I future gaze and predict what I would’ve done by 2027. No, I am not giving a date. Just the year 2027.
After I wrote the last post, the same lady that inspired me to write the last one, asked me to write another one. This time, gazing at the crystal ball and imaging what the next 5 years could be like. And what I would want them to be. So here, is an attempt at that.
Of course, this is like a wish list and I want to get to each of these things. As always, I am aiming very very high and I know I would miss these. But even I miss these, I would do better than what I am doing right now!
By 2027, I would have done the following for sure. These are my life goals, you know.
Made an attempt to the summit. Hopefully, successfully.
Made a billion dollars and used that money to inspire others.
Fall in love. And live-in with that person. I would still be child-less (except M). Unless my partner wants one. Most probably I would not be living in India.
Some of my kids would be millionaires and billionaires. If not all. This is the single most important goal that I want to chase in the next 5 years.
In terms of smaller, more tangible goals, here are the things that I would have achieved. I would’ve (in order of what I “want” right now)…
Released at least one film (at least) that I would have written or produced or both.
Been 30″ by waist at least once.
Made it on the bestsellers list. Hopefully with book2, if not with book3 or 4 or whatever.
V asked, “If you could press a button and wake up exactly where you were 5 years ago – losing everything that happened to you in the last 5 years, including the knowledge you gained – would you do it?”
While the poll format was easy to react to, the question triggered a lot of thoughts and I thought I will record a SoloCast on this. Or at the very least, write about it. I am not sure I have the time to record, edit, publish one but I can try and steal some minutes from a busy day to write about this.
And here we go!
PS: For the sake of this post, I will assume that COVID-19 did not happen. And that means I will not consider the second-order effects of getting caught in the pandemic.
So we are in 2022 and if I could go back 5 years, we would be in 2017. At that time I would have been 34-35. An age when all is not lost (you are still “far” from the old age of 40). And an age where you are still hopeful. And an age where what you’ve learned in the last three decades of your life seems usable. And an age that doesn’t come across as an outlier for a dreamer. And an age where my dreams of making a dent seemed plausible. And an age where the world had still not woken up to the wonders of decentralised “asset” classes like BTC (it was still breaching 10K).
When I evaluate life, I find that the constructs we have tend to fall short. There is no “model” of sorts that I can lean on to get an objective view. This chart below is the best I think in terms of helping get a grasp of things.
This chart is a simple one really. It makes you rate one area of your life on a scale of 10 and helps you make a spider chart of your life. And since a spider chart is very very visual, you get a good sense of how and where your life is stacked!
Ok. Lemme talk about each spoke. And talk about how it was in 2017, how it is now (in 2022) and if I would like to turn back time.
A. Health. I would have been 35. That means I would have more time to get my Hernia fixed. I would probably have better teeth. I was still not bald. I think I was thinner as well. Plus I had the exuberance of youth. So that is nice. Healthwise, I think, I was far better off as a 35-year old!
Today I am frail at best. I am fat to a point that I dont like myself. I have shaved my head (which is not cool – you need to keep shaving all the time and that sucks).
So, in terms of health, I was better off in 2017 for sure.
B. Wealth. I dont recall (I did not keep a tab) but back then I would have had more than what I would have needed. I would have been living at Wadhwa (that means I was paying top dollar for a rental house) and would’ve had more modern comforts than I have had since.
Today I don’t have a house. I live with my parents as of today (come March I will have a rental house but today I dont have one).
So, in terms of money, I was better off in 2017.
C. FnF. I was living next door to M. And my sis and I were sharing a house. So that means I was in a good place with FnF.
Today while I live with my parents, I am neither emotionally nor spiritually connected to my family. Sad but that’s how it is.
So, again, 2017 was better.
D. Playtime. Oh, I played pool often with VG. I would meet friends around Powai. I would hang out with friends on their birthdays, I was definitely a lot less awkward than what I am right now.
So 2017 definitely was a better time!
E. Relationships. I think (not sure though) I was with a woman and I was fairly happy while I was with her. I was holidaying at fancy hotels, spending quality time, getting to know her, and in general having a good time. My friends adored her. I was loved by her people. Everything was nice.
Right now, I am in a complicated mess. Like a lot of people my age and my generation. So 2017 was better.
F. Career. In terms of tangibles, in 2017, I would have spent all of 2 years with C4E. I would have been in the hopeful stage where C4E seemed like the best idea since the beginning of time or sliced bread.
Today, 5 years on, C4E is probably the strongest we have been but we are nowhere close to where I wanted to take it. Agreed COVID played spoilsport but there are tons of businesses that mushroomed in the last 3 years. And mine is not one of those. So, I have sort of failed on this.
And thus, 2017 was better!
G. Personal Space. Since I lived in a fairly large house (it was a three-bedroom one), I had all the space. I was on the 24th floor. I had a hall which could fit in two houses! I was a master of my whims and I could do the house the way I want to (minimal etc).
Today I dont have a place to call my own. No, I’ve never owned a house per se but even a rental house is no longer around. And thus.
H. Contribution. I am not sure but I dont think I would have started investing in TRS, PPP or other ideas. However, I would definitely been the kind to give, support, share, mentor, even if I did not have enough. I refuse to believe that the way I live my life right now has happened overnight.
Today though my contribution is huge. In fact, if there is one facet that has worked REALLY well in the last 5 years, it is this ability to contribute to the success and peace and happiness and careers of a lot of people. Of course, the individuals had to work hard and all that, but I can say for sure that the trajectory of their lives is better because I was a part.
So, on this one, 2022 is better!
So, all in all, 2017 was definitely better compared to 2022. I can only hope 2027 is better as well. The funny thing though is that when I saw this tweet for the first time, I instinctively knew that 2017 would’ve been better. And now that I have done the analysis, I am appalled and amazed and how quick and how accurate my gut was!
Ok enough of gloating. Time to sleep. Over and out!
Random rant from a day when I am kind of mind-effed. If there is a word like that.
Trigger Warning. Please read ahead if and only if you can tolerate rant about life and death.
So I haven’t published anything on my blog in a while. I have had the reasons to and things to, but I did not. I dont know why. I am feeling chatty rn and I think I will try and do a brain dump, ideas vomit and all that.
These are no order. I am typing randomly.
So today I met this friend who recently lost a parent. I am socially inept and I dont know what to do what to talk what to say and what to not say in these situations. People moving on is messy. People going for good is another matter. I mean when someone moves out of your life (and it’s not new to me – I’ve had enough people walk out on, keep me on the edge, use me and all that), you know that you did all you could to keep them around (or should I say, hang around them as they did their thing) and there is that lingering hope that they’d come back. You know, hope being the best of thing and all that?
But when someone goes for good, I dont even know how people reconcile. I have been lucky that I haven’t had to face anyone leaving me for good. And that means that even though I am 40, I dont understand how to say goodbyes. My understanding of life has remained superficial at best. I have lived it at the surface level and I haven’t gone into any depths whatsoever. Wait. Why do you need these depths? Anyway, life is meaningless. No? Maybe, in the grand scheme of things. But to people that lose their loved ones, the ones that dont get closure, the ones that dont find a solution or an answer, maybe there is some purpose after all!
Thing is, I often tell people that are facing such life-altering events that I understand what they go thru, I even get by most times as I can fake well. But then once I’ve done that, I get mindfucked to a point that I dont know what to do!
The reasons for this mindfuckery are simple. Lemme try and write about those here.
A, I am amazed at the strength shown by these people. I dont think I would have it in me to face the world once I lose something, someone close.
B, When I fake, I tend to lose my energy. I never believed in this but as I grow older, I am seeing that things take away my energy (faking things, pushy people, unclean places, etc) and after a bout of exposure to these draining activities, I feel a massive drop in my mood. You know, mood swings? That! And how! So that!
C, I am a little scared that someday I will have to face things. You know, see a loved one go. Say goodbye for the last time. Probably not even say goodbye. Plus the biggest fear. What if I am the one that has to depart? No, I am not scared of death per se. Just that I am scared that I would not achieve what I always thought I was capable of. What I made people around me believe that I was capable of. If I die without fulfilling my destiny, it would be very very unfortunate. So that.
Ok that was about the mood-swing, mind-fuckery-inducing thing that happened. Onto the next thing that I have been thinking about.
In the last few days, I have had a million signs that I need to get my ass moving and work on #book2! I will talk about those here and the triggers I’ve been having in my head!
a. I am working on this short film that I am convinced that it works. And when I talk about it to people close to me, they come back to me with a retort that I need to consume content before I decide to make it. I mean, why? And because I dont look at things from the experience of other people, how does that mean I cant create my version of things?
I think the answer is, if I had created something that I could show off, that probably would’ve ensured that these questions about my knowledge are not asked! The world we live in gives more importance and
b. I was talking to another friend about another movie. While I said all the reviews are bad, she said, it’s easy to diss and impossible to create. And I was again left speechless. I spoke from the knowledge that the reviews gave me. Not from the lens of a creator! Again, I was reminded that it’s painful to be not a creator, in a world that celebrates creators even if what they create is crap. And yes, I am part of that word.
c. The visit today made me realise the shortness of life and my repeated attempts and failures. I thus need to move my backside. Pronto.
d. I am now surrounded by a few people that are writing like mad! On a day to day basis. And I owe it to them to write. I thus need to find a way to not disappoint them. So I must write. If not for myself, then for others.
e. Then, this uncalled for, unprompted tweet by another author made me realise that having some piece of work out there enables you to make new connections that you did not even know existed.
These two large things. I had to sort of vomit the thoughts out before I slept. And here it is. Lemme know what you think.