050221 – Morning Pages

In this one, hidden in between a few rants are a couple of lessons that I learnt at a party. Need to take action on those.

7:34 AM. This is not the first thing am doing in the morning. Spent a good part of my time packing my things. This may be the last post from the place that I called home for 2 months (I came here on the 6th and I am leaving on the 5th) and whatever I have been able to write, do, think, evaluate, etc has happened from here. I will forever remain grateful and in debt to Rajesh Sir.

This means that I will have to start spending on accommodation and that’s something I dont want to do. Especially when I dont make as much as I would want to. So, either I let go of the Mumbai house and then take a house here. Or I get back to Mumbai and stay there.

The thing with Mumbai is that there’s this huge network of people that can potentially give work. Most of these people are not really as mobile as I am (they have houses, families, clubs etc) and thus they stay back in Mumbai. Or Delhi for that matter. Or Bangalore.

In Goa, on the other hand, is this network of people that I know can inspire me. They may not have large ideas about changing the world, but they do offer interesting conversations. It’s a real battle to pick one of the two. Let’s see what I pick up. I have been delaying the decision for last so many days 🙁

Anyhow. Morning Pages.

So, I could not manage the 48-hour fast. I broke it at around 4 yesterday. So about 36 hours. I was not really hungry but it started to play on my mind and I ate some crap. Really. I lost the will battle (and not the hunger one). Need to up the ante. Fasting is one of those things that I did to be able to become like Jason Statham. Here. This is from my vision board.

I dont know who took this photo but I love this!

However, yesterday, I saw Chamath and I have a new goal and a new entry in my vision board for the health piece.

So that.

Next. I had promised that I would write the SoG and Guide to Working from Goa. I published the SoG. Here. Guide I shall do today. Bumped into Nihar (that runs Clay CoWork) at Nicky’s and I picked his brains on a few things that I’ve been meaning to anyway ask him. We threw around some interesting ideas and it taught me two lessons…

  • it helps if you can drink a beer, share a cigarette. It allows you to meet interesting people and have conversations that you’d not otherwise have.
  • I need to become a tad more social. I am unable to open conversations with strangers. I need to learn that.

So far, even though I have tried, I haven’t been able to do either. Oh, there’s another thing that I have realized. If you run a coworking place, or a cafe, or something of that sort, you become a people magnet. You become someone that people come to (and not the other way around). I mean people come to your facility to make a transaction and that allows you to chat with them, pick their brains. Talk to them. Know more from them. Etc etc. Especially at a place like Goa. There are so many interesting people. If you did something that attracted them to your business, imagine the kind of conversations you can have! This is what probably has attracted me to do things like TRS, PPP and more. The ability to attract conversations with interesting people!

The trouble is, I can’t do anything that doesn’t scale. So this cafe, coworking, etc. is not what I want to work on. I mean there is WeWork, 91Springboard, Awfis and so many more that have scaled in India. But they are not businesses that create “impact”. I have to create an impact with my work, even if it’s an indirect impact. I mean look at Uber. That is impact. Millions of drivers get to earn better. Millions of people get to commute better. And you make money. That!

Oh, just occurred to me. I have always been a big advocate of living at a place that has all the action. You want to be a techie – live in Bangalore. Make films – live in Mumbai. Get fit – live next to a gym. I am very sure that even with COVID and WFH and other such things, these “power centers”, these “hubs” will not get displaced. At least not in India where the value of human life is not as much. So, if I want to remain independent and push the envelope on things, I have to be a hub. Unless I can create a hub at Goa if I choose Goa. Or unless I can become such a big people magnet that wherever I go, I am the hub. I mean, look at Karan Johar for example. He can choose to move to Goa or Timbuctoo and the entire film fraternity would move there. Look at all the startups and VCs moving to Miami. I have to think about creating a start-up ecosystem in Goa, btw. Or a film’s ecosystem. Let’s see.

Chalo this is it for the time being.

I need to pack my bag, clean the house and fuck off from here.

And of course, there’s a lot of work to be done today. No, no #freewriting today either. I am being tardy with it. Need to pull socks and get going with it.

Over and out.

Day 5. 151220

Day 5 of Morning Pages. In this one I talk about it’s started to become a habit and how I was looking forward to write when I woke up.

I did something different today. When I woke up, I did not directly start thinking about the morning pages. But got to work and finished some tasks that have been pending since yesterday. I normally do not leave tasks open but since I do not have internet here, it becomes tough to get things done. And no, things I do can not be done without the internet. The only way I have is to use a connection tethered to the phone. And that too is a pain!

As a result, I am missing out on deadlines, productivity is getting hit like mad and I am in general listless. Yeah yeah. I am that attached to the Internet.

Plus since I don’t have the phone in general either (again, the signals are shit), I cant do a lot of other work that can be done on just the phone

So that.

Sounds like a rant but more of a frustrated comment than anything else.

Coming to the morning pages. Today is day 5 and a funny thing happened. While I was on the bed, drifting towards sleep, I realized that I was thinking about what would I write in the pages when I wake up. I was actually excited about this! Wow! Maybe it’s the excitement of a new project, may be its my way of getting to talk about personal things to someone (something), or may be it’s just that love of seeing my fingers dance on the keyboard! Whatever it is, as a writer, it is good for me! Yay!

The thing that I am worried about though is that these morning pages do not become a blog. In fact, as I write this, I no longer know what is my blog (that I have been religiously writing since 2004) or what is a journal (that I have written intermittently over the years), what is my website (again that has more text than anything else) or what is my public portfolio. Lately, as I have started to interact with more people that are not from a similar background as me, I have come to realize that it’s super tough for me to describe who I am and what I do. Harshit does it really well when he says he’s the happiest man ever. His thoughts have become his identity. Shikha does it well when she says that she’s a filmmaker and runs a film community. Her ambition and her work has become her identity. Sonali may say that she’s an aspiring artist. Her aspiration is her identity. Nupura says she’s an ex-event manager hoping to get active in the cultural space. Her work is her identity. Rajat says he’s a storyteller and wants to be happy. His thoughts are his identity. Heck, Jason Statham says that he’s a transporter. Wow to that!

Coming to self, in my case, I don’t know what is my identity.

Thing is, I don’t have a singular thing that I do. I don’t have a singular ambition. I am motivated to make the world a better place. And make an impact. And live in abundance. I don’t know if any of these could be my identity. Or a conversation starter. Or something that allows others to place me. Slot me.

I am unable to find one thread that binds them all.

Am I a storyteller? Isn’t storytelling an oft-abused word now? They say there are as many stories as there are people. Am I a people-connector? Do I represent an opportunity? Am I someone that gets things done? Do I inspire? Do I make others entrepreneurs? Some people have called me a life coach (I know life coaching works and I’ve friends that are life coaches but I hate this term). Do I teach others how to live better? Wait. Do I live well myself? Lol!

Funny that this note has become a dialogue with self. Funnier that am ok to put these rants on paper and share with the world. Well, not share per se. But talk about these on the public domain.

Coming back. Morning pages. I like them so far. My identity. I don’t have an answer but I would love to find it. My writing. I know I need to get more active with the output. Book 2 is stuck for I don’t know why or how. I can’t write short stories for life. I have been thinking about writing stories of interesting people that are settled in Goa. Thanks to Nupura and Nikhil, have bumped into numerous interesting people already/. Maybe need to act on it.

Let’s see when. Right now, there’s a lot that needs to be done on the book am editing and the consulting gig that I am on. If I only had a stable internet connection, I would have pulled off things easy. Ok, back to ranting. I promised Vivek and Vanita that I would not. I think I am not. I am merely expressing shit in my head ;P

Ya right!

So yeah that’s that.

Over and out for the day. See you guys tomorrow.