100821 – Morning Pages

Quick rant before I start the day. Nothing special in here. You may skip reading this.

7:27. Woke a few minutes ago. Feel ok. Void of any inspiration though. I dont know what’s wrong. The joie de vivre is gone. I am merely going through the motions per se. I hope it comes back at some point. Thing is, some days I am freakishly productive. And then somedays I am so so so inept that it’s a task to even get out of the bed. Today I guess it is more of the inept kind of day. Hope it picks up during the day. Oh, must mention that I have started to track things with Nomie. I am not regular but I like to log things in there.

Lemme talk more about how I spend my day. The best part of my day is when I am out of the house I live in. There’s only one place that I can go to that doesn’t make it weird. Starbucks. These are the times when I wish I had memberships to these fancy clubs where I could go and be myself. But then, money. Sigh. So back to the track. I hate it at this house. I am good when I am at a Starbucks. But then it’s a coffee shop. I can spend 3-4 hours tops there. To a point that I start feeling weird myself after about an hour or so. And then I am compelled to get out. And since the offices are still shut, I dont know what to do. In the sense, the only thing I can do is come back to the house. And the moment I enter, the energy levels droop so low that I dont know what to do about it. I literally sleep, procrastinate, get into this negative spiral that doesn’t have a bottom. The place where you live has such a large effect on your well-being. It’s not funny. And now that I am better informed, once I need to find a house for myself, I will ensure that I spend all the time thinking about it.

Ok. Done with the rant.

In the good things yesterday, I wrote for a bit on book2. It was the highlight of the otherwise drab day. And I loved it. I loved how I could create images in my head and all that. It was tough, to be honest, but I enjoyed the grind. The effort to think was taxing. And refreshing at the same time. I have to find a way to make a living with this! I plan to do the same today. From 8ish till about 10. Even though I dont write a lot of words per se but I like how a world gets created in my head. And then, of course, the effort to chart that world on paper.

And yeah, I am so looking forward to it. You know, going to a Starbucks and writing. In fact, the one I go to opens at 8. If I had my way, I would be at a Starbucks as soon as I wake up. And work for 4 hours or so and then do nothing (and do things like going for walks, working out, meeting people etc). Lol, wishful thinking.

Actually no. At some point, I will reach that point. I dont know when. I just hope it’s soon. I mean I am almost 40. And to date, I think about the future as if I am going to live forever. Right now, am half past my useful age and I dont know when that time would come when I would not work for money. Pretty somber. Damn.

Ok. I think I need to move on with things. Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 152
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had one. Tall. Americano.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 30 + 3000 + 450 + 465 + 143 + 30 (4118)
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 242

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