060421 – Meditations

A not so happy post about how I felt this morning when I woke up. Read at peril.

0536 – Andheri.
Just woke up. Super blank.

0626.
Wrote some on my quarterly review. Still blank about what to post on morning meditations. I think there are multiple reasons, not sure which one is at play. Let’s investigate. Here’s a list.

  • I have been closeted in my house for an entire day (I did go out yesterday morning to a Starbucks and then went for a walk after I recorded the podcast). I hate it here.
  • I ate 3 large meals – all full of carbs, bad oil, at inappropriate times. For none of those, I was hungry. I was just bored and bugged and wanted some change. Maybe its all the crap I am eating? Maybe I will subscribe to some Keto service or something. The other day SG19Feb asked me to lose 10 KGs. Why not?
  • I did not really work a lot per se but by the time day ended, I was exhausted. Even watching reruns of Taarak Mehta did not help.
  • I slept at around 11 and I woke up at 5:30. I know I need more than 8 hours of sleep but 6.5 hours of sleep is actually more than enough for me. Most days. I have to get the AC situation fixed. Too hot to sleep peacefully otherwise.
  • A tiny tiff with a friend I care for. I hate that the handful of people I want to understand me and get the subtext of what I am saying, do not!
  • I did not brush my teeth yesterday. I know. TMI. But cant help it.

Any or more of the above five six could be a reason for my exhaustion and blankness. I don’t know if it’s a good thing but I am not liking how I feel right now. I tried everything – drinking water, stretching, moving around, music, even porn, writing, meditating, and more in the last 45 minutes. And yet I can’t seem to get my head to focus.

The more I think, the more I realize that it is probably because of the stress am taking that I will have to be indoors till end of April. I know that COVID is wreaking havoc and we need to stay indoors and maintain protocol but what about people like me who have the compulsive need to be out and about?

This staying indoors is going to fuck my brains. I don’t want to use the mental health thingy loosely. I am lucky that I am ok (compared to a lot of people I know) more or less. But if I am forced to stay indoors, I will find it tough to sail through. I dont know what to do. I have enlisted a friend to help me stay sane by giving me random things to work on.

Ok, while editing, I realised that this has come out too dark. Too sad. I am not that bad to be honest. Lemme talk of a few good things that have happened around me.

So, yesterday I recorded the first episode of the Investor Thesis podcast. I try to make this mythical creature called the investor more human. I try and understand what is required for a successful pitch to an investor. Of course, brevity is not my cup of tea and thus these are 90 minute long conversations. I will try to shorten these to about 30 (tough job) before I release these. Let’s see how that goes.

I also managed to step out for a walk after the day was done. I mean I had an option of not stepping out. But I did. And thank God, I did. I did some 8K steps. I plan to do 10K today. If I am getting locked into the house, I will ensure that I get my 10K steps for sure. Why? A, fresh air. B, the compulsive need to be not indoors.

Chalo, lemme talk of a pet peeve of mine. There are people that type flowers in their WA messages. I have at least three contacts that send flowers with every message they send. I have never understood their rationale or thinking. I mean I get it you want me to take away happy feelings and nice thoughts and a good aftertaste from our conversation. But does that merit a flower? In the conversation?

I also put a sticky note on front of the wall where I have placed my working desk. I know that if I want to be a digital nomad, these notes don’t help. Plus I anyway will move out from this house as soon as I get the next project that I can work on. But then, I like the idea of seeing things regularly and reinforcing things that I am working on. Knowing myself, I will have wall full of random notes stacked on top of each other soon. Let’s see.

I think this is about it. It was a real struggle to write this one. But I am glad I was able to. I am going to try my luck and see if Starbucks is open. Wait. I will not go. I will try and break the muscle memory and the patterns in my head. I will not go. I will rather get ready and come back at the desk and get going with work.

Over and out.

Oh, the streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 116
  • #aPicADay – 96
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 27
  • #noCoke – 27
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0 (Adding a new row. More on this in a few days)

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