Untitled – 290821

A dump of things that I am thinking about. Nothing specific. Just a random walk on keyboard in an attempt to feel good.

About 7 PM. Sunday.

Have nothing to do and nowhere to go. There’s a lot of openwork that I can do but I dont feel like. This is the time when I want to be lounging at a comfortable place – you know, like a hotel or something. Instead, I am trying to find solace at a Starbucks with a cup of green tea. And no, that does not offer any solace. It merely allows you to distract yourself from the fuckeries in your head.

What fuckeries, you may ask. Well, the ones that keep your head churning. The ones that make you question the choices you’ve made. The ones that make you think that the damn grass is green on the other side while yours is withering and shrinking and shriveling like it’s the perpetual winters. I mean I love the winters. But you get the drift.

What sucks is that you think you’ve done so much for others all your life and you’ve hoped all your life that at moments like these when you want comfort, you want company, you would have those people around. But when you look around, you see standing alone. And everyone else that you hoped would be around standing atop mighty towers in various stages of their respective bliss. Which is not wrong, to be honest. It’s an issue with your expectation. How about doing things without hoping that you’d get something back? The act of asking for things, expecting from others needs to be contained. It’s a pandemic in itself.

The thing is, most times I am so hyper-active on social media channels that I dont get time to think and wonder where things are. But then since Jul, I’ve been away from Twitter and Instagram – two channels that I hang out the most at. Over at these two places, I have enough and more fodder to kill time with. In the sense that I am busy with general chit-chat and aimless wandering. Not that I made any deep connections there but I was busy. At least in my head. Of course, if I were dying, none of those would people would come to help. Lol. For that matter, the ones that I believe are my true friends, wouldn’t come in handy either. But then the point is that there is enough to kill time and keep busy. And leave me with little time to think about things like the meaning of life and all that. So, in a way that distraction is not bad. You know, filling it with fluff.

Ok, I dont know what else to write. I think I need to distract myself. I think I will go find something to waste time on. Over and out.

190821 – Morning Pages

In today’s post, I talk about how I enjoy meeting people f2f, local trains in Mumbai and benefits of taking a pause.

5:58. Woke up a few minutes ago. And I slept for good 12 hours or so over the last 24 hours. Lemme come back to it. So I had a meeting at Lower Parel yesterday. I came back at around 4. Ate. Slept for a couple of hours. And then ate and then slept again for a couple of hours. And then finally, I slept. Was in bed by 11. So that’s 2 + 2 + 7. So 11. Not 12.

But then, the highlight of yesterday has to be that I wore shoes. And pants. Denims. And traveled for 3 hours to attend an hour-long meeting. Total waste of time to be honest. But then I also realized how much I love meeting people. And how much I suck at small talk. I mean talk to me about work, I can yap for hours. But talk to me about films and all, I can’t do shit.

Oh, I took a train on the way back. Must have taken one after I dont know how long. Thankfully I had that universal pass and all that. I had forgotten my art of finding the queue with the shortest length, the platform nearest to the exits, the grind of walking up the stairs to change tracks. You may hate em but the local trains remain the fastest way to travel within Mumbai.

So, as I said, I was back by 4. Dint do must after that. Was not tired per se to be hoenst. But was in this weird sa zone where I did not want to do anything. More on why I was in this zone is on echochamber.

I did manage some packing. Mostly books. There isn’t a lot anyway. The decision to get Ikea’s Frakta (this and this) turned out to be a good one. Most of the books are now in bags that can be easily managed, stored and carried around. Actually, cartons are better for storage but I am not really concerned about storage at this point.

While packing, I made separate bags for books that I need to take to Delhi. And books that I need to store here in Bom. Wait. Why do I even want to store things in Bom? I don’t plan to have a house that has a toothpick more than what I need. But then why do I even take them to Delhi? I mean that house is small and there’s any way a loft full of books. Should I just dump them in some godown? Paras has one. Or at SJ2’s place. Or maybe keep waiting to have enough money to start a co-working space wherever I decide to spend my time and then make a library of sorts there? I dont know yet. Will think over the next few days. All I know is that I need to get things in boxes / bags so that I can move those easily.

Ok. Plans for today?

Well, the calendar looks kind of empty for the time being. But I am sure as the day progresses, it will get filled with meetings and all that. I need to buy myself shoes for the trek today come what may. If I want to come back in one piece from EBC! There’s a Decathlon in Bandra. Will probably go there if I am not too fried during the day. So far, I think my mood is ok.

I will go to Starbucks as soon as it opens. Reminds me. Yesterday, I was at another Starbucks in the morning (one in Lower Parel – you know I did not want to travel in peak hours) and it had giant windows overlooking a construction site. And before I started work, I put Anne Reburn’s track on my headphones, sipped onto the green tea, slowly, for as long as the track ran. I was literally in that moment. I dont know what made that moment magical. Music? Pause? The feeling of no-rush? I loved it! Those three minutes were lovely. I think I need to do this every day. I mean most times when I start the day, I am rushing to get things done. I dont pause per se. Maybe I need to do this. Maybe Naval isn’t wrong after all!

Ok. Been at this for an hour now. Need to take a break. Get ready for Surya Namaskars. Was on a two-day streak before I had to take a break yesterday.

Back. Done. 12. Felt easy today for some reason.

Time to get ready and head to a Starbucks. Also, I think I’ve written enough for the day. Ending it. Here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 1
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 161
  • #noCoffee – 4
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 1097
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. If I do tomorrow as well, will update as 2. Dont want to get too ahead of myself.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 251