200721 – Morning Pages

A quick short post about my experiments with workouts. No, they aren’t going that great. Maybe they’d, in a few days.

4:48. Woke up a few minutes ago. Groggy but I am ok. Better than other days.

Yesterday, put health over anything else. I did not even work. Which is unlike me but that’s ok. It worked out ok. No one missed me. Or my work. Or lack of thereof. The world continued to move around. Kaafi sobering thought. Learned yet again that I am not the center of the universe.

I was in bed by 10. Typically I would scroll around on Twitter and WhatsApp and other such apps as I drifted to sleep. Yesterday I did not touch it at all. A small win. I think.

Also, have decided to quit the house. Even if that means that I will have to shack in with someone for a few days in September. Started to clean the house. Gave away the Ukulele that Krishna made my buy. Will give more things away in the next few days. I mean I don’t have a lot of things anyway. Just some books. The guitar goes back to Vivek. The table goes to the office kind of thing that am trying to set up. The bookshelf, am not sure. Let’s see.

So in terms of other good things, I did 25 push-ups yesterday. In reps of 5. I did not know I was capable of doing these many. Yes, I took a lot of breaks between these reps. Yes, I couldn’t do SN properly after the pushups. But I did nonetheless. Today, I will try to do SN before the pushups. I ate once. Walked, went to the beach. See this. Climbed up 8 floors even though I was tired. All in all, better day health-wise than most others. Plan to repeat today.

Continue to trip onto Rap music. From Divine primarily. And then some others. Let’s see what’s next.

Update. Tried doing this set. I was dead in the 40th second! Damn! I will still go ahead and do my 12 SNs.

Thing is, its funny. How things stay on the top of your head. There’s a lot in life that I can be unthankful for and crib about. In fact last night, in sleep, I remember I woke up to have some water and I was thinking about my love life and how it sucked. May be the landlord is right. But then somehow, the thoughts immediately shifted to how I need to sleep and not check the phone (apart from checking on time) and do something in the morning. And here we are. While I am still thinking a lot about it, I am more concerned about getting those 12 SNs in before I get going with the day. I just hope I become strong enough to be able to come back from EBC. And then work hard to actually gun the summit. And strong enough in my head to let go. Of love. And of everything attached to it.

Anyhow. Am ranting. Time to get going with the day. Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 1
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 131
  • #noCoffee – 1
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 1
  • Surya Namaskar – 1
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -1
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 221

Wow so many 1’s 😀


150721 – Morning Pages

I talk about rants, house hunting, SRK, music, work and more.

6:20. Woke up a few minutes ago. Woke up with a nightmare. I mean a nightmare of sorts. On a regular day, it would have affected me a lot and would have made me a man possessed. But for some reason, I am still as water and calm as fire. Also, as I woke up, I am less groggy than I would typically be. I dont know why or how. I again ate multiple meals. And that too full of carbs and oils. I still have a lot on my head with respect to work. There’s so much that I don’t know what to do about! Grrr! I even ranted on Twitter. Here. That’s another thing. I am ranting a lot on Twitter now. My engagement there is shit. I need to grow it to be able to get opportunities to come to me. But I am unable to 🙁

Anyhow.

So, just a month to go for EBC. Need to inform everyone about it. Everyone means people that I work with. Need to make arrangements. Need to wrap the house. Give away whatever is left here. Send whatever needs to be stored to Delhi. Limit my life to as few things as I can (preferably 20 – a number that looks highly improbable). Need to give notice to the landlord so that I can vacate peacefully.

As of now, I am thinking I will move to Delhi by September (assuming there’s no third wave by then) and then stay back till Diwali (mid-November). And come back post that. And look for a new house. This time I am sure I want to live on a higher floor at a fancy society. Enough of kachra living. Or maybe go to Goa. There’s hardly anything that I have left in Mumbai that I look forward to.

Just that I am not sure if I can work from Delhi but let’s see. All this is wishful thinking. We Will see if this pans out.

So on music, today it’s the SRK fest. Mitwa. Pretty Woman. Yeh Dil. Dildara. And a Farhan Akhtar song (Sindbad the Sailor). I know, I know. These guys are mere actors and the credit must go to the lyricists and composers and musicians and all that. Please do excuse me for that.

I dont know what else to write. That’s all that’s on the top of my head.

Ok, lemme try. What did I learn yesterday? Few things…

  1. I am not great at managing time.
    Even with all the fancy tools that I have access to.
  2. I am not disciplined.
    In the sense that I know that to lose weight, I need to do a lot of things consistently for a long time (eat better, eat clean, work out etc etc). I do that as and when I get time. Rather I could be making time for those! I can make small sacrifices (giving up Coke, writing everyday) but I cant seem to workout consistently. Dunno why.
  3. I like giving gyaan to people that can potentially help them.
    I was talking to a stranger and talking about how notes and calendars could get her to do her things better. And it was brilliant! I mean I think I did show her the way but the validation I got for myself was fascinating!
  4. I continue to be that person that doesnt want to disappoint others.
    In fact, I seek validation and all that. Not just from people I care about. But even from strangers on the internet. I wish I could become a different person 🙁

Wait.

These are personal lessons. Why would someone want to read these? Rather, need to figure out lessons that are useful for others. And then post those. You know, things like, wake up early and you’d be awesome. Lol. These are random conjectures that may or may not carry any weight.

But then, these morning pages lose meaning. To a point that I write these for myself. Not for others to read. So it’s cool that these lessons are for me and for no one else.

Anyhow. To close this short post, couple of things that I am taking away from this brain dump. These are…

A. I need to get disciplined. Starting today I will be. At least with food if not with workouts. I will stop eating from outside for as long as I can manage. I will get a home cook to make simple meals for me. You know, less oil, fewer spices, better ingredients, etc. At eat just one time in the day.
Lol! This starting today has lost meaning. I dont know how many times have I said this 😀

B. Will stop thinking about how much work I have on my plate. I would rather do things. I will no longer talk about the unavailability of office space. Or a Starbucks. I will make do with whatever I have and get work done. Enough of fucking slacking and throwing reasons around.

Guess this is it for the day.
Hope you have a great day as well.
Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 126
  • #noCoffee – 15
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 216

090721 – Morning Pages

Quick, short post on my chase of minimalism.

8:32. Starbucks. Not my usual one. I am at the one in Powai. I have to go to the end o the world for a meeting and since there is no Starbucks there, I am parked here till about an hour to go for the meeting. I hope it works out well and the ordeal of these clothes etc is worth it!

So something interesting happened yesterday. Prak was over and while talking to her, the distracted one I am, I started to clean things that I have at my house. I’ve been meaning to do this for a while. You know, move to minimalism. Just that I hadn’t had the opportunity to even get started. I did make small starts by giving away a few things but it is those little trinkets that you hold close that you can’t seem to give away. So while talking to her, I sort of emptied various shelves out, took out things, thought about them, and then discarded a lot of those. It was scary for a bit but then after a while, it felt ok.

Some were tough to remove. Some were easy. Some I’ve continued to cling to. I will probably throw those away in the next pass (whenever that happens).

Thing is, my ambition is to own just 20 things. Including Passport, computers, phones, toothbrushes, first-aid, even undies, etc. It sounds impossible but let’s see if I can reach that point. If not that, then I have to be at a point when I just have enough that can fit in a carry-on bag in the most commercial of airlines in their cattle class.

More here

A couple of people asked me why am I doing this.

I think the answer is complex and there are multiple factors at play here.

For starters, I have wanted to live a simpler life where I think on a higher plane (whatever that means). Then, lately, I’ve been reading and consuming a lot of content from Dandapani. I think the final straw was when I thought deeply about life and death a few days ago. I was at a point where I realized that when I am gone, would I want to have my affairs in order? Or will I just go and leave things open.

Now, as someone who’s like the biggest loser I know and as someone that leaves so many things unfinished, when I go, I really want to have things in order. In the sense that there can’t be anything that expects someone to come back. The place has to be vacated. The lights need to be shut. All things discarded. At places where they can’t be attributed to me. In fact, in my will, one of the things I’ve mentioned is that all my digital footprint must be deleted. As much as possible, at least.

So that.

Also, I realized I think the best when I talk out loud to others. Not write, not think but when I talk out loud. But then I need people like Prak to talk to. You know the ones that would not judge and will not impose their thoughts and ideas on my situation. The trouble is, I dont know many people like her.

Anyhow. I have a very long Friday ahead. And even longer weekend. And the next week. The list of to-dos is almost reaching the moon. I need to either find a thing where I dont rent my time or I need to marry a rich heiress of an infinite fortune. Know anyone?

Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 4
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 120
  • #noCoffee – 9
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 210

080721 – Morning Pages

Short post on things at the top of my mind on this Thursday morning.

6:18. Woke up at 5 something. Feeling unwell. Feverish I think. Maybe it’s the AC that spews cold air on me? Or maybe the kachra that I am eating? I don’t think there could be any other reason. I mean I didn’t get wet in the baarish, there hasn’t been any baarish lately. So I don’t know why I feel unwell. I didn’t get good sleep the night before. I was ok during the day. Yesterday I slept at around 10 and woke up without an alarm at 5ish. And I think I slept well. So dunno what’s wrong. Let’s see how the day goes.

So, over the last few days, I’ve been watching conversations and discourses by Dandapani. He’s one of those rare mystics / monks that speak to me. In whatever I have seen, he has remained away from commenting on what’s in vogue (you know, gender issues, politics, etc) and he seems to have the same thoughts about life and people as I (social media is bad for you, highlights of a stranger’s life making you narcissist, etc). I am inspired by his thoughts and ideas that I think I will ape him. You know, mimic him. In the sense that I will renounce all material possessions (I anyway have very few of those) and get detached from whatever emotional relationships I have (again, I have few of those). I will be available to serve the ones that seek my time / company et al. More on this as I start reflecting and seeing where I want to be.

Oh, I am noticing that my eyesight is kinda fading away. In the sense that the things that are in small fonts are blurred. I need to squint my eyes to focus my gaze and then read. Things in the distance are blurry. All my life I’ve taken pride in having good eye-sight. It seems to be going away. Guess this is what aging is. I am at the point in life where the body seems to be withering away with each passing day. I know a time will come when probably all of it will fall away and along with it will go my consciousness that sorts of makes me think, reflect, do, and all that. Wait. If this happens, it will be the best thing to happen. You will know that you are fading away. You can plan for the time when you are gone. You know, write a will, say your goodbyes, get and give closure. The worst way to go would be the one where you go all of a sudden. In the sense that you think all’s hunky-dory and the next instant, you are gone. Without knowing about the impending departure. And without having the opportunity to at least make that final comment or a note on how you lived!

Anyhow. Moving on.

I don’t know what else to write. Lemme come back in a bit.

8:15. Starbucks.
Since I took a break, have shat, showered, read a few pages of this book, reflected on what I saw in today’s video by Dandapani, spoke at home.

I still don’t know what to write. Guess I am exhausted after the flurry of texts and emails and notes and all that over the last few days. Time to get going and start with the work. The track of the day is Hotel California.

Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 3
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 119
  • #noCoffee – 8
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 209

040721 – Morning Pages

A short rant on how I feel after I went for a walk yesterday.

7:45 AM. I slept at 10. Woke up a few minutes ago. More than 8 hours. I dont think I woke up in the night except to have some water. I have recollections of an epic dream where some battles are being fought and all that. No, I dont remember the specifics. Chalo this is a good thing.

So, yesterday. Lemme do a quick recap. Did some work in the morning. Then ate. In one window of 2 hours. So OMAD! Yay!. Then slept in the afternoon for a couple of hours. That’s what I do if I am at the place where I live. When I can’t go to Starbucks or a friend’s house to work. I see the bed and I am magnetically attracted to it! Sigh! And once I woke up from the siesta, I just couldn’t work. I kept wasting time. Towards the evening I tried to go for a run. Lol. I went out and all I could run jog was for 60 odd seconds! Kaise hoga EBC?

Those 60 seconds were straight from hell. The phone flapped around so much that I felt like a circus artist trying to balance all the weight and the movement of the phone. My balls hurt (damn Hernia). My breath didn’t come back to normal for like, forever. I was literally sucking on the mask and I almost swallowed it! The heat in my toes was unbearable. I eventually had to take the shoes off and walk barefoot. I even had to lie down on the beach and had sand all over me.

Damn!

The saving grace of this 2-minute health experiment is that I found a one-rupee coin on the beach while walking.

I plan to go today as well. Let’s see how it goes. I am thinking I will buy an Apple Watch to track movements and sleep. Just that I am unsure if I would like to have another device. I mean I am ok with an Oura or something similar. But a watch or a band is not my jam 🙁

Anyhow.

So, after the excruciating walk, for some reason, I did not want to come back to an empty house. I put some emo tweets as well. Guess am growing old and in absence of any tangible achievements or things to look up to, I am forced to look at things like relationships and people?

We’d never know the complexity of the human mind 🙁

Moving on.

On the work front, I have a lot to do. To a point that I am so overwhelmed that I don’t even know where to start from. Thing is, most weekdays, I am stuck in meetings that take away energy and motivation. And on the weekends when I want to work, there’s no place to go work from. Damn this lockdown. One way is to lock two days in a week for no meetings, no calls, and just work. You know, Maker-Manager?

Apart from these two, to be honest, I have nothing else on my mind. And it’s not cool. I must have more to life than work. I mean I have always hated the concept of people that define themselves with the work they do! And here I am. Defining myself with the lack of work and options to work out from! Not cool.

Will try and change this over the next few days.
Wish me luck.
This is it for the time being.

Here’s the streaks. Changed the order to make it a little more visually appealing.

  • OMAD – 4
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 115
  • #noCoffee – 4
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 205