Untitled – 24 Dec 2023

A short note on things clouding my head. There’s no structure to this post. Read. Or ignore. Your call.

The last few days (three weeks or so) have been a whirlwind. I was on a stressful project that needed my attention. Now that it’s behind me, a sense of normalcy has returned. Plus the world is on almost a break for Christmas and New Year and that means there’s little pressure to get things done. And that means I can sit and dream – my most favourite thing to do.

Along with daydreaming, I am thinking a lot about how I’ve spent 2023 and what I hope to do in 2024. I wrote this when we started the year. I don’t think I’ve done even 1% of what I had planned but the year was remarkable in its own way. The three most important things would be (in order)…

  1. I started paying off the debt I had accumulated around COVID-19. I haven’t paid all of it yet but I have started to repay.
  2. I was able to build a team of sorts (we at C4E don’t really have any “employees” but each person who calls C4E home is a partner and if not a business owner already, will own some soon). And may I add that EACH person on my team is incredibly special. At times I can’t believe my luck that I’ve been able to find support from so many people.
  3. I was on the road a lot. And I loved it. And it was a big big win! I took 30+ flights and I was in Dubai, Manila, Bangalore, Delhi, Goa and more. I would’ve loved a lot more travel but as I grow older and go deeper in work and life, I think it’s actually an impediment. More on this in a bit.

Lemme talk of each thing.

1. Debt
This is the largest thing, to be honest. As a 41-year-old, to me, this is the single most important driver of things. I am ok with not having anything that makes my blood boil. I am ok with not having any large why to live. I am ok to vegetate and disappear when my time comes. But I am not ok to have this unpaid debt on my head. COVID-19 was a very interesting period and 3 years after the world was shut, I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

2. Team C4E
If you know me, you would know how much I talk about my people at C4E. What started with Pooja has today become a 10+ people-strong setup. We could get started cos Pooja transformed the lone nut in me into the crowd that we are today. We are still far from our tipping point though. We remain unique – no one is an employee and yet almost everyone believes C4E is their home. The keyword is believe. And home. And while we want to be a good marriage of family and sports team, to me, we’ve had a brilliant start. Now, I need to this setup into a company for the long term. Let’s see how this goes.

3. Travel
So while I love to travel, I am realising that it’s incredibly hard to build things while you are on the road. When you’re travelling, you have no fixed rhythm, routine, desk et al and you are unable to get things done. Yes, I am talking for myself. I know of tons of people who live on planes and yet do grand things.

In fact, I’ve made a conscious decision to not travel anymore for the rest of the year and I will avoid as much as I can. My sis is here from CA and I could be in Delhi but I am not going (that’s another thing that I dont like Delhi so much that I am choosing to not to be with my fam). I am scheduled to be in Bangalore on the 17th of Jan for a few days and then in Dubai towards the end of Jan for a fortnight. I will avoid all other travel as much as I can #in2024.

The other thing with travel is that you are unable to focus, you dont get to eat well, your clothes are always dirty and smelly and piled up. You can’t think even though you are bombarded with so many new things!

Anyhow.

So that was the top three thing.

There are quite a few things that I’ve been thinking about the last few days. Lemme write about dump those.

A/ The unfairness, disparity and stupidity of life
The other day some of my friends went for lunch at a fancy restaurant. They ran a bill of 33K + taxes for a party of 9 (including kids). I realised that 33K is almost the same as what I pay someone who starts working at C4E (we pay 30K).

And I was left with a question – why would I “invest” 33K on a meal when I can pay someone that kind of money to someone to add value?

So henceforth, I will NOT go to a restaurant where the per head bill for a proper meal is more than 1000 bucks. I would like it to be at 500 but the work I do requires me to meet fancy people and thus I need to be more extravagant. So 1000 bucks.

I will also not go to a place where we are consuming alcohol – it’s the best way to run up a fat bill. Last night 4 of us from C4E had dinner and we paid 2700 odd bucks. 1100 of that was for three beers. Sigh.

B/ Suvi Chawla
I’ve written about Suvi a lot. And I can write more about it. Till I get tired. And then still more. He’s had an immeasurable impact on my life. More than anything else he taught me how to produce and direct events. And this knowledge has helped me build C4E. Heck, we were C4 Events before we became C4E.

I recently did an event that went like clockwork (except for three mistakes) and I couldn’t have done that with the training I got under Suvi’s wings. So, been thinking a lot about what I’ve learnt from him and what I can teach others.

C/ Panchgani
I was there last week. I think it’s a place where I can retire.

It is a tiny town with one market that sees all the action there is. Everyone knows everyone else. There is hardly anything to do there except, well, I dont know. The weather is perfect. The hills are not too steep. The distance is a tad more than my liking (about 6 hours from Bom) but that’s ok. I’ve written a lot about it in the past. Must find a way to write more about the place. And the people.

D/ Jigsaw puzzles
On a whim (prompted by BVHK), I bought myself a Jigsaw. And started on it today. I’ve done a few in the past. Let’s see how this one goes.

Here’s how it looks right now…

I will try and upload this as it starts to take shape.

E/ YearCompass
I’ve started to work on my 2024 YearCompass. If you are the kind to think seriously and plan for the year, you must use this tool. Trust me when I say this, this is one of the best structures you can use to reflect on your past and plan for your future.

One part of figuring it to look at the previous years. I found for the last 2 and I flipped through those, I realized that nothing ever seems to change while there is change all around us.

I will write a longer post soon where I talk about my plans for 2024 (including what went right and wrong in 2023). And I will write at least three sets of emails – one to the C4E Village, one to select people who have had a large impact on me and one to the entire world.

So that!

F/ This video.
I dont have the words for anything else. Watch it for yourself and decide what you care for more as an Indian.

And that’s that. And the end of this post. Thank you for reading.

Untitled – 27 Nov 2023

The last few days have been maddening (and exciting). I have travelled to Dubai, Delhi and Bangalore. I have had multiple calls in a day (and I am not used to talking on the phone). I have had to douse multiple fires (including a few that I could have avoided if I had trained people well). I have had to think hard about how I want to run my business (continue to be a lifestyle business that gives me enough to live by myself in basic comfort or scale to a large services company where we make great money but then take great stress as well). No, I dont have an answer to this question. But I know that I have worked a lot. Probably the hardest I have ever had. And no, not hard work as in carrying a load on my back but putting my head to simple problems. And I will not lie, I am enjoying every bit of it!

I can complain that the problems am working on could be larger and grander. I know what am doing at 41, most people do at 25. I know I’ve been left behind in the race of life. I know I have to catch up on a lot of things. I know I have to run harder and faster to stay at the same place. I know age is not on my side. I am unfit like a sack of potatoes. I mean you get the drift. I can REALLY complain if I want to. But I think I am at a great place in life. I would have given an arm and a leg to be here when we were stuck indoors due to COVID-19.

So that.

Ok, coming to the point of this blog.

As an old man trying to do a million things, I get overwhelmed a lot and like most humans I often get the urge, need, want, wish, whatever to share how am feeling with someone. Someone who’d not judge me and understand me (at least try to). Someone who I can just go and rant to. I am super close to my team. More than I should be in a professional setting. I dont have boundaries. And that makes it tough to lean on them. My best friends are in full-time jobs with stable and fat salaries and thus they dont understand why I get jittery around the 20th about money. I dont want to trouble my parents. I dont trust people on the internet a lot. I dont have romantic partners.

And I really really really need to vent out at times. And this is when this blog comes in handy. I pour out whatever it is that’s clouding my head. Here’s a list of things at this hour – 23:57 PM, 27 Nov 2023.

A/ Health.
I am back to being 92.6 kg. Last week I touched 91. I had controlled what I ate. But I lapsed over the weekend. I had to be 5 inches thinner by the end of the year. I have about 30 days and I dont think that’s happening. And I hate it.

B/ Compulsive Shopping.
Last few days I have ordered random things on Amazon. Most of these were ordered while I was in that half-asleep, dazed state.

I need to stop this. Probably delete the credit card from Amazon. Probably stop scrolling those “ten things from Amazon you need in your house”.

C/ Chandni is finally in Mumbai.
I am giving myself another year 6 months or so to build a unicorn out of DD / C4E. We are in a good place in terms of income. We are at a great place in terms of delivery. I am cutting all the fluff by Mar 2024, including letting go of people that dont perform (something I’ve never ever done and something that I will do with a heavy heart). If I dont make it in the next few months, I would never.

D/ Music by Rajesh Singh.
I am tripping onto this dude called Rajesh Singh. He sings old Hindi music and I love him! See this one. See this tweet.

E/ Writing.
I am loving that words are flowing easily as I type this. I love that whatever I’ve been thinking lately, I am able to pour it on paper and I can feel the hunch in the shoulders go away. I must write more often.

F/ May the flop be with you!
I am on a great streak with the flops and rivers. I am FTing a lot of these timed tourneys on Poker Stars. It’s taking time but I am loving the grind.

G/ Payday
I need to pay my people this week. I am getting jittery about the bank balance. Lol.

H/ Dubai
Prito called me from Dubai yesterday morning. Love love love love it that he’s getting to do what he wants to. He is one of those super unreasonable, super-pushy people who decide what they want and then they get it.

Another such person I’ve come to know lately is Aastha. Even though she’s new in my ecosystem, I love how good she is! I wish I was half as good.

I am super-duper invested in the success of both of these people. And many many more.

I/ Growth and grandeur
FWIW I’ve always chased grand things and plans. And I’ve remained tiny speck. No, I don’t want grandeur for myself to be able to buy a Rolls but I’d like that wealth to open doors and give me access to experiences that I don’t even know exist.

J/ Car
I really really really crave a car. At this time, I want nothing but an empty-ish road, a decentish car, and a hotel at the end of the journey. I don’t think am buying a car in India ever but I would love to have access to one for sure.

K/ Manav Kaul, Filmfare
For one of the short films I produced with Shikha, Manav Kaul has won the Filmfare award for the best actor. I had literally no role to play in the film except putting in the money but his award felt personal! Oh, and we’ve been at numerous festivals and won some awards but I think Filmfare is the only Indian award that I probably cared for. That seems to be within reach now as well! So that. I really really would like to scale this business of entertainment. I damned moved all the way to Andheri for this!

And no, while I want to be a part of the show business, I continue to remind myself of Pale Blue Dot. I’ll probably get it framed.

L/ Focus
I have been thinking about focus. I’ve never been the kind to be able to focus and I don’t know if I should change it at this age. But then each time I see someone extol the virtues of focus, I get mindfucked. Like this tweet.

M/ The #in2024 Plan
I have been thinking about it for a while now. And I have been delaying that. Multiple reasons. Each year I make such a large brouhaha about it and I miss most things by a mile. Been planning and missing for at least 10 years now.

So this time, I am thinking do I even want to do it? I mean I don’t get discouraged if I miss the plan. I don’t get excited if I get to some milestones. I am mostly stoic about things.

I’d love to plan – gives me a semblance of structure in my otherwise random life. But then I’d love to not plan as well – gives me an opportunity to fan more randomness and see if things go well. So, if I do, I will continue to use YearCompass. If I don’t, I won’t. Let’s see where my mood takes me over the next few days.

N/ A new frame for the house
Now that I have decided that I will start to acquire things again, I got myself a piece of art frame. I love how it has come out. Whoever is lucky enough to get admission to my house gets to see.


Guess this is it for the time being. I had an ok (but tiring day). I had two tough meetings, but I sailed through. I have a fancy lunch to go to tomorrow. I am so not looking forward to it but I have to go! Work, sigh!

And as I end this, I really really want to acknowledge that whoever said that being an entrepreneur is the loneliest profession – HELL YEAH! It is. Especially if you are old and don’t drown yourself in alcohol or any substance abuse. You really have no one around. I am glad and grateful I have at least this blog to lean on. Most people don’t even have that. I can only imagine their misery and want of success.

Anyhow.
This is it for the day.
More later!

PS: In case you are in the same boat and want to talk to someone, am around 🙂