171021 – Morning Pages

A Morning Pages from a Starbucks after a while. I think I got the mojo back just because I am here. Read on and find out!

8:39 AM. Starbucks. Somewhere in Gurgaon. 🙂

Just the thought that I am at a Starbucks makes me happy! The typing is faster and my mood is generally better. Yay! Having access to a public place to kickstart my mornings is THAT important to me. And since I know it now, I must do whatever it takes to create a routine, a life that ensures that I get my mornings to myself. #note2self

So I am in Gurgoan for the next few days. Let’s see how it is. So far, to be honest, I like it. I never imagined I would. To me, it was a concrete jungle without a soul. I was wrong. Even if I dont have any people around, I like it. For some reason. Probably, the novelty of a new city, the experience of new places and the wonder of a different culture (while we are in India, Gurgoan is distinct from Delhi, which is distinct from Mumbai) is alluring? Let’s see if this stays with me after a few days.

What could also be helping this cheery mood is that I am sleeping in hotels. Something that I love so much that I want to build a life where I literally live in a hotel. You know, a serviced apartment. The good part is that I am ready for it. In the sense, I dont have any material things (things like photos of loved ones, things that you gather from your travels across the world, memorabilia, books, white goods, and other such things) that I want to stock the place I live at with. Except for a toothbrush and toiletries. So that.

Also, since I am here (Delhi / Gurgoan) for an extended time, I am meeting all the friends, mentors, and others that I have not met in a while. And I am loving it. If I had my way, I would merely meet people, talk, and imagine what the world could be.

I must write about meeting Vijesh. Each time I meet him, he makes me think deeply about where I am in life and what I want from life. He always challenges me to think beyond what I am capable of. And he leaves me with questions that I continue to ponder upon long after I am done with meeting him. This time around as well he has asked me a few things that I am left thinking about. I need to find answers. Let’s see when I do that. Maybe around Diwali when there’s nothing else to do?

Guess this is it for the day. Today as well, I plan to meet some people and then sleep at a hotel. In case you are around Gurgaon, lemme know. Am here till Tuesday night for sure.

Here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :). Probably because I am at a Starbucks and typing away to glory ;P
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. Literally 0. I am still distracted. I need to find a solution to this.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. The world I live in gives me the opportunities to find places like Starbucks that I can sit at and write.
    2. The life I have created allows me to live by myself when I feel the need to. And yet it allows me to find connections whne I need to.
    3. I have people like Vijesh that I can bank on, when I need counsel. Even when I dont need counsel, I can reach out and chat about life and all.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. Again, work. I need to finish all that is pending. Or else Monday would come crashing down on me. And I would hate that!
    2. If I could get some unexpected meetings, it would be a nice surprise and it would be great!
  5. A daily affirmation. I can be super productive when I want to be and I can do all that I am supposed to.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Met Vijesh. This is the third time I am putting his name here 😀
    2. Got some work done. Again, work is such a large part of how I live my life.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. I think it was as close to a perfect day as any. Maybe I could’ve ended it with a dinner with someone from opposite gender?
    2. I would have liked to have better sleep than what I had yesterday.
    3. If I could eat better, nothing like it!
  8. Quote for the day
    “Want to get lucky? Take more shots.”. Thanks to Harshit for sharing this.

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had 4!
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had I dont know how many.
  • #aPicADay – 10. Today’s. Yesterday’s
  • Daily Journal – 10
  • Money spent – 3031
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 10
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 10

131021 – Morning Pages

Tiniest post that I have written in a while. Need to rethink how I work on morning pages.

8:23. Another hotel in Gurgoan. Liked it yet again. The idea of being by myself, meeting people once in a while for work, and then disappearing somewhere is very very liberating. I need to somehow create a life that enables me to do this more regularly! So that.

I must say that these days I am tripping on this track by Israel. I wake up and put it on loop and let Iz croon and it’s soothing like a bhajan that my parents would probably play when I was a kid. Here’s a thing about my relationship with music.

What else? I dont know what else to write. Need to rethink on what I do with morning pages.

Anyway, here’s the journal.

  1. Emoticon: :). Again, I like the idea of waking up by self, having no one to bother me and having my morning to myself. I love this and I need to ensure that I have more of this.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. Again, I slept at a decentish hotel.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. If I can escape the non-workingness of the last few days, I would like it.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I will do what I want to without any fear or input or judgement from others.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Got to sleep well at a hotel.
    2. Could work on a few things that were open over the last three days. I need to close many more things today.
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could’ve managed time better and been little more assertive, it would’ve been better.
  8. Quote for the day
    No quote today. I am running from one thing from another. Like I said, I need to rethink these morning pages.

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had a few. Wont have today on.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had a few. Wont have today on.
  • #aPicADay – 6. Here is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 6
  • Money spent – Tracked.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 6
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 7

121021 – Morning Pages

Quick post on how I spent yesterday. And a rant on how I could have done better.

7:12. Some hotel in Gurgaon. I had stayed overnight.

So, the number of times I have come to Gurgaon this trip, I could have rented a place here to live and save money on travel, hotel etc. Ya, I refuse to stay with friends and spend money on hotels. Actually, I like the idea of being by myself, with some me time and experience the convenience offered by a hotel. Like right now, I am in a hotel room, darkness around me, sitting on a lounger, feet perched on a table and writing away to glory. I would love to control things like this. Just that I would love to get more time for self.

Yesterday was adventuous, to say the least. I did some work. I couldnt attend a couple of meetings that I had planned. I couldnt deliver on a few things that I had promised to people – including a chat with a someone I could potentially do a startup with. I am not managing my time well at all. And the worse part is that I am not just whiling my time on day dreaming or something. I am just stuck. If I were day dreaming, I would be happy. But I was not. So that.

The highlight of the day was a dinner with a friend at this place in Gurgaon where they had live music. Even though I had to wear shoes, I realised how much I love muted lights, great service and live music. Especially with tracks that I can sing along to. The band that I was with yesterday played the rom-com tracks that I love so much. Their selection was right out of my playlist. I couldnt have requested for more tracks to be honest. Plus the band played really well. I wish I could take them home :D. Plus, while I was there, I realised I like the idea of spending money and availing experiences and comforts with the money. The entire EBC trip was that. Money is such an important part of life and I seem to be chasing it like a mad man and I dont know the way out 🙁

Anyhow. Guess this is it in terms of how I spent my day yesterday. I can write more but must take a pause and get going.

So, here’s the journal…

  1. Emoticon: :). I am loving that I am at by myself at a hotel room. I think I must find a way to live at a serviced apartment / hotel in life.
  2. Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1. Need to really amp this up.
  3. Things that I am grateful for
    1. I am able to afford semi-decent places to stay back should I get late at some place. I need to find a way to not even think multiple times about booking a place. Let’s see when I reach that point.
  4. Things that would make my today great
    1. There are a lot of things open since I started work after the EBC trip. If I can complete a few of those, I would be happy and the day would be great!
    2. Yesterday, even though I was in Gurgoan, I could not meet people. Today it looks tough as well. I need to be able to find a way to juggle time and be more meticulous about how I spend my time. If I can manage that, it would be a great day.
  5. A daily affirmation
    I control my time and I can say no to things that would be time syncs. And say yes to things that I think would help me live better and grow in the times to come.
  6. Amazing things that happened yesterday? 
    1. Met a friend for dinner.
    2. Got to stay at a hotel overnight. I love it when I get to stay. Maybe I like the idea of being on the move all the time?
  7. What could have made yesterday better?
    1. If I could’ve managed time better and been little more assertive, it would’ve been better.
  8. Quote for the day
    From Shravan Kumar – “Home is behind and the world ahead”. Apparently, this is the title of a film. Not sure of that. But on first thoughts, this is a lot more than a film. I mean this is everything that I sort of stood for in life and to see a line express my thoughts like that is brilliant!

And here’s the streaks…

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • NOFAP – 0
  • #noCoke – 0. Had 2.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Sipping onto coffee as we speak.
  • #aPicADay – 5. Here is today’s.
  • Daily Journal – 5
  • Money spent – Tracked. Will start cataloging soon.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • Daily Mail to #teamSG – 5
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 6

041021 – Morning Pages

Quick post on how it is to come back to a connected life.

9:17. Kathmandu. I am at one of those 3-star hotels that position themselves as 4 and fail miserably at it. So while you pay a lot of money for it, in reality, you have really wasted that. In fact, this whole trip, I have been on autopilot per se. I have not tried to be the pushy, type-A planner that I know myself to be. Rather, I have merely gone with what others planned and followed instructions. To be honest, it was not bad. Having things managed for you by others. But what sucked was that I was unable to control the amount of money I spent. I had imagined I will spend not more than 50K. And the trip is already 4X of that. And I have two more days to go. But then, that’s ok. Such is life and these are the things that make life worth living – you know, the ups and the downs. There are way too many highlights in exchange. And I think this is why I even make money in the first place – to be able to live for experiences.

So, the highlight of yesterday has to be the relaxed, lazy day spent strolling around Thamel. The thing is, I like the idea of this idleness for a large part of the day. And then a lot of action for some part of the day. And then repeat.

To be honest, I quite like Kathmandu (even with all the pollution, dust, and sneaky salespeople). It has all the good things that India has – unorganized mess, crazy traffic, winding roads, freedom to jaywalk, chaotic life, etc. And then more – a hub for tourists, small lanes, cozy restaurants, cute coffee shops that could serve as the perfect inspiration for writing shit. You get the drift. I think this is the same as Goa. Or a Dubai. Or a Bangkok. The option to be in a city that is multi-cultural and international in its very fabric. A Delhi or a Mumbai or a Bangalore is not that. It is more business, more work, more day-to-day large business kind of place. I think I am more suited for a place that has more international, cosmopolitan life. But then the dreams that I hold so close, the ambitions that are so lofty, I dont know what to do about those.

Or maybe, just maybe, this is all an after-effect of spending so much time in the mountains that I am sort of disenchanted from the city life. Once I am back to work and the daily grind, I would probably forget all that I am thinking about and I would be back in action – you know, hustle, work, dreaming, meeting people, doing things etc etc.

Apart from this rant about work and life, the minds pretty much blank. I am still jittery while typing even though I am on my own computer. I will probably need another couple of days to get back to normal, I think. Let’s see when that happens and how I feel when that happens.

Guess this is it.

Oh, I dont have the time to work on streaks today as well. I would start those from tomorrow on, hopefully. Plus I’ve had coffee, coke, and sugar in a million forms and I dont want to think about it right now.

So, till tomorrow, over and out.

150921 – Morning Pages

A quick post from a hotel room about, well, hotels, people, self, friends and more.

8:30. Gurgaon. Probably my second last morning page till I leave for my trek. Yesterday was pretty interesting as well. I met a few people, including some that I had not met in a while. And then I met newish friends as well. And then I was at new places, new cafes. I think I am warming up to Gurgaon. And I suspect I would end up liking it more than Delhi. But then, lemme know get ahead of myself. There’s no place like Mumbai. Or Goa. And these urban jungles like Gurgaon are great for a few days. Living and working is a whole new ballgame.

Anyhow. So, quite a few things happened yesterday that I need to capture here. I dont have the time to get into minute details and write a longish thing but lemme capture the highlights and then maybe at a later date, will write something, if I feel like it.

A. Mutiny in TeamSG. There is this bunch of young people I mentor and I want them to become best friends with each other and together do more. They’ve been doing it together for a while now and I sort of not interfere a lot in their life etc. However, I got to know that they are not really happy and I had to intervene and get them to talk to each other and see the light.

But that’s not the point. The point is, when I was talking to them, I realized that I wanted to do EXACTLY that. Mentor kids. Help resolve their issues. Get them to be better. So yeah!

B. I stayed overnight at a fancy hotel. This is after a while that I am in a fancy hotel. In Ahmedabad, it was business, 3-star. Yesterday was an Oyo that I paid 700 for. So when I checked in last night, multiple things happened. I had to record these.

  • I missed Kila. And Paras. And all the events crew that I have sort of lived and worked with. Damn I miss that life where I would travel all the time and move around and get things done. I dont know if I was creating anything of tangible or sustainable value but I loved to be on the move.
  • It felt good that I can be at places that offer me comfort, privacy, space, luxury, convinience, respect (even if its fake). Like I said, it’s after a while. And I know most of this is a transaction, it is still a thing that I cherish.
  • While hotels are the most impoesonal places, I love that the fancy ones dont judge you. I can walk in with the most shitty clothes and no one would bother me. I could be in chappels (see point C below) and they would not judge me.
  • The showers btw are the best thing ever. If I had my way, I would spend all my time in hotel showers.
  • Some people love the breakfat spread. I am not that big a fan to be honest. But once in a while I like the idea of picking from whatever is around me.

C. In Gurgaon, I dont know why but fancy places have this hangup of not allowing people with chappals inside. I mean why do I need to wear shoes to go eat out with friends? Or even by myself! I think I will start a movement to blacklist places that dont allow you in when you are in chappals. #parkedIdeas

D. At another place where I was stopped for wearing chappals, I was so raged that the Delhi boy in me sort of came out rushing. I had to get access. I had to show off that I know some people that can help me get in. I had to sort of be that person that no one can stop.

E. A newish friend told me a few things that I am taking note of. Here they are…

  • I probably do more for people, even at the cost of my harm. I need to stop doing that. Will think and see.
  • When I was talking, I could see so many instances where I was sort of made a fool out of, continue to be made a fool and yet I am around. I need to probably cut those people and things out. It is hard – afterall you have invested your life and energy and time into those relationships and projects but remember, wear your seatbelt before you help others! Even Kabir said “main bhi bhookha na rahu” before he went to “sadhu”.
  • I need to stop being so self-obsessed. This is something that I have heard from a lot of people. Do I need to work on this.

F. The Apple event yesterday? EVERYone I know is talking about it. Everyone is raving about the ads and the presentation and the event and all that. I will probably watch it on the flight to Kathmandu. I love love love people that do things well. So that.

Guess this is about it for the day. I want to write more. But work beckons. More later. Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 188
  • #noCoffee – 32
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 15630
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1 (buying things for once in a life adventures)
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 278
  • NOFAP – 14. Wow. Two weeks!

030421 – Meditations

A short note about my love for hotels and how I thinking way too much about the space that I live in!

6:12. Surat.

On a work call yesterday, when I told the client that I am in Surat, she asked me if I have decided to travel through the length and the breadth of the country while we are in the lockdown. Funny but that’s how it is. Even though I don’t want to be traveling, things happen. Plus the lust to be on the road is never-ending! So ya! That!

I am in a hotel as I write this. Not a fancy resort kinds but more of a comfortable business hotel. I have stayed in one after almost a year (I think the last I stayed in a hotel was when I did that event in Lucknow in Mar 2020). I sort of missed it! The thing is, I love hotels as much as I love to travel! There’s something about white bedsheets as taut as the skin of the drum, staff as impersonal as doctors, the furnishings in the room like a page from a luxury magazine, the characteristic smell of the bathroom towels, the hazaar pillows strewn around the room, the laundry bags, the water bottles aligned liked the ships in a battle formation! Uff, I can continue to write about hotels. I miss those days when I was with Gravity and I literally lived in hotels (or transits) for a large part of a month. Damn, I miss those days. In fact, if I had the means, I would literally live in a hotel, you know, in a serviced apartment! I can totally live in a hotel even if they are impersonal af. Well, maybe someday. Someday karte karte half the life is over!

So the other decision that I took over the last two days is that I am moving out of the current house I am in. Have had enough of it. Too small. Too cramped. Too old. I keep bumping into walls or furniture. I keep spotting a lizard or a cockroach in the house. I can’t move around when I take phone calls. The entitlement from other residents is mind-boggling. You know how the human mind works. You can find mistakes in everything if you want to. You know, the rationalizing animals that we are.

I think that decision to get unfurnished, empty houses in new buildings is the best one. I can then plonk a mattress, fit my writing table and the bookshelf in it and get almirahs on rent to store a handful of clothes I own. And I am set! I can literally workout in all the empty space that I would get. Of course, all this makes the house an impersonal and functional space. I wouldn’t be able to host anyone there. I wouldn’t be able to invite friends etc. But that’s ok. I anyway don’t like the idea of people in my personal space. The 6-month lock-in gets over at the end of May and I will start a hunt for a place. Unless I get the Goa project off the ground by then. No, I have not given up on Goa. Lol!

If you realize, for some reason, I have decided that I want to move on from the current place and I am now seeking excuses and “rational” reasons for moving on. I should actually talk about this in more detail on this blog. Or even on SoG.

I have more to write but I guess that’s about it for today. I am running on a clock. Need to get out and about in less than 30 minutes and have a workpiece to write by that time. More later.

Here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 113. I am glad I could pull this off even when I was on the road.
  • #aPicADay – 93
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 24
  • #noCoke – 24
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0