030721 – Morning Pages

Rant on how I look, courtesy a glance in the mirror at a friend’s place. And a promise to myself. To do something about it. And fix it.

8:49. Just woke up. Slept at 3 or something. I dont know why I couldn’t sleep even though I haven’t had coffee in three days. I had a lot of green tea (or as Ankita calls it, ghaas ka paani) but I am not sure if that affects the sleep. If it does, I will be forced to stop going to a Starbucks altogether and my productivity will drop to like zero 🙁

Anyhow. Moving with the morning pages. I was at a friend’s place last evening and I saw myself in a full-length mirror. And I was shocked at what I see. Shocked at two things.

A. I realized that I hadn’t seen myself in a mirror in a while. The place where I live doesn’t have a mirror. I mean I have a tiny one in the bathroom but that’s so tiny that all you can see is your face. See this tweet. I also have one in the lift of the building . It is fairly large. I think from waist up. However most times I stand facing away from it. And when I do face it, I am wearing a mask and I am in a hurry.

B. I saw my reflection and found a fat, aged, wrinkled man staring back at me. And no, the guy wasn’t hardened or something. He was just aging faster than what mother nature had planned for him.

To be honest, I was shocked when I saw myself. In my head, I looked better, was better dressed, I “felt” better. But the mirror showed me I had such high perceptions about myself. I am surprised that people allow me to stand next to them in a queue. No wonder at a Starbucks most people avoid sitting next to me. No one makes small talk to me. Damn damn damn.

It’s insane how this world uses shortcuts like physical “beauty” to make perceptual decisions about you. I mean, I understand why they do. We are still hunter-gatherers that are trying to find our way around.

So, I need to get fit. This is like a slap in the face that I needed. The best is that it’s come from no one else but me. You know, like this…

Even he’s got a good mirror to look into while he slaps ;P Damn I love him! Can’t wait to see Toofaan!

Coming back. I need to get fit. I know it has to be tiny gains over a long time if I want to be like Jason Statham. Lol!

I’ve been trying for the last few months (controlling what I eat, trying to sleep better et al). I know I can’t work out. I can’t continue with Yoga unless I have a teacher to go to. Online sessions don’t work for me. I can walk but then I am perpetually short of time with all the work I am on. May be I can start with an extreme calorie deficit? You know, consume only about 1000 calories a day? That can’t be healthy over the long run.

I dont know the answer. I will find one. But I will ensure that I look better. No, I refuse to wear better clothes. I need comfort more than anything else. But I will ensure that I am fitter. At least I can ensure that I am on OMAD. It’s been 3 days now. Last night I was so so so tempted to order in dinner but thankfully I could avoid it. Took immense willpower to do so!

Anyhow. Moving on.

So I decided that I will go to the EBC. In Sep-Oct. At least make an attempt. Come hell or high water (COVID-19 withstanding). Apparently, the success rate is 90%. I could be in that 10% for all you know. Will make the bookings as soon as I get paid for the next gig. Mumbai-Kathmandu-Lukla-EBC and back would be about a lakh and 20 days. I have 2 months to prepare and I start today. Not tomorrow. Not day after. Today. Starting with food and walks (at least).

So, in other news, I have a new play-on-loop track. It’s this. Lovey-dovey mushy piece but I love the beats and rhythm and all that. Give it a listen!

Guess this is for the day. Need to get going. Long day. And even longer tomorrow. Here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 204
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 3
  • #noCoffee – 3
  • #noCoke – 114
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.