250621 – Morning Pages

I talk about sleep, luck, writing and electric toothbrush πŸ˜€

5:56 AM. Woke up a few minutes ago.
I am surprised that I even get these 4 hours of sleep. I am having too much coffee. I even had a Red Bull while I was recording a podcast!

Sleep = rekt!

So this sleep thing has been on my mind a lot lately! And it’s uncanny that someone I know via Twitter gifted me this book, without me asking for it.

If this is not a sign, I don’t know what is!

Actually lemme decode it.
How the gift happened.
And decode how we “spot” signs when they don’t really exist.

So I know that I’ve not been sleeping well. To a point that my work is getting affected. It’s a loop – get work done -> goto Starbucks -> compelled to order something -> unable to finish work -> stay up late -> get coffee -> can’t focus -> delay. Plus it’s too hot and the AC that I have makes so much noise that it could very well drown out the sound made by a drilling machine trying to poke through a rock!

In one word, my sleep is rekt!

Sleep thus is on my mind. A lot.

This is when VK put up a display picture on his WA about a piece that he’s read from the book. It talks about how caffeine is the second most traded thing in the world (after water or oil, I am not sure now). I was sipping onto coffee at that point and being the know-it-all jerk I am, I said, it’s not caffeine per se, but it’s tea. I was ready to go to war with that “knowledge”.

VK remained patient and told me to not get into semantics and get the drift of the argument. Which I did. But had to be told by him. After that, we got talking about the book. I asked for the name and while he did tell me, he said that he wants to send me a copy. He even said it’s probably the best book he’s ever read!

I, of course, said no.
He insisted.
And here we are.
The book in my mailbox.

Now, I have to read it and make changes.
And hopefully sleep better.

So that. It’s not a sign per se. I created circumstances that made me create these signs! I think we can do the same with life. Whatever you wish to get, acquire, own et al, you can create opportunities and signs for those to come true. You can, in one line, create luck!

Luck = Real

Ok.
Moving on.
And yet, staying on the course, the podcast that I recorded was with a VC and apart from other things we talked about, we spoke at length about luck. And how to create it. If I were to summarise what he said, he said that movement creates luck. Do things. Never pause. Act. And over time, get better at spotting how to create movement. You must listen to the podcast (it’s at least a month away from release). Sign up here and I would send you an email when it comes out.

This is such common wisdom and yet people miss it. This is similar to my theory of movement. And of throwing darts. In fact, one of the things that I would teach people, if I could, would be to be more open, take more chances and do more things. While the focus is great, the times we live in demand we are generalists and more rounded!

Focus -> Writing

Ok. The next thing I want to talk write think about out loud is, writing. Again, something that’s super close to my heart.

So, over the last few days, I have had multiple conversations with multiple groups of people about writing. There are many lessons and ideas and thoughts. But one thing is clear.

I need to take my writing more seriously.

I mean I was always serious about my writing. I’ve been writing this series of posts for almost 200 days now! I probably write publish more than 1000 words each day. In the last six months, I would have published 200,000 words on just this blog.

The problem (not really a problem per se, but a limiting factor) is that I write for myself. I don’t care if people read what I write. Writing makes me think better, center myself, get my thoughts in place, and all that. And thus I write.

I just need to make the pivot to writing for others.
And build an audience.
And let that audience work to create opportunities for me.
You know, get lucky!

Thing is, the life I’ve chosen for myself and where I am headed, I will have to connect with people at scale. And that means the ability to write well will come in handy. No, not just handy. It would become imperative. And will be the most important thing I’d do.

So, I need to now start thinking about what others like and how do I tweak what I write to ensure that others read. For starters, I dont think anyone is interested in these daily rants. I may not stop these posts but I need to find an avenue to write things that others would like to consume.

The biggest problem with that is that not everyone reads everything. So I will have to choose some niches that are wide enough to attract interest. For example, can I write about marketing for non-marketers? I am sure there is an audience for that. Can I write about insights from India? I am sure there is an audience for that. Can I write about how to get an unfair advantage in life? I am sure there is an audience for that!

You get the drift. I need to find a niche. SoG was a series to write for others. But then it saw very limited success. I could not grow an audience beyond friends and family. Even those people did not read what I wrote. Maybe I will restart those? And this time, write with a perspective of getting more people to read? And build a community?

Let’s see.

I think this is about it for the day.
Regular things from life continue to haunt me – too many things open at work, slacking at work, not eating well, etc.

The electric toothbrush experiment is going nice. I am getting used to it. Not sure if it cleans my mouth as well as manual scrubbing does. But it’s a new thing and thus keeps me interested. Time to go do that.

Meanwhile, here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 194
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #noCoke – 106
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

100621 – Morning Pages

Quick post on a lazy day about things at the top of my head. Lot of transactional stuff. You may skip reading this.

8:58. Woke up a few minutes ago. Slept at I think 1 or so but I did have an Americano at around 8 last night. Guess that’s why I had a fitful night. So on with today’s post. Like yesterday, I will try to not context switch. The music is set. I made a list of what I want to write about. I don’t have a lot of time – I know I am late today and I need to start the day and all that but I don’t have any pressing engagements today so I can take it easy. I may even go to a Starbucks. I did not enjoy, to be honest, that I worked from the home house last night.

Here we go. Will use bullets…

A. So, I restarted on an old project yesterday where I am helping a senior from the IT industry with his biography. It is very very interesting and exciting and I really enjoy the grind when I work on it. In fact, in life, if I can get more projects like that, I would be really happy. Of course, this means that the next few days weeks would be crazy but that’s ok. It’s the kind of craziness that I like πŸ™‚

B. Saw this video yesterday where someone has summarised James Clear’s Atomic Habits. One of the things that stayed with me is Warren Buffett’s advice on the 5/25 rule. In one line, it says that you must make a list of 25 of your long-term goals and focus on the top 5 and put the other 20 in the do NOT do / focus list. I think I must make such a list soon! I also have a fairly limited number of years left and I am craving for some success and all that. Must think about this over the next few days. So that.

C. I plan to get back to life and the world from today on. I am of course out there and working and all that but I have kept a low profile. As low as someone like me possibly can. I mean I am off Twitter, Insta, and all that. I know that I need to be out there and working and all that and it’s important for both personal and professional growth. Most of my opportunities have come to me just because I was on these platforms constantly. And I know that the doors I open today get me opportunities after literally decades!

D. I am also recording a podcast after a few weeks today. Let’s see how it goes. I can’t say I am fully prepared but I enjoy talking to people and podcasts are an important step towards that.

E. LHV is finding it tough. More on this some other day.

F. Thanks to the rain and all that yesterday, the second meal of the day did not arrive at all. I could’ve not had food after that but all the coffee I had made me jittery and I had to order something to get over. Ordered myself a Peanut Butter Mousse. Dying with guilt. There’s no way I’ll lose weight or climb Mt. Everest. I clearly can’t work out. The arm is still shaky after the vaccine last Saturday, so no Yoga. I can’t control what I eat. Grrrr…

Ok, I plan to try and fast today. At least not order anything for as long as I can control. Let’s see how it goes.

G. I am lagging on Write Your First Novel. I plan to take it up today. I am late on Mare’s review. I started the post but I couldn’t find the inspiration, even though I really want to do it. I think I must clearly slot these into weekends or after work hours. As life gets busier, I need to find a way to get more strict with time. I mean I am as strict as they come but I need to go another step now. I must not not do a single thing that is not on my calendar and if I miss something, I miss it. I will not try to fit it in during the day.

So that’s about it for day. Kaafi transactional details but that’s what is on the top of my head.

Wait. While writing this, an epiphany happened. None of these talk about my work as a marketer. And that means a good thing and a bad thing. Good in the sense that work to me is a problem to be solved, a thing to be done, a transaction that I dont care about. Bad in the sense that if I dont write about it, people I work with dont know about it and thus I remain away from opportunities. I mean I know that what I do is not really a long-term thing that I want to do. I’d rather build something that scales and impacts the world but the path to that seems to be missing. I think I am not even sure if I will ever be on that path – I am way too old and the world is way too complex now. Ok, I am getting in the rant zone. Lemme stay away from that.

Here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 179
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #noCoke – 91
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

190321 – Morning Pages

Quick and yet longish post. Mostly in response to a longish phone call with a friend about morning pages.

6:48
I woke up a minute ago. And I slept at like 3 AM. For some reason, I was not sleepy at all last night. For a large part, I couldn’t figure out why. And then it dawned onto me that I had an iced tea at around 9. And since I have been away from coffee for all these days, maybe this tea played havoc with my schedule? Maybe. Maybe not.

So, morning pages. Quite a few things to write and talk about. Lest I forget, here’s what I want to talk about. Screen Time. COVID. Chat with PM. Book2.

Let’s go.

Screen Time.
Yesterday I met someone for a walk and while talking about things, I realized that I have been spending an insane amount of time on my computer and my phone. Here’s a screenshot.

And this is down 24% from last week! I have to have to reduce this. A deeper analysis revealed that I am spending a lot of time on Chess, Twitter, and Instagram. I will probably uninstall these. I mean I anyway don’t have time and I definitely don’t want to “invest” that time on these non-value-add things. I mean they do add value. But at this stage, I have other things to work on.

So that.

Next up is COVID. The number of new cases in Mumbai is touching 3000. I am alarmed, scared, and confused. I don’t know if this is a second wave or not but now I do know that I will also get it one of these days. There are so many people that I know that got COVID in the last few days. And each of these people has been super super careful. To a point that some weren’t even stepping out. I just hope that I don’t get it. Not because I am worried that something weird would happen to me. But because I meet a million people and I don’t want to be the one spreading. I mean I will definitely be the superspreader!

This one is important. I had a longish chat with PM about various things. We talked about my first ever video on Youtube, Founder Thesis Podcast, Investor Thesis Podcast, Life, Morning Pages, and a lot more. While the others may not be relevant, lemme talk about our chat about morning pages per se. For context, PM is one of the daily readers of my pages. So what he says carries a lot of weight. He said, and I agree with each thing he said, that…

  • a, the morning pages have started to get boring. Agree.
  • b, these pages seem to paint a picture of a person that is not happy with his life (he did not use the word unhappy but he implied that). PM, correct me if I am wrong.
  • c, I need to stop with the streak. It adds no value to the reader.
  • d, I need to restart work on #book2. πŸ˜€
  • e, I can write things that are a lot more value-adding. For example, I am working on a podcast where I want to chat with investors. PM mentioned that I could write about that and showcase my thinking on that.

Lemme try and address each.
No, I don’t mean to give explanations or defend anything but lemme think out loud about each thing he mentioned.

Boring – agree. Even as a writer, I feel that my pages are getting repetitive. A simple explanation is that on a day-to-day basis, very few things change. So I don’t know what to report per se. Assuming that morning pages are supposed to be a journal. I think the original intent with which Julia created the idea of morning pages was to merely exercise your writing muscle and not create something new each day. I am not sure. I will get back to the book and figure it out. The other dimension is that I don’t really write these for anyone to consume. I mean I do post these on a public forum but these are not supposed to, lest you get feedback. That is exactly what’s happening right now. Friends are well-meaning creatures and they want you to do well and they give you feedback (negative or positive) and you shift behavior! That is what morning pages is not supposed to be. So, that.

One of his suggestions was to write more on book2 and less on journal per se. I agree. But the way I can dump my thoughs, I may not be able to write new things. But I will try. Not today. My first meeting is at 8 and then I have back to back things.

Unhappy person. This is important. Till a few years ago, I was the kinds who could find a problem with even Maryada Purushotam, Bhagwan Shree Raam. I mean his character is fairly problematic if you were to look at him objectively. The point is that I would find problems and then crib about those all the time. Most people that would interact with me would be able to see that. I was shrouded in negativity. Not negativity per se but critical. I hope you get the drift.

Once I realised that I was cribbing, ranting all the time, I worked very hard to change my personality. I became a people pleaser, I stopped voicing my opinions that could be critical, I avoided confrontations, I ceded control, I stopped questioning things that were wrong, I got aware of what I put out on public platforms. And eventually with time, started getting lot more equanimous with things. If someone did something that I did not approve of, rather than passing my opinion, I would zoom out and try to look at things from that person’s perspective. And that in itself would solve half the things. I think I have become a lot better and I want to remain that.

So there is no way I want the morning pages to postulate that I am a negative person that only rants and cribs and is struggling with things. I could write a lot more about things that I could consider happy but I think writing allows me to think better and I often need to think about things that I need to change. And these are often the things that are broken. And may be this is why the pages come across as unhappy rants. I will see if I want to change the tone or fix. Let’s see.

Next. Streaks. Well, here it is. Totally ignoring PM’s opinion.

  • Morning Pages – 97
  • #aPicADay – 78
  • 10K steps a day – 2. I actually did 19K steps!
  • OMAD – 1. Yay! In fact, the last meal was around 11 PM on 17th! If I can manage today, I would have done a 48-hour fast!
  • #noCoffee – 9
  • #noCoke – 9
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

Thing is, if I publish things on a public medium, I feel a tad more compelled to stick to it.

#book2. I don’t know when I’d be able to start on this. But I do know and do realize that I need to get started. I have realized that I crave for nothing but respect (not fame; respect) and I can not command respect. I need to earn it. And you earn it by the virtue of your actions. And your output. And not just thoughts. The world values outputs. Not ideas. So I need to move my ass.

Value-Adding Things. I agree on this one. I can ensure that each post adds value to the reader. But then, do I need to worry about the reader with the morning pages? I am not sure. This is my space and these are my reflections and ideas and thoughts. Like I said, the reason I make these public is because I like the idea of public accountability. I do want to write things that move the mountains. But I think that’s not what the morning pages is for.

So yeah. That’s it for the day. See you tomorrow.

Over and out.

@PM, do read and lemme know what you think. I think I am better when it comes to communicating with the written word and please please please don’t hold feedback and inputs. I value each piece of input that you’ve shared with me.

060321 – Morning Pages

Update on new projects, personal board, irrational attempts at finding peace in religion, chase of fame and more. Read on.

4:42 AM. Yeah. That early. I just woke up. Eyes are still groggy. I am yet to even wash my face. I slept early last night. Actually not slept. I forced myself to sleep. There’s a lot on my head but I am not sure I want to write about it here. I know I promised to live in public but there are a few things that I am still not ready to share with the world. There are other things that I can talk about. Let’s go!

So I have decided that am going to be in Mumbai for the next three months. At least. So the Goa experiment is done for the time being. Unless I can do things from here. Not sure if that’s meaningful. Or may be I will travel there on this weekends as I stabilize things. Let’s see. For the time being, I need to get some stability in life in terms of money (not career) and that may not happen when I am in Goa. So, Mumbai.

At a new project level, I have started to work two things. I’ve been working on these for a while now but made a promise in my head over the last few days about these and then actioned baby steps on these.

  • A, An anthology film project. If there’s anyone that wants to contribute, happy to share more details. I will need to hustle like mad to get it going. Let’s see what I do. I am giving myself this year for it.
  • B, The Investor Thesis Podcast where I plan to record with investors and see what they’re up to.

More on both these in next few days.

In other news, went to one of the marquee address in Mumbai yesterday for a meeting. I was bowled over by the lavishness. This is exactly the kind of place i had hoped I would get to live in life. May be this is life’s way of showing me that acche din are around the corner? #lifeGoal

After the meeting, I walked around for a bit yesterday. And it felt good. Even though the chappal I walk in is broken and all that, I walked and it felt really nice. Now that I have decided to be here, may be I will add at least the commitment to walk in the list of things that I do? In Goa, to be honest, I didn’t really walk. Even to pick up water, I would take a scooty.

Oh, yesterday, I was so fucked in the head (about the thing that I refused to talk right at the beginning that I needed to let the steam). And there was no way to do so. I mean there’s no one who understands me or who I can talk to about. So I walked around. And took a step in the direction of being irrationally religious. It sucks. I can see myself falling down the rabbit hole and I don’t know how to stop it. I know that the concept of God and religion and a higher power is flawed and for the weaklings. But when I walked, I moved in the direction of Siddhi Vinayak. I have scoffed at religion and temples and all that all my life but for some reason, I felt compelled to walk there. I even looked up direction on maps. All this while I did not want to go there. And yet I continued to walk there. And then I reached. No, I did not go outside. No, I didn’t feel anything special. No, I was not elated. But I did walk till there. But I walked till there and then took a cab home. And I did. I think this is how people become superstitious. Weak moments make men do funny things. Let’s see if I do this again.

Yesterday, I took Krishna’s advice where he said that every time I spend any discretionary money, I must save an equivalent amount. I started already with it. Let’s see if I can continue with it.

Oh, I connected a mouse to this computer and wow, I love it! Lol.

Ok, each passing day I realize that I need to get famous. No one appreciates what you do and what your ideas amount to. But if you are famous, even your discarded napkins are useful. I know that I am not inherently talented and I thus need to work hard. And that means I need to up my creation and distribution game by multiple notches. Yeah yeah, easy thing is to work on #book2. But then I am sort of unable to even start it! Maybe just like today, I will wake up at this ungodly hour and I will dedicate these few hours to book2? But what about the time I need to deliver on three jobs that am juggling at the same time? Arrgghhh, damn these questions. Life would be far simpler if I had a rich father, rich girlfriend, or a cushy corporate naukri where I would push papers and live easier. I don’t praise myself a lot and I am not trying to compare myself to others but I think the way I have been able to cope with disappointments one after other, I am good! Lol! Vain, Mr. Garg, fucking seeking validation all the fucking time!

I also spoke to VK about random things yesterday. With her, I have actioned that idea where I want to make my personal board a little more active. She has consented to be the first member. Yay! I will add more people over the next few days. I am hoping to have about 10 people there. Each has to be honest, upfront, invested in my success, and must want to help me reach greatness. Let’s see how it goes.

So, this is about for the day. Need to get moving with work. Quite a few things on my plate. Over and out.