110721 – Morning Pages

A summary of how I spent yesterday and things that I am thinking about.

7:52. I woke up a few minutes ago. Yesterday was tiring (walked 20K steps). And hard on stomach (ate like a pig coming out of a famine). And very hard on work. Apart from morning pages, I did not even switch on the laptop (a rare thing, considering how busy I am).

Lemme recap the day.

Went on a hike with a few friends to Kokanipada Waterfall (here). Been there a couple of times before this. This time we went without a guide to show us the way. A lot of guesswork, a lot of asking around, and with some luck, we managed to reach the waterfall. I realized that I can do these less strenuous hikes without breaking too much sweat. Which is a good thing. Need to prepare for the EBC. I have just about 2 months to go 😀

Then we got together at a friend’s place to catch up. And to say goodbye to a friend who’s moving out of Mumbai. No no, he’s not going back to his “gaon” cos of the issues with the lockdown. His family has an opportunity at another place and thus the move. Guess this is what life is. People move as and when they get opportunities. I hope wherever he goes, he remains happy and continues to learn and grow.

Played some poker. Miss the feeling of being on a poker table. And guessing and second-guessing and all that. Must start with it soon. Just that it takes away a lot of time and I need to find a way to make time.

Anyhow.

Then met another friend that I did my MBA with. This one after I think 3 years. Again, caught up with life and work and all that. Looked at some pictures from the good times we’ve had in the past. Reminisced about the past.

And then I came back. The ear continued (and continues) to hurt. I continue to refuse to go to a doc. I eventually slept.

And here we are. Morning after.
And here are some thoughts that have lingered since yesterday. I haven’t been able to think deeply about. Let’s see what comes out as I write those.

A. I can’t seem to hold attention in a room full of people. Not that I want to be the center of attraction per se but I like the idea of getting people together. I am not sure what’s the grand plan of this universe but I know that people talking to people and spending a relaxed time with each other is what makes life wonderful.

B. The idea of giving away time to make ends meet is not a good one. I need to find ways and means to not be this occupied. I mean I’ve had times and opportunities when I was in a projects business (you know, you’re busy for a long time and then you’re jobless) and I think that works the best for me. This entire idea of always-on work is not my scene. I need to find a way to get out of this.

Also, this has been a recurring thought in my head for the last few days. No, I am not complaining about money or work here. I am grateful that I have it. The issue is that I like the idea of idle time where I can daydream, plan, think, ideate, wander, and all that. This idle time is when I cultivate relationships, meet people, and all that. And this cultivation is what helps me stay sane.

So that.

C. I am conflicted. On one side, I want to meet friends, new people, strangers, and more. Even if conversations with those are fleeting. I love spending time with them. On the other, I like the idea of seclusion and staying by myself.

So that. I don’t know what I really am. You know, from the inside. I haven’t been able to think deeply about this. Maybe this is what I need to ponder upon next time I meditate. Let’s see.

D. I am still mindful about not letting too many negative emotions run through my system. And thus this blog. No, I am not hiding anything from anyone. Just that I am trying to acknowledge the negatives and focus on the positives.

So that. A lot to think about, munch on. Let’s see how it goes. Will do this over the next few days. For the time being, here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 122
  • #noCoffee – 11
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 212

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