290821 – Morning Pages

I talk about shifting, reliability, sleeping on the floor, hidden talents and games people play!

8:07. Starbucks at Khar. Here cos I have to meet someone at 9. And this is the only thing that is open where I could’ve sat and completed my morning pages in peace. I have about 45 mins to go. The place where I am supposed to meet is like a 5 minutes hop away. So that.

Yesterday was eventful. I finally moved whatever I owned to a different place. Some to SJ2’s place. And some to Paras’. When I was moving, I used the crew from the events business to help me with things. And they did a decent job. Better than what a professional packing team could’ve done, do be honest. I think I should start that, a relocation service! Lol!

So, two things from there.

A. The boys that moved the things. Most of them were around 20. I suspect one or two of those was not even 18. Yes, I did ask. While they worked as causal workers, each of those had dreams that went beyond even mine. They wanted to be film stars, politicians and all that. After the shifting was done, I got them for lunch. While chatting around, they showed me some of the work they’ve done with their not-so-fancy phones, and I was blown away by the output! These kids have literally no training in filmmaking or scripting or anything of that sort. And yet they were able to create something that I can even dream of. They had tools that I have not even heard of and they used those like I would flip weapons on Counter-Strike. Or as fast as I type. You know, from muscle memory. And cognition. It was insane to see those boys in action. I wish I had an iota of talent.

I have made a promise to self that I would work with these kids and get them to make a short film (at least) or a docu that I would produce. Of course, once I am back in Bom. Let’s see when that is. #parkedIdeas

B. Now that I have moved things, I dont have anything in the house, apart from some clothes that I need for the next few days. And some stuff that I want to carry to Delhi. I had to carry a lot more but since I am going via a train and taking stops at Ahmedabad, I may not be able to. Not important. The point is, the house is empty. With just the things that it came to me with. And I had to sleep on the floor. And it was painful. I thought people said that sleeping on the floor was good for the back. I am sore as a log. I felt as if someone has beaten me blue with hockey sticks and all. I am not rested. And I have to sleep like that till the night of the 2nd. 4 more nights. Damn. If I die because of exhaustion, it would be unfortunate.

So that.

In other news, I was supposed to record a marketing podcast with a guest. The gentleman did not show up. And I was informed about it when I checked his team, 2 minutes after the time we were supposed to record. I dont know how people can be so careless with other people’s times. If you dont commit, I understand. But once you’ve said that you’d be there, you better be. Or inform beforehand! Ok, this sounds like I am angry or something. I am not. I am merely logging it here. And then taking a lesson for myself.

Finally, I have to write this lesson I learned yesterday. I am yet to process it fully but it was important enough for me to capture it here. I may even write an SoG about it. I was seeing this conversation between Dr. Peterson and Lewis Howes. Around the 15th minute mark, they talk about games we play as individuals. And they talk about how you can and must become a person that everyone wants to play with! Play is defined as social interactions. And games as things we do as people – interact, work, entertain, play etc etc. They go on to talk about how if you can’t be the one that everyone wants to play with, you can definitely become NOT the last person that gets chosen when other people have to pick when they choose to play. And then they talk about things that you need to have to become that. In one line, the answer is, you must work to ensure that others that you play with, go back better before they interacted with you. And nothing else.

This is a little counterintuitive. I mean when you play a game, you want to win. Come out on top. Come out a winner. And that is often at the cost of others. So you are essentially getting ahead at the cost of others. The others dont get to become better. If you however put other people’s interests ahead of you, they see that they are getting better as a result of interactions with you. They would talk about it. Make more players aware of the favorable outcome. And the odds of you getting picked would, well, pick up!

Funnily, I have been doing this for a while now. And as a result, I believe most people want to include me in their teams (not as the first few choices). Most people want me to have their back. And that is valuable. I need to work hard to become the first person they think of when they want to play games.

The only thing I need to be aware of is that most people that I choose to play with, they often leave me poorer. And thus I know I dont want to engage with them in more games. And I need to better the way I select and pick people.

So that.

Guess this is about it. 1000 words already. And we are at 8:44. Less than 30 mins. See that’s the thing. I can spill out words very very fast if I know what I want to talk about. Just that I need to have a rich enough repertoire and mental faculties and world view that I have enough and more to write about. And write often.

Chalo, moving on with the day. Over and out. Here’s the streaks.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 171
  • #noCoffee – 14
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 9122
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 261

240821 – Morning Pages

A weird post where I touch upon a million things under the sun. Clothes, Mumbai, Fitness, EBC and more.

8:23. Woke up a few minutes ago. Groggy. I actually slept at 3 or something. I was in bed at around 10:30 but I couldn’t just sleep. I even ordered a parantha at 1ish and ate. Thereby fucking up OMAD. I have just about 2 weeks to get to EBC and I am running way behind on my attempts at getting ready for it. I may be in for a surprise when I am there. I just hope that in the worst case, they airlift me back to humanity! And just to be prepared, I sat with SJ2 and gave him access to all my passwords. And the will. In case.

So, in the news yesterday, I did a lot of work. It was one of my most productive days, to be honest. Even though I did not move the needle on a lot of things but I did have control over my time and delivered on most things that were expected from me. So that was cool.

Oh, I was dressed in an office shirt (and shorts :D), and no I did not see the advantages of dressing up well. I did not make any heads turn. I did not feel more confident. I did not have strangers walking up to me and telling me that they feel I could be a fit in their next film. Rather I was sweating (it was hot yesterday) and that meant that I am not sure if I would take the adventure of dressing up to help me get ahead in the world.

What else? The thing is when you are so groggy, there is this lingering, mild headache, you dont know what to do. You can’t think straight. The best way to get out of this is to go take a walk. Or maybe eat something. If not even that, have some coffee or something. Lol.

Ok, lemme write bullet points about what’s on my head. This often works for me.

  1. M is moving away from Mumbai in the next 6 months. She’s probably the closest thing I have that I am attached to at an emotional level. Everything else is expendable. Thing is, I am randomly getting emo about it. I mean it is good for her in the long run if she’s out of here. There are better oppourtunities. She gets to spread her wings and get away from the cocoon that she’s living here in.
  2. I feel guilty at some level for not being able to work out and all that. Thing is, I just can’t use my mornings for anything but work. And by evening, things from the day are piled and there is no time. Plus I am unable to start by myself. I mean I can work all that I want to. But I can’t work out. It’s way too boring! The only sustainable way for me to make it work would be to start engaging in some sport in the after-work hours.
  3. I’ve been reading about some criticism of Dr. Peterson. No, I havent found anything alarming. I mean people dont like the fact that he’s a “conservative” but there’s no logical argument against what he preachers. Guess that’s true with every polarising figure. Anyhow. This is still WIP.
  4. I have this opportunity where I could with with BA on his idea as a co-founder. I am at a place where I have enough and more work on my shoulders. I am almost getting comfortable in terms of money I make. I do want to make more. I am not sure if I have the bandwidth to work on it at a deeper level. So I am at this crossroads. Need to take a call. Will probably do so while I am walking up the EBC.
  5. There’s so much flux in life right now! There are so many open things on my head right now that I am not sure where to find peace. I mean I am distracted a lot. I am thinking a lot about random things. There seems to be this hulchul just below the surface. I dont know what’s causing it. I dont know what’s the antidote. I dont know what’s the solution. But I know something is wrong for sure and it needs fixing.

So this. I know a lot to dump. Should I get back to meditation or something? I dont know. Let me try today.

I am hoping to not go to a Starbucks today. Let’s see if I can manage that. I know I won’t be able to. I mean it’s like a habit, a routine. And anyway I dont have a lot of time left here in Mumbai. I would be gone in less than 10 days. But what goes in trying to write and seeing if I can manage to stay “in shelter”.

So that’s about it. Ok, need to move on with the day. Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 166
  • #noCoffee – 9
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 4098
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 256

220821 – Morning Pages

A quick post where the only highlight is that I am on a 32-hour fast as it gets published.

6:52. Yet again, sleepless. I think it’s all the tea I am having. I haven’t had coffee in a while. Oh, and, I did manage a fast yesterday. As we speak, I haven’t had anything since 10 PM on the 20th. So, I am well past 24 hours. Let’s see how much can I stretch this. The only time I would be tempted to eat would be when I meet M at around 11:30. If I can avoid eating at that time, I can try and push it to 48 hours. So that!

In “news from yesterday”, it was, well, an interesting day. Did some work. Sent some emails. Saw some motivational videos. Thought a lot about life. Gave gyaan on Team SG Aug 21 Group. I then actually sat at a coffee shop (Blue Tokai, not Starbucks) and did not have my phone (not that I planned, the battery had run out) and thought about where I am in life and where I want to be. It was one of those rare sessions where I thought deeply about things. And not merely reacted to things happening in my head. It was tough, to be honest. But it was good. I found some answers. I am still grappling with some. I hope I can do more such sessions more often.

So that.

There’s this thing that I wanted to write about yesterday but I could not. Lemme put this out today. So I am like one of those people that if left alone with an ax in the forest, will chop the damn forest down. I first heard this phrase in one of Dr. Peterson’s videos. I can’t find the link right now but if I do, I will insert it here. So, I am that. What he means is that there are some people that can’t sit idle even if they have all they crave for, want, need et al. So I am that. I have to have something to work on. More the merrier. And I dont say no to incoming work even if I am loaded like the man who’s been given the target to chop the damn forest!

Oh, by the way, the track I am tripping onto these days is this.

There’s something about acoustic music. I cant pin point but I really really dig it.

Ok, it’s 8:22. I am the Powai Starbucks. This is where I wrote #tnks. I miss those days. Time seemed like an academic concept with little or no relevance or blue. Oh, the exuberance and hope that young age gifts you. I would sit here from the time they open for 2-3 hours. Write to my hearts content. And then go work. To be honest, I was probably not even sure of what I was working on. I was following the herd that I’ve been a part of. And that was alright. I mean we all make mistakes. All I can do is prevent the next generation from making the mistakes I made. If only I could become a persuasive communicator.

So that.

What else?

Nothing much. I am really gunning for a 48-hour fast. M will try and feed me. I will see if I can just taste it a bit. You know like a morsel.

More tomorrow. Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 1. Managed a fast! Yay!
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 164
  • #noCoffee – 7
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 2357
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 254

060821 – Morning Pages

A list of things on the top of my head. This includes money, twitter, movement, Dr. Peterson and more.

6:42. Just woke up.

Less than a month to go when I leave this house. Couldn’t be happier. I just hope the next one I get to is better than this one. I think the way to make it better would be to find a house in a new building, on a higher floor with little furniture in it. Let’s see when I do that. Not till Diwali for sure. But whevever I do, these variables have to be kept in consideration as primary. And then secondary ones will include things like access to a Starbucks, commercial / cultural hubs, promixmity to whoever is the friend at that time. Etc. etc.

So that.

Chalo, lets start the day. And with things that I am thinking about.

A. Money

Lemme start with the thing from the top of my head.
Money.
Mine. And others. Others that work with me.

Thing with money is, it enables you to do more. It makes you free. It gives you access to things that you did not have otherwise access to. It helps you push things and go into unchartered places. It helps you grow. It gives you confidence to do more things. It is the thing that moves you. Plus, the world also works in a funny way. It rewards people that alreday have the money! I mean it’s the rich that can create opportunties and make more money along the way. Of course a few poor ones make money as well but those are that. Few. Few and far between. Generally it’s the rich. Money gets you more money.

Ok. I am getting into a rant.
Lemme track back.
And talk about the money for others that I work with.

So, I am directly responsible for a team of almost 13 people. Indirectly many more. But these 13 people, I am their primary source of revenue. Each month, on the month end, I am thinking about how would I pay these people on time. Somehow it works out!

And no, I dont pay them a lot of money but I do pay them as much as I can. I know that it’s not enough. Not even enough for them to buy a coffee at Starbucks on a daily basis (what I do!). And I want to change this. I want to be in a utopian world where everyone has the money they need to live life the way they want to. You know, not worried about meeting the basics.

Thing is, I want to pay my people enough so that they can live happily and engaged and all that. I am lucky that most people I work with understand where I come from, see that I am doing the best I can and thus they support me. I am sure they feel the lack of money (I feel!) but they dont complain.

The thing is, this house of cards hangs precariously on my ability to get work. Last year, during the pandemic, the house literally crumbled and if not for a few friends that extended loan and gave me work, I would probably be forced to let go of people. That time’s passe.

Now that I have some work on my plate, I need to find opportunities to grow, make more and then make some more. And of course use whatever I make to support my people. Again in the best way possible.

Thing is, money is never enough. It’s like playing a game. You know, you reach a certain level. And then you want to move up to the more difficult and advanced ones. Similarly, you reach a certain stage in life and you want more from there on. And money fuels this never-ending ride that keeps going to the moon and beyond. And I dont want to be that rich dad that just keeps giving without a concern for how that is being spent. So, I have to be this judicious old man that can predict how much a certain person with their personalty and lifestyle needs. And wants. And then, I want to give them more than their needs. And yet, not feed their wants.

The other thing is that most people I work with are in this (with me) because they see me as someone who’s got his heart at the right place. So that’s a good thing. Plus, most of these are in it for their respective passions (and not just to have that “work-life” balance thing going for them). And I anyway want to run my team, my setup as an entrepreneurial one where each person owns the thing they work on. Even if there is no money to be made per se. They must own a piece of thing they work on. I want to show them the “the vast and endless sea” and make them “to yearn” for that.

Ok. Moving on.

B. Dr. Peterson

I am back to seeing Jordan Peterson’s videos. There’s this pattern that I’ve spotted. Everytime I am little fucked about things, work or otherwise, YT throws either Peterson or Seneca at me. Really. So I dont know how the algorithm knows how I am feeling but it does!

So, Dr. Peterson is controversial but his takes are fascinating and I think I like what he says. I am still not deep into what he says and I only see edited, highlights version of what he preaches but I can relate to a lot that he says. From male dominance to power to relationships to individuality and more. I wish I could attend some sort of a long-form course where he talks about life and philosophy and all that. I saw these videos over yesterday…

Fuck, the range of people that I am influenced by is so wide. Steve Jobs, Dandapani, Jordon Peterson!

Anyhow. Moving on.
To movement.

C. Movement

In other news, I was talking to someone yesterday and I realised that I am a doer and a lazy bum at the same time.

Doer – I like to make things move. You know, cause movement.

Lazy – I dont want to do things myself. I’d rather put in some people to manage those ideas.

So this combination makes me a weirdo. Need to think more on this as I go along. Could be important. #note2self

D. No Twitter

So, I havent been on twitter for some 10-12 days now.

I do check it but I dont post it. I dont engage with people. I dont expect replies. I dont mindlessly scroll what people are posting. I dont bookmark threads hoping to never revisit / read those.

This staying off has been good. And bad.
Lemme try to tabulate things.

Bad. Twitter was like my mouth piece. My echochamber. I would let a lot of unfiltered thoughts move onto paper in shape of tweets. And then basis of feedback (if any) I get from my followers, I would shape my thoughts and opinions. Now that I dont have Twitter to post emo-tweets and all that, I am thinking about things all the time. I am unable to get negative thoughts out of my mind. And thus I am regurgitating those all the time. You know, from concisous to the back of my head to back to the front again. And it’s not cool. I think I am losing my stoicism! Lol! ;P

Often these thoughts / ideas are temporary flares. You know, a car cuts your rick the wrong way? You want to rant about it quick. You do that on twitter and you move on. So those times, I think twitter served well.

Other times, the thoughts are tad deeper. For example, I am clearly suffering on the relationship front. I have no one to talk to. Twitter was my only solace. So, in past when I suffered, I would put something on twitter to cope up with what’s hurting me. More often than not, this act of writing a tweet and posting was similar to talking to a confidante. I would thus be over whatever was hurting me. So that helped. Muck was out of me. I was ok.

Of course, this temporal messages phenomenon is not good. You dont really go deep. You dont delve and mull over things. Worse. If I dont delve, I merely scratch the surface and I dont go deeper. At the level where I need to solve it. So, I need to fix this. If I am suffering, I need to layer down to the very bottom and try and find an answer to that. And then solve it. Even if, I need to move on, like Dr. Peterson says.

Bad. I no longer have access to a hive brain that can throw back ideas, links, suggestions, connections etc to me. Not cool at all. This probably is the single-largest thing I miss about not being able to post on twitter.

Good. My screen time is drastically lower. Probably at the lowest point in life right now. So that’s great! Need to find a way to keep the screentime low for when I come back on twitter.


So yeah. This is about it. Ya, a lot on my mind! And, here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 148
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had two. Tall. Americanos.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 30 + 575 + 30 + 1425 + 163 + 189 + 35 (2447)
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 1. Walked super slow but I did walk.
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 238

230321 – Morning Pages

How these morning pages have sort of become a blog of sorts. And no, I am not complaining. Rather, grateful.

Read on.

7:04. Andheri. 8:39. Starbucks.

Even though I decide each day that I will work from home and not go to Starbucks, like an addict, I automatically move towards it. And this move is not a simple jab in the arm that gives me the hit. But requires me to wake up early, shit, shower, wear socially acceptable clothes, take a rick and then walk into one! I don’t think I’ve made this much effort for a date in a while. I don’t think I will make it either. Unless it’s Priyanka Chopra. Oh, forbidden fruit! Oh, things out of reach!

So, last night, I slept at 10ish (I think so), to be able to wake up at 5. And I did wake up at 5:15 types, only to go back to sleep. Lol. I will try again today. Let’s see. The intent is to wake up at 5, work on #book2 (lol) for a couple of hours and then get on with the day. Lol, wishful thinking. I am in that mood today, you know, where I want to, well, mock everyone. Starting with me. I wish I could be like this every day. Must investigate what has happened that I am becoming this!

Lemme list things that I did yesterday and see if I can see any patterns.

  • Ate one meal. I mean, I ate twice but in the 4-hour window. So that’s technically OMAD. Ordered from Bikaji and had chana masala. I love Indian, spicy food.
  • Had a few meetings and I was questioned in some. And in others, I questioned others. In toto, I would have spent about 6 hours in meetings (and thus, no productive work happened).
  • Made some progress with the Aram Nagar documentary with Mudit. Spent time walking around Aram Nagar. Connected with some people that can connect us with some people that may know more about Aram Nagar.
  • Played a LOT of chess. And lost a LOT of games. Lol. I need to quit it.
  • Did NOT spend as much time on Instagram. And did NOT stalk those #instacrushes.
  • Wrote an investment thesis (in the morning) for the Angelist Syndicate that I want to create with a few friends. Very early days right now. Let’s see how it goes.
  • Stayed away from the negativity imposed by constant comparisons with people that are more fortunate. Reminded myself what Dr. Peterson says – you don’t need to compare yourself to others but to what you were a year ago. I really think I have stagnated in the past year but my personal trajectory would be more or less upward.
  • Slept for 7 hours. Like a log. Did see some dreams but I can’t recall those.
  • Made some headway with SoG Grant.

I cant spot any. Can you? Let’s see how I am doing tomorrow.

Also, I realize that these morning pages are becoming more of a personal blog. Which is ok. The idea is to get in some words out every day. For a couple of reasons.

A, Keeps the writing muscle going.

B, Allows me to pour my heart out to someone, something (in absence of that significant other). I think if there’s one thing I can recommend to people, it would be that they need to write. In public.

Bonus C. It allows me to be more accountable to myself. As I know that what I write is on public platforms and anyone can look at what I am thinking and saying and call bullshit.

So that.

Ok, I don’t know what else to write. The track of the day is this. Saw this for the first time on the Instagram feed of an #instaCrush and while I’ve moved on from her, the track has been added to the list of my favorite ones. There’s another track am thinking of right now is Bocelli crooning Can’t Help Falling In Love.

I think that’s about it. Time to get on with the day and seize the fucking day. Oh, here’s the streaks

  • Morning Pages – 102. Now its a game on when I drop this 😀
  • #aPicADay – 82. Aim to do about 100. And then 365. Even on 9/22. Let’s see.
  • 10K steps a day – 1.
  • OMAD – 1
  • #noCoffee – 13
  • #noCoke – 13
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0