Tag: Stoicism

180821 – Morning Pages

A quick note about things on the top of my head. I talk about moving on from this house, relationships, music, life and death!

6:24. This one is going to be short and sweet. I have to be on the road at 7:15 tops. Have a meeting at Worli and I need to find a Starbucks for that. And then have another meeting at 11. There itself. And then another meeting at 1 after that. This day shall be spent on the road. And in talking. Much like a large part of yesterday. Sigh. No, I am not enjoying this. But theek hai. This is where we are. This is what I have to do till I figure the next steps.

The thing with the f2f meeting is that I need to wear pants and shoes. The two things that I have come to hate more than anything else. Especially since the lockdown. I will of course carry a pair of chappals in a bag that I will wear as soon as I am out of the meeting. Thank God I dont have smelly feet. So that helps.

Today’s post has no structure. I will merely dump things that are on top of my head. Let’s go…

A. Have started to pack the house. I am now in that stage where I have accepted that I am moving on. I have accepted that this place is a thing of the past. The problem-solving mind in me has taken over and now I am thinking of the best way to pack and move on. I could choose cartons. Or I could choose suitcases. Or bags. I need to optimize for sturdiness, convenience, cost, and more. So I settled on those big Ikea bags. Have ordered a few of those (and some more things). Let’s see if I can pack when they come. I am also making stacks of things that I need to send to various people – one for SG2, one for PM, one for SJ, one that needs to be given away, and then some more for more people. If all goes well, I will move my effects by this weekend.

I am thinking, will my life be this organized when I finally move on? You know, all things stacked neatly in bags / cartons? No spec of dust around. Whoever walks through my effects would be amazed to find that I was always this planned. Oh, btw, the other day I starting making a sheet of all the things I own. So far I have just touched the tip of the iceberg and I am already tired. When you live, you dont spot those things but when it comes to making a list, you realise how much you have. Need to reduce drastically. For the ones curious, the sheet is here. Do lemme know what you think of this.

B. Good part of yesterday is that I went to the beach and sat there for a bit. While I was there, I reaslied that for all the stoic things I read, I am probably as un-stoic a person as they come. I am attached to people. I expect things without expecting them. I crave their attention. I seek their validation. A lot of my misery in the last few days is a direct result and outcome of this very thing. You know, on one side, not expecting. And on the other, expecting a lot. I am trying hard to detach. I have started with things. I have moved on from most people. Need to move on from whatever handful I am left attached to.

Another lens is that till about 6 months back I was thinking about how would I make ends meet. Now that that’s not a problem, I am now at a higher-level problem. Of belonging and all that. Maslow, you bugger!

And thus the snafus in my head. More on this someday.

C. I want to now come to a point in life where I dont need a laptop. I should be able to merely get things done from a phone. You know, I dont want to do. I want to manage. Which I was, for the most part when I did events. But since I pivoted to marketing / content, a lot needs to be done. By me. You know, quality. So that’s one of the things I am working towards.

D. Day 250. This is the 250th day of a non-stop streak of writing morning pages. I have not missed these even one day! I think I am incredibly proud of this. I dont think I have shown this much rigor, this much attention, and this much perseverance with anything ever. I hope I can continue this till the 16th of Sep (when I go for my annual break). The bigger challenge would be to pick this up once I am back. Because once that rhythm is broken, you know how it is.

E. Anne Reburn. I am hooked on this cover of Country Roads. By an artist called Anne Reburn. She is so good! The track has a tiny twist. Do see it.

I have to meet Anne at some point in time in life and I will probably request her to play this for me. #lifeGoal. Of course, the keyword is “request”. As an artist, she chooses what she showers on me. In fact, this is the shift that has happened in my head. Rather than “demanding” from people that I adulate, people I am in awe of, people I admire, people I take inspiration from, I now “request” them to give me whatever they can spare. It is no longer about “taking” from them. It’s about “learning” from them.

Guess this is about it. It’s 6:51. I need to be out of the house in less than 15 mins. Over and out.

I know this is a short post. But I am glad I got it in. Had a lot on my head. Phew!

Here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0. Streak. 000
  • #noCoke – 160
  • #noCoffee – 3
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 4647
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Not doing today either. Unless some miracle happens.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 250! Yay!

Day 2 – Humans vs Robots

A tiny home-improvement decision that I think I will take as I move to a new house in the next week. Part of my 30 days of writing every day for 30 minutes project.

This is the second day of this new project where I try and write every day for 30 minutes. As I start writing this, it is 9:09 PM (ended at 9:56 PM) and I do have this one thing that I want to talk about. Let’s see how long I take to write it.

So, in less than a week, I move to a new house. Like all the other houses that I have lived at, this one is also not mine and that means I am reluctant to acquire things that make the house a home. I mean I don’t put no pictures, no photos, no posters, nothing that resembles a place that is lived well. Even the furniture, I don’t acquire it. I don’t like the idea of material possessions (while I do have a bagful of memories – photos, postcards, tickets, hand-written trinkets and all that), I try and not attach myself to things.

There are multiple reasons for that. Lemme make a list.

A. In the past, when I did have things that I could attach myself to, every time I’d move the house, those would break and I’d get sad about em. So, to avoid disappointment, I decided against acquiring things.

B. Thing is, I like finer things (you know, expensive, made with love, limited edition, by artisans) and I have this big child ego (I either want the whole world, or nothing) and I have never had a lot of disposable money to be able to buy all the nice things. So, I trained myself to overlook these material things and not pine for those. I would of course continue to spend money to get some of these for friends. These gifts are voluntary – I can choose to get those or I could not get any at all. However, if I get addicted to better things, I would start pining for those and I know I can’t afford em. So, detach.

C. Continuing with the thread of detachment, I am trying to have minimal attachments to material things. This means I am embracing minimalism, Buddhism, Stoicism, Mary-Knodoism, Hagge-ism, and every other such -ism that tells us to be simple with our lives.

Of course, do get emotional when I have to change the house. I do not like to be around when I move. I rely on my friends and handymen to do so. Like they say, truth, is weirder than fiction 🙂

D. I saved the best for the last. I love space. And the kind of houses that we have in Mumbai, we have anything but space. Even with minimal furniture and furnishing, you sort of keep bumping into the walls all the time. So, I try and avoid stuffing the house with things!

***

So yeah, I have lived my life in a certain manner (like a robot) and I think it serves me well.

So, why this post?

Well, as I said, I am going to move to a new house in the next week. And as I get ready to make the move, I am thinking that I will change it! Thinking. Not doing it. And I will list those reasons as well here.

Let’s go.

1. I want to look at life on the other side. The side where you get emotional about things. I am after all an experience junky. To a point that I want to pack a thousand lives into this tiny one that we have. And I’d love to see things from. the perspective of the vain ones.

2. I want to assert my personality. When I had a business that was well and alive (prior to the COVID shock), I could project myself via my work. Now, I cant. So, I need to find something that allows me to. Even if it’s a simple wall in one of the rooms where I post things that are important to me.

3. I have always been a public-place person. I cant spend time at home. I feed off the energy of others and that means I love places like cafes and offices and worksites where I can see others working. Thanks to this WFH thingy, I know that I may not be able to get back to an office anytime soon (even though I have been going to a Starbucks every day for a week now). So, I need to convert the new place to resemble a bright, cheery place. That means I will have to get home those yellow lights, ambient speakers, the aroma of the coffee, and more! music systems and all that. And that means I will have to set up a few things that make my house, well, home, and start living like a human!

Robot. Human. Get the drift?

That’s it for the day.

With this, its over and out. See you guys tomorrow!

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