031021 – Morning Pages

A lazy post where I am sort of coming back to the grind. In terms of writing, thinking, striving, trying, dreaming and all that.

9:04. AM PM Cafe, Pokhara, Nepal.

I am on a computer after about two weeks. And I am rusty. And I am surprised that the infinite speed at which I could type is now reduced to a literal crawl.

So there are so so so many things to write and reflect on. There are so many decisions to be made. There are so many things to be done. I dont even know where to start from. I’d probably just use bullet points and see where it goes?

Here we go. In no order.

A.
EBC was not tough. I mean it was tough indeed but if I could manage it, I am sure everyone in the world can. More on this when I write a longer post about EBC but it really wasn’t tough.

B.
Last night, as I started to come back to the world, I installed Instagram, Twitter, and all other apps that I had deleted a few months ago. Have wasted so much time on those. It’s so easy to fall down the rabbit hole. But then while I was there, I did not miss it at all.

C.
I have no clue of what’s happening in the world. And for a change, I am ok with it. I mean Sony and Zee almost merged. Air India got sold. Apple’s new range is being talked about. Gandhi’s birthday came and went and there was the usual brouhaha about it. And like I said, I did not care. Don’t care. For once, the hermit life of living off the grid, doing things by self on a day-to-day basis without the pressure to make a dent in the universe felt good! But then, that’s not what we were put here for. There is a responsibility that we have towards Universe after all.

D.
Learned so much about myself. My limitations, my dreams, my aspirations, my plans, my shortcomings. I learned how insignificant I am. I learned that most rants that we town-dwelling folks have, are meaningless when the temperature is sub-zero and you have to share a hole in the mountain with 25 other people as your toilet.

E.
I realized (and re-affirmed) that while I may want to be a billionaire, at the very core, I like the company of common-folk. You know, the ones that are not really billionaires and all that. While I was at the trek, I saw my fellow travelers engage with other fancy people and I was happier talking to the porters and the guides, and local folks that were drawing water from the lakes. This has been a theme since I dont know how long. When I did events, I would find the company of an ordinary carpenter more soothing than that of the CEO or the celebrity dancer that we would invite to perform. So, it’s essentially a reaffirmation of who I’ve been. And no, I dont know what this means in the long run but thats how it is.

F.
The dream of doing the Everest is more real now. I mean I have now seen it from up-close (lol!) and I know what it takes. One side of me tells me that it’s going to be a tough tough battle. I mean I did reach the base camp. And I looked up the Khumbu ice-fall and it looked scary. And on the other end, it looked doable. I mean it’s just a walk up the ice. So I may just as well make it to the Jan 1, 2026 deadline. Just that I need to find 4 months and 40 lakhs to support my expedition. Let’s see when that happens. Right now, I need to focus on more urgent things like work and all. Been away for a large part of the last 2 weeks and I am sort of disconnected.

G.
Lemme talk of work. So, most things sort of disintegrated at work. This means that I am still not at a place where I can go for long leaves and let things happen on auto-pilot. I will have to sort of rebuild work from scratch. It sucks to be at a point where I am struggling to make ends meet. And then I am craving to make ends meet at end of each month. And I am always thinking where to get the next tranch of loan from, to fund the dreams of people that I’ve sort of chosen to keep close. One thought is that I must stop feeding others and get to some stability for myself. The other is, this is what defines me! How can I quit on these people? More than that, how can I quit on myself and my decisions?

H.
In terms of people, while I was there, I think I was ok to not think about anyone that I knew prior to the trek. This includes my parents, my sis, M, romantic interests, friends, colleagues, and more. This was a big big revelation to me. Need to think more about this. #note2self #toThink

I.
I have some 1000 ideas about what to write, each thing inspired by the time I spent away from the Internet and the people and the world I know of. Let’s see when I can find the time to do so. I also need to write a lot of other things that I have been putting for later (quarterly email to bade log, for example). So that.


So yeah. Guess this is about it! I mean I can find more things to write about but as of now, these are the things that I can think of. More over the next few days.

Not that things are any clear for me but it was a good break to have. Now that I am back to the grind, let’s see how things go from here on. More in the next few days. Hope to continue writing these every day from today on. And finally, the streaks. I dont even remember where I left them at. I will start tomorrow, hopefully. Till then, over and out!

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