231021 – Morning Pages

A longish post about random things, thoughts and ideas that I had yesterday. And some plans for the day.

6:35. Just woke up. Slept really late. The last few days have been a blur. I am not sure when a day would start. And when that day would end. While I enjoy such a life, the rewards that I seek for such a life are not really there. If I could fix the reward bit, I would be a changed man. Right now I am groggy. I am literally yawning like no one’s business. And there are so many sore spots on the body. No, it was not a restful sleep.

So, the morning pages. I have some lingering thoughts about a dream. In the dream, I am on top of some hoverboard or something and that’s going so damn high that I can see the entire world. The hoverboard is tethered to an aircraft. Along with me, on his own hoverboard is VG. And while he’s there, he’s on the phone. Where else.

I think this is after a while that I have remembered a dream. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad.

Yesterday was otherwise ok. Did some work. Avoided some work. Got some praises. Got some brickbats. Made a few tough phone calls (have even tougher calls to make today). Had decided that I would fast. Could fast till about 4. And then ate so much that an average human being would eat in like a week! Had infinite cups of coffee. That is probably acting up and making me feel so blah about myself.

But hey, here’s the thing. I’ve been at this and the email to Team SG since 6:35. It’s 7:15. The last 45 minutes have actually made me happy, cheerful, and all that. Just because I am typing and letting things that are clouding my head on a computer. And sharing with a few people that I genuinely care for. And want to be cared by.

And while I am doing that, I am sipping onto the water. I’ve had almost one liter of water. Will have another liter. Oh, lemme talk of another thing that may construe as TMI. I am done with an electric toothbrush. For the last two days, I have been using a good old hotel toothbrush. The kinds that you dispose of away after you are done. I have been giving my teeth a vigorous rub down. And while I am not sure if it cleans anything but I love the experience. Something that I did not get with an electric one. So that was the big reveal of the day 😀

In other things, I have to write about the filmy day I had yesterday. Made me realize how important films are as medium and how much I long to be a part of the business.

So three things happened.

A. I saw the second trailer of King Richard (2021). The first one is here and the new one here.

And I realized how powerful stories could be. I mean just the trailer moved me the first time I saw it. And now, with the second one, I know that I relate to that father to a T. The film, the story made the life purpose clear to me. I made me realize that I want to be King Richard! You know, the kinds that help create a Serena and a Venus! And more. I really want to be the shoulder to multiple giants. All those random acts of kindness that I engage in, all the artists that I try and support, the Team SG itself is an attempt in that direction. Let’s see if I can do it.

You may want to see this thread on Twitter.

B. While looking for a reference for work, I happened to look at the trailer of Love Actually and I realized I want to make a film like that. Where simple stories of love are brought to life. Of course, there is Modern Love and all that. But Love Actually is a brilliant example of hyperlink cinema and I think it is among the greatest films ever. I’d love to make a film like Love Actually.

Here’s a random trivia. Love Actually is by Richard Curtis. Who also wrote Notting Hill. And I quoted Richard Curtis in a line in the acknowledgments section of #tnks.

Here’s an idea. What if I make a film about love? Maybe about a person trying to find love? I remember I was at DocEdge a few months ago a lady was filming her experiences of how she’s going about finding love. It was a non-fiction documentary and I think there is merit in doing something similar. But then, do I want to copy? Nah. Let’s see what cut can I identify.

C. One of the crew members on Bil Bulaaye reminded me that around this time in 2019, my first short film was released at MAMI. It was among the highlights of 2019. It allowed me to amplify what I do with films. Of course, I have a very little hand to play in its success (or not such a large success), but it is my first. And it’s special.

And here’s a bonus 4th. I read about the story of Rockstar (2011) and I loved it. WHAT AN INTENSE STORY! Of course, the word is on the street that it’s a shitty film but I loved the story. Must must must get in the business of stories, Mr. Garg. #note2self.

So yeah!

Guess this is about it. Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :|. I woke up groggy and sad and miffed. But as I wrote the morning pages and daily mail to Team SG, I am little more cheerful.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. Super duper distracted.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I have found a set of people (Team SG) that I can rant to. While there is no commercial transaction per se for being that, I love that I have a few people that I can be myself with.
  4. Things that would make my today greatJust one thing.
    1. If I can salvage a tough client situation that I am in, it would be great. In fact that would make this entire week, entire month great.
  5. A daily affirmation.
    My happiness and sadness is controlled by no one but me. I need to become un-fuck-withable.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. I had decided that I woudl fast. I could control myself till about 4. It was amazing. Need to try and see if I can try to not eat till 4 today as well.
    2. I gave gyaan about EBC to a senior from MDI (Visham). I loved it! That was great.
    3. I loved that there was a car at my call to drop me to the hotel. I realized that I love having such conveniences.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. Work. I am missing deadlines on various projects. I need to find a way to not do that. I know I am juggling multiple things. But there has to be a way to manage things better. Maybe not sleep enough. Maybe start the day early. I dont know. I need to find a solution. The life I have chosen will make me chase every opportunty I get. Maybe there is an answer somewhere?
    2. If I could speak to AS, it would have been great. She and I have been trying to talk for almost a week now.
  8. Quote for the day
    You are what you do. Not what you say you’ll do. This is very very important to me. I am often on the side of merely saying. I need to tick over to the do part.

This is about it for the day. And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had one. Regular. Not Diet. Killing myself softly 😀
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #aPicADay – 15. Yesterday’s here.
  • Daily Journal – 16
  • Money spent – 2512. Thankfully I am spending less!
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 16
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 16

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