220421 – Morning Pages

An incoherent report on how I spent the last two hours.

6:50.
Been up for a bit. Feel tired and energy less for some reason. I don’t know why. Sleep? Well, I slept well. I ever had some dreams (a great indicator if you got restful sleep). Was a long day yesterday. From like 10 till about 8, was on the computer and on calls. Damn all these calls are exhausting.

Heads to tired and brain so fried that I dont have a lot to talk about. I will come back to the post in a bit.

7:07
Shuffled around the house. Filled all those thousand water bottles that I drink water from throughout the day. Cleaned the kitchen (which doesn’t really need cleaning – afterall I dont cook at home, though since I got this home-cooked dabba, I do see merit in having a kitchen at home).

Dont know what to write. How to write. Etc.

7:18
Saw this documentary. On 1.5x speed. Not the best documentaries. More like marketing material for the book. Truth be told, I have had this book on my bookshelf for years and I am yet to read it in its entirety. Maybe this listlessness that am feeling is a calling to read the book and implement some of the lessons.

Let’s see.

7:29.
Saw this. Better than the last one. I like a couple of lines from therein. One of them goes something like, temptations were created, were given to you, to make you stronger. If you fight with a stronger opponent, you grow in strength. If you fight with a temptation, you grow stronger as a person. If you can fight the bodily pleasures that guide actions, you can become better.

Do see the video.

Maybe I need to grow as a stronger person. May be this is what I need? I have been a hedonistic, pleasure-seeker for a large part of my life. From Diet Coke to AC to Food to Comfortable beds to Bodily pleasures. From ego to validation to envy and more. I am entrapped. Of course, lately, I have stopped succumbing to these and I exercise a lot of restraint but I can see patterns where I have picked the phone first thing in the morning (like I did today) and have stayed up to chat up with random strangers (like yesterday) and eaten so much that my gut would burst (a few days ago) and a la Fight Club, spend money that I don’t have to buy things I don’t need to impress people I don’t like (all the time; I even got a new credit card yesterday!).

So may be I need to get out of these. May be Yogananda is the answer. No, I don’t believe in God. I am borderline spiritual though. Damn this mind!

8:14
Down the youtube rabbit hole. Ending up seeing a hundred videos about Kriya Yoga. Damn we humans are I am great at sinking time into pointless pursuits!

Ok enough. Lemme get on with the day. I have a lot of things on my hands, heads, and to-do lists. Oh, I must say that I am dying to gobble up some Coke. Miss it terribly. I am dying to get it! I know I would enjoy the first can. And once I get the first can, I would get addicted to it like crazy. Bummer.

I think this is about it from today. Before I go, here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 130
  • #aPicADay – 111
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 43
  • #noCoke – 43
  • 10 mins of meditation – 8
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Original Work (limited time only) – 7
  • Surya Namaskar – 3

No, no original work today. At least not yet. Let me see if I can find time during the day.

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