Tag: Its a Sign

010521 – Meditations

Quick, short post on what’s clouding my head. Little confused and little all over the place.

8:12. I woke up a while ago. Heard some music. Saw two short films (The Gift and Who are you?). I’d recommend them highly. Really really good stories told really well. While I was seeing, I could relate to them at a human level and I had a tinge of envy – I wish I had made those. Every time I see something amazing, for some reason, I want to be the person that played a role in its coming to life. I don’t know why. I don’t know what in me makes me pine for such things. Anyhow.

So, we are on the first day of May. That means one-third of 2021 is over. Time to review the month and the quarter gone by. I know I am will not fare well but I’d love to do a review of sorts and see what I am failing at. May be next weekend. There’s a lot that needs to be done today.

Lemme talk about something that I have been thinking spotting for a few days. For some reason, everywhere I see, everything I watch, each conversation I have tends to tell me to work on the next book. I am sure this is not the first time I’ve had these strong signs but I think this time around, I think I will action!

I mean look at the signs – so strong and yet no action. Here are some…

  1. The day before I wrote about a friend wanting help with a book.
  2. Last night I saw a film and it used revenge as a minor hook.
  3. A bunch of kids that I gave some 10-15K to help produce their short-films came back with a poster and I realized that they need a lot more than money if they have to do well.
  4. Who are you? The film that I spoke about in the beginning.

So that. I must action.

Also, a new idea popped into my head. I mean new for me. Not new to the world. In fact, I tried to work on that idea with GD and Shatru way back in 2010 or something. I don’t even recall when it was. In one line, the idea is to create a library of characters, assets, literary work, assets, etc that can be monetized over the long term. It’s like planting a sapling that will start giving fruit after 100 years.

For example, I commission a few young kids to write edgy characters, plots, and stories. We release those in the world and let them take their own routes and evolve into a life of their own. And at some point, create a larger, more mainstream piece. Look at Raj Comics. They have this insane library of characters created by Pran and others. They can now monetize by creating such amazing content. Marvel and Disney have shown the way already with the way they are going. I love what Legendary does.

I did attempt it with TRS, PPP, and others but I realized I couldn’t control their destinies. I mean I am not a control freak but I believe platforms can do a lot more if I was in the driver’s seat. I am not the driver by design. I wanted to do multiple things. But this inability to move things is frustrating. I think the next thing I put together, I will want to be there. Let’s see what that is.

Anyhow. I am on a 100-year plan to create something that is larger than me. I just hope it plays out.

Let’s see how that happens. May be I will raise capital for that. But then, who’d invest patient capital to create things for that long? Know anyone?

In terms of more immediate things, I think I will get going with the second book. Something that I have been sitting on my ass for I don’t know how many years (7 if you are curious). So that. Lol, I am still “thinking”. Of action. #facepalm! Kya hoga mera.

Thing is, I know why I am not acting on the book. I need immediate feedback. I need to see progress. I need to see traction. The book is like, you know, takes a year to write and then months to see how it will pan out. On other things, I can see immediate output, experience immediate feedback, tweak if I have to.

The other things that I indulge in give me all these. And thus the things take longer to deliver get delayed. Plus Dal Roti. Sigh.

Plus, the other thread is conflicting interests. I like teaching (whatever little I can share). I know I like writing. I know I like helping others. And I know I want to have a lot of money. But for some reason, I haven’t been able to find a thing that marries all these. I mean have done independent things in each of these buckets but I haven’t found one thing that brings all these together. So that.

So the conundrum is – wanting long-term things, wanting to drive things, wanting dal roti, wanting to teach, wanting to want a million things. Lol.

Ok. Super jumbled in the head. Will pick this again tomorrow or something. Abhi need to get on with the day. A lot needs to be done. #toThink

Time to start the day. Here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 139
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 52
  • #noCoke – 52
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Original Work (limited time only) – 0.
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Have missed this for 5 days now.

290421 – Morning Meditations

A note on things that are important to me but may not matter to the world at large. Read if you want to. Ignore if you want to.

7:56. Been up for more than half an hour. Pottering about. Thinking about the dreams I had. Logged them on my Roam. The interesting thing was that dream last night was like a non-stop, ongoing film that did not seem to end. Plus it was in English. I mean at one point in the dream, I used the word anomaly to describe myself!

Last week and this entire week have been mad like hell. To a point that I was bugged and did not sleep well and all that. I think I was so exhausted yesterday that I took it easy. I did attend a few meetings and a few calls but I did not do anything creative. Plus luckily or unluckily, there were not too many meetings planned for the day. So I could rest. As I grow old, I have started to see the merit in taking breaks. But then the young-at-head me refuses to believe that I need breaks. And that means I need to do a lot more than what I have been doing on fitness.

Lemme talk about what am trying to be fit.

a, Last three days I tried a Keto meal service. It was good but at 20K a month, at this time in my life, it’s expensive. I am supposed to toss a coin on that and decide.

b, I try to walk 10K steps every day. Of course, the last few days have been busy and lockdown is not helping at all. But even then I was able to pull in some 6K on an average. Here’s a chart.

c. I started with Surya Namaskars. I follow this video. I don’t do variations. I suck with a plank (you know, Hernia). By the time I get done, I am a dead man. I have to literally lie on the floor for an hour to catch my breath.

d. I live on the 8th floor and I try to walk up the stairs once a day. Again, by the time I reach the 8th floor, I am crawling to my door. And just like walking, I must have done this 3-4 times in toto but I do it.

e. Stopped ordering out (except Keto / Lo-Carb foods). So that’s saving me big money as well. Yay!

So that. I am glad I have some action to show for!

Lemme move to other things that I have not really expressed per se. Lemme try to articulate.

I am away from Twitter and Instagram. I still lurk around on Facebook (a recent phenomenon). On Whatsapp, I have muted EVERY group that I am a part of. I only engage in selective conversations with people. Most times I don’t talk. Most times when I talk, I don’t know how to talk. How do you talk to someone who’s lost a close friend? Family member? If they’ve not lost people, they’ve lost their vocation. They’ve lost their jobs. People like me are losing sanity.

Everyone around me (on twitter, insta etc) is doing whatever they can to help. To a point that they have left whatever they had behind to contribute. And I am clearly not doing anything at all. To a point that I have become a silent spectator that only rants and does nothing else. I am even being a cynic where I try and see ulterior motives of people that are offering any sort of help. I know I have been an escapist where I run away from all troubles

The funny thing is, with my work, I am little more rational, I mean I take harsh decisions, eager to correct mistakes, action things even if they hurt me. All my work where I invest time and money is actually that – I am giving away so much value that people call me fool. They call it impractical idealism. They have stopped thinking of me as a rational personal. They dont trust me with things. In fact, they hide even common things that I could be effective with. It’s not cool at all. Wait, I am ranting. This is not the point of rant today.

The point is that at this time where everyone is doing everything they can to help the world, I am sitting on the sidelines, twaddling my thumbs and merely writing a blogpost. I am sure I can do lot more than this!

And this is one of the reasons why I don’t want to be on any social media channel. I don’t want to pile myself with more guilt (than what I have right now) and get myself stuck in more grief at all this unnecessary loss of life. Unnecessary because all this could’ve been prevented. The action could have happened from everyone – from people to the administration to the policymakers to the government. It just plain sucks.

So that’s it for the day. Time to get going. Yet again, have a lot to do. Here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 137
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 50 (wow! 50 days!)
  • #noCoke – 50 (yay)
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0. Did not do yesterday.
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Original Work (limited time only) – 0. I think I will remove this. No point fooling myself.
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Have missed this for 3 days now. Have to do today, come what may. I will gun for 12 rounds but let’s see how many I get in.

That’s about it. Over and out.

As I was writing this, something happened. A friend called who has a friend that needs help with writing a book. If I did not write my book all those years ago, I wouldn’t have got this opportunity to speak with someone else! Two things.

a. Validation that the world respects action and wants a proof of action. Rather than merely believing in potential.

b. If there’s any sign from God (lol), than this is as clear as it gets. Work. Deliver. Publish. Ship. Release. Set it free. And it will come back to you.

Now that I am writing, the piece I wrote about living and working in Goa, even that got me connected to a few people that I would have otherwise not met! Need to thus ship more! And take all the more shots.

So yeah, that’s it. Over and out. Surya Namaskar time!