210721 – Morning Pages

Had a fairly bad day yesterday. Can’t get into specifics but here’s me dumping things on paper, hoping to get some sanity.

6:50. Woke up a few minutes ago. Had a bomb of a day yesterday. It sucked on all counts. At work, it sucked. At home, it sucked. While talking to friends, it sucked. Seeing everyone cool and all without me around, it sucked. It was probably one of the lowest points I’ve had in a while.

There were a few silver linings as well but more or less it sucked. I dont know who’s to blame. I mean, it has to be me. In the sense, it was me who did not work over the last week and thus I had work and escalations piled up. I must be expecting the world from my loved ones and relationships and I must be a drag on their senses and emotions. And that’s why they did not want to humor me.

I mean it has to be cos if everyone from all sides is taking me for granted, I have to be the one that is at fault. I thought I was a people’s person but I will have to relook at how I operate and work with people.

Glad the day it’s over.

So in terms of good things, yesterday, I managed 12 Surya Namaskars for the second day on the trot. I had thought it would be tough but I did manage. The push-ups are being a pain. Could only do 10. The shoulders are gone. Managed 12K walks. Climbed 8 stories. So more or less, fitness was on point.

Managed OMAD. Ate Roti after a while. Feeling bloated since! I need to find some food that doesn’t bloat me. Any ideas?

However, I got late while sleeping. Was stuck with work. And then some personal snafu. And thus I woke up late (after 6). I didn’t feel like doing pushups – the shoulder is still being a pest. Will probably try during the day. Managed 12 rounds of SN.

Need to add Pranayama breathing to be mix as I go along.

Come to think of it, it’s funny how in just two three days, all conversation on my blog and all chatter in my head has moved to fitness. Earlier I was thinking a lot about work and life and dunno what all. Now, it’s fitness.

Ok. In other news, I decided I need to get off Twitter. Been away from Instagram for a few days. Need to cut out everything that is a time sink. Even if that adds to who I am as a person. I plan to stay away till October. If I manage it, it will be 2 odd months and it will probably be my longest break from social media. Let’s see if I can manage. Let’s see how this iteration of Digital Detox goes.

For someone like me who’s addicted to conversations, people, strangers, exciting things, and shiny things, this is going to be tough. But then tough things are what you need to do in life when you want to get back to your feet. No?

What else am I thinking about…?
Work? Money? People in life? Future?

Actually all of these!

It sucks I can’t write specifics. I mean however in public I may want to live, I know that whatever I write can be traced back to others. And they may not appreciate this kind of candor.

Thank God, I have echochamber where I can write in detail. I dunno what I would do without it.

Anyhow. Time to get going.

Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 2
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 132
  • #noCoffee – 2
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 2
  • Surya Namaskar – 2
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -1
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 222

200521 – Meditations

This post was a pain to write. To a point that it took me more than 90 minutes and yet I couldn’t get anything of value in. Sigh.

Woke up a while ago. Slept for some 7 hours, if not more. No, no dreams per se that I can recall. The body is sore. Guess will walk around a bit and get some water.

Puttered around. I could see the lights in my head switching on. You know, how in a big house you sort of switch on the lights one after another and the dark places showers with bright light, one room at a time. That.

So lemme make a list of things on the top of my head.

A. BTC crash. I don’t know if I want to call it a crash. I don’t understand it as well to even qualify it as crash or buying opportunity or correction or whatever. But it’s incredible that tweets from one Elon Musk and a piece of news from China could affect the price so much. There’s something fundamental that I don’t understand that almost all the intelligent people I know seem to know! So that.

B. Yesterday, on a tweet, Paras Chopra (I don’t know him but would love to) asked “How many hours of peak productivity are you able to squeeze out on an average day?

Peak productivity = being capable of original work with fresh ideas.”

On a cursory glance, I saw that the responses there ranged from 1 hour to 4. I reckon I can put in 2-3 good hours on a good day. These good days are getting few and far between. Anyway, so there was this response from Bhavin Turakhia where he simply said “10-12”.

No wonder the dude is doing so well at such a young age!

Must try and get the focus back. #note2self

Still not feeling a 100% after more than an hour of waking up. Not sure what else to write. Maybe I will come back to the post in a bit. Lemme take a break and get on with the day.

C. A friend on Twitter pointed out at this talk on fasting by Dr. Jamnadas. I’ve been thinking a lot about food and eating and fasting and energy and more. I even got started on an expensive food service (been 2 days and I am yet to see any change in how I am).

Maybe this video comes at an opportune time. Guess I will see the video and make changes in how I eat and all that. Let’s see. In case you are lazy to click on the link, see this video for a bit.

D. The other thought that I had, while writing this piece is that maybe I am so lethargic and so sleepy and so unhinged because I am not stepping out of the house? May be because I am spending way too much time on the screens – laptop, phone, etc. Maybe I need to start walking more. During the last lockdown, I would go for long walks. This time around, I am not walking at all. Nah, I can workout. I can’t do yoga. But I love walking and there’s no reason why I can’t go out for a walk often. In fact, must go now. Work be damned. If I am not feeling ok, what’s the point of work?

Oh and today when I leave for a walk, I will wear shoes. Primarily, to make it easy when I walk. And second, to try and build a habit or something around it. And while I walk, I can see the above video. Good idea!

E. So now that it’s settled that I will go for at least an hour long walk after I publish this, I need to plan the day in a way that I get more things done. And this includes participating in all the useless meetings that are called upon for no reason. There are quite a few things open at various ends. Everytime I look at my Asana, I cringe 🙁

I am actually effective at things. To a point that I can get a lot done. There are days when I am freakishly productive and there are days when I slack so much that I dont know what hit me. I just need to identify these patterns and slot my work, my life in a way that things get done. And I get breaks as well. So that.

F. The other thing that just dawned on me while I was writing this is I want to make losing my data a regular feature. What I mean is that it’s been a few days since I lost all my data and to be honest, I don’t feel as bad or I don’t feel as lost as I was in the first 15 minutes of the loss. I’ve made peace with it, I guess. I just need to now repeat this often. You know, after every month or so, wipe the phone clean. Whatever needs to be saved can be saved on a drive but I will delete all conversations, photos, and other such ephemeral things often. Setting a remind for 1 Jun 2021. Let’s see if I actually do it!

So, guess this is about it for the day. This one was a struggle to write. Will go for a walk. Meanwhile, here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 158
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 1. Stopped coffee from yesterday on.
  • #noCoke – 70. I am very very tempted to have a coke. Damn. Let’s see if I can avoid it.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 1. Did 10 minutes after few days. Was tough but I am glad I managed.
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

Ending this at 8:49 AM

140521 – Meditations

A talk with self on what I ought to be doing over the next few days.

I woke up with a bit of stomachache. I think it’s all the food from outside that I am eating. So here’s a pledge. I will not eat anything that’s not been cooked for me specifically. And if I am forced to eat something else, I will have fruits or raw veggies than cooked food. And today, I will attempt a 48-hour fast. The ambition is to do a 7-day fast but I know I may not be able to. So, will start with a 2-day one. I’ll also try NOBNOM from today on. I mean I anyway don’t consume a lot of alcohol. And I will refrain from coffee. I often walk to a Starbucks (or a Blue Tokai) and get myself coffee as a reward. I may still do it. Walk around. But rather than the Starbucks as a destination, I will try for a park or a beach or something. And in case I feel the need to reward myself, I will get an iced tea.

Thing is, I don’t like when I am unwell. I like the idea of being active. I like the idea of moving around physically. I remember as a kid, in school, I would run along the corridor even if I had the time to walk. I would hang around from the pillars around the school even if there was not a need. I loved the idea of chasing balls on big grounds. I think in each thing I did, the larger agenda has been a goal that I was gunning for. And that has stayed. I am such a goal, task, external validation, tick-box chasing whore that I can’t just do things that have no measurable, competitive output.

I thnk I need to use this as a thing to inspire me!


So, I removed Twitter and Instagram from the phone. I was wasting too much time on those tools. While it was good to connect with people and learn and even offer some help, I think it starting affecting how I felt about life and the world in general. So, have removed. I will still access them via a browser – these are the places that I literally connect with people. If not for these strangers luring on these social networks. I would be very very ineffective.

Not sure what else to write. Way too much in my head. So much that I dont know what to write.

Wait. Streaks.

So, on a day-to-day basis, I track some 11 things. For most of those, apart from this post, the number remains 0. I mean I don’t do those things. I was thinking do I remove these. I mean what’s the point of putting all these zeros when I don’t do. But then, a thought popped up in my head. Why not continue. At least I spend a tiny second on each line and that in itself is a reminder that I need to do that thing. No?

Yeah! Makes sense.

So, here’s streaks and some commentary…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 152
  • #aPicADay – 0. I am not sure if I want to start. While it allowed me to look at things from a different lens, since I have been holed into a tiny space, not sure what I’d do with it.
  • 10K steps a day – 0. I have literally stopped walking around. Need to re-start. Along with fast, I think this is what could help me feel better.
  • OMAD – 0. Let’s see if I manage a 2-day fast. I may actually get a tick on this one.
  • #noCoffee – 0. Will start again from today. I mean I did not have one yesterday, come to think of it!
  • #noCoke – 64. Super proud. More than 2 months now!
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0. Will start again today. My first work call is at 9. If I manage things faster, I will do this.
  • #book2 – 0. Lol. I don’t think I have this in me. Will probably delete.
  • Killer Boogie – 0. Again, don’t think I am doing this. Will probably delete.
  • Original Work (limited time only) – 0. The deadline for this is 17th May. So, this will be gone in a few days.
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Again, need to get started. Today may not be a good day but will start soon.

So yeah that. I think I am subconsciously trying to reset life. You know, discard things, relationships, habits, and all that. Oh, that reminds me, I need to discard things that I don’t use or need. Will make an inventory and put them out for sale and donate the proceeds to some gurudwara. I anyway had little attachment to material things, when I lost data on the phone, whatever emotions I had left with digital data – notes, photos, emails, contacts, things that I had parked to be used in the future, all of it is gone!

Need to live a far lighter and simpler and minimal life. Need to step in that direction. Let’s see where I head. Will keep posting here.

Over and out!