321 – Morning Pages

Personal-ish update about a couple of people that are important to me and are on two extremes. And other inane riffs.

7:33. Andheri. Woke up groggy. I don’t know why I am tired. Maybe it’s the exhaustion from all the work. Or from the stress. I can’t figure it out. But whatever it is, there is no cloud per se on my head, except the bodily exhaustion. So I think I am ok.

Wait. Maybe it’s because someone close, someone I care about is struggling with depression and I am unable to help. Every trick in my bag seems to have failed. Of course, professional help is being sought and I am sure things will be ok soon but I feel so helpless that I don’t know what to do. These are the times when I wish I had a magic potion that would just make the pain go away at the snap of a finger.

So that.

Coming to how I spent yesterday. Went and met AR and it was amazing to see the progress he’s made with his work. When I first met him, he was a two-person hack-shop that could do anything and manage everything. Now he’s got a team of 12 people that he can’t seem to fit in one office and is growing on a daily basis. And, he does good work! Really. Funny, on one side I have someone struggling to even eat right. And on the other, I have another that’s growing on a daily basis. Life is funny. I just hope I can keep my head sane. I thought I was the anchor for everyone that I am close to. But I now realize that I am anything but that. In neither case – when they’re not doing good they don’t come to cry with me; when they’re doing great, they don’t come to celebrate with me.

I hope the point am trying to make is clear. I am not cribbing that people don’t want me around in their lives. The point is, I am unable to contribute, help

So in terms of good things, I managed OMAD yet another day. And I managed more than 10K steps for yet another day. So, yay!

I just need to keep going. I am reminded of that thing about streaks (I think it was popularised by Seinfeld) where all you do is ensure that you don’t break the streak. Maybe starting today, I will add that to the morning pages As of today, here is where I stand on things that I want to track…

Morning Pages – XX (will count at some later date)
#aPicADay – XX (will count at some later date). See altsaurabh
10K steps a day – 1
OMAD – 1
#noCoffee – 1 (even though I haven’t had in a while)
#noCoke -1 (even though I haven’t had in a while)
#book2 – 0 (I need to start on this!)

I am resetting the counter on Coke / Coffee, even though I havent had for a while.

So that. Oh, the track of the day is Billy Joel and his magic with Piano Man.

More than the music, singing, and performance (in this video’s case), I think the lyrics of the song is what makes it immortal. There’s so so so deep and such a clear articulation of the human condition that I can’t find anything else that comes close. It talks of things that people do, think, fake, dream, imagine, and more. It talks to me about people and their real, hidden lives that they are afraid to bring out. It talks about people on the sidelines (like the Piano Man) that are silent observers that can see through the BS that we make up in our heads.

The track to me is an inspiration. That I don’t want to become any of those people in the bar where the Piano Man is playing. That I want to be able to write as well as that. That I want one of my pieces to go out in the world and create a lot more impact. When I heard this for the first time, I thought I can kill myself if I could write and release a piece like that. In fact, I have a lot of similar tracks that I am so inspired by that I want to create and then hang my boots.

So that! Phew! That was fun to belt out.

***

So I think this is it for the day. I am supposed to wear pants today. And tomorrow for that matter. Hope I can survive the heat and muck in Mumbai. Will report tomorrow.

Over and out.

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