210721 – Morning Pages

Had a fairly bad day yesterday. Can’t get into specifics but here’s me dumping things on paper, hoping to get some sanity.

6:50. Woke up a few minutes ago. Had a bomb of a day yesterday. It sucked on all counts. At work, it sucked. At home, it sucked. While talking to friends, it sucked. Seeing everyone cool and all without me around, it sucked. It was probably one of the lowest points I’ve had in a while.

There were a few silver linings as well but more or less it sucked. I dont know who’s to blame. I mean, it has to be me. In the sense, it was me who did not work over the last week and thus I had work and escalations piled up. I must be expecting the world from my loved ones and relationships and I must be a drag on their senses and emotions. And that’s why they did not want to humor me.

I mean it has to be cos if everyone from all sides is taking me for granted, I have to be the one that is at fault. I thought I was a people’s person but I will have to relook at how I operate and work with people.

Anyhow.
Glad the day it’s over.

So in terms of good things, yesterday, I managed 12 Surya Namaskars for the second day on the trot. I had thought it would be tough but I did manage. The push-ups are being a pain. Could only do 10. The shoulders are gone. Managed 12K walks. Climbed 8 stories. So more or less, fitness was on point.

Managed OMAD. Ate Roti after a while. Feeling bloated since! I need to find some food that doesn’t bloat me. Any ideas?

However, I got late while sleeping. Was stuck with work. And then some personal snafu. And thus I woke up late (after 6). I didn’t feel like doing pushups – the shoulder is still being a pest. Will probably try during the day. Managed 12 rounds of SN.

Need to add Pranayama breathing to be mix as I go along.

Come to think of it, it’s funny how in just two three days, all conversation on my blog and all chatter in my head has moved to fitness. Earlier I was thinking a lot about work and life and dunno what all. Now, it’s fitness.

Ok. In other news, I decided I need to get off Twitter. Been away from Instagram for a few days. Need to cut out everything that is a time sink. Even if that adds to who I am as a person. I plan to stay away till October. If I manage it, it will be 2 odd months and it will probably be my longest break from social media. Let’s see if I can manage. Let’s see how this iteration of Digital Detox goes.

For someone like me who’s addicted to conversations, people, strangers, exciting things, and shiny things, this is going to be tough. But then tough things are what you need to do in life when you want to get back to your feet. No?

What else am I thinking about…?
Work? Money? People in life? Future?

Actually all of these!

It sucks I can’t write specifics. I mean however in public I may want to live, I know that whatever I write can be traced back to others. And they may not appreciate this kind of candor.

Thank God, I have echochamber where I can write in detail. I dunno what I would do without it.

Anyhow. Time to get going.

Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 2
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 132
  • #noCoffee – 2
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 2
  • Surya Namaskar – 2
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -1
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 222

170721 – Morning Pages

A quick note about life, food and films. What else could you ask for?

Woke up at 7:30 types. Slept like a log. Woke up during the night to get some water. Was so tired that I did not even have that. I do have faint recollections of some dream where I am on a trek or something but I can’t remember the details. Good that I am dreaming. Probably I needed the sleep. Had a very long week with a lot of work. I think the past few days have been the hardest for me in terms of work. As I move forward, I plan to get really sure of what I want to work on – after all, a lot of my time will be spent on sleep and working out (I hope so, so far, it’s wishful thinking).

So yesterday. Among other things, assaulted my stomach with a million things. I had (and not exaggerating), Maggi, Upma, Egg Roll, Veg Puff, Egg Fried Rice, 4 Scoops of Ice Cream. All of these were ordered from various places on Swiggy and Zomato. I am literally killing myself one bite at a time. Oh, and just ordered some dosa and idli and all that. I think Zomato and Swiggy are weapons of mass destruction. They are making our generation fat by promoting unhealthy food. I mean the choice is obviously of the ones that order but the bombardment with marketing messages is what nudges people to order in!

Anyhow. So yesterday, I had an interesting exchange on Twitter. Someone posted about how they can’t seem to not work or detach themselves from it. I resonated so much with it. When I started thinking more about it, I realized that I want to literally die while working. I posted this. And then I realized that all seems to be ok in life – I have some work, I have some side projects going, I continue to dream big (despite my age and repeated failures), I have M to go chill with once in a while (at least till she grows up and moves on with her life) and then some more things. What I don’t have is the luxury of modern life (you know, a car, a house, a stable bank balance that allows me to take more risks than I can). And I don’t have a stable emotional life. You know, that significant other that you may find solace in. So that. I love Twitter for the fact that it gives me so much food for thought that no other platform, individual, or anything else seems to give me. I just need to curate it better.

I wanted to unwind and I saw Malik. And uff! What a film! The fandom for Fahadh has gone up by a notch. Apart from SRK (not the actor :D), Farhan Akhtar, Ranveer Singh, I officially have a favorite actor. And the kind of films he features in. Must write about Anto Joseph to supporting such projects. At some point when I want to be that as well – you know, support ambitious projects that probably won’t see the light of the day otherwise.

Staying on the theme, Toofan has failed to impressed anyone. I wanted it to do well. Simply because it was written by Anjum Sir. And featured Farhan Akhtar. Damn!

Guess this is it. Have quite a few things to be done during the day. I plan to be at the Starbucks at the airport. I know there’s no internet there. But I hope it’s open so that I can sit and work. I can do all the writing for sure if nothing else. Let’s see how it pans out. Wish me luck 😀

Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 128
  • #noCoffee – 17
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -1
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 218

160721 – Morning Pages

A quick post about work, food, minimalism and more. Loved writing it, even if it didnt come out too good.

6:34. Been up for about 20 minutes. Played a game of chess as I was coming back to life. So this one is going to be a short one. I have a long day at work and I don’t have even the 45 minutes that I typically take for writing these morning pages. More than the long day, I am running behind on the deliverables. Like crazy. I have calls throughout the day and I need to present on those calls and I haven’t been able to figure what to say on those. I am gonna wing it. Let’s see how I do.

The lesson that I am taking away is that I tend to overestimate what I can do in a day. I think I read this somewhere that people routinely do that. Underestimate what they can do over long periods and overestimate what they can over shorter durations. I am no different. However, in my case, I think the goals that I have for the long-term are definitely not small ones. It’s the short-term that I need to find a way to fix.

Ok, am digressing towards the rant.

So the highlight of yesterday has to be that I managed 12 rounds of Surya Namaskar. I couldn’t walk as much as I would’ve wanted to. But 12 rounds literally killed me. I decided to eat disciplined. Which I did till about 8 PM last night. But then I ordered the love of my life – rice. Sigh.

Fuck epiphany happened! I was lurking on Twitter last night when I saw Shaan Puri talk about an in-home chef. I think that is what I need. VG has had one for a while and I can see the difference that it has made to his family’s food. I think I need to think about getting one. Just that I don’t want to maintain a kitchen, you know minimalism. Maybe I need to get into an arrangement with some friend? I mean most of my friends have a cook coming over a couple of times a day and make their food. I can use that facility and get my food made? The challenge however is that in-home chef can use ingredients that you want at a time when you want.

Wait. I have an idea. I will keep a running score of arguments in favor of and against minimalism. By the time I come back to Mumbai (after Diwali), depending on where the score is, I will move in that direction. So, the in-home chef is against minimalism. I am at -1 on that.

Also, lemme define minimalism. It is not really not having a lot of things. It’s really an abstraction for having no attachment to things. You know, how people have a favorite tee-shirt, a favorite postcard that they’ve got from someplace? a favorite memory that they continue to cling on to? I don’t want to get attached to anything. I want to live in the present. I thus consciously try to forget about things that are in the past. Lol. Not consciously. I just can’t seem to remember. So, I don’t want to cling to things. I don’t want to be a hoarder. I don’t want things to become obstacles to how I live and operate. An easy way to practice it is by reducing the number of things you have, you own, you like. And thus the chase of minimalism. And the way to do so is by having as few things as possible.

So yeah. That.

Right now, Shaan’s comments and VG’s experience are making me reconsider. Let’s see what I end up doing. By Diwali. And why Diwali? Well, like I’ve been saying, I need to be in Delhi for Diwali, and once I come back, I will find a house all over again. And this time, I will get a fancy and a big one with as few things in it as possible. Wishful thinking 😀

Guess this is it for the day. Not sure what else to write. Plus, like I said in the beginning, have a lot to work on. So, with this, over and out. See you guys on the other side.

Oh, the game I played as I woke up? I lost!

And here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 127
  • #noCoffee – 16
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Minimaslism – -1. Started this today.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 1. Let’s see if I can manage today.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 217

PS: I realize that I have been talking a lot about work the last few days. I need to get over it. Once this week is over, I will streamline it to a point that I am no longer ranting or cribbing about it.

130721 – Morning Pages

Quick update from how I spent yesterday. Some thoughts about my relationship with food. And then some about work.

8:24. Starbucks. I slept late. Not late really. At around 1. Had a lot of work and I decided that I will finish all that and then sleep. Of course, I couldn’t finish. But I still got late. Lol, adulting!

And then I got late in waking up. And then it was raining (oh, I love it!). And then I had to start the day and work and all that. So. Here I am at Starbucks. Must put on paper that despite my thing about working, I did not get myself a coffee. Pat on the back, Mr. Garg!

But then, I did eat a lot. I think it was stress eating more than anything else. I was not hungry. I did not even feel like eating. I was just stressed about work. So I ate.

In fact, lemme delve into this. I think there has to be a connection between growing up with scarcity and trying to eat like a mad man. I know this is anecdotal evidence at best (with a sample size of 1) but at least in my case, every time my system spots a scary thing (missed deadline, failure at something, knowing that the day’s gonna go to shit, etc), I tend to want to eat. Mind you, I don’t get hungry. I don’t get hunger pangs. I don’t get cravings. But for some reason, I want to stuff myself. As much as I can. Even though I know that after I eat, I will probably slouch and the thing that is scaring me, I will be less equipped to handle that. And yet I want to eat! I think it’s the body’s reaction that may be a famine is coming and it must load up on whatever it can get. I am not sure though.

So that.

Moving on. The day was a busy one. The highlight has to be a meeting with NT for the Aram Nagar documentary. I’ve known him for a while and this was the first time I met him. Even though this was an online meeting, he was candid, open, honest, and upfront about what he thought about it. The world needs more people like him. I am glad I know him.

For today, while I have a lot to work on, I am thinking I will spend the bulk of the time on just three things. No, I dont want to write those here (confidentiality and all that) but I have taken those notes, and let’s see how it goes. If I can deliver on these three things, a large part of the stress will get managed.

Lemme talk of work. Which I often dont talk about.

So on the work front, I do a few things. I write (yeah, I get paid to write). I think (marketing, strategy, etc). And I manage (people, things, etc). I am brilliant when it comes to writing. I am very good at thinking. I am terrible at managing. In the sense that I dont know what it takes to inspire others. So most of my time is spent juggling these things. Plus, I refuse to take up full-time engagements. This means that I need to be always on the lookout for new work, new connections, new things, new ideas, etc. And that also fills a large part of my time. And then I am the lesser half at a few other things. Not that I spend a lot of time there but it does take away attention. And thus, I am perpetually short of time. No, I am not bad at managing time. I think I am very good, to be honest. Just that I have filled my 24 hours (and head) with things that require 48 hours. You know, am trying to be a multipotentialite. Lol.

Of course am not. And thus I am failing at it. And thus I need to get my act together. And thus focus on a few things at a time. And thus the idea of doing just three things today.

Let’s see how it goes. Wish me luck.

Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 124
  • #noCoffee – 13
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 1. I will see if I can do this during the day to keep the streak alive.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 214

300621 – Morning Pages

A quick post about two things that cloud my mind – food and work. And of course, Starbucks!

9:58 AM. Woke up 10 mins ago. This must be the latest that I’ve written my morning pages. I was up till about 2 last night, working. And then I did not charge the phone (and thus no alarms). I am not sure if I got a sound sleep but I do remember that I woke up without an alarm. I feel ok, except for the neck. I think I will need to fix the pillow situation.

So, in the “good things that happened yesterday” department, I did not have coffee! I did go to two Starbucks outlets and yet did not have coffee. Yay! Settled for a Green Tea. It tasted like shit but at least it wasn’t coffee.

In the “bad things” department, I couldn’t do OMAD. Ended up eating a lot of food (and a lot of rice at that and my favorite Egg Soup). On the menu today, is eating less. One time. Now that PD has commanded me to, I can’t say no. Let’s see.

I dont know what else to write.

Ok. There’s a lot open at work and thankfully I worked a lot yesterday. Worked means infinite calls, daydreaming, powerpoints, and more! I think it was after 2 weeks that I did as much work. I guess I am slowly getting back to my mojo on that side. In another week or so I will be ok. So that’s a good thing.

I want to reduce my reliance on Starbucks. It is tough, to be honest. I need to see people around me. In fact, this is the very reason why I am dreading working from Delhi. There’s no cafe per se near my place. No co-working space that’s open. I think Delhi was not built for knowledge workers and these newfangled gigs. You know, most people are traders and have regular jobs. So the ecosystem hasn’t been built for that. Plus I suspect there is more generational wealth in Delhi than in any other city. Not in terms of mega-billionaires but in terms of upper-middle-class that has inherited houses and cars and businesses and all from their fathers et al.

Ok, I digressed. I was talking about Starbucks and I launched into a rant about Delhi.

Wait. I did not. Why did I write this? Well for a couple of reasons.

A, I am thinking of going to Delhi in July and spending some time there. No specific reason. I just need a break in scenery. Prior to the pandemic I would routinely get such breaks – travel, work, whims etc.

But when I go to Delhi, I will have to find a Blue Zone of Work that is within walking distance for me.

B, There is a fleeting chance that I may take a 15-day break in September and do the EBC trek hike. Catch my words. Fleeting. Chance.

In case that happens, I will have to anyway cross Delhi (I mean I can take a direct flight to Kathamandu if I have to, but I have this irrational thing where I want to see my parents every time I travel “north”). And since I can work from anywhere, I can spend a few days in Delhi around that time as well.

So may be I can travel to Delhi around August and then move onward to EBC. If EBC is happening. And if that’s the case, why bother with going now in July?

So I need to make a decision if I want to push my trip to August. Or I go in July, come back. Go again in Sep.

Not sure right now. But yeah, this is what’s on my mind right now. Of course, I know whatever I do will be hardly this well-thought-out. I would just pack my bags on a whim and just leave!

Anyhow.
That’s about it for the day.
Time to move on.
It’s almost 11 and work Starbucks beckons.

Here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 199
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #noCoke – 111
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0